The sound of your voice
as your walls come up
the sacred inability
to fully trust
like words resting
on the tip of your tongue
you want it to come out
but can't quite get it
Friday 2nd December 2022 5:25 am
My dad gave me a pair of glasses when I was about 5
It confused me a little
He said, “This is the only thing you’ll ever need.”
“This will keep you as my little girl,” he said
He put it on and looked at me with a smile
With a warm one, I could see he liked it this way
I wondered back then if the warmth would cool if I took it off
but I didn’t want to find out so soon
Tuesday 22nd November 2022 8:29 pm
Just thinkin' of that night,
Colors of black and crimson red,
And the 5 liters of blood and byle
That I internally shed,
It's a miracle that I'm alive,
Cause I should be dead,
Battling the depression sucks,
Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed,
Only God knows the everyday duels
With the devil I fight inside my head,
The people that I've hurt,
And the thi...
Wednesday 28th September 2022 4:32 am
God, I know you’re good.
You’re gentle and you’re kind.
You quiet the restless heart,
With words it cannot find.
You tether the most wayward souls,
Drawn away by the slightest breeze.
You answer the most daring questions,
With sovereignty and ease.
All you do is good,
It’s the only way you know how to be.
How else could the Lion
Befriend a sheep like me?...
Monday 7th March 2022 9:37 pm
In this dark night of my soul
at the hands of unkind men,
when they looked at me and saw no value,
except for every now and then.
In those moments of quiet desolation,
when I begged to hear your voice,
when I pleaded for you to save me
and when I wrestled with your choice.
For all the ways I can forgive them,
though it makes no sense at all.
The winds of a...
Monday 7th March 2022 5:33 pm
Real love is life threatening
It’s not serene, sweet, dream love
It’s not romantic, rainbow love
True love is torture
Gut wrenching pain
Hands and knees, love
Need it to breathe, love
It’s enough to put you away, love
But never pull you away, love
It’s masochistically addictive
It titillates and irritates
Possesses every bit
Until you have a fit...
Tuesday 23rd November 2021 11:15 am
THE FIFTEEN CURSES OF CALEBInevitably a smile
A happening of fascination
The affected refrain from spilling out
Judge quickly, it is a curse
The affected begins to ponder
Thoughts begin to hurt
The affected seek more
A common voice is only common
As long as the affected recollects his words
Converse, seemingly, indefinitely
Wednesday 3rd November 2021 2:20 am
When they say to stay gold
Is it for bright days to sit between your ears?
All the cotton clouds, two or three, right there?
Or is it to find strength for your arms to pull you over the mossed edge?
Mama cried after every light accomplishment
Whether it be reinstated love or you set a day aside for treks and hikes
Or graduated from University
You seen Mama cry when t...
Thursday 23rd September 2021 4:06 am
You lock me in a room with no weapons
To fight the waiting lion.
I'd built a hasty tower of chairs
To reach the window,
You could have pulled me out
But you pushed me back
"Find a ladder to reach this window."
And you wondered why I was clinging.
Then you pulled the chairs out
Tuesday 1st June 2021 10:06 am
Heart so fast I'd rival a mouse
Darting eyes, fast breath
Don't look at me now
Checking my phone so often
It's hot in my hands
Don't get too close
Especially if you're a man
My hands shake with fear
And my breath quick with worry
My leg taps a song
Like it's also in a hurry
I jump at the sight
Of shadows on pavement
Can't sleep at night
Sick with worry...
Monday 24th May 2021 11:29 am
the warm sun reminds me of you.
the way you would hold me, in your big, strong arms.
the way you would call me beautiful, kiss my forehead.
the way you would make me feel safe.
i miss you.
i miss you, but you don't miss me
that's the issue. we all want what we can't have.
you never think of me, but i constantly think of you.
you were the first guy to truly care f...
Tuesday 18th May 2021 10:05 pm
I was waging war on my body before it had even fully grown
No respect for the temple that houses my soul
With cuts, and drugs and other people's limbs
I have shown her little she is respected
And expected her to carry on as though she were
Countless sleepless nights and 'just one more drink'
And I have pushed her to her limit
She's crying out for acknowledgement
No more ...
Tuesday 18th May 2021 12:26 pm
I am a shattered vase
Pieces picked from the floor
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in
Pretending I'm in tact
Not a shattered broken thing
From afar I'm a vase
Unlike any other
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you ...
Tuesday 18th May 2021 12:07 pm
When your brain is used to trickery
It eats itself alive
Deceit is all you know
And the way you have survived
Be vigilant with friends
And vigilant with foes
On guard for lies so constantly
Analysis in tow
Are they truthful in their words?
Your brain it analyses
Putting piece and piece together
A puzzle it disguises
There's a slip says your mind
Thursday 13th May 2021 10:08 am
My trauma sees your trauma
We are only skin deep
While we don't know the heavy stuff about each other
One stranger to another stranger
To cross that line
Can bring connection
But with that, vulnerability and perceived danger
I want to take that step with you
But I'm afraid of what it might stir up
It may bring us closer together
Albeit, it might just trigge...
Sunday 21st March 2021 8:13 am
Every time the glass of your skull
Crashes into the fist of another memory
To crush you where you stand
Because another memory has broken you
Because another memory has entered you
Like intruders, they force their way inside
They punch their way into your attention
They invade your heart
Until you must look at them
All so that they can violate you again
Tuesday 23rd February 2021 6:29 pm
The greatest things in life cannot be seen,
Like happiness, love and serenity,
Anger, malice, wrath and rage,
I'm sick of these feelings as I grow with age,
There's more to life than being locked up,
Slamming dope and running amuck,
Looking over my shoulders the paranoia doesn't stop,
The fun is all gone and the streets are too hot,
Life on the run has turn into a drag,
Wednesday 24th June 2020 11:09 am
I know I traded something
A part of me
For the splendid splendour of money
I did that thing you shouldn’t do
I gave myself to him
You know, the soul
Cut a piece of myself out for him
You know, the heart
I cut a piece of myself off for him
(You know which part)
But I didn't feel a thing
I'm waiting to miss it
I'm waiting for the pain
Monday 3rd February 2020 1:43 pm
How many times must I rinse off the moon
And unpeel the stars from my skin?
Have someone ask what were you drinking?
How many times must I try clinging to lamp lights?
Try configuring keys into shining beacons?
I cannot see in the dark
Yes, blackouts steal my sight
But when finished,
I wake up feeling feverish
And fear ferments and festers
The night can be sticky
Monday 13th January 2020 2:41 pm
I've been working hard
For too many days.
Not with you there
Herding all my sheep.
My head's so full
And heavy with clay.
Afraid of monsters
That are sure to creep.
I never said
That you could stay.
Could end it all
With just... one... leap....
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:58 pm
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:56 pm
Start our rhythm
Get on your grind
Forget my feelings
I'm losing my mind
Don't need real life
To you I'm blind
Can feel every ache
Wish I could rewind
Know I'll always be hurt
To you, I am confined
Just waiting for the day
To be reassigned
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:54 pm
Try hard to push through
Try to bring back the new.
But along comes guilt and shame.
But they won't stop playing their game.
Relationship seems at risk
Relationship seems so brisk.
Maybe it's all in my head
Maybe it's already dead.
Intimacy is more than sex
Intimacy's more of a reflex.
But I need to have honesty
But the one closed off is really me.
Trauma stops any progress
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:52 pm
I know what's coming,
I want to run away.
Maybe a deeper desire,
Always makes me stay.
He slips in behind me
Cuddles and watches TV.
Then he touches me and moves me,
And never once with a plea.
His rhythm begins,
One leg bracing me in.
Leaving his hand down my pants
Grabbing at my skin.
With fury and anger
His force comes to an abrupt halt.
Unsatisfied and unloved,
I'm left sh...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:45 pm
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:14 pm
The lights dim and a curtain's drawn,
A quiet theater as the show begins.
It's the same reel playing on repeat,
A shattered heartbroken from sin.
He lies next to her as he'd always done,
Reliving his day through adventurous stories.
But something about him had changed that night,
The girl became something he had to seize.
A kiss of the lips catches her off guard,
"I'm sorry" escapes f...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:50 pm
I’m not a pyromaniac, but my emotions are like a fire.
Not dealing with past trauma because I don’t have what that would require.
So when I find myself alone and fighting the darkness in my head,
I end up saying so many things I wish were never said.
And as I look around at all the bridges that I’ve burned,
I know that by now, I really should have learned.
And as the smoke clears and my la...
Saturday 28th September 2019 3:29 pm
Live life today,
Like there's no tomorrow,
So forget about the pain,
And embrace the sorrow,
Life is a struggle,
That we all go through,
Searching for deeper meaning,
And contemplating whats true,
Beauty and complexity,
A trip through the divine,
It can't be mere coincidence,
It was done by design,
At first we are taught this is it,
The material is all that's there,
Then what is my p...
Tuesday 15th January 2019 5:54 am
When you crept in me the first time
Taking my innocence away
Did you hear me begging and pleading for you to STOP...
When you felt that you had enough of me the fifth time when you spat on Me... laughed and walked away...
Did that make you feel better...
Or when you held me down by a knife threatening you would kill me if I Told a single soul...
When you see the tears flowing down my face....
Monday 18th June 2018 4:18 am
all i really ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated
lord knows i get so low, so i get high and make myself elevated
every day and night i'm always high, yeah i just stay faded
i want a love and type of feel thats so fuckin real there ain't no way to fake it
i want a man who so badly wants to see my soul, and not just see me naked
all these dudes know how to do is use me, there's nothing ...
Sunday 11th March 2018 1:38 am
I grew up in a world with msn,
When you would get harassed, by older men.
Begfriend with no life,
Cause he wants you to sleep with him tonight.
Fight all the things you ever thought,
Most these guys don't see their day in court.
Outruled by public judgment,
This is your last day, you make us disgusted.
You keep your heart in cement,
There's no way you can say it's consent.
How could you ...
Saturday 23rd September 2017 11:43 pm
Suffocating under the rhythm of your heart beat
Like drowning beneath a sea of thumping marbles.
You are the ball pit, the sand pit, without end – falling!
But who can ever stand when they are - head – over – heels – for someone –
And you pulled me in like a rip tide, a whirl wind, a sinking pool,
Wrapped me up like pig in blanket with your tangled hair
And the salt of it...
Wednesday 17th August 2016 9:21 pm
And the troops go marching proudly by
as she wipes a tear from her weary eyes,
the one that she seeks, she will never again hold
for he died at his post; he was thirty years old.
The colours fly high on a cool autumn breeze
as man and boy march with well practiced ease,
so glad to be home after being so brave,
with flags overhead and not covering their graves.
Monday 24th August 2015 11:59 pm
Almost drowned in it
Just you name it
I’ll have tried
Been traumatised by it
Reduced to tears by it
Laughed and cried
Wished I hadn’t bothered s...
Monday 24th June 2013 4:00 pm
Friday 28th December 2012 10:24 am
It's a very sad day when a Loved one dies
human or animal we all only have one life
so we gotta live it up for the ones that pass
too the fullest on this earth is what I'm aiming at.
So let's up those downs and make the bad more better.
Even if you're feeling like shit or rained on by bad weather
you can overcome the end of this glitch called living
by cooking up you...
Monday 20th August 2012 5:44 pm