Poetry Blogs (pain)

Long ago,

longing for a doll's house, 

a teddy bear,

and a ventriloquist puppet.

Longing to be held, comforted, soothed.

Longing for the safety of home,

something to cuddle and a companion.

Longing for the pleasure of play,

the delight in losing oneself in make believe:

escaping reality.

I picture myself,

five years old and,

painting in my yellow, plastic smock ...

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fill me up with cum

or drugs, smoke and rum 

use me

or let me use myself

not because i enjoy either

but because i deserve both

,

- i am a bad person 

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here i sit, again

venting with keys that 

no one

no one

not a soul

will ever read, 

creating universes

that will idly hum for eternity

without exisitng ever

it's really pathetic

that i can't take pain

without turning into poetry

i can't even do it well

but god

fuck

i miss you so much,

and it hurts

more 

than anything

the worst part is that i...

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Alone in this moment I stand. 

Leaning against the bathroom sink.

Tears cloud my vision then stream down my cheeks.

 I don’t recognize the girl in the mirror.

 A reflection of destruction stares back at me. 

Everything I’ve been holding back escapes my soul. 

I grip the sink and try to fight it. 

I’m not Human,

I’m Emotion.

I’m bottled up pain.

I’m held back...

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A songbird’s sweet melody 

ushers angels to

light up your lonely lair, 

shoo fears away, 

make peace with your pain, 

set your spirit free...

to love, 

unconditionally. 

https://youtu.be/aQVz6vuNq7s

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I know I traded something

A part of me

For the splendid splendour of money

I did that thing you shouldn’t do

I gave myself to him

You know, the soul

Cut a piece of myself out for him

You know, the heart

I cut a piece of myself off for him

(You know which part)

But I didn't feel a thing

I'm waiting to miss it

Miss this

Thing

I'm waiting for the pain

You...

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I really wish I went to college 
I can’t believe I trusted that bitch
But was it love or just a lack of knowledge 
Shit hurt my heart seeing my big brother 
Cuff a bitch that had mileage 
He went to jail, she told him I tried to fuck ha
Ian even have no money 
So ion even know why the butch was lying 
Niggas buy anything a bitch tell em when they in jail  
But damn big Jevo Ian even have ...

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the pain gets too overwhelming

i find myself sitting alone dwelling 

on the past life that led me to drugs

i sit wondering where i went wrong, lost all my friends; im an outcast, i dont belong

and i dont understand why god kept me living

what does all he suffering bring but an eternal hell thatg suffocates me

losing all efforts, it feels like i cant breathe

and the battle goes...

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it’s 6:21 and when I look out my window from the corner of 29D, 

there’s a subtle hue of blood orange outlining what looks like the perimeter of 

a space

of sky

and a breeze of clouds, lighter than feathers, so thin, as if it forgot to carry the mist it was designed to pour tonight 

but that’s okay, because it found itself a new purpose:

your shrewd orange spirit is now perf...

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