pain (Remove filter)
Bread and Roses
For your information; the video below is sung in Yiddish, with English and French subtitles.
In forty-eight, I came into this world,
whose peace, they say, was won at cost immense:
I’m told that I should genuflect and bow,
to those who worship those old gods of war,
yes, I should heed the Christian warriors’ words,
who preach from pulpit and from podium,
and show respect ...
Tuesday 22nd April 2025 3:15 pm
Live or Wait?
I don't know where it comes from
This pain I carry in my chest
It’s a weight I don't understand
But I keep going, as if the burden were my truth
There’s something inside me
A desire that gets lost in the shadows
But I insist, I insist
Because, maybe, there’s no other way to be
I looked into the abyss
And the abyss didn’t look back at me
Only the silence echoing within
And I, trying to b...
Wednesday 2nd April 2025 4:53 am
Screen break
It must be time to get up
Any excuse to fill my cup
To get out of this chair
To take in some different air
The mechanisms are tense
Cornea, Iris and the lens
Focused and sharp
Like a razor to a harp
Capturing images, light and perusing
Peering across a radient sunset, percieving or sewing
Better to be absent minded staring into distance
Than screens burni...
Thursday 6th March 2025 3:09 pm
Hoping she holds her breath
Agitation eats at my chest due to my un-feathered yearning for this person, she cannot begin to think about what she wants other than the bare necessity of breathing.
Which implores me to wish she didn’t need to breathe, selfishly, so that I can then be an option for her. I'm sure another necessity would take sprout.
I’m not sure who is the root of the problem. A possible s...
Sunday 9th February 2025 8:19 pm
Pain
it's a grey morning fog
hazing over the landscape; the person ; love.
it makes distant .
further away then it really is,
it blurs the lines.
whispers,, "you are alone "
it's white noise
hushing the love of the Sun
drips into the earth between the soft skin of your feet
makes slippery what you reach for
An aeonian drab
a monochromatic moan,
...Wednesday 5th February 2025 1:41 pm
Whispers of the Endless Ache
The sky, that cries all night, without a break
The pain in fields turns into sorrow’s song
Ah! Who am I, lost, walking through the ache?
Is it just a dream, or agony so long?
The sea, the waves break strong upon the shore
And I, in vain, seek out a resting place
But winds that drag me leave me evermore
And carry me beyond, with endless pace
Thursday 9th January 2025 5:02 am
Tears that sting
What's happening to me, I don't know what to say
Tears that sting, fall from my eyes every day
My heart wants to do something, but does something else
I try to control it, but it slips away from my grasp
I'm searching for a way to calm my restless mind
But it's hard to find peace when my thoughts are intertwined
My eyes are dry, my heart is heavy
I'm trying to find m...
Friday 22nd November 2024 6:25 pm
Fresh streams, Tainted Depths
Stagnant
Like rainwater sitting out for days,
Attracting flies,
Like moths to a flame.
Serving no meaningful purpose,
So we remain
Unfulfilled—
Nothing’s changed.
Entrapped
In a recurring cycle,
Appearing to be renewed
As more rainwater starts to fall.
But new drops only meet the surface,
Clean merging with the murk below,
Clear streams swallowed by t...
Monday 18th November 2024 2:57 pm
Can tell
Can tell
Give me your heart, you lied from the start
Looked in ya eyes ain what you want
I can telll James got ya heart
That’s who you wanted it from the start
Cut me off, youn wanna talk
Let me die you could just walk
Really had the key into my heart
Why you wanna do me this when I’m soft
Hurt
All in my thoughts
Left me dying, now it’s my fault
Crying
Lonely in a empty lo...
Sunday 3rd November 2024 2:08 am
Myself
I gave my all into this dhit
I put everything I had into this bitch
Just to get chewed up
Left dying,crying, lying in a ditch
Painful eyes from crying
Lonely nights, I was dying
For all the times, I was coming up and could only afford to feed you; and not myself
This for all the ones I left, even when u couldn’t let me be myself
I put myself on the shelf just so u co...
Monday 28th October 2024 1:47 pm
Imagine
Imagine
Why they have my back on the wall
When my heart was pure, I loved all yall
Imagine the one you loved, be the reason you fall
Imagine putting everybody weight on your shoulder
And they applaud when u fall
Imagine being so lonely and broken, with no one to call
Imagine ...
Monday 28th October 2024 3:19 am
For When I Was Lost
For when I was lost
I gazed into you
Like the flame of a single candle
You lit up the darkness
Kept the beauty of light alive
But as I gazed too long
Your glow began to melt
And then the light went
Not in you, but me
Your soul within mine
The touch not of a burn
The glint not of a flame
But the sleek of a mirror
I can see in this d...
Sunday 20th October 2024 4:53 pm
Unexpected Feelings
Your feelings for me were beyond what you lead on
Did us talking regularly
Soften your heart unexpectedly?
Unknown to me but very known to you
It came to the point where “love you” became “I love you”
Slight change to our goodnights
Nothing to overthink
We’re friends right?
You got “busier”
Our talks lessened
I still see you partying though
I’m confused
...Friday 27th September 2024 5:05 pm
Why be common when I can be different?
In the hole of the common, fear runs deep,
where the voice of the many stirs us from sleep.
Dress the same, speak without spark,
act like the crowd, it's mediocrity's mark.
Alienated souls, proud in their space,
yet some feel the pull and yearn to escape.
Clarity’s a pain, like islands alone,
different in values, they stand out, unknown.
Children are innocent, while the old face disdai...
Thursday 26th September 2024 3:16 am
Myself
I left everything, and made you my everything. Just for you to stab me in the back. Down on my lowest you left. I thought you had my best interest, instead you squeezed my heart to death. And instead of giving it back you left my heart on the shelf. Haven’t let me seen taeden, you got him thinking I left him by himself. Left me for dead, I was sleeping in the car by myself. Cold and lonely, I did...
Tuesday 24th September 2024 4:01 pm
To suffer
Ah, to suffer,
is not just an invisible burden
that we drag through the streets of life.
It is the mark, the scar,
of existence that shapes us.
To suffer is the pain
that teaches us to see the world
with weary eyes,
where reality is not a straight line
but a labyrinth of thorns and hopes.
In the deep silence of the night,
where the moon whispers secrets of pain,
we find the echo of...
Friday 20th September 2024 8:49 pm
Gigged out
Tired, neutered and flat
Drowsy, battered and crap
Scatered, ears ringing and wondering
where did my weekend go?
Gigged out
Spat out and hurt
Load-in, set up in dirt
Sound checked, rain and disturbed
Darkness, smokey and curt
Irritable, sweaty of course
Days lost to the night
Hungry, beyond "alright?"
Midnight arrives
Still loading out in drove...
Monday 9th September 2024 2:43 pm
Pain Relief
When will it go away?
The pain in my chest
Pain in my stomach
Pain.
It’s repetitive and never stops
It creeps up on me like bugs
Stings like a wasp
Bites like a mosquito
And leaves, taking a small part of me
Some say it’s a part of life
Maybe I don’t want that
If this is life
Maybe I don’t want any p...
Saturday 24th August 2024 7:00 pm
Delusion.
Delusion.
When delusion wears of
and finally
you see
what u didn’t want to
for so long
that this person
isn’t the person
saving you
loving you
the only person
able to do that
is you
babe.
Tuesday 20th August 2024 4:41 pm
You.
My first time.
It wasn’t special.
It was okay.
That’s what I’m saying
everytime
someone asks me.
I don’t want to say it
it took me too long
too long
to realize.
You are the evil
your are the the beginning
of me
not feeling.
You raped me.
I was young
too young.
You were older
but this
this wasn’t very mature of you.
Not very de...
Tuesday 20th August 2024 4:27 pm
A letter to my Father
If we could rewind the clock
Would you be different
So that I could know how it feels
To feel the love of a Father
Maybe I could run into your arms
Instead of away from your fists
You could be my hero
Instead of the nightmare that persists
Left with questions I cannot answer
What version of me were you after
You never liked my face
So neither did I
I look in the mirror
And...
Friday 9th August 2024 8:40 am
Allow yourself to heal
You talk about the past as it defines you
I hope one day you look past the pain and trama
For there is a gift inside you
For the world to see
Your kind and caring personality
You are not a prisoner of your past
Your prison cell has always been open
It time for you to walk on through
And let the world in and all it has to offers you
Nothing is ever broken or beyond repair
It takes tim...
Monday 22nd July 2024 9:19 am
Echoes of playtime
Walking around an empty hospital
Hearing voices, standing still
It's a strange feeling
Knowing there's no one on these grounds
Empty beds are blocking
As painful feelings are unlocking
Buried away in their homes
Scarred, anxious and alone
Yet the voices are protruding
Rebounding and allusive
Screams of fun and play come across
From another world now at a ...
Wednesday 10th July 2024 3:32 pm
Running
Have you ever stopped to ask why do I run
Ironically its only when you stop the mind runs wild
We run to be fit
We run to be social
We run to be healthy
But is it always healthy to run
I run for a different life I cannot have
I run Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
My love runs Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
I started so I could support her
To let her know I was with her eve...
Sunday 7th July 2024 11:43 am
Three dots
Three dots bounce with so much meaning
She is still there
We are connected once again
The light is green
For a moment we are back
But as quick as it comes it must go
Holding onto the green till the last moment
But must it go
Are the dots a pause
Till we are ready to reconnect
Are the dots hiding the sinister end
Or are the dots hiding the life we could have
Th...
Friday 5th July 2024 1:39 pm
Skybound
I am a son of the heavens.
I do not fall,
I can only fly.
The way the wind whispers
determines my path.
It has never once led me astray.
A gentle breeze ruffles my feathers,
while the sun's bright smile warms my face.
Clouds dance above my weightless form,
forming all kinds of shapes to entertain.
The world turns as do I.
Leaping carelessly through the endless sky...
Thursday 20th June 2024 9:22 pm
Face in the crowd
I pick your face out from the crowd
And you're all I can see
As we pretend to be strangers
I waited the one hour train journey
Hoping you would join me
But you never did
We remained separated by a single carriage
Little did I know you had far more in your arsenal to separate us
A Trident like deterrent
How did it come to this?
Well actually I do know the answer...
Friday 14th June 2024 11:52 am
My ills
It's 10.30 in the morning and I'm throwing up on the bathroom floor
Having drowned the person who I was before
All the drinking, drugging, lying, spending
Arriving very early for the doom impending
How did I get here, how did I lose control?
Waking up in fear and pain, drawing my first shot at 4
To stop the shakes and silence the anxiety
Once again becoming a liability in my society
Wh...
Saturday 8th June 2024 6:23 pm
Walk the wight
Walk the wight
With all your might
through sights similar to Honiton
which isn't too unlike Hobbiton
Names and faces are carried through an aching 33 miles
With care and thought all the while
Here we reflect and remember
the lost souls of our dark Decembers
We start off four in our fellowship
With hopes of seeing off our hardship
To cross a finish line is ou...
Wednesday 15th May 2024 12:05 pm
Thoughts of the wife of a pedophile
Maybe not the healthiest thing
But the healthiest I ever had
Such a prince charming you seemed, with
your white van for a steed. Full of recovery
stories and what seemed like integrity.
Not perfect for sure, an anger problem and unnaturally, unwarranted high self esteem. Yet still better, more together and healthier
than I had ever been.
So many nuggets of...
Monday 8th April 2024 9:54 pm
chronic pain
i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?
I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others
sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...
Thursday 14th March 2024 1:25 pm
Treading Water
We sit across from eachother
Our hands clasped tightly over the table
And in this moment we have everything
And yet we have nothing at the same time
Eyes locked on our targets
I can see your soul
It's calling me like a beacon
And I feel awoken
We lean in closer to this moment
Feeding off the energy like vultures to flesh
I could drown in those blue eyes
If I ...
Thursday 22nd February 2024 12:09 pm
Collapse
Feelings we cannot ignore..
Insecurity and jealousy
prying open the door
we had closed so tightly
When we had agreed
not to take things so seriously
The intensity overwhelms me
Lets just be friends and see..
"maybe its possilble
its impossible
let's just try
please don't cry
I am yours, commited don't you see
I don't belong to you,
nor you to me
but don't get it confuse...
Sunday 11th February 2024 9:26 am
A beautiful curse
Your presence in my life was a gift
for you showed me what I had missed
The deepest emotions, you showed me they exist
A love so deep is a beautiful curse
for the harder you love
the deeper it hurts
So now I find myself in agony
Learning to live with missing what once was
As well as never knowing what could've been.
Robyn Holmes
scribbles of a broken heart
Friday 9th February 2024 5:21 pm
Ode to Percy…(a cats best friend)
Watching the leaves fall
Standing so tall
Waiting at the window
I still wonder
It wasn't long ago
I can still see us
Haunting shadows in the dusk
Running, fighting, climbing
Making footprints in the snow
Your furry figure lingers at the edges of my mind
Gone but not forgotten
Your smile runs to hide
Sunny days fade away
As your ghost lies still
...Wednesday 24th January 2024 9:57 am
50 cents
Every time you ask me a question I nod my head,
I’d rather be lying than dead.
“Do you believe in god, are your priorities straight?”
Stop treating me like I’m eight.
Every time you say “I love you” Is it really true?
Or am I dreaming of normal parents,
A better version of you.
The yelling is constant and won’t stop.
All the daggers you stabbed me with are sharp.
...Tuesday 23rd January 2024 5:05 am
Sorrow's Bounty
In a world of plenty, where joy should reign,
A soul wanders lost, drowning in pain.
He has it all, or so it seems,
Yet inside, he's adrift in shattered dreams.
Possessions many, but feelings in drought,
Tears concealed, smiles worn throughout.
Once in a while, breaks down unseen,
In the quiet ache, where joy's been.
Everything's there, yet nothing to hold,
A ...
Friday 19th January 2024 5:35 pm
Acknowledge me
It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"
It’s a liminal in-between
A line we like to call blurry
But I never asked you to undress me
My body abandoned me
My words went slurry
Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble
Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble
Four times play on my mind
One of them I even forgot
Until it accosted me during a usual d...
Friday 12th January 2024 5:07 pm
Metaphysical Developmental Progress
in disbelief, often until unconscious
- a slow release, from...
Saturday 16th December 2023 4:46 pm
Broken Record's Repetition
For me,
Please,
Stop cutting.
I said.
A broken record.
Only now,
As she lays in the grave,
Six feet under.
I wonder
if things would have changed,
If I just once asked her to
Stop cutting,
Please,
For you.
Would it have made a difference, though?
The reason to cut or not remains
the same, either way.
Nothing can change that here
She...
Thursday 19th October 2023 10:16 pm
Wrestled to girl
I wrestled you down
Girl
Into woman
I grew your thoughts for you
Lifeless of the party
Monotone
You vacuum expression
And drain me,
Exhausted
Stop
I gave you emotions
Give me energy
Any kind just give
Give and give
I must drink
Always thirsty am I
But I drink for you
So what’s this lull in your throat
Dip in your tone
Crack?
No
You ...
Friday 13th October 2023 4:26 pm
Enough
If only I could go back in time
To rectify all my mistakes.
All that I shouldn’t have said,
Yet still felt the need to say.
Why did I even feel that need?
I, too, was just a child, right?
Be the example,
Show them they are wrong.
Show them we are no beasts.
Show them we can be equal.
Act mature,
Be mature.
Show them they are wrong.
So many rules and rest...
Friday 22nd September 2023 7:07 pm
Anger's Embrace
Anger curls its tendrils around me,
it envelopes me whole,
strokes me tenderly.
It forms an impenetrable wall,
a shield of sorts,
to keeps me safe and sound.
It takes all those blows
and hits for me,
protects me from my foes.
Rage filled screams,
cover the sound of falling tears.
Sadness sits beside me,
gently wipes my sea.
Anger extinguishes my fear,
...Monday 11th September 2023 8:55 pm
A Living Corpse
At age three
I dreamed.
Of lands full of sweets.
Of an endless coloured street,
stretched as far as I could see.
I dreamed of my toys,
that entertained me with their noise.
I dreamed of everything and more.
I dreamed.
At age ten,
I heard.
About wondrous lands that decorated the earth.
Of all the plants and birds,
our Mother gave birth to.
I heard abo...
Tuesday 27th June 2023 6:53 pm
The Devil's Face (Resembles Me?)
The devil has always been,
A faceless entity
To me.
Until now at least.
Now it has become clear.
I can see.
The devil
In front of me.
They are no singular person.
Instead a pair.
Familiar sight.
Lungs devoid of air.
The devils gaze at me.
Recognizable set eyes.
No surprise.
Why is this reality?
First sight of a child.
Encounter...
Tuesday 13th June 2023 8:24 am
Phantom Hands
Grief casts complex shadows
over the wilting body
You feel the fingers grasping
as sirens rise again
This fatalistic ritual
an energy made negative
and stomach knotted up
by such unhelpful thoughts
Pain rips at your sails
thunderous and wild
is it the body breaking down
a message poorly translated
The shrieking of absence
cuts deep into the gut
those hands twist and grip
the cycle...
Thursday 1st June 2023 4:40 pm
Bitter Beer
I used to utter your name delicately
like it was poetry.
Just as how perfume lingers on a person,
The sweet smell of cherry blossoms
accompanied your name
whenever it walked out my mouth.
But now all it leaves,
Is a taste so foul.
Your love was like alcohol to me,
It left me feeling euphoric at first,
But after the effect had worn out,
All I was left with w...
Monday 29th May 2023 12:52 pm
My Last Act
I pick up the shards of glass
that are scattered on the ground.
I marvel at them in wonderment,
how beautiful it once was.
Still, it'll serve a good cause.
Such a pity,
won't you applaud?
This is the end of the show,
Don't you hear the crows?
Toss your roses
Or will you wait till my eyes are closed?
Pour the alcohol,
Let the bubbles float to the surface.
Dr...
Sunday 28th May 2023 5:01 pm
Words Hidden Beneath Ink
A delicate touch on my skin.
How long has it been
since someone softly caressed me?
A touch so unknown,
yet Comfort finds their home.
As you trace the ink on my skin,
your eyes rake down my body,
drinking all of me in,
as if you have not drunk a drop of water
for as long as you’ve been.
Your fingers on me,
feel like the first sunbeams that grace a leaf,
after a...
Tuesday 23rd May 2023 12:02 pm
Sweet Sorrow
I will hurt you,
Just as you will hurt me.
Isn't that beautiful?
To hurt
And be hurt.
To love
And be loved.
Isn't loving someone,
Sentencing yourself to pain?
Then, why pray,
Do all still love?
To hurt and be hurt,
Is to love and be loved.
I long for you to hurt me,
So I don't doubt my love for you.
I long for me to hurt you,
So I don't doubt your lo...
Monday 8th May 2023 4:36 pm
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