Poetry Blog by Adalyn Winn

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Tom on the accident (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 10:38 am)

Paul Sayer on the accident (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:37 am)

Paul Sayer on desperate (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:33 am)

Paul Sayer on uneasy brain (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:21 am)

Paul Sayer on disassociation (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:13 am)

Paul Sayer on dulled (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:10 am)

Paul Sayer on relapse (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:03 am)

Paul Sayer on street life (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 08:57 am)

Paul Sayer on Mind games (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 08:54 am)

Paul Sayer on snow white's apple (Tue, 21 Jul 2020 08:48 am)

snow white's apple

Walking down the road no one travels on, lost are the souls that tried so hard to find themselves. Was the path really better? Luering you in with the beautiful greenery but what is lurking behind the beauty? Desperation to grasp ahold of innocent travelers, leading their journey to peace astray. Not a spiritual awakening they'll find, instead another dead end. Defeated, as you look theres no way ...

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confuseddepressionhurtmanipulation

Malignant Manipulator

The figure had a lonely aura about itself. Something about it weighed on your charachter. You willingly relinquished parts of yourself in hopes to nurture the overwhelming darkness that the stranger seemed to carry. As your mind opened to the new acquaintanceship the insecurities and fears that were once held by the apparition influenced their way into your esteem. As the light diminished from you...

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depressionmental illnessovertakensad

The opposition

Its federal. Can't open my mouth so i plead the fifth.

Nerve racking, I cant believe I did that, on foot to foot I shift.

Looking around, I wonder if they'll notice? Telling myself I need to refocus.

Don't figet and keep ignoring their pries, say that I don't know anything, don't let them see the flashbacks, the tears in my eyes.

They're federal. The opposition that'll make your life e...

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federalsadsecrets

Mind games

Thank you for playing the game called life,

Quite shaming that nothing has turned out right. Even from the beginning things played out bad. With wrong choices and people, everyone knew you weren't going to last. 

Love and loyalty failed you, friendships turned, family was no longer real. I guess we could call you an experiment; putting you through the wringer and then setting you free.

Al...

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glitchlifesad

street life

living it like its large but life its so small

sadly it catches up with you and when you dont expect it you fall

you keep up with the trapping, feds come to your door

but theyre done with the shit and youre thrown on the floor

handcuffs are on and youre sent back away

the doctors give you the medicine that keeps the insanity at bay

back and forth for years, everyone is tired

b...

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addictionstreets

relapse

defeated as it seems

cant resist tempation; the devils wicked schemes

all the hard work straight down the dump

cant let anyone find out i crashed over a bump

a little nervous but i dont seem to care

ive lied to so many people, including myself, i know its not fair

not a single moral thought running through my head

this might be the time i overdose and remain dead

i cant dec...

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addictionrelapse

dulled

agile mind dimmed by the drugs

they say shes a dopewhore; she fucks all the plugs

no one to care for her, shes losing her mind

but deep down inside theres a loving soul you'll find

scared of her shadow shes been badly abused

covered in makeup so you cant see that shes bruised

turned to the gang because it was the only thing left

but it wasnt what it seemed full of lies and ful...

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abuseaddictionangerprostitutionstreets

disassociation

the pain gets too overwhelming

i find myself sitting alone dwelling 

on the past life that led me to drugs

i sit wondering where i went wrong, lost all my friends; im an outcast, i dont belong

and i dont understand why god kept me living

what does all he suffering bring but an eternal hell thatg suffocates me

losing all efforts, it feels like i cant breathe

and the battle goes...

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addictionpainsuffering

uneasy brain

dangerous minded

cant forget all the things that happened, im constantly reminded

tramatizing pictures in my head

the doctors got worried so they put me on some meds

because i couldnt deal with my mental

derailing and my thoughts became detramental

i couldnt handle my life anymore

couldnt stop the impulses before...

it was too late, theres drugs involved, using them i thoug...

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addictiondepressionflashbacksthoughts

desperate

shes desperate for a fix

anything for the drugs so that includes taking dangerous risks

calling up every drug dealer she knows, to see if theyd give her something in exchange for taking off her clothes

didnt matter what they gave her, so long as she was high and the night was a blur

every couple hours a new man was involved

when she was caught one night her family was appauled

a ...

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addictionprostitution

my struggle

followed the wrong path, struch down by society

tried to make music but couldnt get the propriety

had the struggles, went through it involuntary

to give my heart to anyone now i am very wary

if you see me smile - im not happy - its rarely

it was my choices that led me here if i put it fairly

no anyone to hold me as i push myself through

not even a father to see how ive grew

...

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addictionbrokenrecoverystruggles

the accident

party in the backseat drunk and having fun

couldnt comprehend the spinning and then i was stunned

everyone was screaming, i heard the tires squeal

when the car started flippig, i thought it was a done deal

my head hit the celing, the window in shards

abrasions on my head and thighs left me bruised and scarred

pelvis in pieces, fractures in my back

pulled out of the car and all...

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car crashdrunkinjury

anger

like a regenerating grande

blowing up when my wires are frayed

the time ticks down before my explosion

each timethe flames show my past of corrosion

everything around me is blown away

taking ahold of saint things as prey

"save yourself and leave"

they say ill never change so dont beleive my pleads

so i sit alone in the tragedy of war

my everything in pieces, my heart on ...

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addictionangerexplosive

my shoes

one size 7 and one size 6

i dealt with the cards i was handed i couldnt just pick

my shoes are worn out, battered, and bruised

not the feet of a clown, walk a mile in them you wont be amused

not following any one path, i led my own way but sometimes id fall or step on some cracks

i tried on some others to see if they fit, though they felt better, it wouldnt aquit

couldnt attest t...

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pathroadsunique

lonely

an old man sitting alone at a diner

a child alone at recess because no one wants to play

an addict who sits at home inebreated because shes lonely

all of their minds have gone astray

feeling not good enough, feeling like no one cares

the feeling of loneliness is sometimes too much to bare

laying alone while your significant other sleeps

watching the ball drop on your own on ne...

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Addictsalonelonely

unexpected

i bet you didnt expect to be doing drugs

i bet you didnt expect to give your sister one last hug

it wasnt expected that youd die and come back

and it wasnt foretold that on your face youd fall flat

nothing was planned to downfall, nor did you think that people would break down your walls

but it happened, your innocence was taken

and your faith in god was shaken because your actio...

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#recovery #sickness #sadaddictiondeath

N/A

eating off the floor momma aint got no plates

she shield me from the world full of crime and full of hate

all of the world going on outside my window, i got a little curious

fell in love with the danger and it made my momma furious

she stopped paying attention

told me her warning was already mentioned

i went on because i no longer felt the love

the streets gave me more affecti...

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behaviordangerfamilypoverty

unhappiness

what is it without actually being happy

i put together the most real pieces but it doesnt change my feelings even when theyre clapping

im really just sad but i hide it with anger

my life has never been safe, always putting myself in danger

trying to find salvation, maybe i can save myself

maybe help my momma, get my family in good health

im just tryna stay strong and change my ch...

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addictiondepressionrecoverytalent

homeless

no place to run when i needed to go

no one to call when i didnt have a home

people didnt come near me; fear of the unknown

wondered why there was no love

why it was so hard, was i treated so rough

the serpent came to me, gave me the forbidden

with my pain i took it like eve, it changed how i was living

kept trying to make it though, grew up fast life as a kid i never knew

i...

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addictionhomelessrecovery

flashbacks

heard the screams and i was taken right back

my mind flashed and it played the attack

sounds of rapid fire the holes in the car

the body fell out as the door became ajar

flash again ande im screaming at the cops

crying even harder, in my mind bodies drop 

seeing black i hear him say...

"put down the gun dont take my baby away"

flash

theyre trying to calm you down but the...

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deathgangsviolence

N/A

never had a dad had to grow up fast, couldnt get over it so i live in the past

lonely and troubled i felt all alone, with little happiness, depression was shown

i fell into violence, drugs were upcoming, nothing felt better than the way that they were numbing

into trouble is what i always got, in and out of facilities, the recovery i fought

four years and my memory is grey, im always j...

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#recovery #sickness #sadaddictionfatherparents

budding

sprang up and only one loved me

as i kept growing another saw potential for what i could be

i had some periods where i didnt grow and my planter became more distant

my roots started diversing and i went a little haywire, and only the other followed where i went

watering me and had a lot od encouranging words, cutting off the thorns and dead leaves that hurt

as i began to wilt still ...

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broken familyMomparentsStepdad

to my body

my brain was a savage

and im sorry i let so many undeserving hands ravage your fragile parts

i didnt think you were worth enough, so thats why i continued to pick and prod, my judgement was tough

im sorry i ripped you to pieces

but now im learning to love all of your creases

with every burise, cut, and scar youre beautiful thin or large

ive learned to keep you close on your worst...

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bodyloverecovery self-imageSelf-esteem

it was me

the devil sat on my shoulder today and asked me why I changed, why I acted this way. Honestly, I replied, Im tired of the anger. Looking back at the withdrawn girl, shes a stranger. Im deserving of a willing personality, instead of wallowing in my own self-pity. She asked me dont you miss the lust, disagreeing id rather involve myself in a way of trust. Greedy the serpent showed disrespect. With m...

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addictionhoperecoverysobriety

sobering up

I long to choose at my descretion

share my stories and teach lessons

to drive my car freely around

and to be scholarly, medical bound

loving myself and attending to my needs

servicing others and doing good deeds

how I dream of all the goals ill achieve

and all of the praise and good fortune ill recieve

from despair to hope I look for the future

taking back and repairing ...

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addictionrecoverysobriety

after party

there's no one here but me, bottles all around, the music's faded it's a melancholy sound

party streamers on the floor, the room drenched in drugs and sadness

it's hazy and in reality, you aren't glad this...

EVER happened

at first, it all seemed fun and you were happy at the time

now they're disappointed, now you want more, now you're back down the mountain you took so long to clim...

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#addiction #afterparty #sickness #sad

What it does

Suspicious, are you paranoid? You smoked too much, what are you trying to avoid? Cautious, why? No one's talking to but to the air you reply. Watching, looking all around. Seeing those shadows we don't, in the background. Edgy you're tweaking. You ask for drugs, what are you seeking? In a hole six feet under I see, it's gone unhealthy, beyond the point of carefree.

 

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#addict #tweak #sad #paranoid

fix me

Porcelain doll, why are you frowning?

She said, "I am you", "Look at my damage, all the drugs you're downing"

Cracked and peeling, there's no reverse.

She started crying, "Are you going to stop now or make it worse?"

Porcelain doll, how do I stop?

She said, "That's on you."

I take another pill and I hear a pop.

Piece after piece falls on the floor.

She cries out as it hurts...

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#addiction #recovery #sickness #perspective

dazed

numb; no sensation in your face

what's about to happen, you cannot erase

I know you thought it'd be a thrill

but now you can't say no as he gives you another pill

immobilized; your body is limp

you thought you had trust but now he's acting as your pimp

your body stays paralyzed

his hands around your neck, your lungs being pulverized

you panic as you cannot breathe

adrena...

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#abuse #scared #trauma

goodbyes

Deleted the dealer. Threw put the pills.

Used the rest of my money for unpaid bills.

Cut off the friends. Got myself clean.

Mentally ready but physically a fiend.

Going to meetings. Trying to talk.

The constant urge to do dope I have to block 

I don't really care, but at the same time, I do.

Hopefully, at some point, the right answer will breakthrough. 

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#addiction #recovery #sickness #sad

Drunk

The words you speak you don't mean to slur, you think you know what you're saying but it's all a blur. Missing the way things used to be, but crying at the cost of living; it's no longer free. Wanting more 'n more but you have to quit. Sadly it's your only coping skill to make you forget. You drink and you drink but now you're just sick, after four years you'd think that'd it'd click. Never does t...

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#addiction #drunk #sickness #sad

outcast

pretty enough but the story's too long. Everyone has a place but I feel like I don't belong. The people always stare, the people always talk. But in my shoes, I know they could never walk. Sauntering around trying to keep my head high but on the inside, it hurts I cannot lie. Try not to show it, try not to get mad. If you were me for a day you'd see why I'm so sad. You'd see the pain, past, and th...

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#lonely #loneliness #depression #upset #feelings

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