Rudyard Kooistra on
14 hours ago
Walking down the road no one travels on, lost are the souls that tried so hard to find themselves. Was the path really better? Luering you in with the beautiful greenery but what is lurking behind the beauty? Desperation to grasp ahold of innocent travelers, leading their journey to peace astray. Not a spiritual awakening they'll find, instead another dead end. Defeated, as you look theres no way ...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 8:14 am
The figure had a lonely aura about itself. Something about it weighed on your charachter. You willingly relinquished parts of yourself in hopes to nurture the overwhelming darkness that the stranger seemed to carry. As your mind opened to the new acquaintanceship the insecurities and fears that were once held by the apparition influenced their way into your esteem. As the light diminished from you...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 8:04 am
Its federal. Can't open my mouth so i plead the fifth.
Nerve racking, I cant believe I did that, on foot to foot I shift.
Looking around, I wonder if they'll notice? Telling myself I need to refocus.
Don't figet and keep ignoring their pries, say that I don't know anything, don't let them see the flashbacks, the tears in my eyes.
They're federal. The opposition that'll make your life e...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 7:59 am
Thank you for playing the game called life,
Quite shaming that nothing has turned out right. Even from the beginning things played out bad. With wrong choices and people, everyone knew you weren't going to last.
Love and loyalty failed you, friendships turned, family was no longer real. I guess we could call you an experiment; putting you through the wringer and then setting you free.
Tuesday 21st July 2020 7:50 am
living it like its large but life its so small
sadly it catches up with you and when you dont expect it you fall
you keep up with the trapping, feds come to your door
but theyre done with the shit and youre thrown on the floor
handcuffs are on and youre sent back away
the doctors give you the medicine that keeps the insanity at bay
back and forth for years, everyone is tired
Wednesday 15th January 2020 12:10 pm
defeated as it seems
cant resist tempation; the devils wicked schemes
all the hard work straight down the dump
cant let anyone find out i crashed over a bump
a little nervous but i dont seem to care
ive lied to so many people, including myself, i know its not fair
not a single moral thought running through my head
this might be the time i overdose and remain dead
i cant dec...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 12:05 pm
agile mind dimmed by the drugs
they say shes a dopewhore; she fucks all the plugs
no one to care for her, shes losing her mind
but deep down inside theres a loving soul you'll find
scared of her shadow shes been badly abused
covered in makeup so you cant see that shes bruised
turned to the gang because it was the only thing left
but it wasnt what it seemed full of lies and ful...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:42 am
the pain gets too overwhelming
i find myself sitting alone dwelling
on the past life that led me to drugs
i sit wondering where i went wrong, lost all my friends; im an outcast, i dont belong
and i dont understand why god kept me living
what does all he suffering bring but an eternal hell thatg suffocates me
losing all efforts, it feels like i cant breathe
and the battle goes...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:33 am
cant forget all the things that happened, im constantly reminded
tramatizing pictures in my head
the doctors got worried so they put me on some meds
because i couldnt deal with my mental
derailing and my thoughts became detramental
i couldnt handle my life anymore
couldnt stop the impulses before...
it was too late, theres drugs involved, using them i thoug...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:26 am
shes desperate for a fix
anything for the drugs so that includes taking dangerous risks
calling up every drug dealer she knows, to see if theyd give her something in exchange for taking off her clothes
didnt matter what they gave her, so long as she was high and the night was a blur
every couple hours a new man was involved
when she was caught one night her family was appauled
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:21 am
followed the wrong path, struch down by society
tried to make music but couldnt get the propriety
had the struggles, went through it involuntary
to give my heart to anyone now i am very wary
if you see me smile - im not happy - its rarely
it was my choices that led me here if i put it fairly
no anyone to hold me as i push myself through
not even a father to see how ive grew...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:15 am
party in the backseat drunk and having fun
couldnt comprehend the spinning and then i was stunned
everyone was screaming, i heard the tires squeal
when the car started flippig, i thought it was a done deal
my head hit the celing, the window in shards
abrasions on my head and thighs left me bruised and scarred
pelvis in pieces, fractures in my back
pulled out of the car and all...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:08 am
like a regenerating grande
blowing up when my wires are frayed
the time ticks down before my explosion
each timethe flames show my past of corrosion
everything around me is blown away
taking ahold of saint things as prey
"save yourself and leave"
they say ill never change so dont beleive my pleads
so i sit alone in the tragedy of war
my everything in pieces, my heart on ...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:03 am
one size 7 and one size 6
i dealt with the cards i was handed i couldnt just pick
my shoes are worn out, battered, and bruised
not the feet of a clown, walk a mile in them you wont be amused
not following any one path, i led my own way but sometimes id fall or step on some cracks
i tried on some others to see if they fit, though they felt better, it wouldnt aquit
couldnt attest t...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:58 am
an old man sitting alone at a diner
a child alone at recess because no one wants to play
an addict who sits at home inebreated because shes lonely
all of their minds have gone astray
feeling not good enough, feeling like no one cares
the feeling of loneliness is sometimes too much to bare
laying alone while your significant other sleeps
watching the ball drop on your own on ne...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:51 am
i bet you didnt expect to be doing drugs
i bet you didnt expect to give your sister one last hug
it wasnt expected that youd die and come back
and it wasnt foretold that on your face youd fall flat
nothing was planned to downfall, nor did you think that people would break down your walls
but it happened, your innocence was taken
and your faith in god was shaken because your actio...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:45 am
eating off the floor momma aint got no plates
she shield me from the world full of crime and full of hate
all of the world going on outside my window, i got a little curious
fell in love with the danger and it made my momma furious
she stopped paying attention
told me her warning was already mentioned
i went on because i no longer felt the love
the streets gave me more affecti...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:40 am
what is it without actually being happy
i put together the most real pieces but it doesnt change my feelings even when theyre clapping
im really just sad but i hide it with anger
my life has never been safe, always putting myself in danger
trying to find salvation, maybe i can save myself
maybe help my momma, get my family in good health
im just tryna stay strong and change my ch...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:34 am
no place to run when i needed to go
no one to call when i didnt have a home
people didnt come near me; fear of the unknown
wondered why there was no love
why it was so hard, was i treated so rough
the serpent came to me, gave me the forbidden
with my pain i took it like eve, it changed how i was living
kept trying to make it though, grew up fast life as a kid i never knew
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:28 am
heard the screams and i was taken right back
my mind flashed and it played the attack
sounds of rapid fire the holes in the car
the body fell out as the door became ajar
flash again ande im screaming at the cops
crying even harder, in my mind bodies drop
seeing black i hear him say...
"put down the gun dont take my baby away"
theyre trying to calm you down but the...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:22 am
never had a dad had to grow up fast, couldnt get over it so i live in the past
lonely and troubled i felt all alone, with little happiness, depression was shown
i fell into violence, drugs were upcoming, nothing felt better than the way that they were numbing
into trouble is what i always got, in and out of facilities, the recovery i fought
four years and my memory is grey, im always j...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:19 am
sprang up and only one loved me
as i kept growing another saw potential for what i could be
i had some periods where i didnt grow and my planter became more distant
my roots started diversing and i went a little haywire, and only the other followed where i went
watering me and had a lot od encouranging words, cutting off the thorns and dead leaves that hurt
as i began to wilt still ...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:10 am
my brain was a savage
and im sorry i let so many undeserving hands ravage your fragile parts
i didnt think you were worth enough, so thats why i continued to pick and prod, my judgement was tough
im sorry i ripped you to pieces
but now im learning to love all of your creases
with every burise, cut, and scar youre beautiful thin or large
ive learned to keep you close on your worst...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:04 am
the devil sat on my shoulder today and asked me why I changed, why I acted this way. Honestly, I replied, Im tired of the anger. Looking back at the withdrawn girl, shes a stranger. Im deserving of a willing personality, instead of wallowing in my own self-pity. She asked me dont you miss the lust, disagreeing id rather involve myself in a way of trust. Greedy the serpent showed disrespect. With m...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 9:59 am
I long to choose at my descretion
share my stories and teach lessons
to drive my car freely around
and to be scholarly, medical bound
loving myself and attending to my needs
servicing others and doing good deeds
how I dream of all the goals ill achieve
and all of the praise and good fortune ill recieve
from despair to hope I look for the future
taking back and repairing ...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 9:45 am
there's no one here but me, bottles all around, the music's faded it's a melancholy sound
party streamers on the floor, the room drenched in drugs and sadness
it's hazy and in reality, you aren't glad this...
at first, it all seemed fun and you were happy at the time
now they're disappointed, now you want more, now you're back down the mountain you took so long to clim...
Thursday 31st October 2019 3:58 pm
Suspicious, are you paranoid? You smoked too much, what are you trying to avoid? Cautious, why? No one's talking to but to the air you reply. Watching, looking all around. Seeing those shadows we don't, in the background. Edgy you're tweaking. You ask for drugs, what are you seeking? In a hole six feet under I see, it's gone unhealthy, beyond the point of carefree.
Tuesday 29th October 2019 11:21 pm
Porcelain doll, why are you frowning?
She said, "I am you", "Look at my damage, all the drugs you're downing"
Cracked and peeling, there's no reverse.
She started crying, "Are you going to stop now or make it worse?"
Porcelain doll, how do I stop?
She said, "That's on you."
I take another pill and I hear a pop.
Piece after piece falls on the floor.
She cries out as it hurts...
Tuesday 29th October 2019 8:40 pm
numb; no sensation in your face
what's about to happen, you cannot erase
I know you thought it'd be a thrill
but now you can't say no as he gives you another pill
immobilized; your body is limp
you thought you had trust but now he's acting as your pimp
your body stays paralyzed
his hands around your neck, your lungs being pulverized
you panic as you cannot breathe
Monday 28th October 2019 10:14 pm
Deleted the dealer. Threw put the pills.
Used the rest of my money for unpaid bills.
Cut off the friends. Got myself clean.
Mentally ready but physically a fiend.
Going to meetings. Trying to talk.
The constant urge to do dope I have to block
I don't really care, but at the same time, I do.
Hopefully, at some point, the right answer will breakthrough.
Monday 28th October 2019 9:40 pm
The words you speak you don't mean to slur, you think you know what you're saying but it's all a blur. Missing the way things used to be, but crying at the cost of living; it's no longer free. Wanting more 'n more but you have to quit. Sadly it's your only coping skill to make you forget. You drink and you drink but now you're just sick, after four years you'd think that'd it'd click. Never does t...
Sunday 27th October 2019 6:21 pm
pretty enough but the story's too long. Everyone has a place but I feel like I don't belong. The people always stare, the people always talk. But in my shoes, I know they could never walk. Sauntering around trying to keep my head high but on the inside, it hurts I cannot lie. Try not to show it, try not to get mad. If you were me for a day you'd see why I'm so sad. You'd see the pain, past, and th...
Sunday 27th October 2019 5:38 pm