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True Story
This is how messed up it was...
Last night, my husband woke up and was cuddling me, then touching me, then we both were wide awake in intimacy. It was beautiful. It always is.
Then after, the doubt creeped in.
Chris lied. Chris always lied. I would wake up in the middle of the night to him touching himself to pictures on the internet. Once I woke up and he was staring at pictures of a wom...
Monday 12th August 2019 6:03 am
The GD Devil
I remember the fire in his eyes, burning red and hot like the devil's. Sometimes it was just a flicker, a blink, and a temporary fade when we were out in public. Other times it lit and caught and consumed his entire person and mine as well. I melted under the heat of those flames. It melted my strength, my dignity, everything I stood for. It made me feel weak. It burnt me, enough to carry those sa...
Monday 12th August 2019 5:43 am
A Fool Like Me
When your heart beats so fast because the man you love is right there
Beauty shines from within fuled by love we share
That warm feeling
of course he feels the same
You know it's in his eyes and through signals from his brain
Knowing your safe no matter what
Knowing whatever happens you mean to him alot
Security of knowing love will see you through
The comfort that he trusts the same and ...
Monday 24th June 2019 9:12 am
Mother
You neglected me,
didn’t protect me,
abandoned me,
chose an abusive man
over your children...
I forgive you.
I give you the
unconditional affection
never afforded me,
because I love you
despite everything
and I don’t want
the past having
power over me.
Thursday 16th May 2019 9:35 pm
Mid January
No one else can judge me
Only God who reads hearts
People have abused me
When I reach fake of the facts
If you believe you're the master
And you can judge and lead
Surely you lose the only factor
That keeps you faithful indeed
Leave me alone fair and simple
I have to forget tens of lies
You should break your false temple
Wake up please .. open your e...
Saturday 6th April 2019 8:20 pm
Arrive Alive
Road crashes are every minute
Here and there, in every point
More than a million killed a year
And speed is death, no doubt
“Drive Safely” is only choice
ٍSafety belt, has no "price"
Come back safe for the family
We live "once", not twice
Road is not real excuse
But the behavior is a main cause
For crashes all over that world
No more anger .. no abuse
Friday 5th April 2019 9:08 pm
Laugh to Live.
Happiness, in hands for you.
If you decided, not to be sad.
As a cup of water, to drink.
To clean your thoughts, to be glad.
Sadness, does not need to broach.
It always knocks, worried heart.
But Happiness, with a golden coach.
Asks, to ride happiness cart.
The Brain is yours, “to make use”.
Positively, think of your own.
Feel your value, never abuse.
...Monday 18th February 2019 2:02 pm
My Mum's Lover
A house,
a staircase
it was an accident
you hit me
with your words
it's my home I say
but you don’t care
you have come in
again
soon you will leave
but not me, her
I find my bedroom
solace and silence
the smallness of me
you have come again
I do not want you
you are not mine, hers
you smother me,
press me into bedsheets
you smell of bull swe...
Saturday 19th January 2019 12:18 pm
HEAD SPACE
Ive changed all the locks and the ways to my heart
Ive patched up the holes you tore all apart
Repainted the lies you captured me with
Remodeled my life from pain to pure bliss
I no longer miss you, I pity your soul
Ive worked long and hard to patch up these holes
The space is all new
I can rent it out
This space is all mine and what Im about
Your key will not work
y...
Friday 31st August 2018 10:10 pm
The Denial of an Ageing Disgrace
Where's the fucking rizlas man?
I just need a fucking smoke
to take the edge of
starting with just one almighty toke
this week's been shit. I have to say
today's been much the same
let's smoke 'til I can't see her face
and can't recall their names
she said that I'm an addict yeah
what does she fucking know?
A few pills every weekend
and a little bit of blow
a spliff for breakfast every...
Thursday 23rd August 2018 9:34 pm
Pseudologia Fantastica.
Tell me again how fire is dangerous
As you're standing there playing with matches
You strike the sulfur that would ultimately end us
You beg me not to leave but you push me away
I never know what you'll be feeling today
Tell me how you love me but cause me dismay
I know that you're trying I see it in your eyes
The first time I learned not only your mouth can tell lies
Say I give you life b...
Wednesday 8th August 2018 3:09 pm
Who are the real Monsters?
Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without the guards being too rough
And forever being cuffed
Prisoners are abused and raped
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By being held captive and afraid.
Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without being forced to confess
To somebody else's mess
Being stripped and undressed
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By bein...
Thursday 2nd August 2018 2:07 pm
My Abuse, Still My Fault - but Never My Fault
You’d get so angry at me for no fuckin’ reason
So cold, baby, your heart is so freezing
“I just want you to act like you love me, trust me, and put no one above me”
If I don’t answer nicely, you’d push me and shove me
You’d get in my face, acting tough, “Go ahead try and fight me -
Come on, fight me back, I wish you would try me,”
But why would I try you?
Because now I...
Monday 5th March 2018 9:55 am
Super Sticky Glue
All alone in the world
full of disgrace, and disgust.
I never knew anything,
all my thoughts turned to dust.
The black and the gold,
this must have been my heart,
turning to dark mold.
Crusty and dry,
my high was fading,
and my eyes cried to a certain soul.
They all abandoned me,
and left me for dead.
As for what they forgot,
was apar...
Friday 2nd March 2018 5:28 pm
Domestic violence
Here we go again with this abuse
you slap me down you say i'm yours to use
you also result to hitting me
taking advantage of my generosity
then you pretend you done nothing at all
When it's time to explain the bruises i'l say "I had a fall"
what do you want me to do ?
Pretend to care about you...
Guess what i don't love you anymore
you're rotten to the core
you dont m...
Sunday 18th February 2018 7:32 pm
Poetry is a Mediocre Diary
There is no good way to really start a poem
and by far
This is the third time I've tried to find a line to begin this
Which will never be the line that could best cooperate with myself
to get what I want.
So I could start my push
into talking about several things
Like how literary poetry is so different in nature to slam poetry, and why I think
both are good
But one is fine art,...
Friday 8th December 2017 12:05 am
Written whilst listening to Ghost Poet: Dial Tones
Tick Tick Tick
You're leaving
You're leaving me alone
You're leaving me lying here
You're leaving me with the memories
Tick Tick Tick
I slowly return to my body
I slowly start to feel my skin again
I slowly feel the bruising on my lips begin to swell
I slowly start to feel the shame seep into my body
Tick Tick Tick
I lye there thinking of you
I lye there thinking of them all
I l...
Monday 24th July 2017 1:02 pm
Growing Up
I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.
I have a boyfriend and he loves me.
He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.
He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.
He slapps me but that is okay, he loves me.
He holds me down as I yell and scream because it hurts but that is okay, he loves me.
I am sixteen years old and I escaped my first abusive relationship.
...Monday 24th July 2017 10:43 am
The Island of Misfit Boys
How is it
that even someone
that clings to broken toys
with a mix of
nostalgia and remorse
that cradles a chinadoll
whose chipped fingers slip through flesh
to the infantile heart at the center of
neurons
Could still
be held in the cradle of arms
owned by someone whose own skin
wields their own patterns of 'horse play'
And brazenly still
Refuses to let go
Of such an uncoordinated ...
Friday 26th May 2017 5:47 pm
Domestic Drama (Part 1)
I know better
so why don't I do better?
Be angry and sin not
that's what the word says
obscene language,
that's what the world says
I'm tired and cranky
and frankly,
I just want to lie in bed
but lo and behold!
She is sleeping there
like Snorlax or Goldilocks
and I'm suppose to bear this?
too tired to fume
want to sweep this away
'Bring the broom, take out the trash,
feed t...
Saturday 6th May 2017 1:38 am
Boy
Temporary wounds did form,
Above the ones I had ignored.
And the thoughts you had bestowed in me,
Are nothing but a memory.
Where you were weak, he is so fierce,
And where you lack, he comes in first.
The boy I thought I craved before,
Is nothing but a closing door.
Tuesday 14th March 2017 5:09 am
Bloated
Engorged in the pit,
its jerking head
penetrates the foe.
All around excitedly men watch,
expectantly calculating gains.
Reaching climax now,
nearly there
one last thrust to strut and preen.
Victory sealed,
the spattered sawdust matts clawed feet,
and the conquered is cast for meat.
The voyeurs too
are spent.
Entertainment has not evolve...
Sunday 21st February 2016 11:16 am
Insentient
Inanimate, not insentient.
Sitting there
in sodden chair.
Receptors flooding now
they have recoiled from being,
given up, they are closing down one by
last one, gone.
Contact lost, burned through.
Strapped to the gurney,
zipped and labelled for the fridge.
The carriage nonchalantly siren-less,
as it passes a sellers pitch.
A cold m...
Wednesday 13th January 2016 12:26 pm
THE LIE
How can a lie
make the whole world cry,
yet they claim there is nothing to see,
where nefarious knaves
and the covetous crave
beneath covers so stealthily, free?
No thought for the plebs
as they weave dangerous webs
in a world already complex,
where the sins of the saints
have done nothing but taint,
confuse, deceive and perplex.
To forgive and forget,
...Sunday 16th August 2015 5:17 pm
He risked his life for the country he loved, For those he cherished for all of us. He went to war, and he fought hard, His body bruised his memory scarred,
Now his rights have gone away, He lives alone, uncared for, abused every day. He was lucky in some respects, He made it home, he survives yet...
Tuesday 2nd September 2014 8:32 pm
Alexis
An apartment's chaos now firmly removed
A stillness in the air, no sense of urgency
If he could see her now, he'd surely disapprove.
A smile creeps across her beaten face
Her beauty hidden behind a lifetime of abuse
In that moment she made peace with her decision
She knew that she had nothing left to lose.
In her hand she held a picture of her daughter
...
Friday 8th August 2014 9:50 am
FATHERHOOD GONE AWRY!
Father's very strict, mother's very weak
Beatings too harsh for a daughter of only 3
You wished that I had died Daddy
You even said it out loud
but i loved you anyhow
Forbidden to walk on the carpet
I was just not good enough
I've tried to fulfill your wishes Daddy
Fifteen times I tried somehow
I ran under buses, in front of cars even.
I took hundreds of pills Daddy
...Tuesday 10th June 2014 1:38 am
Turning Over Tables
(Poem dedicated to the Liverpool Tate art gallery which has chosen to buy and display this piece of abusive exploitative art)
Sometimes I wonder if I'm wearing the right glasses
wrong glasses
wrong lens
or wrong vision?
All around me
people see things
differently -
depersonalise
rationalise
intellectualise
forgive
the unfo...
Monday 16th September 2013 3:21 pm
Metaphor
No longer do we slice, strangle
bludgeon or burn victims
upon our godly altars
live offerings for appeasement or power.
Death for personal gain.
Yet behind intimate walls
with calculated cruelty
daily
we sacrifice child, partner, parent
upon slabs of self-interest.
Not much different -
‘Death for personal gain.’
……...
Monday 16th September 2013 1:01 pm
The Addict
It’s only one more
What harm will it do?
If you really loved me like I do with you
Then you’d let me just have it, no fussing or fighting,
Not sitting here giving me daggers, me lightning
And watching me suffer; I’ll make this the last,
I promise from this day forward I’ll fast
I’ll become a new man; just you wait and see,
But for now will you not be a bastard to me
And just h...
Wednesday 8th May 2013 11:12 am
Incredible
Incredible by Matthew Stuart Derbyshire
You
are
incredible.
To the kid who's terrible at maths;
the one who thinks he's never going to pass;
the one who always seems to be at the bottom of the class:
you are incredible.
To the kid with the disability;
the one who has the ability
to be whoever or whatever it is that he wants to be:
...Sunday 10th February 2013 8:41 pm
Grimm und Grimmer
could there ever have been
aught but harm
from such shrew whipped
an abusive storm
where it lead through
the corpse grass
crumbed trail
of bloodied path
stumbled upon weather torn
enduring pile
chimney stacked
nefarious smile
that leering promontory
single tooth
like fabled hag
who feas...
Friday 31st August 2012 1:54 pm
Starved to Death, for Jovonie
If only I had known
what was happening,
If only I had known
where you lived.
If only I had known,
I would have gone
into your home.
I would have
taken you out.
If only I had known,
I would have taken
you into my home.
I would have fed you.
If ...
Tuesday 10th January 2012 7:58 pm
MESSAGE BODY
Message Body
You're nearly fifty years of age, you have your gal of your dreams. You use your power love over her to bully her into submission. Tell me, do you feel a man? Getting her to cry and wish she was dead? Your beloved galfriend sent a fraught email to your enemy, The Manc. He's got your number and text you and tried to call you.
What do you think of that? She turns to me ...
Sunday 25th September 2011 2:50 am
Silent Critic
in letters three feet high
across the bridge
they wrote
“KELLY MATTHEWS IS A WHORE”
and before
the paint was dry
Kelly carved
her sharp reply
in a deeper crimson shade
just two
short lines
as double edged
as Kelly’s blade
exposed the lie
that gave offence
- and their careless
use of tense.
Monday 9th February 2009 11:08 pm
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