We Make Mud

 

We Make Mud 

 

You pretend

I pretend

We all pretend 

That it's all fine

 

Underneath— angst is brewing 

But we try our best

To both appear kind 

 

You pushed

And pushed

And I pushed back

 

I think that you see white

You think 

That I see black

 

From other planets

But bound by blood

I am the rainyou are the soil

Without intent...

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Freedom

Freedom

 

I'm moderately happy

It's easy and stable

But I'm owned— and controlled

I work for them— and not for me

 

The stability has kept me chained in golden handcuffs— for too long

I can't stay here forever

It's not within my values system

 

And with the leap I make

The unknown—the risk I choose to take

I embrace freedom

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Complex Creature

Complex creature 

 

How can someone understand me?

If I cannot understand myself?

I can keep the dark feelings at bay

If I don’t share them with anyone else

 

People think I have it together

But man, they’ve got it wrong

Maintaining a certain facade 

One I’ve kept going for so long

 

I’m a complex creature, dear

Made of many things

Not quite sure of who I...

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Thank You India

 

Thank you India

 

I didn't realise so many people could fit 

In such a small place

Apparently it's even crazier in the North

It blows my mind 

But I'll believe it

 

Markets full of incense and flowers

And rainbow dyes to praise deities

Sweets made of sugar cane

 

Slaughtered chickens 

Being packed 

On the back of a tiny scooter

Being followed aroun...

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Tears

Tears

 

When I was a kid 

At church

A family friend played the violin

And what I heard was both a beautiful and profoundly sad melody

And while the priest passed the holy sacrament to the parishioners 

I didn't even realise that I was crying

But I was

Why was no one else crying?

Were they affected by the music in this way?

‘Hey’

 My Dad consoled me with his hand...

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Dear Mama Bear

Dear Mama Bear,

 

Words cannot describe

The joy that you bring to all our lives

 

A woman so strong and humble— with endless compassion 

A total babe

With a strong sense of fashion

 

Then add…

 

Intelligence, creativity and humor


 

Together— these qualities are hard to find

Our dear darling mama

Is one of a kind

 

Our rock

Our glue

That wo...

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That Poor Man

That poor man

 

My colleagues only spoke of their annoyance with you

I was told that you were pretty cheeky

(To say the least)

 When you were elevated

Grandiosity at its best

Somewhat sleazy

Bragging

And unable to interrupt

 

The first time I met you—in the hospital

I couldn’t help but find you so damn likable

You socialised with all the other patients

You...

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Where Did The Crazy Acts of Passion Go?

Where Did The crazy Acts of Passion Go?

 

At age fourteen

Scotty engraved Sarah's name in to his arm

 

They were not together

They'd never kissed

Or even held hands

 

Sarah didn't see him 

In the way that Scotty saw her

 

She cared for him as a friend

Bit it didn't change how much Scotty loved her

 

He told me once— at recess

That the scar on his arm...

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Bus Crush

Bus Crush

 

Oh— how handsome and mysterious you are

So I try to imagine what your story is

While knowing absolutely nothing about you— from afar

 

What keeps your wheels turning— by day and by night?

How do you move beneath the sheets?

What makes you cry and what gives you delight?

 

So maybe you are not that cute— but I’m forced to sit still right now…

 

So day...

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Take Me On

Take me on

 

You think you’re gonna crush me bitch?

 

Well guess what— I’ve got my boxing gloves on too

 

You try to intimidate me

 

But you don’t

 

I know it’s hard for you to hear this

 

But I’m just as strong and determined as you

 

You’ve met your match

 

I’ll up the ante when I need to

 

And I’ll dig my heels in

 

Step up bitch— I’m ...

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Beautiful Things

Beautiful things

 

It takes a second to pause

To be able to realise and see

That no matter where I am

There are beautiful things around me

A dragonfly sits in my crepe myrtle tree

Practically masked

Wings that mimic crystal

A torso that resembles coloured glass

For a second, I don’t know that he is there

Appearing as though he is both flying and sleeping 

In mid...

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The Tide Is Changing

The Tide is Turning

 

The news that is broken

When you know someone has to leave

Is hard to hear

 

But waiting for them to leave

When the news is understood

Is harder

 

Reminding ourselves that the person who we care about

Is not going on a one way trip to the moon

And knowing we will see them again

Provides some comfort

But does not fully take away the st...

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Two Women

Two women

 

Two women

Both nurses

Who know that while at work

They must joke— rather than cry

As a way to cope 

With the chaos

That is their normal day to day 

 

They will talk

Superficially

About plans for the weekend

The weather

And complement each other’s outfits

 

They are positive encounters

Warm and kind

Congenial

But not with any dept...

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Mend me

Mend me

 

You’re looking for an answer

Someone to fill that gap

Someone who loves you

Who won’t treat you like crap

 

And I want it too

Don’t we all

Someone who truly adores us

Despite our baggage and flaws

 

You said ‘you don’t have the best of me’

And I sadly agree

But I can’t fix you

We need to do that mending ourselves

Can’t you see?

 

So t...

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Covid Blues

Covid Blues

 

No hugging

No handshakes

Keep your distance

Essential visits only

No more than a group of two

 

Elbow tap

Foot tab

For the COVID blues

Then chuck your shirt in the wash

And disinfect your shoes

 

Shelves in shops

Are empty of toilet paper and pasta

Copycats panicked by apocalyptic mania

Buy in excess— and do it faster and faster

 

...

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So she let the rain set in

So she let the rain set in

 

Alas

When we had nearly given in

Mother nature

Decided she could absolve us from our sins…

So she let the rain set in

 

Her eyes did not water lightly

Instead— she wept a river

She gave us more than we deserved

More than what we thought—she could deliver

 

Everlasting daisies and orchids emerged

In abundance— on the once bone-d...

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Fire

Fire

 

Fire.

An element that was historically used for warmth

 To cook food

And for protection

 

And now—  our primal instincts are still drawn to the flames

Campfires provide a haven (on our terms)

 Where we can sit together—and feel a strong connection

 

 

In Australia, we have natural fire

That we usually accept and manage

But this time was different

...

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Cosmetic Colouration

Cosmetic Colouration

I try to show to you my prettiest feathers

I cock my head up

Can’t you see my confidence

That I’m desperate to portray?

 

I’m trying to catch your attention 

Trying to appear utterly desirable

Yet despite my best attempts

You still won’t look this way

 

No longer relaxed

Feeling inadequate

And thereforeacting quite grandiose

 

This...

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The Ring

The Ring

  

No one forced me to be here

And yet— here I am

Time—and time—again

Constantly covered in bruises

Abrasions

Recovering from a broken nose

But— I still want to be here

 

‘Relax your shoulders’

The coach directs

I’m not even aware

That my arms are tense

 

Getting in to the ring

Not giving up

Fighting back

Respecting one’s opponent

C...

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Beep! Beep! Cheap! Cheap!

Beep! Beep! Cheap! Cheap!

 

‘Next please’

The woman smiles

But I’m one step ahead

On the other side

Bags open

One hand looped through the handle

The other on the counter

 

We clock eyes

I submit a creak of a smile back

But I need to stay focused

The race is on

That woman lifting my can of tuna

Is also rearing to go

 

It wasn’t easy — you know

F...

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Goodbye, dear friend

Goodbye, dear friend

 

As adults we adventured in to the sea

 

Clumsy

Intimidated

Determined

And having so much fun

 

No one else was bothered

To learn such a difficult skill

To take the long drive from our town

Just to be in the water fora day

 

But you did

And so

Our journey together moved forward

 

We started in the shallows

And with ti...

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Moments like this

Moments like this 

 

The endless list of things to do

Are finished!

Well, they’re not

They’ve been abandoned —at least for now

 

A chance to breathe 

As we sit in the sun

Drinking tea

This time— is golden and sacred

 

The working week ahead will bring

Routine— responsibilities

Time restrictions 

And stress

 

But right now

We have a chance

To...

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My Ocean Dream

My Ocean Dream

 

Sometimes when life is rough

We cast our mind to a special place

A dream

Where things feel a little more wholesome with a little less edge

 —and things are a little less tough

 

And this is where I go

 

Where the sand meets the sea

Where rugged rich formations are cushioned by giant and lush tropical trees

The sky is blue the sun smiles

An...

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My Sea Change

 

My sea change

 

Out of the bush

And in to the sea

Wondering where belonging— belongs for me

 

From the straight arrow freeway

To a road with a sudden bend

In some ways— it feels like the beginning

In other ways— like it’s the end

 

I tell everyone that where I’m heading 

Involves only a day of driving 

To make it sound easy

Six hundred and sixty six k...

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Dear Human from ‘The Cat’

Dear Human from ‘The Cat’

 

Dear overworked, stressed and tired human, 

Why do you rush around all day?

Your timetable should revolve

Around eating, sleeping, cuddles and play

 

Napping for 12-16 hours a day is ideal

Break it up with a snack

Catch a rat

See how good it feels

 

When it comes to eating

Don’t feel restricted by the diets others suggest

Stick ...

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I choose now

I choose now

 

When I’m well-travelled

When I’m cultured

When I’ve achieved a lot

I’ll look good on paper

And I’ll be on top

 

When I have credentials lots of money

My dream career

A house a husband and

kids…I’ll be set in to gear

 

And until then...

 

I’m trying to tick all the ‘achievement’ boxes now

In hope to better aid myself for down the trac...

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Waiting to Fly

Waiting to fly

 

People run to terminals

As best as they can —while dragging heavy bags

Others sleep

Or are zoned in to their screens and books

Like robots

 

Elevator music playing

Passengers in waiting— tiredly window shopping 

With no clear intent or interest

What time is it?

Doesn’t matter—you are in another country anyway

Hungry?

Not sure

So you buy...

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Put me on the kitchen counter—please!

A woman has needs— you know

It’s not just men—who fantasise about sex

I need some proper loving

To put my body into check

 

I want someone who respects me

Who’ll look deep into my eyes

I want them to understand who I am

And to be smart—and kind

And wise

 

But the latter is hard to find you know

And meanwhile my body aches

So put me on the kitchen counter p...

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Forever Blue

Forever blue

 

Behind a bubble of glass—someone knocks and calls my name

Their voice is muffled

My hearing— dulled from the pain

 

I guess I’m here

But— not really

This melancholie ache

Means I cannot think clearly

 

People move with purpose

Their lives seem so together

While I’m stuck down a dark well

That goes on forever

 

Others say they’ve been t...

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Finding My Way

Finding my way

 

There's a place I need to be

Somewhere I need to go

I need a map—

But the streets are not known

 

As I sit and look— at that fork in the road

Some direction for my needs— is what I yearn

No one else can tell me what I must do

It’s up to me— where— and how I turn

 

I close my eyes

And take a deep breath

Without the chatter— and all the nois...

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Hope

Hope

 

Keeping hope

Is like heading upstream without a paddle

Not knowing where the mouth of the river is

 Yet mentally deciding to find a way to cope

 

Its trusting in whatever the future holds

Without having a crystal ball

Its giving something a go

With the risk that we may fall

 

Hope is believing that the fire won't defeat us

And understanding that healin...

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Homesick

Homesick

 

My heart,

It, yearns— it aches,

Longing— almost begging,

For my other life— far away

 

My loved ones, the mountain, my familiar surroundings

I want to be able to embrace them,

 Take them with me— and never let them go,

 

But it cannot be so

 

The cold winters— back in my town,

That I used to find so hard,

Now just remind me 

Of the old sun...

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My Old Friend

My Old Friend

 

Hello majestic wonder,

My old friend,

Where do you start

 And where do you end?

 

What secrets do you hold?

And what lessons do you have for us all

Young 

And old?

 

A mighty yet nurturing figure

Who grounds us through and through,

When I am fatigued and feeling stuck

I move my gaze upwards to your leaves

Wondering what you would tell...

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My Boy

My Boy

 

When I first saw his beautiful face

I thought my heart would burst

But that feeling of devotion left me panicked

My worries for the future interspersed

 

When I had no one to care for with this intensity

I had nothing to lose

The idea of letting him in and then things not working out

Already had me bruised

 

‘But what if’…

I started

‘He doesn’t bo...

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Into the storm

Into the storm 

 

A storm rumbles

Wild wind through your hair

Sweat and rain pouring down your face

Pushing on without a care

 

Lightening flickers in the grey clouds

Leaves on gum trees blow

No one else is left here

But you know where to go

 

Feet hitting the pebbles

The air slicing your skin

This beauty and intensity

Is a wicked place to be in

 

...

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My achilles heel

My achilles heel

 

I hardly know you

That’s clear to see

And I haven't the slightest idea  

Of where you stand with me

 

Do you feel this too?

Or am I alone

Trying to act cool

While continuously checking my phone 

 

A shot of beautiful poison 

Hardly sleeping 

Painfully obsessed

Can’t stomach the thought of eating

 

You’ve crippled me here

You ...

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That night

That night

 

Lizzie and I got ready

As we always would

Make up, hair curled, our cute outfits

Trying to look as pretty as we could

 

When we arrived, things were fun

Drinking, chatting, laughing

Flirting

The night had only just begun

 

Weeks ago, we shared some kisses…

And as expected, tonight, I saw you

But no one, including your girlfriend

Had a clue

...

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Go Go Stop

Go Go Stop

 

The engines rev

They rev and rev and rev

The tires are balding

The driver is tired

 

But the engine keeps revving

We must keep going

Don’t listen to your body, take a 'no doz' pill

And keep kicking on

 

Outside, the world is being left behind

Shapes and colours

Blur

As we keep pushing forward

 

Forget that you are tired

No time to ...

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My Church

My church

 

The harsh climate

Yellow grass underfoot

Red rocks

Gumtrees

 

Salt water

Freshwater

Any body of water

Just take me there

 

An orchestra of cicadas

Kookaburras laughing hysterically

Such unique and beautiful surroundings are among us

 

Big cities

Are exciting— beautiful

Rich with culture and history

But they make me tired quickly

...

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Good Morning Sunshine

Good Morning Sunshine

 

A ray of light

Warms my body and my heart

A daily reminder 

That we are given an opportunity for a fresh start

 

In times of disconnection

When living can feel like hell

The sun gives us the same message

Of kindness and of strength; for us to be well

 

Sun beams wash over us

When the fight is hard

A memoir of a greater presence

L...

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My pagan blood

My pagan blood

 

As the seasons change

I am somewhat overwhelmed

And

Overcome

 

I assumed that everyone felt this this intensely

Around the time of solstice 

 

‘Ah yes’—a friend says to me

‘My mood gets lower when I know that the cold is approaching’

 

Perhaps they do understand

 

Still— I ask further with some hesitation ‘do you feel um.. deeply reflec...

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6 reasons why I can’t sleep with Alexandre

6 reasons why I can’t sleep with Alexandre

 

His dark skin

Those muscles

And tall stature

 

His broken English

Makes conversations strained

But to me— it doesn’t matter

 

I want to climb him

Like a deep mahogany

Timber ladder

 

‘Tell Rasa I’m single’

He said to his housemate— my buddy Amelia

The thought of him on top of me

Made my body tingle

 

...

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Tinder Tango

 Tinder Tango

 

Intelligence curiosity and sensitivity

Move right

Boats and stouts—neck tattoos—tongues out

Move left

 

Animals and travels

Move right

Backwards caps and toilet selfie snaps

Move left

 

Not always required is higher education

But the number of rough guys here

Who have not finished school

At least proposes some correlation

 

Errors ...

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Shifting lenses

Shifting lenses

 

I met a girl called Bree

Another girl who moved on her own to Port Macquarie

Amidst the covid pandemic

At the same time as me

 

Before Covid, Bree had planned to move back overseas

We both have the travel bug

Then when the pandemic hit

And we could no longer do what we pleased

 

But if the virus didn’t erupt

Bree and I would have not met

...

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Saltwater salvation

Saltwater salvation

 

I watch the waves turn

With differing force

Here there

And everywhere

 

My inner monologue— forever going

Pauses for a moment

As the ocean casts its spell upon me

 A glittering stream of blue and green— gleaming and glowing

 

For a moment I wonder

If I should make the choice to be submerged

To stop

And allow my body to feel colder

...

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I surrender

I surrender

 

By day we fight

By night we fight

Constantly battling

Trying to stay strong

Trying to keep things right

 

As the struggle continues 

We try not to complain

We take on the suffering 

We take on the pain

 

We know we must continue

As the storm carries on

To pretend we feel tough

When we are truly forlorn

 

It's true in this journey

...

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I want to live in a retirement village

I want to live in a retirement village

 

I want to live in a retirement village

So I can reside in an elderly community

Affordable living, disability access, a garden gnome

And endless opportunity

 

Oh the dream, to have a little unit 

Purpose built for practicality

Close to a park and the local shops

What wonderful amenity

 

I want my big event of the day

To...

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My trauma sees your trauma

My trauma sees your trauma

 

We are only skin deep

While we don't know the heavy stuff about each other

One stranger to another stranger

To cross that line

Can bring connection 

But with that, vulnerability and perceived danger

 

I want to take that step with you

But I'm afraid of what it might stir up

It may bring us closer together

Albeit, it might just trigge...

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