Poetry Blog by Gunnar Payn

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Paul Sayer on Permanent Depression (Thu, 12 Mar 2020 08:19 am)

Jordyn Elizabeth on Permanent Depression (Thu, 12 Mar 2020 03:21 am)

Don Matthews on What's Next? (Fri, 13 Dec 2019 10:09 pm)

Paul Sayer on What's Next? (Fri, 13 Dec 2019 08:58 pm)

M.C. Newberry on Untitled (Sun, 29 Sep 2019 03:08 pm)

Gunnar Payn on Burn (Sun, 29 Sep 2019 03:03 pm)

M.C. Newberry on Burn (Sun, 29 Sep 2019 02:51 pm)

Brian Maryon on Burn (Sat, 28 Sep 2019 11:30 pm)

Don Matthews on Burn (Sat, 28 Sep 2019 11:05 pm)

M.C. Newberry on Burn (Sat, 28 Sep 2019 03:57 pm)

Permanent Depression

Haven’t been happy in so long,

Tryna numb the pain with hits of the bong.

I can’t breathe, these emotions are way too strong.

Find myself isolating, this world is not where I belong.


Been on antidepressants to no avail.

Tried to deceive myself, that was a fail. 

Pretended they work, but I’ve been lying. 

Constantly find myself awake at 3 am crying.


There’s unresol...

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This life has been painful and filled with sorrow

Spent a lot of nights wishing for no tomorrow

Curating a resume that makes me seem successful

Constantly feeling like I’m not living up to my potential

The pressure I put on myself is unbelievably stressful

Feeling worthless unless I’m chasing a credential


Acting like I’m smart, but I must be faking

Repeating the actions t...

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What's Next?

The trauma from my past weighs heavy on my soul

Unresolved issues making me feel alone

The pain in my chest been replaced by a dark hole

I feel like I’m living life through apps on my phone.


Night after night insomnia plagues me like a demon,

I’m so exhausted, I can’t take another beatin.  

My stomach churns like I haven’t eaten.

Sourpatch Kids my life, I need it to sweet...

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Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.

Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.

Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.

But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.

My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.

That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...

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I’m not a pyromaniac, but my emotions are like a fire.
Not dealing with past trauma because I don’t have what that would require.
So when I find myself alone and fighting the darkness in my head,
I end up saying so many things I wish were never said.

And as I look around at all the bridges that I’ve burned,
I know that by now, I really should have learned.
And as the smoke clears and my la...

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childhood traumadepressionex friendsfrustrationself harmtrauma

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