Staring down at three fresh mounds of soil

Rain running down the collar of my shirt

Tears gently rolling down across my cheeks

As I stare uncomprehending at the dirt


Three lives gone, taken from me forever

Leaving behind, a shell of a man and a mountain of hurt

Lost in my memories and my inner thoughts

Staring blankly at the freshly turned dirt


I silentl...

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entry picture

We're trapped, they said.
I saw it, have you -
The eyes that seem wild with insanity?
You only get a free one way ticket -
To the place that feeds on the life of you.

It's a crossroad, they said.
One path may lead you to Heaven,
And the other to Hell -
However, did the naivety of your souls 
Ever give in to ignorance? Stealing away 
A curiosity that there may be another place, hidden f...

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alternative versiondarkdeathPurgatory

The Silent Ones

Another one from the archives, this one written some time after the death of my grandfather which would put me at about 16 at the time i think.  


When the sky is dark, and the wind is cold,

And the rain comes down, fold on fold,

Remember us.  The silent ones

In the numbness of the Earths tight hold.

You cannot see us, or hear us talk,

But right beside you we will walk.


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afterlifedeathdeceasedthe other side


“Save me”

She begs to you.


“Save me”

She cries as her hand reaches for yours.


“Save me!”

She shouts thinking you can hear her.


“Please just save me”

Tears flood her eyes as you stand there watching.




But not actually hearing.


Her cries for help fall upon deaf ears.


Do you even know her?


Why is she asking you for...

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Pitch Black (hit&run)

Maybe my last step

Im not turning on lights

I wanna walk blind

Maybe fall in the road 

See a falling star going 80 miles an hour

But it all moves slow

Why move i like it here

No pain i cant feel a thing

Im content why go?

i bet if i jump wave around ill scare it 

and its all mine so i wont share it

come ill show you where depression lies

in a 2005 chevy lights


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acceptancedeathhit and runsuicide

The Box

I am sat inside a box,

My fateful cage.

I push, I scream, I curse, I kick,

And yet...it stands still.


Mocking me with it's security.


It's steel surface scratches me with every movement,

resurging thoughts of bitter isolation;

It's cold chill reeling through my scrunched up bones,

Mocking me with it's unfeeling presence.


I long to feel warmth.

A vo...

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Funny thing how fame creates

wonderful graves for the departed


most of my dead relatives

ended up in the shadow of Heathrow


humble souls

fame like the aircraft passing them by

while drinks were prepared in the sky


below the ground nothing much changes

except what God rearranges.

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Make it a sweet goodbye

Make it something unforgettable

Don’t leave a note or letter

No one can ever know why.


I put an angel to bed

Who laid there so peacefully

Like a baby fast asleep.


Was it all a dream

Or maybe just a nightmare

The memory of your face

Brings me back to reality.


It’s 4 in the morning right now

My brain won’t let me sleep


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Blood Painting

I never thought it could happen

I always saw it on the morning news

But never thought once in my life

That it could happen to me.


The day when everything changed

When nothing was the same

And innocence was tainted forever,

I remember it clearly.


Another school day

Same routine

Rode the bus

Went to class.


But when I hit my locker

I heard a loud ...

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Nursery For The Old

entry picture

They recline

in rooms filled with their framed-families.

Little boys and girls trapped in time,

skin like watery play- dough hanging from ribs,

silently rattling the bone bars of their cribs.

Slowly shuffling through the halls,

dreaming that they skip. Then

they slump into their soft thrones,

backrests like cushion-y gravestones,

sleeping peacefully

whilst the radio w...

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Rest in peace

The human race cannot find peace
Not even in death are we allowed to rest
We must 'look down on others and send signs'

But think of a place where there is no time
A state in between death and resurrection 
Where you have no thoughts
No worries, stress or crime

It'll only last a second
A blink of an eye 
But you won't regret it
To rest in peace, not in the sky

To lie in a state of ...

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deathgodlife after death


entry picture

This make-believe story I predicted in my head,

To pieces upon the ground does it fall.

A happiness once experienced -

A security long gone,

And a father I had imagined -

Now a memory in which I had created.


But, the hurt inside is real -

All torn up, how does my heart continue to beat?

A trauma of the past -

Why must I remember what I wish not to?


I created...

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Whispers traveled the corridors,

Anxiety filled the air -

And there in the corner, she lay

As fine as a porcelain,

With skin as cold as ice.


Nobody dared to approach

But anyone could see,

The pills that lay nestled -

Within the palm of her hand.


And in the midst of all the tension,

The silence seemed to overwhelm -

Those who looked on wanted to run,


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If Time Had Stopped.

If time had stopped, 
Where you stood and waved -
A hint of a smile that couldn't be erased, 
And we forgave each other.
Like, old friends reuniting... 
Old stories to tell and old feelings long gone.

You knew while I couldn't figure it out,
As a bystander I heard the news.
I had treated life like a dream,
And you were a form of reality as you stepped right in.
You taught me about the th...

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best friendDeathfriendshiplossloveregretssadsuicide


The hallway was littered

pizza curry menus a smoorgasbord

a smell as of cats

the stairlift absent

perched atop the incline

and at the top finally


Bernard was upright in his chair

as per usual, but absent

wrung out of life

one hand caressing the carpet.


A sergeant first on the scene

had distractedly pressed the mouse

on the cavernous desk

life went o...

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Tonight I Will Cry

tonight I will cry.

last year I rose and walked,
and fell into your embrace.
four months ago we embraced once more,
and not because I had fallen.
three months ago you said you loved me,
and I agreed with you. we professed it.
two months ago we had our child,
and we were so, so happy.
last month our child died.
last month, we cried.

three weeks ago you got sick.
two weeks ago you be...

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The Way the World Ends

This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do not fear the light of the dying star for it will yield no pain.
It is mortal, it is ended.
Fading out like the dimming of the candle, then extinguished, forever.
No light shall ever again grace these barren lands
As dust forever billows across its scarred surface
And drinks its voluptuous seas.
Like a standing ovation,

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The dog who died

A dog died on the streets today
A well bred dog with pedigree
His coat was riddled with fleas and lice 
And his stomach was empty.
He would never bark or snap or crack.
Some would offer him food or treats
And some say he died of sadness and grief
A man died on the streets today 
One less dog to think of 
some were heard to say
On his passing away. 

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Just Maybe

Sitting in my cold room

That I fondly call my personal cell

I think about all the things I’ve done.


I see a black smoking gun

And like a coward, I grab it

My hand begins to become sweat.


My face is puffy and red,

While painful tears stream down my face

How did I get this low?


There is something inside of me


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i watch it all change and i sit back here like a child watching his parents argue across the dinner table not understanding a word waiting for it to change back or change into fireworks and butterflies but i don't know if it will. Because... It's all moved on, everything moves into and out of decay the circle of life is an ouroborus much bigger than i thought it spa...

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aberdeenchangedeathmemoryrebirthsouth dakota

La Petite Mort of Creativity

entry picture

Let me bleed out a moment’s release,

from this contemptible inner peace.


my tears are too clear of midnight ink,

my thoughts are apathetic and indistinct.


I look for omens, cracks in bedroom mirrors,

for owls, magpies - among nests of unfamiliar


I churlishly spread my coquettish legs

seducing any passing stranger’s death.


To be touched - trembled by fi...

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Sea Dreams

entry picture

Barefoot she walks along the beach 
Retracing lost memories in ripples of sand
The murmur of the surf plays in her ears like muffled 
notes bowed on a cello
the sun drips down behind 
the cobalt waves casting shadows to equal those of 
her longest night 
Hushed colours paint her skin in hues of poignancy, 
her heart beats in rhythm with the tide as she glides
through the surf
Footprints ...

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Immortal Soliloquy

entry picture

They say that the worst kind of grieving

is when the lost antagonist is still alive,

whether sudden as a spring swallow’s dive

or a slow wintered bewilderment in the leaving.

Buried, burnt or butchered cruelly out of heart

that did endure with vexation and veneration,  

fear of being alone or guilt of being causation

of their final yield to the wind that blows love apart.



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deathkatypoetesslovelove poetrymourning

words formed at waking

a muttering crowd gathers
'round a well of human tears
they lower dirt-sodden buckets to recover
the wet product of night terrors,
tumult and nascent fear

an ejaculate shower glistens
on the dead leaves and automobiles
while nature howls
then hunkers down in silence
posturing for the next kill

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deathfearhuman naturevengeance

Bitter Sweet Dreams

When your in my dreams it's bitter sweet.
I can see your smile
Hear your voice 
Feel your touch
Taste your kiss
Smell your skin
But when my eyes open your gone again.

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Never Ending Loop

I miss you the most on Friday and Saturday nights
Whether you were here with me or on the phone
When we would be settling down for the night 
Making plans for the weekend
Saying goodnight
Now all I have are horrible thoughts and images running through my head

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Day after day the shards of my broken heart cut deeper and deeper, searching for the piece of my soul that no longer inhabits my body.

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Coming out of shock

Everyday it gets more and more real.
When I see your name on our son's emergency contact list
When I want to message you about something dumb someone said at work so we can laugh
When I can't reach for the phone to call you
When I pass by one of our spots 
Everyday is lonely 
Everyday is miserable
Everyday I lose you all over again.

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I will crave your touch until we meet again.

All I can do now is close my eyes and hope to dream of you.

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Without You

It gets harder and harder each day. 
It's constant sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, confusion, anger and what if's.
It literally hurts.
It never stops.

So much of me went with you.

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Suddenly Gone

What do you do when such a huge part of your EVERYDAY life is just gone? A complete void that appeared instantly overnight.

You have shoes here, a toothbrush, clothes that I've slept in almost every night for the past 2 years, tons of toys/games you bought our son, things you bought me, your #1 on my speed dial, your profile on Netflix, our cat Spooks that you named, everything is still here......

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Weathered Friend

Here I am
Sad again
Empty when I should be full
I won't be sitting here, when the blood begins to pool
My body's getting colder now
I'm tipping over the stool
In this moment I'm not shy
Suppose it's time to say goodbye
Hope to see you in another life
Weathered friend of mine

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Deathlife after deathsadnesssuicide

The Mother.

The day that she was told that she would die
she did a big shop for the family
and made the kitchen smell of baking bread.
she labled and then ladled into pots
then all went in a freezer fit to burst-
as meals that they could eat when she was gone.
Then, going up into the children’s rooms
she took some time to sit upon each bed
and chancing on a scattered shirt or top
she held them close ...

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The Moth

The moth, she knows the flame will burn
But back again, again she comes,
Her velvet collisions dress the air,
Sparkling against these tempting embers
Where she throws herself over and over
Upon the most flickering of fascinations,
Such senseless self-immolation 
Strips her to a carapace, 
Leaving her scorched, naked, undressed, undone, 
Beneath the tragic unravelling of her world.

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No Matter Where

entry picture

No matter where your hatred stems
Or where you spread your lies,
Beneath your feet the earth condemns
These lands you terrorise.

No matter where your hideouts hide
Or where your burrows bore,
Pointless is your suicide;
Baseless is your law.

No matter where your masses chant
Or where your fighters flock,
Immaterial is your rant -
Unnoticed is your shock.

No matter where you instill fear
Or where you...

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Words instead of Bombs

Blow me up

Blast me against the wall

Burst me with bombs and guns into a thousand pieces

Shoot me down dead

With bullets to the head

And while my blood runs into the sand

Just think for a moment

That you could have shook my hand

Said hello

Fired words at me

Instead of bombs.

You could have screamed at me if you wanted,

Shouted, screeched and yelled.

You could...

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These horror corridors, erratic,
Aged in oil, no known schematic,
Contorted without end or start,
Between the stars that ripped apart.
From out of darkness, darkness falls,
Creeps lattice floors and barren walls.
She, calculated, cruel and coarse;
No fear, no pity, care, remorse.

Past leaking pipes and daggered halls,
As bleating screens scream warning calls,
These rusted vents here warp and weep
Above, ...

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You and I met

You and I met at the most unfortunate time:

Shrieks of bodies being torn apart

Filled my ears as I looked into your eyes - 

Earthy hazel, a grounding, on which I could rely.

Hell was bearing down on us, and yet I

Did not cry; we emerged, intact, but apart,

And for the moment, swallowed the lie.


Years of companionship spent in uniform stride

Into wanton ruin where only ...

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deathlosslovelove and romancewar

By the light of the local Spar

Eyes snapped shut in the street-facing bedroom

lit up by the light of the Spar

that floods it's white plastic windows

illuminating each passing car



In her curled up hands a faded old photo


but the hands,once so gentle,that hold this mementoe,

are as cold,are as granite, as stone


In came Sister with a meagre tea tray

barging in,past...

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care homedeathillnessold agepensioners

RIP Mr Murphy

A Tribute to Paul Murphy

who died today - my friend & inspiration

Farewell my friend 
For now you're gone
To sing your words
With angles strong
With top hats raised
We say so long 
You Ranter, Raver
And Poet of song

Go give God a good rant! 
RIP you nutter xxx

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The Melting of the Ice

(This is a re-post of a series of five interconnecting poems, previously blogged as separate poems. The death of my mother last year was preceded by hearing the tone poem Finlandia, by Jean Sibelius, on the radio, and it so completely described how I was feeling that it took me over, and informs the whole series.

As a big nod to Sibelius, I decided to use a loosely-based symphonic structure, so...

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entry picture



Inanimate, not insentient.

Sitting there

in sodden chair.


Receptors flooding now

they have recoiled from being,

given up, they are closing down one by


last one, gone.

Contact lost, burned through.


Strapped to the gurney,

zipped and labelled for the fridge.

The carriage nonchalantly siren-less, 

as it passes a sellers pitch.


A cold m...

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