Poetry Blog by Aviva Rifka Bhandari

You took the sweet-lipped child
                             as she slept in innocence.
As she danced, with the daisies in her hair,
                             at a picnic party.
And now, 
The sour-mouthed woman
                rises from the broken fragments.
And now you wonder.
And now you back away in horror.

See,
        The woman stands alone among you.
See,
        The anger ...

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I know what the future holds.
No warm embraces for this weary heart.
The shades of night breathe welcome to the day.
The memories flicker, with the firelight.
The sadness fades.
The blackness hides within.
I am one with nothing, once again.
But pain is free,
And I'll take any bargain, so it seems.
I'm wondering something in me hasn't changed,
I cannot weep.
I've had the anger.
My eyes ...

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And are you he?
No shadow softened sun
Could ever cause this fire in my heart
Alone,
Nor too, the lingering ember in the grate.
Oh, it is not the culprit that I seek - 
That seeks me too.
Oh, tell me, is it you?

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I've been falling apart for a union.
Didn't mind my mind's intrusion.
Even said,
                    "Hello Confusion."
Got fission,
Not fusion.

But, I've been dreaming about solutions.
Running the race in the wrong direction.
Living for a figment of my own imagination.
Hurting myself,
                        For no reason.

I've been walking the line of indecision.
Toying around wi...

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We are both naive young fools.
You do not see
What is in front of your face,
And I do not hear
What is behind my own.
We are both amateur players,
In a game with no rules.
You missed your sights,
But you shot me through,
And now
I am blinded by you.

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There are no longer words.
I have grown ancient listening.
I have grown a maze of wrinkles,
                                                     waiting.
If my eyes seem dull,
Remember they have forgotten you,
                                                          searching.
Forgotten life,
Seeking memories.

I sit, and watch the hunting.
Come and join me,
                          ...

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Can I help it, if I think you're beautiful?
If I love you, 
Must I spend my whole life being sorry?
When you smile, 
Something twists inside me.
Something fragile, so it ought to break
But doesn't.

Can I help it, if I think you're special?
If your name excites me,
Must I always try to hide it?
The cynic in me tries to squash it;
Dulls my voice, and makes me stiffen.
Makes my gaze see...

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It should not be a sad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But I cry at night, on an empty pillow.
And every day I dream about you,
And see your face, in shadows.

It should not be a bad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But every night I dream about you.
And in the day, I cry without you,
And give myself to sorrow.

        It should not be so maddening
...

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Show me the year it was -
I'll show you the seventeen it wasn't,
And the eternity it never will be, that follows.
Show me the memories - 
I'll show you the smiles forgotten,
And the shattered illusions, broken fragments.
Show me the point in living - 
And I will cut my throat on it!
Don't you know everyone's dying?
                                   It's all the rage.
Recognise the sound...

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I want to write a cheerful poem.
I want to sing a song of joy.
And clap my hands,
And throw my caution to the wind,
Not this misery, I.
This drivel,
                  without end.

I'd wear a dress of red and gold.
All laced up,
All softly flowing.
I want to joke, and laugh, and talk,
And brave this storm.
Not go in black,
Not me, this wreck;
This back-wind
                        ...

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She tried to smile,
She practiced it at home at night.
And how she'd act,
She tried to speak as if it were alright.
She even smiled,
        but mostly at herself.
They didn't care.
They didn't even notice how she felt.

She found that funny too.
She practiced for that aim.
As if it were the only goal in life,
And yet...
She wished they'd wonder, all the same.
She wasn't brave,
And ...

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On a broken stone, in a wide wild ocean,
A breaking girl, in a sea of tears.
A broken heart, and half a notion
To break away the rest of her years.

But the breaking stone refused to split,
And the roaring waves refused to bite.
So all alone,
And lonelier yet,
For nothing would take her life.

She thought of sleeping
Till she drifted away,
And so she did - 
And so she did.
She laid ...

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Note:     This is probably the most embarassing of the poems in the sub-theme of 'Unrequited Love'
             (Although there are a few other strong contenders)
              But, I wouldn't be doing the audience or the theme any justice if I were to omit this one.
              (I'm not sure if it is the zenith or the nadir)
              So, if you read on, don't say you were not warned.

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Can't get you out of my mind.
Can't halt your stay in my mind.
Can't halt my mind.
Can't hold my breath.
Can't hug death.

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Time to visit my 17 year old self, for the next sub-theme in Love's Tempest of 'Unrequited Love'.
With low self-esteem and low social confidence it was kind of inevitable.
But that's not the only way this particular storm can brew.

This first poem in the sub-theme, 'Reckless Abandon' is presented in two forms.
In its original version, and as a shaped poem.

The original version 

Ju...

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I have captured the beauty of the sun,
But you do not look.
Here in my heart lies the serenity of heaven,
            Yet you are so far away.
Lone bird. Circling through,
While I
Stare into a blazing sky,
             To catch a flash of dark.

Tied to this earth,
I am wrapped in flames of desire
            For a touch that never happens.
My soul
Fights with the wind,
We swoop so...

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Now that there are no more words to hurl,
And silence stalks the corridors of my world...
I think of all the things I could have said,
Instead of all the things I did to hurt you.
So now that all that angry fire has left,
And raindrops on the window only mirror tears I've shed,
I sit and watch blurred raindrops fall,
And where you sat, no-one sits instead.

Now that there are no more card...

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Across the great divide of separate minds,
We've formed a fragile thread, a fragile bond.
We walk alone, say nothing, do not touch,
We make no obvious statements, promise not.

So it is not a burden, that we love,
We ask no personal questions, tell no lies.
We beg no favours, need no other thing,
We are the products of a violent world.

A world where double locks are not enough,
To keep...

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The river that divides us stretches far as the eye can see,
Nor is there end, nor crossing place. Save for a wooden stare
Supported by the tide of previous tears,
That ebbs and flows and heaves against it's creaking boards.

People may try to dismantle the steps we took.
Now that the boards are washed away, we do not even care
Enough to stop them when they want their wood.
We do not need s...

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The next sub-theme in Love's Tempest is 'Imaginary Relationships'.
Before you begin to experience love, you think about it a bit, imagine what it might be like.
And at that age too, you're being asked to write stories a lot and poems a little bit at school.
Practicing story telling and poetry writing and thinking about love, it all merges together...
This first one experiments with sonnet form...

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The boys in the street mend their cars.
A miniature garage, it seems.
I feel like crying, I feel so alone,
No-one to mourn me when I am gone.
No-one to miss me, no-one to care.
I pound at the walls, but no-one is there.
And if they are there, then no-one hears.
And if they hear, then no-one cares.
No-one to care, no-one to cry,
If I live, If I die.

The boys in the street are at it agai...

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While waiting for the bus to school,
I came upon the weighty problem
Of what to do with my hands and feet.

Unused to such quandries and puzzles,
I first thought the answer to be
Simple, like hands in pockets, and stand on feet.

But unbidden, there came to my mind
A picture of myself, standing on my feet.
A plump girl, with her hands in her pockets.

At last I could stand it no longer
...

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I will be embarking now on a sequence of poems, in chronological and thematic order, that will stretch back right towards some of my earliest poetry. The collective theme is 'Love's Tempest', within which there will be various sub-themes. We start with the sub-theme 'Beginnings'.

Although this particular poem was probably written when I was 19 or 20 years old, it talks about earlier chidhood. I...

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To celebrate that I have completed posting the sequence of almost a hundred meditations (thanks to everyone for all likes and comments on those), and also in honour of it being World Poetry Day today (thanks to Dean Fraser for the reminder) - I thought I'd post this little something.... 

I've got a poem that gets stuck in your head
stuck in your head, stuck in your head
I've got a poem t...

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Give Praise to the world,
To all those who'd been here before
Who made this world so much more
Than it had been.

For each tiny change, 
If it took years, months or days, 
Was all part of the way
From nothing to everything,

So let's Give Praise to the world,
To all those who'd been here before
And maybe do one thing more
Because we share their dream

To make this world a better pla...

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There are places I’ve been so low
Places I would not want to go
But there’s one thing it taught me to know
And that’s how to climb

There are times I have felt so weak
Times I forgot how to move, how to speak
But there’s one thing it taught me to see
The power of my mind.

I don’t think I’m stronger than I might have been,
But I’m surely strong enough.
I’ve come so far through so many ...

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Alternative Title : Ordinary Song

These words I sing
Are nothing special
Just like me

But they’ve a passion
And a beauty
And an urge to fly free.

These words that you hear
They’re not worth listening to
I fear

But I’ll sing them
Give them wings and
Let them go where they please.

These words, so alone
They may not find a good home
But they exist
And they persist
And they’...

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Is it because we live in a nuclear family
That we can conscience this nuclear world
As if somehow all those other people
are less significant
being them.

What if I did not know my mother or father
Did not know my aunt or uncle
What if they could be any one of the billions and billions 
of people anywhere in this world

And maybe my ancestors have returned again
In Burma or Sudan or Ne...

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The universe doesn't care about anything, because it doesn't mind about anything.
It doesn't care what it is, because it cannot see what it is, or be seen by anything.
Outside the universe is no eye or mind or mirror, no rules or responsibilities.
And inside the universe nothing matters at all,
Because everything is part of the universe
and none of it has to stay the same
and none of it has ...

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I've got to spring clean my brain
dust off the memories
It's time to rearrange
and tidy up the mantlepiece
I'll puff up the pillows
and air out the blankets
Find new places to sit and reminisce.

I'll throw a few things out
that I'm not going to need again
I've got way too much
of sadness and pain anyway
I'd better get started
There's so much to do
Spring cleaning's way over due

I...

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If there was a shop selling skeins
Of all the emotions people need,
All at different prices to reflect
The value these things usually collect...

Then Joy and Laughter would be prized,
There'd be lots in stock to entice
Customers into the store
Of that we can be sure.

And Hope and Ambition, in various conditions,
All to be there for those who need,
Amongst the store of many other thin...

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Close the door to all the pain
It will not help you.

Shut out all the rage
It will exhaust you.

Think your thoughts again
But try not to descend
Into turmoil.

Because you've so much to do
To ease your mind.

And how you'll do it
To decide.

And if you're going to begin
You can only do it
One thought at a time. 
 

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I want to wake up in a cosy moment
Near the start of a brand new day.
I want to have the time to see what happens
I don’t want to get up straight away.

I want to feel as if I’ve got the energy
For whatever I think lies ahead
Or not be sure and not care either
I want to know I’ll manage anything.

I want to set off on a cool adventure
I want to go to somewhere I haven’t been.
I want to...

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The sun doesn't know that I'm different
The sun doesn't notice I'm here
The air doesn't know that I'm special
The air doesn't care that I'm there
The moon glows on me just the same
The moon doesn't care who I am
And time has never stopped for anyone
Since time began.

No, my dust won't be any different
Than dust has ever been
My bones won't seem more magnificent
Than bones have ever se...

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If where you are is terrible
Only think of where you want to be
If what surrounds you is awful
Only think of what you want to see

If emotions are painful
Only think of what you want to feel
It is OK to step into fantasy
And make it real.

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The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For it does not matter
What I thought that I might be
And how can I remember
With total accuracy
Anything from the past?

The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For I am so wound around
Other people's lives
And how have I the right
To expose them to the light
And to the world?

The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For it hasn't ended
...

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Alphabet soup was too expensive
Instead, I have spent my life
Making poetry
Out of ordinary spaghetti
 

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I once was as the limber branch
but now become the torpid trunk.
I sparkled under summer suns,
but now in dusky shadows hide.

Spring leaf has turned an autumn hue
The autumn scene borne frosted ice.
As winter grips in burning cold,
Comes next the springtime of the soul.

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I am at the station
but there won't be a train coming.
Not yet.

I am looking into the distance
searching for any movement
in any direction
wishing for a train
wanting the journey
needing a destination.

I remember the blur of motion
the thrum of sound
the rush of wind
the satisfying halt.

Even before the train comes
you can imagine getting in
finding a seat
settling down
wond...

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We invest ourselves
in our actions
for a dividend
of posterity.
Whomever we affect
carries us on
so that we do not die.

We cannot be entirely
any one
when we owe so much
to so many
who themselves the same,
and we
in turn
more than ourselves
will be whomever we've supported

So hoarding all
is the only way
to end up with nothing.
 

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Happiness is victory
Though I won't win every battle
I will win the war.

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Fear cannot hold where it is shrugged off
With my smile I am ready for life’s hardships
Other things may come and go
But my smile remains
 

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Death is the end of all things
Death is the end of pain and blame and shame,
of sun, of rain, of work, of play
Death is the end of night and day
It brings each one of us, the same,
to the end of everything.

I say Death is the end of all things
So we need to know that's where we go
Whether we want to, yea or no,
It is what existence always shows
No matter what else life may bring,
Deat...

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We are at peace
when we stop wanting
We are happy
when we accept ourselves

Maybe we went wrong
when we thought we should be trying
to achieve anything else.

No doubt
there are many people hurting
And we hear about
many people getting hurt

Maybe we went wrong
when we thought life had a purpose
to struggle for.

Or is it life
can't contain true peace and happiness
Or not unles...

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Whatever my body, my soul is beautiful
Whatever my wealth, my soul is rich
Whatever the chaos, my soul is tranquil

Whatever the burden, my soul supports me
Whatever I lose, my soul will stay
 

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Fear is such a desperate thing
It tells you many lies
It tells you that you are not strong enough
It says you shall not win, cannot survive.

Fear claims you will not cope
Feeds you despair
It tells you words that you should never trust
It says that you will break beyond repair.

But if you've ever been afraid and heard
It whispering or shrieking in your ear
Then learn from your own pa...

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(This breathing technique turned into a meditation practice masquerades as a poem.)

< In In In In In
> Out Out Out Out Out Out Out

< In In In In In
> Out Out Out Out Out Out Out

< In In In In In
> Out Out Out Out Out Out Out

Calm In In In In In
Stress Out Out Out Out Out Out Out

Joy In In In In In
Sad Out Out Out Out Out Out Out

Hope In In In In In
Fear Out Out Out Out...

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Imagine all the paths that we
Might take from where we are.
Those that keep us local.
Those that take us far.

Imagine going round in circles
Or off tangentially.
Think of trekking to a mountain
Or travelling overseas.

Imagine all the sights and sounds,
The people we might find.
The things we haven't done yet.
The places left behind.

Imagine now the path of air
From breathing in ...

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For the successes that we have
Are as the land,
And all our hopes and plans
As trees and flowers,
But our failings are the droplets
Of the sea and rain
And all our fears and worries - 
Winds and storms.

And I am so adrift, so far, so floundering
Though there's most a lifetime learning how to swim,
Till I have thought me too far gone
Or that the raging sky and sea might never ease agai...

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She goes through waves
She is swimming for days
Through the ebb and the flow

She is always surrounded
She is often floundering
There is far to go.

How we try to reach her
Hope for skills we could teach her
As she makes her way

But there's not a notion
That can take this ocean
Away.

We are making swimming motions
We are signalling directions
With our flapping hands

But it f...

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