27.07.20

I am a shattered vase 
Pieces picked from the floor 
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards 
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in 
Pretending I'm in tact 
Not a shattered broken thing 

From afar I'm a vase 
Unlike any other 
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds 
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you mi...

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When you left, you took a piece of my heart

When you left, my whole world came tumbling down

I became so lost

I was left in the dark

You took with you my light 

When you left, I learned to fight

I learned to navigate this world without you by my side

I learned to be strong to no longer rely on your love

You thought I was weak,

For feeling too much

Now, you're the one ...

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For a long time you felt that you were weak

For a long time you felt that you weren't loved, that you didn't belong

Too emotional, too many feelings, 

How could anyone or anything ever love the broken human you'ved become

How could anyone see the beautiful you trying to emerge from the dark

For a long time you felt that you were weak

Too emotional, too many feelings, you deserved...

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Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me

I wonder if you ever felt the way I felt for you

Sometimes I wonder why you stayed by my side so long 

Why did you watch my light slowly die

And then blamed me when it was all gone

Sometimes I wonder why did you fall in love with someone else when you had somone by your side who gave you all her life who gave you her heart

Then I realize th...

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So much of what I hoped to be
has been torn away
in these years of struggle.

Not like old skin, 
whose tiny dry fragments
helpfully disperse,

These pieces of my self 
went differently,
before use, and without replacement.

And when we perceive ourselves
we are not what we are
but also what we were and what we will be
and all of these are missing pieces now.

It has an obvio...

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The suffering, the pain, it’s over now 

All that is left is a pounding heart trying to heal and move on 

A heart that fought so hard to stay alive 

A heart that held on until the last minute the last goodbye 

Thumping, beating, pulsing 

The pain, the suffering made the heart strong 

So strong that it grew a thick wall 

A wall that cannot be broken 

A wall that no longe...

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Sliding through the fog with your 

Illusions of finery

I saw the check engine light when I got in

But your cracked windshield distorted my vision

All I could see was how I felt when

Your leather interior 

Hugged and kissed 

And caressed my body

The cute dates at cute restaurants

Sangria and Seafood

Lies covered in parmesan cheese

Lying about past lives

Lying on ...

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She spoke such pretty little lies
That hypnotized 
Oneself to bend at will
Slowly became to wilt
Like a rose without water
The beauty of red
Began to shed
Into a shattered brown
Cut down 
Till there was nothing left
But a dead rose
And it's thorns.

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We were young 19 and 22
 just me and you 
we went into this blindly 
everything we've gone through wasn't supposed to be taken lightly
 three months in
 and we found out we're having a kid
 we bickered and we fought
 that's how relationships were at least so I thought 
4 months I was afraid
 but for eight years you've stayed
 but not without a glitch 
you f*** that b**** 
I had poured ...

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Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...

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To learn everyday was what taught to me,
Sinking in an ocean, moving steadily;
It was the ocean of knowledge and believes,
Suddenly the world changed, and power came to cease.

'Look at him, look at her', comparing to the whole world,
Trying my very best, to win in every word.
Becoming a good son, a dear brother and good friend,
But that 'I', was lost in the end.

I became what you want,...

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In a world that is broken and full of crime and hate

There are people who still have faith

Faith that can move mountains and make things well

There are people who believe with all their heart that things can heal

They believe that with faith anything and everything is possible

Through pain, death, and brokeness we must always remember to have a little bit of FAITH

Let God take th...

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Hello, can anyone hear me?

Hello, are you still there listening to my cries?

Listening to me as I fall on my knees, feeling so empty as this world falls apart

Hello, God! I need you! We all need you!

Our world slowly falls and we all begin to feel empty wanting human contact, human touch

God silently watches us and our empty lonely hearts

Waiting, quietly, for us all to call his ...

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I woke up today feeling a bit numb

I woke up today feeling like everything will be fine

I woke up today and decided that I was done

I woke up today and cried

Then I looked in the mirror, I said, " Girl you look fine!"

Then another voice said, " Don't you dare give up!"

So I put on a happy face,

And I headed out to find that girl I once was....

Happy. Beautiful. Strong

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A dark cloud over me

No matter how hard I battled I seemed to be stuck

No matter how hard I tried to overcome the struggle it was eating me alive

Breathe, wake up, walk

What is wrong with you I yelled, " You have God!"

Get up battle, don't give up

Life keeps throwing punches at you

Life keeps making you fall

But fight, fight and be strong

Don't give up

Don't you dare ...

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followed the wrong path, struch down by society

tried to make music but couldnt get the propriety

had the struggles, went through it involuntary

to give my heart to anyone now i am very wary

if you see me smile - im not happy - its rarely

it was my choices that led me here if i put it fairly

no anyone to hold me as i push myself through

not even a father to see how ive grew

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a whiff of caffeine and cologne on your left collar, two cups of decaf 

and half a hug along the plane of our shoulders

       and we took off

with stolen glances at my pendant as red and radiant as the waking sun  

and the mole on the bottom right corner of my cheek, scaled to the size of a period that never surfaced in our conversations 

        our wings welcomed the wind li...

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Beyond The Gone Crowd

     There is a blind that cares for me,

A blind that rolls in the morn and then again, evening,

     The colour, no consequence, no form or

Importance as, when rolled either up, or down,

Colour changes shape and shine, shadow

Within the room where cherubs once sang, and laughed.

     Every morn the roll lifts itself a hope

Of life outside be...

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Above The Fluttering Butterfly

     Today I saw you again,

We spent time in haste and silent tears,

Believing in only faults declared by others,

      Today the time was brief, as if the first

Stage of a future king, a future queen.

     I know the sorrow you live,

For there is my presence, right there

Upon your intuition, right there where

The glance is t...

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sometimes i wonder how we got to this point

a point where you wonder whats the best

a point where you want to restart and forget

because i thought we're doing our best

giving all the love we have left

but look at us now, 

one has left and doesnt have any regrets

and the other one stood still, full of questions.

shes waiting, waiting and reassuring him that she believes.

...

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"Where does the light go?"

When we face our darkest moments,

When we feel the very foundation of our being cracking and fissuring and looking well beyond repair, we tend to ask ourselves:

Where does the light go?

When will it shine again?

When we feel that all hope is lost,

THE LIGHT begins to SHINE underneath the cracks and fissures of our being.

Where we once saw irreparable...

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I used to be happy

I used to smile

But I am broken

It's been this way for awhile

I used to dream big

I used to be strong

Life got in the way

And it didn't take long

Lying in bed

My heart is racing

My mind won't shut off

These thoughts that I'm facing

Maybe they're better off

Without the burden of me

I feel so lost and alone

I can sense th...

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It's been broken so many times

I began to lose pieces that I thought were all mine

I'm in so deep and the void is so empty

So lost for words, but I don't want sympathy

Holding this heart with my bare hands

Please just take it...I don't understand

Time brought these wounds, yet they're not healed

Permanent scars have left them sealed

I'm scared of being alone and s...

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I'm just a broken doll, Unfortunately, no one can see. I was beaten and battered, But no one could have saved me.

It all began when I was alone on the shelf. The cruel world took me and I couldnt cry for help. I sowed my mouth shut and continued to smile. Nobody is coming to help, not for a long while.

I'm just a broken doll, Now everybody knows. Please forgive me for I do not know how your ...

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Drown my cries with your silent screams,
Push my fears away with your shaking hands.
Listen to me with your deafened ears,
Nod and pretend to actually understand.

Hold me down while I continue to fly,
Look at me through your blinded eyes.
Pretend to see the person you want to,
And tell the truth through your broken lies.

Smile at me through your bleeding tears, 
Push me down as you catch ...

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She cried out for help but no one came, 
Once again they ignored her cry.
And now thanks to their deafened ears,
She took her life and choose to die.

She was never really heard or seen,
And still not one person cared.
No one though it would end this way,
No one thought that she would dare.

When they heard this girl was dead,
They all search for a face.
But they find is an empty seat,
Wh...

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your toothy grin
is only cotton
trying to blow down this brick
house I have crafted

you were included in the blueprint
until I started changing 
the locks 
and now you're waiting for
an open door

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Who am I to you?
Do you want me to stick around?
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
But you still don't hear a sound.

Hang me from your promises
As I choke on your words.
You said you want me forever
But you cut my heart in thirds.

Where the fuck were you
When I needed you the most?
My world was crashing down
You turned into a ghost.

You left me all alone
And I've been lost here eve...

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The right type of music

like the right type of doctor

inside you, cutting you open

breaking you apart and

reassembling your thoughts like a puzzle.

Not another world, just another space

seclude yourself from the rest

stare at what you are in that mirror

if you break it, it doesn't matter

stare at all the disappointed faces staring back

feel their fear, and understand

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Baffled, mystified, perplexed and confused,

my darling I have lost my muse,

and at what cost? 

 Is it worth a tormented soul

just to be kept in your control

 I jump when you say

and ask you how high on the way,

quickly obey

every command you convey 

I grant wishes in three;

falling down on my knees

to please all your needs

as you stomp on my heart

Drawn and q...

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I seem to look for the beauty in the broken and unfinished, rather than the polish and the shine. I look for a broken heart to fix it, although conflicted in my own mind. 

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A house is built from bricks and glued
Together to create shelter renewed
A skeleton protecting organs hidden inside, 
Waiting for a family to live and reside
Seasons pass and storms blow by
Damage accrues despite how hard it tries
To keep flawless and perfect, societies dream
From beauty to beast, becomes unseen
"I am ugly, marred, broken- why bother trying?"
My purpose is futile, my fut...

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I wrote this piece while I was caring for my identical twin brother, following major surgery. Nearly everything you may have heard about identical twins is true.

Brother

The pain of being is not mine, but

my brother's. He cries and howls the Midnight

down into uneasy drowse

as the daylight lifts his covers

over swelling clouds of hurt.

Breaking, I balm him a little,

wh...

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I asked If I wrote for you would you read it? I asked if I still had love for you would you need It? All I can think about is when we on that dock had our first kiss, Cupid shot that arrow and did not miss, How will I get through this? When you asked me to leave caused all this pain, Every day we have been apart has driven me insane.

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My Soul is not within me ,I am within my Soul. The essence of my being ,all of my core. I Am my Soul. Battered by Life, Strong but shattered. I Am Alive..I ask myself ;how am I alive...the realization envelopes me completely and the answers sanctified, revealed. Wrapped in the Divine knowledge Soothing,. comforting like only a mothers embrace. Designed in the image of Our Creator; I Believe A moth...

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To The Addicts Of The World

Cunning baffling and powerful are the words used to describe,
The truth of what addiction is, it will take your life with a knife.
Everything you thought you were becomes lost,
All that you cherish and love, gone at what cost?

Millions of people struggle everyday and it's truly tough,
Knowing that one is too many and a thousand never enough.
Pot, heroin, me...

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Soullessly starring into the air

As her body laid lifeless

All this time the Stifled screams

Shut away to keep them at bay, 

Any chance to show remorse

Shut down and accused of lies. 

If I could tell you one last thing

I love you would be the words to say,

Now I can't see you again

I see the truth that was buried within 

I can't help but blame a part of me

As ...

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In the beginning he would wake at every peculiar sound that came from the babies crib 

In the beginning he would bring me a beverage as I fed his son whilst the moon was dimly lit 

In the beginning he would rush home from work eager to see the family he created 

In the beginning we were the people whom he could be himself and escape with 

In the beginning we were enough 

He wou...

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I was young .. A simple statement that is the answer to many questions I am presented with 

Why did you get drunk, and throw up in the hall way? 

Why did you leave school, and truant all day? 

How did you get pregnant, at just seventeen? 

Why did you marry him, given what you had seen? 

Doesn't it feel silly, divorcing already? 

You're only 21, doesn't your life seem so craz...

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He left 

He left behind his broken wife and his scared son

He left

He left us cold, all alone with no one 

He left

The vows, they meant nothing 

The promises, broken 

I just wish we meant something 

More than just empty words spoken 

I cried for days at a time 

My young son wiped every tear 

Leaving us was a crime 

And now, it's been 1 year 

An...

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A year or so ago,

if you would like to know;

a thief, she stole my heart.

Then left me all alone.

If I gave her the blame,

well, that'd be a shame.

I could call myself a thief, too.

Just not in the same way.

You see, a thief never returns.

But me? Her heart was always hers.

She stole mine then made the escape,

with mine, hers, and her final words.

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How sick is it that I want to strip away all your new found happiness

Squeeze your memory dry of her

Rip open the healed stiches on your heart

And find myself sliding down, inch by inch

Making myself comfortable

In what is rightfully not

Mine 

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Someone's sowed pins and needles into her lips.

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Feelings that once were hidden
Are now expressed to you.
Days that once were stormy
Are now the brightest blue.

Times that once were lonely
Are now filled with pleasure.
All that once was mine alone
Are now things we both treasure.

Nights that once were cold
Are now comforting and warm.
Fears that once were very real
Are now gone with the storm.

A heart that once was broken
Can now fi...

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"It's like you built a mountain of cocaine for me to get addicted to but then you put me into rehab for snorting in one line."

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I've became so mad at myself for giving in

To what I want

Thinking it would be the greatest time

In my life

But oh no

What a dissappointment

I should have walked away

For you, to play a game that you hate being played.

Play in on me and my heart

Just to get the saticifaction of your unhealthy habit

Like you enjoy living in your dark habitat.

Like an animal holding ...

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Oh,
Daydreams,
They came back
But the fantasy was gone

They were alive only at night
Frightened of daylight
Moon captured them as the stars

If you saw the stars tonight
Then know
They were my dreams once
Now all I have is ashes
Not from smoked cigarettes or burned houses
But from my bones
What became broken
While my heart was trying to escape.

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I am not a fool for loving you.
I am not a fool for trusting you.
I am not a fool for giving you
everything that I had.
A fool is not what I am
and a fool is who I shall not be.

It is what you've become
in this situation.

You are the fool for not loving me
the way I deserved to be loved.
You are the fool for not being
the man that you needed to be.
You are the fool for letting me g...

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