Dark Nights

In this dark night of my soul

at the hands of unkind men,

when they looked at me and saw no value, 

except for every now and then.

 

In those moments of quiet desolation,

when I begged to hear your voice,

when I pleaded for you to save me

and when I wrestled with your choice.

 

For all the ways I can forgive them,

though it makes no sense at all.

The winds of anger never brought me

to the sight of another man's fall.

 

That doesn't excuse the things they did,

or because of it, the things I've done,

I would have given anything to hate them,

to hate every single one.

 

They should have had to bear that burden

That much I know is true...

But it's not them I can't forgive,

forgive me God, it's you.

 

To forgive a weak man is easy

to forgive a strong man, not so.

To somehow forgive the strongest

is a task I fear I'll never know.

 

In the dark of the night, words were spoken

"God is nowhere to be found",

and in my innocence, I didn't believe it,

until I didn't hear a sound.

 

As a little girl who believed that her father

would soon come battling through the door,

Maybe it was too much to expect from the one,

but from you I expected more.

 

I can't make sense of it in my mind,

not even a flawed man would leave his child that way

but you are not flawed, God, you are perfect,

and yet you stayed away.

 

Did you hear me all those nights I cried out?

Did you hear your daughter cry?

Did you see those hands upon me?

Please answer me. REPLY!

 

God, I begged for you; I pleaded,

but you never came

Night after night I was orphaned

and then adopted by sin and shame.

 

I'm terrified at what I'm thinking,

but I'm more scared that it might be true,

God, so moved by compassion,

why couldn't I move you?

GriefTraumaFaith

My Bleeding Mother ►

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