I still remember

Cold faces in my bedroom

Smiling women in the dark

Slicked hair, teeth sharp

I still remember

The man whose legs

Popped out from under my bed

And I screamed

Broad daylight was frightening

Heart speeding, head beating

The men who moved closer towards me

All I could do was freeze

I’d stare back

With sucked breath, shaking knees

Day after day

Visions accosted me

Day after day

Invisible people greeted me

Well, visible to me

Sighing in one ear

Whispering in the other

Unrecognisable, no friend, foe or lover

Just people passing like ships

Through my mind

Using the crumbs of my body

To take flight

I wasn’t solely afraid of night

Sleep was one of many phobias

I was just as terrified of sunlight

Fruit eaten down to just the pip

No longer juicy or ripe

Just a sleepwalker, voice dipped

Frightened of what was real

And what was not?

Only able to see beyond

Not in front

And so I fell into the arms of

A wise woman in an armchair

Go to sleep, she said, with ticking clock

And took my life in her hands

And bent it to a slicker plot

I woke up to bog normal normalcy

The sweet humdrum, mundane

The pedestrian - clear to see reality

But reality that I could understand

Relieved, happy sighs, steady hands…

Should’ve been in bliss

But instead, I’ve wound up missing psychosis

Is it crazy to miss being crazy?

Would you call that seeking problems?

Decision-making hazy?

Striving to connect or disconnect?

Because last time I checked

I only blocked due to fear

Though yes, my quality of life was wrecked

But maybe I could take it now

Maybe it was nobody but the dead

Following me to pass a message

Maybe, I could take them in my head

So, do I peek in the shadows?

- Like food after being fed -

Do I crawl through tunnels?

And look under rocks?

Will them back under my bed?

I miss the unidentified people

Who used to live inside my head