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Im loyal

I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;

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addictiondedicationdepressiondesiscionsdrugshurtlossloveloyaltypainrecoverystruggle

My Point is Circular

My mouth took some months to bloom

My words took some weeks to flower

You and I do not speak different languages

We possess different meanings

 

“What is the curl of your tongue?

What is the grind of your teeth?

What is the bow in your brows?

What do you mean?”

 

Your bottom line is neat and fine

Your ballpoint pen bullet-proof

Underlined

 

My point is a r...

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accusecyclejusticelosing my mindpredatorpressureramblingrape culturerecoverystatementtruthvictim blamingwordplay

Daughter

Forgive me, for not 
being the mother 
you needed me to be.

For being too busy,
too naive to see 
what was happening 
in front of me.

For being silent
when your father 
screamed and demeaned.

For when I thought it
was sweet that your 
boyfriend carried you
to your room when you 
"fell asleep".

For not enough hugs
and too many lectures.

For not seeing the signs
of addict...

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addictionconnectiondaughterfaithfamilyforgivenesshealinghellhero's journeyloverecoveryrelationships

I saw God today

I saw God today

the sun shooting rays down between the clouds

I saw God today

in the tears of a friend who was hurting

I saw God today

in the smile of others and the pride in their eyes

I saw God today

as I looked in the mirror and realized my eyes were clear

for the first time in a very long time

I saw God today

in every raindrop and in every lightening strike

I s...

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faithgodhopeloverecoveryspiritual

Questions

Last week as I sat in a hotel room putting a drug in a cup and pouring water upon it I asked myself who have I become? And now 7 days later I stand in a park serving those less fortunate as I and I ask myself the same question... Who have I become? No longer high and in my right mind I still don't think I can fully answer my own question... Maybe one day I may actually know the person who lives in...

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living with addictionrecovery

Painkiller

entry picture

Painkiller

 

This world is brutal in its bitter way,

destroying beauty, tarnishing the good,

Hurting the carers, harming those who would

do better with their lives each passing day -

those who, despite all that the doctors say,

take back some control – if only they could

get up from where they drown beneath the flood

of good intentions. So today I pray:

when you’re hu...

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depressiondrugsease the painhelplovepetrarchan sonnetrecovery

Nerves

It’s almost as if you’ve been 
reborn.

The moment 
you can take a breath
without feeling yourself
drowning.
Cement is no longer
running through your veins
slowing every movement,
because now it is only gravel.
Your head is now 
not filled with buzzing static,
and instead 
the distant sound of 
electric storm clouds.
Enraged fire 
replaces the
sleeping snow.

You are finally se...

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anxietydepressiondescriptivefeelingshappinesslifelivingpoemsrecovery

Pale

Never seeing the light

 

Shown

 

We wither and decay

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hopeRecoveryspirituality

Points

Singular point of hope

balancing in one dimension

drive the stake deep, swing without reservations

for this is the beginning

 

doubled

       added vector

sure footing eyes

to the horizon

averted from the abyss below

another point right planar

temptations of rest

loss of balance still precarious

point added placed correctly

a broad base of stability?

po...

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fearmental healthProgressrecovery

The Beautiful Machine

Space for thought balance beauty of the void

power of complexity built on itself chaotic system

producing new order terrifying lonelyness meaningless computations

chaos repeating old broken patters My bones are ground to dust by the enormous gravity halving each space ad infinitum the yoke digging deep in the flesh

the aurochs spurred on by the cyclical hope of freedom

what new quar...

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recovery

Love MySelf

What do have to offer. yourself

internal wisdom beneath the facia of my concious

the untenable barrier that holds the flesh together, but connot be devoured only boiled down

and essence consumed

waste

waste not use it for what it is

extract its power

use the sinew to construct a rope

strength beyond

only useful in parity with what is beneath what is beneath useless witho...

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egogodidentityrecoveryself worth

Arbitrary

Alchemy accumulations occult objects

oration

obviscation oral affinitiess

articulate articulate 

honerous horticulture

fallow ground

hallowed articulating implements 

scaring the face

chrurning the deep richness pulled to the skin layers of detritus

masticated long passed

ego masturbated

harrowing seed bed preped

rain sun evenly scaled

else scalded or overasp...

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antidepressantmotivationrecovery

Pale faced love

My little pale faced love

Pixie now for you or closer

Hang on in there, it's proof it's working

This is just a sign of the clock ticking 

Ticking away the days to full health

Full recovery no less my lovely, you'll see

The pest shrinking daily for others to catch

Trust in their judgement and hold my hand tight

You'll be free soon my lovely, just you wait and see

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cancerhealthloverecovery

Believe

There are challenges we face that others don't see,

may never experience, never understand.

Invisible mountains we climb alone,

oceans we swim feeling out of our depth.

But we do it. We fight it. We beat it.

Mental health recovery is a journey,

a destination that requires focus, bravery and time.

For all those who face it every day...

believe.

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bipolarMental healthparanoid schizophreniarecovery

CASEVAC

entry picture

 

That flash of white light,

that’s your brain unrestrained

hitting you're skull.

 

Messages sparking incoherently,

unable to connect they simply arc,

and that’s the last thing you’ll see

before you wake up with bits of you gone.

 

Left behind on another landmass.

 

No consent asked and none given,

you’ll lie under a metal frame

where crisp white sheets wo...

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HonestyLossPropagandaRecoveryTruthWar

The hardest part

Have you ever tried to kill yourself by holding your breath?
No one's ever died from a lack of sleep...
(I dare you not to try it)
The hardest part of forgetting is when you remember.

Double check yourself, and down it goes.
Get ready, hold on, and jump out of the plane!
Hear the rush, gasp for breath, and let those bells ring.
Jump on that train, follow those tracks.
It's too much (but ...

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12 stepsaddictioncocainedrugsrecoverythe hardest part

A regeneration

entry picture

Reluctantly deciduous,

quivering,

like a naked frightened child. 

 

Limbs stripped bare,

still rooted,

though seasonally defiled.

 

The tree so sad

and faceless,

unnoticed, sheds itself

its twisted trunk left graceless,

 

yet from this is borne its wealth? 

 

And too,

the broken body

defies its shattered shell,

a mind can dwell aloft

though ...

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PhoenixRecoveryResistanceStrength.

I Lost

Lost my way in the sun,
got lost in my oblivion,
wandered through the maze
inside my brain
found my way
back again.

I broke the wires
back there,
hollow,
low
but I make them pure,
free
gold like a river
I flow.

I let it go,
my hope
floats.

My yellow brick road
will take me home
to the silver blue,
my pure, my sweet,
my golden fire moon.

I fell in lust,
the ego owned ...

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ChangeDrugslost realityrealisationrecovery

Master and Commander

Master and Commander

 

Spreading kindness is not as easy as it should be,

Light years ahead this world of worlds,

And what’s not preserved will slip through mid-earth,

 

Medicated America suffers,

Morals are seldom thought of,

Our jaded youth trudges on,

 

We collapse on the front lines,

No one can save us,

Because we see our neighbors in turmoil and turn away,

...

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goodwillhealingmoralenew beginningsrecovery

Implosion explosion (après la bombe)

A thin translucent veil

light forcing through

in fractured shafts,

the eyes adjust

to no avail

shedding shape’s

the mind can’t craft.

 

A swollen sponge 

to soak the sense

with pitching high tone squeal,

the ear adjusts

but cannot clear

that droning 

hum surreal.

 

Mouth of dirt

eyes of blood

clawing hands that plea,

dragging back to conscio...

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Living after traumarecoverysensesstruggle

10 Down to 1

10

Shaky fingesr slide over my 

9

New wounds and my 

8

Scars of hatred, with 

7

Pills. I long my

6

Horrible hours of

5

Screaming death wishes and

4

Shots to my head would make

3

Tears fall down from my

2

Eyes, hurting me still!

1

More day and I would of been swept away. 

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it gets betterlovepainrecoveryself harmsuffering

Jigsaw

entry picture

Jigsaw

 

They say you cannot live without me,

yet I am happy lying here alone –

adrift on an ocean of Axminster.

You didn’t miss me until you were finished

and by then it was far too late.

 

I was just one of your many pretty pieces,

inconsequential to the scheme of things,

until I was the only thing you needed.

By then I was safely hidden away,

f...

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jigsawlost lovemissing piecerecoveryunique

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