I choose my mask — 
a polished smile,
quiet eyes
looking past everyone in the room,
the yes before anyone asks — 
afraid my own skin
would not be enough.

I brush past others,
strangers’ shoulders meeting in a crowd — 
brief pressure,
then the quick pull away
I have learned to expect.

Then something gives — 
a breath held too long
that slipped beneath the surface — 
a hairline fr...

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Some people walk into sadness
the way dusk enters a room —
without asking permission.
They let it pass through them
like weather through open windows.
I do not know how.

I run until my lungs run empty,
until my body forgets its name,
and it finds me —
beneath the practiced smile,
behind the masks I call kindness,
in the rooms I lock behind me —
even when all I want is to stop wanting...

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I have thought hard about it

I have

Please, mother, forgive me

This is not a sudden storm

But a slow erosion 

of everything I was

This ending has lived in me long enough 

Long before I found the words 

It began quietly without sound

on Uncle Peter's birthday two years ago

as the candles burned low

and laughter clung to the walls

and I remember thinking...

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You said once that I was the sun,

Always so bright and blazing,

Always so warm, so lovely

With my evergreen smile and booming laugh.

You said I had a soul made of gold,

A heart so big that dragons would cower,

But what if I told you,

I don’t feel quite so golden anymore?

What if I told you,

There are cracks in my being

That bleed darkness into everything I love?

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In this boat I am rocking and swaying

Each wave reaching to wrap me in its tendrils

Using the might of the ocean to twist me

Fold me

Capsize my world

Pull me under

In this water I am shivering and afraid

Each kick against the tide exhausts me

Using the moon to pull me along

Drown me

Engulf my body

Pull me deeper

In this reef I am snared and trapped

...

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Unity with emotion

Isolation dwells within the thoughts

Together in absence

Forsake me not

Passed down like heirlooms

but no care in the process made

No value within ourselves

A cycle broken, A cycle replaced

Disintegrate internally

No longer recognizing what's there

Merely splintered pieces

Uncomfortable for those aware

A quiet absolution for a quiete...

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Sweet Vine, how sour you are

The stars shine brighter to sky’s delight

And to my surprise, I feel better

I feel unleashed, untethered

And whether or not I fold

To the hold Sweet Vine has

Is beyond my control

I understand the soul needs relief and

I understand it needs some deep unseated

Sense of power and control over the mind

It’s hard to find a natural source

Of ...

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Someday, I want to do more than just exist.
I want to live
without apologising for it
without begging for permission.
Perhaps some freedom from my own thoughts
and that constant mental battle of attrition. 
However, for now
I am just here.

I've been lost in waves of silence,
drowned beneath the weight of it all, 
I've stood toe to toe with the edge of cliffs
knowing just how far there...

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Thrown from my slumber into wake,

Heart pounding against my chest

As if my ribs are about to break

A dream; you with another sowed despair into my rest

The ceiling stares back at my sorry state

Tears quietly well up, rolling off my face

The universe undeniably choosing this fate

Tormenting my sorry soul, I pray to be erased

I did not know a love like this exists

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You ask me why i left dancing-

surely i loved it,then why?

but when i say i left it,

why cant you simply accept that?

How do i tell you that now,

every time i raise my hand to sway

it no longer move in a free,careless rythm,

but trembles instead,

like something asking,

like something begging.

Every time i enter that space

it no longer brings me creat...

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And when the depression takes its toll

I look at the star just above my head,

tears rolling down my cheeks  , 

With hope in this heavy heart , 

wishing you are looking out for me ,

Telling me in your loving voice 

that it's gonna be over soon

I can stop fighting ,

lay down my weapons 

Demons going to the far land 

I sleep peacefully laying head in your lap 

Telling...

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Shattered heart like broken glass,

I'm still picking up the pieces but I know it won't fix the past,

I want to go back and do it all again,

The struggle doesn't stop and I wish it would end,

I just want to blast off to hyperspace again,

Damn it D.M.T. where are you my friend?

Everyone says that life goes by so fast,

That shit is true and it's kicked my ass,

It felt like it ...

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Younger me, I thought of you today,

So lost, your future drifting far away.

You tried to chase the sun through endless gloom,

But rain clouds kept stealing your view.

Your mind held you prisoner, wrapped in doubt,

Your tongue was tied, though inside you wanted to shout.

Every dream you carried felt far from true,

Like happiness was something not meant for you.

You...

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It does not break windows.

It does not kick down doors.

It does not roar.

It waits.

It lives in the corners of rooms where light thins out.

Behind mirrors.

Inside the pause between heartbeats.

And when it is sure no one is watching 

it begins to drink.

Not blood.

Not breath.

Pigment.

It presses its mouth to the edge of things and siphons color through invisible ...

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I tend to only see clearly

When I look back

I question is there a life I can live freely

Without having to watch my back

I simply tried to love everyone dearly

While they turned their back.

The flashes of the past

My urges to live fast

The way I left myself last

I believed I was always an outcast

My innocence became cracked

All the questions I wish I got ...

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Eyes open to see but for what?

Four blank walls and weighted lids and

The same old places as when we were kids

Only the weather changes their faces

From grey to green and the footpath traces

The same familiar routes

The mud that covers my boots

Is dry but not scrubbed away

They’ll just get dirty again anyway

It is no sight at all.

Hands reach out to touch but for...

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Hands move without mind

The time slips by in silence that is mine

I just try to find a sign

That says this way or that.

Motion drifts without body

Unrecognisable though still resembling

The fiery spark that’s dwindled

And waiting to be rekindled now or later.

Heart beats without soul

Too cold to move from scolding mould

That’s festered in the folds of me

...

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It rains on me tonight as it did in the morning

No exit route or home to fall in

Because nothing seems to fit

Nothing seems to satisfy

Or ease the mind ’til five

Misery’s mine until I die

Shut out and dropped from the sky

With no sight, fight or flight

Sipping dregs and having sex

There ain’t no fish in that sea

Of love nor money, the empty barrel

Is scraped once a...

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It’s late, another day is gone

Sun rose in east just to set on

The horizon in the west

Life and death abreast but the rest is best

When lights are off and away

And I sleep until the next day

Only to continue my endless cycle

Relive my self-inflicted trifle

Just feel stifled so detraction

From my pain is my distraction

My existence a fraction of my desire

No sight o...

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From a few years ago, but so relevant:

BLACK DOG

Frightening in your stealth, you descend like the darkest cloud.

They may not see you, but those close know you are with me.

Your visits provoke their wariness; afraid they may tip the scales.

Some are aware of your deceptive nature; the ignorant have no perception of your power.

Others turn away in accusation. As if I would e...

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I’m like the wallpaper on somebody’s walls,
no one would even notice if I was being torn or ripped apart.
Until it starts to take over my attitude
my behaviour
my mood
Yet they see it like a tradition.
a sort of thing that happens once it’s ‘old’ enough, once I become a teenager.

But I’m breaking,
yet it’s masked by a genius at illusions,
just like the magicians that keep you guessing.
...

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I wrote a note in my head,
Folded it inside my ribcage.
It said, “I can’t keep fighting
With a heart that always breaks.”

Mom never stayed,
Dad was just a silhouette.
And I swore I’d never
Repeat all that shit

But I guess I did.

We screamed in courtrooms
Over a child I never got to see grow.
I traced his name in the frost
On my rearview window.

I lost him before
I got the cha...

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You left this world with no name, I will never get to see you grow, I will never be able to feel your touch, to hold you against my chest, so many names you had, but you are nameless.. There will never be a day that goes beyond that I wouldn't think about you.

A day when I would wonder what you might have looked like. I don't get to see you or say good bye. When you left my body I felt like a p...

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Do you ever feel sad?

Here take this pill,

Do you ever get mad?

Here's another pill,

Want to feel numb?

Take this pill,

Pill a daily routine,

Pills will fix everything,

Just to make the voices in your head to stop,

To make you imagine life as a world without pain,

Replace the razor blade with this pretty blue pill,

"This pill will make you feel better"

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Am I Enough?

Today I didn’t go anywhere

I wallowed in the heat that strangled my home

Took a seat in the spot that I frequent and listened for the changing winds of time

They never arrived.

In fact it was more of the same

‘You Okay?’, ‘Im glad’

Empty words of intricate meaning

Convey both care and solace 

Who cares?

The rain didn’t arrive all the same.

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hey lord, 

you know, im trying

im failing

im spiraling

im lost

i dont know myself

but lord, 

im trying

im trying so fucking hard

is this enough, lord?

i am confused, lord

when will i be able to sleep?

please....

help me

save me from the sins of my mind

and when you do,

please let me rest

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All I hear are elusive echoes of self-depreciation and hatred. 

Tracing my memory back to precise occurrences of emotional distress and pain.

The nature of numbness bouncing through the walls of my mind. 

Will this arduous voice ever be silenced? 

No one knows better how to get under your skin than the mind enclosed beneath it. 

We take on the role of nurture or torture whenever we ...

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Another spotlight, make the headlines.

A final shout-out to the ranks of the-do-fine.

Did I make you stop and think?

Now looking down… from the look down,

me and every other ghost in this town

who couldn’t live life on the brink.

And I say - hey. There’s got to be a way

for everyone who couldn’t be.

Yeah, I say - hey. There’s got to be a way.

Gotta be a way… for m...

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The lights you seek are not these ones, these are mine

I shall explain more in time

As I have searched far and wide

Yet these are the most beaufitul I find

Unique, like tears in the snow

I share these lights with the Emporer, Leopard and Crabeater

With an hour of sunlight, there's nothing more sweeter

Than to sit and watch the carnival of light above

On my own, as the ...

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I have this indescribable need to be heard,

like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,

like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,

like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen. 

Am I alone? 

Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,

waiting for a lifeboat that will never...

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Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue 

          And crimson tears will fall.

     Break apart this wanton fret

That consumes us all.

     Broke into my heart again

          To build a crumbled wall

     While I waste internally

Replaying what I saw.

Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue

          And scarlet veins will die,

     So strain ...

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When we die,

We'll be forgotten,

But what can we say when

We're forgotten

While alive?

What am I to think

When I am invisible?

When I am cast aside?

When I am the problem?

Who is there to see me for me?

Does death then hold no meaning?

Is death even worth fearing?

Or is it rather embraced

As a means of escape

From those who

Don't care

At all?

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Your nostalgia is lying to you.

Life is hard now,

But it was hard then, too.

You were just younger, dumber, more care-free.

If you knew then what you know now,

Maybe then you'd see.

You'd see the heartache;

You'd see the pain;

You'd see the way they lie and shame;

You'd see that no matter what you do,

You're always going to be you.

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Crawl into my waiting arms

And tell me that it’s cold here.

The anger held within my eyes

Will never sear you.

When I’m lost in my own soul

How will you know to save me?

Or will you cry again

While telling me I’m broken?

"Broken,

        gone,

            beyond repair."

Reaching out was never easy.

Never necessary.

Never an option.

And so it sha...

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Aim your anger at me;

Pull the trigger,

And watch me bleed.

I can take a few more bullets

Rotting there inside of me.

Set me free.

Oh, set me free.

Grit my teeth,

And watch them bleed.

One by one 

They fall away

Beneath the clouds,

Beneath the gray,

Beneath the promise of better days.

I sing beneath the sky so dark

With weathered bones

With shattered...

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The feeling comes gnawing, gnashing, crashing into me from within, a reminder of the things I lack, the things I could have been.

The thought of failure torments me, slashing, stabbing, holding onto my heart, a reminder of those who always thought that I was just playing an imaginary part.

The pain comes sharply, sneakily, forcing my mind into behaving, a reminder of the moments I have lost ...

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My mind is the only place I feel understood.

It’s a direct reflection of the confusion,

The hatred,

The insanity,

And yet it is home to me.

It beckons me back when I wander too far.

It calls my name when I’m lost in the dark.

Yet even with a thousand blessings,

I find myself crawling back towards the Hell

That dwells within me.

The chasm therein is deeper still

Tha...

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I’m drowning in the remnants of my own mind,

Falling deeper into the abyss of consciousness

That threatens to spill out onto the pavement at any given moment.

Pull the trigger and watch it flow?

Flowing,

     flowing,

          flowing out.

My soul is bursting at the seams,

     breaking out,

          broken up,

               bending wildly.

I’m bartering with my...

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Can tell
Give me your heart, you lied from the start 
Looked in ya eyes ain what you want 
I can telll James got ya heart 
That’s who you wanted it from the start 
Cut me off, youn wanna talk 
Let me die you could just walk 
Really had the key into my heart 
Why you wanna do me this when I’m soft 
Hurt 
All in my thoughts 
Left me dying, now it’s my fault 
Crying 
Lonely in a empty lo...

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I gave my all into this dhit 

I put everything I had into this bitch 

Just to get chewed up

Left dying,crying, lying in a ditch 

Painful eyes from crying 

Lonely nights, I was dying 

For all the times, I was coming up and could only afford to feed you; and not myself 

This for all the ones I left, even when u couldn’t let me be myself 

I put myself on the shelf just so u co...

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Imagine

Why they have my back on the wall 

When my heart was pure, I loved all yall 

Imagine the one you loved, be the reason you fall 

Imagine putting everybody weight on your shoulder 

And they applaud when u fall 

Imagine being so lonely and broken, with no one to call 

Imagine ...

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For when I was lost

I gazed into you 

Like the flame of a single candle

You lit up the darkness

Kept the beauty of light alive

But as I gazed too long

Your glow began to melt

And then the light went

Not in you, but me

Your soul within mine

The touch not of a burn 

The glint not of a flame

But the sleek of a mirror 

I can see in this d...

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Life ain’t play fair 

Prob be the reason why I can’t pay my fare

But somehow I still stayed loyal and fare 

I always tried to get it my own,

Just so I could pay my fare 

I’m down 20 to 30 in the middle of nowhere 

My heart ache

The pain I just wish I could shake 

I wish me and my bm 

Could just relate 

Plz Britt 

Don’t think I’m gonna be a bad parent 

Just becau...

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We shouldn’t be embarrassed
to talk
…. about our problems
to a therapist

always looking at me, before you speak

I’m here for —You
if ever
you feel the need to talk about anything.

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I left everything, and made you my everything. Just for you to stab me in the back. Down on my lowest you left. I thought you had my best interest, instead you squeezed my heart to death. And instead of giving it back you left my heart on the shelf. Haven’t let me seen taeden, you got him thinking I left him by himself.  Left me for dead, I was sleeping in the car by myself. Cold and lonely, I did...

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I'm laying on the operating table

The lights almost blinding me

As I wait for the anaesthetic to kick in

Waiting for the bliss of sleep

I realise... 

There was no anaesthetic

I begin to panic but my body stays still

As if I'm chained up to the table

As if my brain is denying control

I feel each cut the surgeon makes

I feel a warm liquid dripping down my...

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Here I am floating in the starry night

Filling my head with thoughts of delight

Flying through the atmosphere

In fear.

That I might go too far and reach the expanding abyss

Here I am floating in the starry night 

Drifting aimlessly through the black void

Without a tether... without a voice

In fear 

That I might drift back into earth's orbit and plummit to the core

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I don’t want to be seen

I don’t want to be perceived

I wish I could go anywhere and be invisible.

People are everywhere

Eyes are everywhere

They’re all living their own lives but why do I feel as though mine is being watched?

As though they’re looking for a mistake in me

Is my hair messy?

Is my outfit mismatched?

Do I walk wei...

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i find myself texting you late at night

until you block me i’ll keep on coming back

wish i was only here out of spite

but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack

i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance 

however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind

and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance 

so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...

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used to take things before going on walks

it’d be dark and cold

and i’d be underdressed

i couldn’t seem to withhold

i’d stumble around the neighborhood 

trees and leaves would move

even though there was no breeze

i couldn’t seem to mentally improve 

i grew more and more detached

would walk by a half way house everynight

i thought that perhaps that would one ...

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