I’ve come to the end of my days

My little short fuse of a time is to fly

stopped searching for the cave in which it lays

all my sorrows, where the last tears are drawn from 

where all the pictures of the past have lost their smile

where the black ink has started to dry 

It is but a scissor I need to cut off this red 

To let it breathe with a new breath so fresh

To...

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The wind has flown and the pieces of sand are in the night sky

The moon has left and the sun’s waiting for her turn to arrive

The frog has jumped from leaf to leaf and has left ripples nearby

For these ripples have seamlessly blended that I don’t remember 

I don’t remember from where these red roses have become mine

I have watched by the years as if they were places on a map

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Maybe something happens

Which propagates a deep unease

That makes you acknowledge the weight in your brain

And reminds you that you're unwell again

Volumous storm clouds roll in and take hold

As well you sit with your feelings inside your head it seems as though a thousand years drift by within yourself

As you wait for the interminable unrest to pass

Lightning strikes and thun...

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Just thinkin' of that night,

Colors of black and crimson red,

And the 5 liters of blood and byle

That I internally shed,

It's a miracle that I'm alive,

Cause I should be dead,

Battling the depression sucks,

Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed,

Only God knows the everyday duels

With the devil I fight inside my head,

The people that I've hurt,

And the thi...

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I am what’s wrong with me.. 

Not the people around me.

Not my love life.

Not what I have or don’t have. 

It’s solely me.

I feel empty, like a dry river screaming and crying for some rain..

Only thing is at least the River knows what it is that it wants or need so bad. 

At least the River has a reason to shout.

Whats my reason ? 

I feel like screaming.

I feel like...

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Awkward Questions

Awkward questions, I don’t want to speak

Leave it alone, the hurt is too deep

Pick at the scab and I’m sure to bleed

In silence I scream, this is not what I need

The one word answers

Can’t you see that it hurts

Things buried so deep

You are trying to unearth

I don’t want to face it

I’m not ready for that

Inner thoughts are my secrets

That ...

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Move on / Build a Better You

Time moves forward
It never turns back
So why do we spend so much time
Stuck living in the past
Mistakes are only natural
Issues and problems to resolve
Without mistakes, problems and issues
We never would evolve
So try and be more positive
There’s nothing left to lose
The world is at your feet
Just walk the path you choose
Hold your head up high
There’...

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I went to sleep last night

and prayed that I had tears back there to shed.

But there were none to be found.

I went to a party yesterday

and prayed for an opportunity to make some conversation.

But there was no thought in my mind,

I felt was worth sharing.

I’ve been back in school for a year now

and I prayed for dedication and success.

But there was no goal I co...

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I’m not sure how to do this…

to turn around from self-hatred.

to not despise this life of mine.

to no longer want to throw it away.

To realize it was never mine to begin with.

To be thankful for all that I do have

and to seek the flaws in my own logic.

not for self-pity,

but to reorganize my perspective

and see what I’ve had the whole time

and simply missed.

I...

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what is it I’m trying to do here?

“your poetry is beautiful”

“you should be proud of yourself”

If only I never hid away.

If only I was still 7,

then it would be acceptable.

If I had opened up back then,

I would have had people falling over themselves

to make me feel better.

But I’m a grown ass man now.

and no amount of complaining will do a da...

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The question I never stop asking.

What exactly is and isn’t within my control?

The question I will never answer.

Is my fate my own?

Is destiny, a reality?

I am in control of my actions,

at least in theory.

My work ethic is mine to command,

that's the rumor anyway.

But if I were to get up and do,

would it make any difference?

I feel so exhausted from ...

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Can I have a hug?

Can I not be pulled away from?

Can I be weak, and in pain?

Can I have any physical connection that isn’t sexual?

Can I not be afraid, of the casual flirting,

with the barista behind the counter.

Can I have a small piece of the love,

Shown between a girl and her friends.

She goes to embrace another she,

A group of besties, inseparable from each...

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On the surface, I look fine.

Swallowing emotion and putting on a face,

the fastest and most reliable reflex I have.

All you need to do is dig,

just a little bit,

to see that it’s all one big shell.

So why hasn’t anyone

figured it out yet?

Can I be more than this?

A hard shell,

with crumbling and rotting

scaffolding

holding it all together.

Stat...

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Getting better is as simple as getting up

and doing it.

Or, at least I think it should be.

Worrying about what I’m doing next isn’t helping

When I’m not doing anything right now.

A city on the clouds

Lined with golden bars and silver gates

The prettiest prison you ever did see,

The cloud 9 in the back of my head.

I sit here, and think, about how I

Sit here, ...

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I’m so hungry

I’m so tired

I stay awake and starve myself,

punishment for days of being a glutton.

I choose sleep for dinner,

a kitchen full of food in the next room,

because I have no idea what to do.

I come here everyday.

I get the same thing every time.

I write a new poem,

about the same old depression

I cling to

for reasons I’m not sure of.

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I want to split my head on a fire axe

I want to be found, dangling in a closet

I want to be a fine red mist on the front of a train

I want to be pulled in four by horses and rope

I want to be skewered atop a church steeple,

on display for all to see, as in the ancient days

I want to decorate my room with my flesh,

and turn my sanctuary into a meat locker

I want to...

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I’m so completely depressed.

Any thought or action I could possibly take,

eventually comes to an end.

and I’m right back where I started.

Feeling completely hopeless, capable of only self-pity.

I’m so desperate to share my innermost being.

I’m so afraid of how people will respond,

to my circumstances.

The very thing I’ve tried so desperately to put into word.

Words ...

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I am in the sea.

I feel pulled under, my left arm ripped off,

My head so heavy with words of everyone except my own

This world makes me feel like I'm so unusual, that I'm a visitor. 

Everybody sees a portion of me, but never all of me. 

In an ocean I am drowning, with the way I'm "meant to be" pulling me under

I have fallen into a pit of cement 

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Empathy and care

A trap.

that burns all

a never ending struggle

No result - No change - No difference

Except to me

that’s the difference

can’t be ignored

can’t be left

Mental illness

more resilient than all the love in the world.

I didn’t know that

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CUTS

When I think of her I think of scars.

She told me when she touches them they remind her of the cuts;

of how the cuts made her feel,

“it’s a purge”, she said, “a sense of being real".

She spoke to me with honesty of the incremental cost

of destroying the things she held so dear

now irretrievably lost.

Of how, through her inner turmoil,

she could meet the gi...

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JIGSAW

Brunette. Blonde

Black. Grey

I am auburn.

Hazel. Green

Brown. Blue

I am Grey.

Tabs, blanks

Pockets, sockets

Corners, middles

I am unique.

Flat pieces; four points

Innies and lock

The back

always Grey

Without me, you are not complete

With me, we are replete

A needle in the haystack

melancholic morning

Smea...

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