I wrote a note in my head,
Folded it inside my ribcage.
It said, “I can’t keep fighting
With a heart that always breaks.”

Mom never stayed,
Dad was just a silhouette.
And I swore I’d never
Repeat all that shit

But I guess I did.

We screamed in courtrooms
Over a child I never got to see grow.
I traced his name in the frost
On my rearview window.

I lost him before
I got the cha...

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You left this world with no name, I will never get to see you grow, I will never be able to feel your touch, to hold you against my chest, so many names you had, but you are nameless.. There will never be a day that goes beyond that I wouldn't think about you.

A day when I would wonder what you might have looked like. I don't get to see you or say good bye. When you left my body I felt like a p...

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Do you ever feel sad?

Here take this pill,

Do you ever get mad?

Here's another pill,

Want to feel numb?

Take this pill,

Pill a daily routine,

Pills will fix everything,

Just to make the voices in your head to stop,

To make you imagine life as a world without pain,

Replace the razor blade with this pretty blue pill,

"This pill will make you feel better"

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Am I Enough?

Today I didn’t go anywhere

I wallowed in the heat that strangled my home

Took a seat in the spot that I frequent and listened for the changing winds of time

They never arrived.

In fact it was more of the same

‘You Okay?’, ‘Im glad’

Empty words of intricate meaning

Convey both care and solace 

Who cares?

The rain didn’t arrive all the same.

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hey lord, 

you know, im trying

im failing

im spiraling

im lost

i dont know myself

but lord, 

im trying

im trying so fucking hard

is this enough, lord?

i am confused, lord

when will i be able to sleep?

please....

help me

save me from the sins of my mind

and when you do,

please let me rest

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All I hear are elusive echoes of self-depreciation and hatred. 

Tracing my memory back to precise occurrences of emotional distress and pain.

The nature of numbness bouncing through the walls of my mind. 

Will this arduous voice ever be silenced? 

No one knows better how to get under your skin than the mind enclosed beneath it. 

We take on the role of nurture or torture whenever we ...

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Another spotlight, make the headlines.

A final shout-out to the ranks of the-do-fine.

Did I make you stop and think?

Now looking down… from the look down,

me and every other ghost in this town

who couldn’t live life on the brink.

And I say - hey. There’s got to be a way

for everyone who couldn’t be.

Yeah, I say - hey. There’s got to be a way.

Gotta be a way… for m...

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The lights you seek are not these ones, these are mine

I shall explain more in time

As I have searched far and wide

Yet these are the most beaufitul I find

Unique, like tears in the snow

I share these lights with the Emporer, Leopard and Crabeater

With an hour of sunlight, there's nothing more sweeter

Than to sit and watch the carnival of light above

On my own, as the ...

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I have this indescribable need to be heard,

like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,

like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,

like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen. 

Am I alone? 

Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,

waiting for a lifeboat that will never...

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Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue 

          And crimson tears will fall.

     Break apart this wanton fret

That consumes us all.

     Broke into my heart again

          To build a crumbled wall

     While I waste internally

Replaying what I saw.

Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue

          And scarlet veins will die,

     So strain ...

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When we die,

We'll be forgotten,

But what can we say when

We're forgotten

While alive?

What am I to think

When I am invisible?

When I am cast aside?

When I am the problem?

Who is there to see me for me?

Does death then hold no meaning?

Is death even worth fearing?

Or is it rather embraced

As a means of escape

From those who

Don't care

At all?

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Your nostalgia is lying to you.

Life is hard now,

But it was hard then, too.

You were just younger, dumber, more care-free.

If you knew then what you know now,

Maybe then you'd see.

You'd see the heartache;

You'd see the pain;

You'd see the way they lie and shame;

You'd see that no matter what you do,

You're always going to be you.

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Crawl into my waiting arms

And tell me that it’s cold here.

The anger held within my eyes

Will never sear you.

When I’m lost in my own soul

How will you know to save me?

Or will you cry again

While telling me I’m broken?

"Broken,

        gone,

            beyond repair."

Reaching out was never easy.

Never necessary.

Never an option.

And so it sha...

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Aim your anger at me;

Pull the trigger,

And watch me bleed.

I can take a few more bullets

Rotting there inside of me.

Set me free.

Oh, set me free.

Grit my teeth,

And watch them bleed.

One by one 

They fall away

Beneath the clouds,

Beneath the gray,

Beneath the promise of better days.

I sing beneath the sky so dark

With weathered bones

With shattered...

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The feeling comes gnawing, gnashing, crashing into me from within, a reminder of the things I lack, the things I could have been.

The thought of failure torments me, slashing, stabbing, holding onto my heart, a reminder of those who always thought that I was just playing an imaginary part.

The pain comes sharply, sneakily, forcing my mind into behaving, a reminder of the moments I have lost ...

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My mind is the only place I feel understood.

It’s a direct reflection of the confusion,

The hatred,

The insanity,

And yet it is home to me.

It beckons me back when I wander too far.

It calls my name when I’m lost in the dark.

Yet even with a thousand blessings,

I find myself crawling back towards the Hell

That dwells within me.

The chasm therein is deeper still

Tha...

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I’m drowning in the remnants of my own mind,

Falling deeper into the abyss of consciousness

That threatens to spill out onto the pavement at any given moment.

Pull the trigger and watch it flow?

Flowing,

     flowing,

          flowing out.

My soul is bursting at the seams,

     breaking out,

          broken up,

               bending wildly.

I’m bartering with my...

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Can tell
Give me your heart, you lied from the start 
Looked in ya eyes ain what you want 
I can telll James got ya heart 
That’s who you wanted it from the start 
Cut me off, youn wanna talk 
Let me die you could just walk 
Really had the key into my heart 
Why you wanna do me this when I’m soft 
Hurt 
All in my thoughts 
Left me dying, now it’s my fault 
Crying 
Lonely in a empty lo...

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I gave my all into this dhit 

I put everything I had into this bitch 

Just to get chewed up

Left dying,crying, lying in a ditch 

Painful eyes from crying 

Lonely nights, I was dying 

For all the times, I was coming up and could only afford to feed you; and not myself 

This for all the ones I left, even when u couldn’t let me be myself 

I put myself on the shelf just so u co...

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Imagine

Why they have my back on the wall 

When my heart was pure, I loved all yall 

Imagine the one you loved, be the reason you fall 

Imagine putting everybody weight on your shoulder 

And they applaud when u fall 

Imagine being so lonely and broken, with no one to call 

Imagine ...

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For when I was lost

I gazed into you 

Like the flame of a single candle

You lit up the darkness

Kept the beauty of light alive

But as I gazed too long

Your glow began to melt

And then the light went

Not in you, but me

Your soul within mine

The touch not of a burn 

The glint not of a flame

But the sleek of a mirror 

I can see in this d...

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Life ain’t play fair 

Prob be the reason why I can’t pay my fare

But somehow I still stayed loyal and fare 

I always tried to get it my own,

Just so I could pay my fare 

I’m down 20 to 30 in the middle of nowhere 

My heart ache

The pain I just wish I could shake 

I wish me and my bm 

Could just relate 

Plz Britt 

Don’t think I’m gonna be a bad parent 

Just becau...

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We shouldn’t be embarrassed
to talk
…. about our problems
to a therapist

always looking at me, before you speak

I’m here for —You
if ever
you feel the need to talk about anything.

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I left everything, and made you my everything. Just for you to stab me in the back. Down on my lowest you left. I thought you had my best interest, instead you squeezed my heart to death. And instead of giving it back you left my heart on the shelf. Haven’t let me seen taeden, you got him thinking I left him by himself.  Left me for dead, I was sleeping in the car by myself. Cold and lonely, I did...

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I'm laying on the operating table

The lights almost blinding me

As I wait for the anaesthetic to kick in

Waiting for the bliss of sleep

I realise... 

There was no anaesthetic

I begin to panic but my body stays still

As if I'm chained up to the table

As if my brain is denying control

I feel each cut the surgeon makes

I feel a warm liquid dripping down my...

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Here I am floating in the starry night

Filling my head with thoughts of delight

Flying through the atmosphere

In fear.

That I might go too far and reach the expanding abyss

Here I am floating in the starry night 

Drifting aimlessly through the black void

Without a tether... without a voice

In fear 

That I might drift back into earth's orbit and plummit to the core

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I don’t want to be seen

I don’t want to be perceived

I wish I could go anywhere and be invisible.

People are everywhere

Eyes are everywhere

They’re all living their own lives but why do I feel as though mine is being watched?

As though they’re looking for a mistake in me

Is my hair messy?

Is my outfit mismatched?

Do I walk wei...

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i find myself texting you late at night

until you block me i’ll keep on coming back

wish i was only here out of spite

but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack

i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance 

however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind

and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance 

so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...

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used to take things before going on walks

it’d be dark and cold

and i’d be underdressed

i couldn’t seem to withhold

i’d stumble around the neighborhood 

trees and leaves would move

even though there was no breeze

i couldn’t seem to mentally improve 

i grew more and more detached

would walk by a half way house everynight

i thought that perhaps that would one ...

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i know you’re disappointed in me

we always scream for hours and fight

until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree

even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night

im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore

i look in the mirror and see someone new

it’s like i’ve never seen her before

i wonder if you feel that way about me too

my therapist...

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When I close my eyes I see the sun rising over the ocean. I see a succession of cars. I hear you laugh. I see knives in the flesh. I see fireflies surrounding your body. I see endless trees and a forest I have never known. I see barbells and birds. Lots of birds. I see the moment you decided to give up, I see you vomiting in the toilet after taking the pills.  I see you telling me you thought the ...

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Monsters don’t exist they say, they aren’t under your bed
I realise now I’m older, it was all just in my head,
but them ones are the scariest, the monsters in your mind,
the ones that make your heartbeat race, the creatures you can’t find.
Only you can feel them there, it’s driving you insane.
your body shakes, your brain, it aches ,from fears that live within,
you cry inside, you’ve got to ...

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Well he's definitely very angry today
He's gone and taken the world's colour away
Left me with only white, black and grey
Nothing, nada, no red, blue, yellow or green
No trace of them, gone! nowhere to be seen.
Vibrant pink, warm orange and vermillion
There nothing left now in this colourless prison
So how to describe the earth's serene face
The tree's and the flowers and wide open space
...

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The inner feeling

In which they are hidden

There’s no power of healing

The things that are forbidden

A little, tiny, very small

Peeking through the wall

Short, not very tall

The most whimsical of us all

Power we cannot see

The ghastly things are up for a walk

The prisoners are we

Suddenly we’re not able to talk

A dried fiend,

A false end,

At...

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Every loss is felt

Just as a ripple is spelt in water

Ever decreasing, calming asunder

A clock ticks in a house even emptier than before

The dark lingers in a hall still and sure

The cat rules now

Wondering why and how

Water weeps from a pungent wound

Never to be cleaned but to neglect and fester

Such a thought no beautiful sight could hinder

Leaving the los...

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Roses are red, violets are blue,

When I think of your love for me, I lose love for you.

What does my love feel like to me?

Being surrounded by beauty that only I can see.

Hidden behind my smile is someone fragile, flawed, and easily broken.

I showed you all of my healed scars and one by one you ripped them back open.

Again and again, my mind retreats to happier days while I ...

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Sitting here thinking, another week gone.

Another small increment moved from the fire.

It feels like it does when you’re just waking up,

half grasping consciousness, half in the mire.

When you’re not quite sure if it’s real or a dream,

the one where no matter your efforts you fail.

In total frustration you claw just to move,

and in the struggle, you miss the details

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didn't wake up with the intention of being bad

I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead

run around my house and verbally beat up my dad

the screams sound bloodshed

he says, "there's so much you wanna do" 

and i obvert my eyes

wait around for a mental break-through

and make unachievable plans doing the highs

i wanna be a savior

and get th...

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I almost killed myself tonight,

I ran out of reasons to live and reasons to fight.

Each day is a battle just to survive,

How is it that I am expected to thrive?

The loneliness in this house is overbearing,

I feel like a fool for even caring.

All I need is to be loved and feel wanted,

But my reality is the opposite while my brain is haunted.

Nothing I say or do wil...

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It’s colder now and seems somehow

more empty than before.

I wish I’d known the future then,

and what it held in store.

No longer is there will of heart

to venture form these walls,

and so I sit alone inside…

when the darkness falls.

Each stone hand crafted for the cause

to block away the pain.

The mortar mixed to guarantee

no feeling will remain.

A mist ens...

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i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?

I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others

sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...

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my worth is always fluctuating
you talk to me like I'm worth nothing
but when it's past nine pm I'm priceless
I can't tell if I'm a commodity

you told me you liked me out of the blue
it was almost out of impulse
like that pretty journal, you bought but never used
both are just things that are nice to have around

you didn't need to do that
you had plenty of things at home stuffed in yo...

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you told me i’d only fail

laugh at my hopes and dreams

you act as if i’m frail

there’s often reoccurring themes 

you know i’m not dumb 

it’s just that you don’t care

so don’t ask me for gum

and don’t you give me that stare

i don’t know how we ever got along 

we’re opposites like the moon and the sun

you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...

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Sat through another non-eventful free fall through the ceiling

while trying hard to feel something despite the way I'm feeling.

Trying hard to find my way back to the time of when

I didn't have to sit in this damn chair time and again.

For every day now seems a bit more like the day before.

Just like a cross between a treadmill and revolving door,

where weeks and m...

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It’s finally the day to come,

blood mixing in.

Flows like a river

through oceans of sin.

Long past the point

where the numbness was new.

Long past believing

that anything’s true.

Steel against flint,

only flash in this night.

Desperate to see

but it only ignites,

the gasoline soaked

twisted rags in my soul.

No way to stop it

and nowhere t...

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The days don’t seem to give a damn,

they march in step of time.

They stare ahead with eyes of steel

while never breaking line.

They torture me with disregard,

they tread upon my soul.

They seem so unaware I’m here,

they simply come and go.

I once believed the day would come,

I hoped that it would give

the thing that I was searching for -

a reason I should...

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Lightening burns and strains my mind

Freezes my thoughts like a photo

Open to think again

Alive again to life ever after 

For now at least

Lifting me from depressions hungry jaw

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In a world of plenty, where joy should reign,

A soul wanders lost, drowning in pain.

He has it all, or so it seems,

Yet inside, he's adrift in shattered dreams.

Possessions many, but feelings in drought,

Tears concealed, smiles worn throughout.

Once in a while, breaks down unseen, 

In the quiet ache, where joy's been.

Everything's there, yet nothing to hold,

A ...

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