Poetry Blogs (depression)

You don’t know about the anger and rage

Which has mutated and grown with age

Only let loose when I engage 

In the booth or on stage

Normal people are able to contain and control 

(We’re all a bit psycho)

But normal people hold it in their subconscious 

Only coming out in hallucinations when they’re unconscious 

Grown with time the rage has become monstrous 

Constantly li...

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After hitting self destruct

Had to find something inside to reconstruct

Build me up

Here’s what’s left

Hanging onto the last breath

Pulled myself from the depth 

Now I am free 

But hold on...this just doesn’t seem real to me

Feel like I’m stuck in somebody’s twisted fantasy 

They’re pulling my strings

They’re whispering things

Telling me I’m crazy

Telling me I’m...

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Lyrics invade my brain

If I don’t get them out they run around and drive me insane

All the best material comes out then hides got to wrack my brain to remember 

But I don’t even know what day it is

Should I be buying presents are we in December 

This is why when you see me gaze

It’ll amaze you to know that I was in a daze 

I wasn’t looking at you

Don’t care what you do

Y...

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I don’t like to lie

But I won’t argue with stupid

So until the day I die

I’ll neither confirm or deny

Your rumours

They’re like tumours 

They spread and they grow

But lucky I release my anger on flow

Lucky I already snapped

Your words don’t go through

So how come when I’m alone

I hear the voice in my head saying the same things as you

Then a part of me is saying...

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Coronavirus can kiss my arse 

and if I get a fine 

they’re gunna have to get in line

coz I’m broke and I don’t care 

“but we want our money” 

well life ain’t fair

that’s why I welcome death and all its depth. To be able to say I’m finally free,

no longer trapped in this body of torture and insanity.

Yet that’s what awaits me when I go, if only I could show, show you the way...

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Wake up,

Do the bathroom thing,

Do the breakfast thing,

Do the bathroom thing again,

Do the commute thing,

Do the work thing,

Do the commute thing again,

Do the dinner thing, the family thing, the needful thing,

The friend thing, the hobby thing, the health thing,

Do the evening bathroom thing,

Do the self-education thing,

Do the good-night thin...

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Our total deaths have  ballooned since  I wrote this and it was reported over and over on the news that sober total deaths of 31,000.. At first during lock down I felt quite prepared isolation isn't new for me   but after learning all your life to get out then  being pushed back inside  all thoes early feelings resurface    again.

All information
Was inflammation
Arriving later than a British...

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This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

Not with a bang, but a #hashtag.

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Seeing the beautiful sky,

From my dead eyes.

Wondering the beauty in the holy night,

Dark was the only colour which helps me to hide.

Hiding my sadness my sorrows my fear my cries,

Trying my best to keep the face with smile.

My hobbies,my joy, my emotions were becoming day by day a bit fewer,

Now I am just existing in the world, can't even face myself in the mirror.

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How are you?

A question worth a thousand answers 

A thousand possibilities summed into one

Fine

Somewhere in between the good and the bad 

Between the lines 

Of the lies 

Fine -

Just fine.

By Faith Olajuyigbe, author of Words of Faith

For poetry and more visit: https://www.wordsoffaith.co.uk

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Panic setting in

For reasons unknown everything is unsettling

I wished I could kick my heels and disappear

But, instead, he appears

Through the haze his face is clear

I fight the urge to will him near

Oh God, did he sense my fear

Or my emotions churning and my tears near

How does he do it, what exactly does he hear

Me quietly praying, daring him to care

My vulnerabili...

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Am I making an impression...

Do I leave you bewildered with every expression...

Do you look forward like I do to our weekly sessions...

Or are my scribbled musings akin to aggression... 

An unbecoming, pathetic vie for attention...

I find you delightful and have a genuine fascination...

I am curiously eager, feelings bordering on intoxication.

But, apparently in therapy t...

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As I love,
So I wish to be loved,
As I care,
So I wish to be cared for,
As I tolerate,
So I wish to be tolerated,

I could go on.........

But all these are simply words,
Words with elusive meangs,
And vague interpretations,
And no meaning at all to those who choose not to listen,

To write about love means nothing,
To talk about love means nothing,
Love is an action, a reaction,
...

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She walked into this world,
Smiled, and parted her thighs,
Loving passion of death,
Burning the flesh to cinders,

Come to me,

Desire has weakened my spirit,
Her words have broken me,
Echos carry deep, dripping with the sex,

Be with me,

Pain and love are one,
The blood-soaked arousal of an evil servant,
The consumate act, the ultimate submission,

Fuck me,

And in the end it ...

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Negativity is not always overtly depressive,

Positivity is not always overtly happy.

Negativity eats away, piece by piece.

It hides in the banal.

Its disguised by layers of colour,

Noise, applause.

Negativity is drip fed, unnoticed.

The bland

The ordinary

The acceptable

Even the comfortable.

Negativity keeps you in your place,

Convinces you

How...

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It’s a walking numbness, a dull pain  
that sometimes presents itself in waves. 
It slowly builds, and one day, every few weeks it explodes. 
I can’t bring myself out of bed. 
The rolling tears subside for a moment only to build again and again. 
The world outside, and the family inside, doesn’t exist, only what’s happening right here. 
Only this pillow, only this blanket, only the thoughts ...

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Profound sadness 

clouds my view 

at a quarter til two. 

I don’t understand why 

my muse avoids me like the flu, 

when a simple poem or song will do. 

Wise words to help me understand

why true love passed me by

in this lifetime.

Why wrong choices,

that felt right at the time,

left me alone in this abyss

where my better self

silently bears witness

to my shr...

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Thunderstorms
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...

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Pain exists inside the heart

That mourns the missing day

Emptiness, holding all that’s lost,

Fingers white, grasping air, slipping away

Darkness surrounds all we see, 

Shadows stolen from what could have been

Extinguish a flame, smoke filling our souls

As expectance is hidden and unseen 

Embers remain in the sorrowful ash

As the wind lifts up the light of our e...

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I planted some seeds
I watched them grow
They got stronger each day
They are flowers now
The petals are vibrant
They’ve come to life
They blow in the breeze
They reach up to the light
Independent and free
They stand so tall
Bask in the sun
From the early morn
As the night time comes
They go to sleep
Until the next new dawn
And the little birds tweet
Then they rise again
Looking pr...

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I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...

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Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting 
You just need to get there

People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight

Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...

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I am sad. 

I am worthless. 

I am unlovable. 

Nobody loves me.

I do not deserve to be loved. 

I don't matter. 

I have no matter.

The world would be a better place without me. 

 Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.

I wish I were dead. 

-depression

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Temptation looms endlessly,
Dwarfing my little mind,

Making no sense of my sordid little ways,
Consumed by all,

For is it just a passing breeze,
Or the rock that has me be,

Is there life in what I am today,
Or what I am yet to be,

The heart does not know,
Oh, how very little it knows,
Of that which it gives the body and mind to,

The torment of the flesh is but a whimper,
To t...

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And so the bastard sings........

His cruel deformities an abomination to those who set our standards,
It is a vicious, stinging blade that cuts him down in the street,

And the vermin watch, their cocks in their hands,
As the bastard falls, crying,
The gushing blood flows into the lifeless streets,
Glowing rivers of virility,
Washed into the gutter,

I took her hand, to take her away...

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As a child
Friends knocked the door
Eagerly excited
You were waiting for
To hear the question 
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents 
If you were coming out

As a child 
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
Getting dirty
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could

As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
And ca...

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Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...

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Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...

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Crumbling all around you
Your world falling apart
Life seems to be dealing cruel blows
And your wondering where to start
From the moment you start hiding
Things go from bad to worse
The damage is occurring
And your causing yourself hurt
On the outside you are smiling
But on the inside there is pain
To the world your seeing sunshine
But all you see is rain
Behind the dark clouds lurks y...

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Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seems bit by bit, part by part

The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me mad

...

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I have it all 

locked up inside 

my soul tries to hide 

and I can’t find the reasons why 

once I was whole 

pure spirit, body and soul 

the umbilical cord cut 

and ready to go 

into an unbiblical world 

I didn’t know 

the years passed and I passed out 

locked in a cage of everyday life 

I forgot there once was 

a fire burning inside 

suffocating ...

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Walking down the road no one travels on, lost are the souls that tried so hard to find themselves. Was the path really better? Luering you in with the beautiful greenery but what is lurking behind the beauty? Desperation to grasp ahold of innocent travelers, leading their journey to peace astray. Not a spiritual awakening they'll find, instead another dead end. Defeated, as you look theres no way ...

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The figure had a lonely aura about itself. Something about it weighed on your charachter. You willingly relinquished parts of yourself in hopes to nurture the overwhelming darkness that the stranger seemed to carry. As your mind opened to the new acquaintanceship the insecurities and fears that were once held by the apparition influenced their way into your esteem. As the light diminished from you...

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A confession

In the moonlit dreamtime as the 

Warblers rest and stars kiss the midnight sky

I want to die

As the sun rises flirting seductively with

The horizon and cotton candy clouds

Tiptoe across the dawn

I want to die

In nameless parties with empty faces 

And monsters growing with every sip of

Poison they ingest 

I want to die

Within warm...

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a long silence fills the room---piercing my lonesome ears with pain

i turn

there she is

sad, distant, lonely staring at me dead in the eyes

her mouth opens and screams

no sound comes out.

theres not a way out for her.

i turn back around, taking a deep breath to tiredly dress my face with a sense of geniality. perfect i say to myself.

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In a dusky morning, the sun was setting,
Wanted to scream in a silent mic.

No more of this frustration, no more of this hatred,
Death was the only freedom came to his mind.

Listening to the people, listening to himself he realised,
Many a things don't matter, So does his life.

Losing his hobby, his like, his ego, his pride.
Losing his humanity, was what it was like.

'Try to stay po...

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The light, so fierce and bright,

The glow like warm embers of a fire.

Attracting, magnetic, drawing you in,

Even more obvious from the shadows,

Looking in from the cold darkness

Where the fire once burned

And the warm hand of comfort used to rest.

It's cold out here away from the fireplace,

On the wrong side of the lighthouse,

With a perfectly illuminated view of th...

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I am the one who’s innocent blood was

shattered beneath the golden cross.

I am the one who’s virgin blood

stained the concrete floor.

I am the one who was too weak to fight,

yet too strong to die.

Oh what a fool who transverses the

Hell of man to stand erect with burning vengeance…

and walks away.

I am that fool.

I am the one who fought each night.

Who used her own...

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long have I stood

long stood have I gazed

long gazed have I thought

long thought have I suffered

long suffered have I

long have I stood

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A magenta sky 
greets my morning sigh.

Another majestic day, 
lost in the minutia of life.

Shoulda, coulda,woulda,
paralyzing dream sabers. 

Distractions abound.

Download another book,
refresh the poet's page.

Escape, behind a waterfall
of tears.

Long nights,
paved years. 

Fandango memories
sustain me. 

Resilience 
prevails.

Dry your eyes,
face your fears.

Wr...

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~Quietly floating atop the rolling fabric of navy

Blue like the absence of oxygen in the veins

Tracing a trajectory charted and discovered,

Re-charted and rediscovered,

I spend the nights in Neptune.

I find an uneasy peace as daybreak cracks and attacks the ice

But the deep fissures fuse ever stronger.

The ocean lulls my corpus into a drowsy state

As my restless mind rages ...

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A summer's Christmas,

A winter's Easter,

Sun blazed reflections,

Moon chilled features,

Decaying bright shadows,

Renewing dark radiance,

Exogenous void within',

Luminescently extraneous,

Lagging just to rush,

The constantly inconsistent,

Concealing joyous sorrows,

Being contiguously distant,

Thoughts resistantly flowing,

Nerves electrically static,

Hearing...

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I can't take it,

I'm only asking,

Please Lord help me,

I'm tired of relapsing,

Over and over,

My veins are collapsing,

I know you hear me,

I'm sorry for babbling,

I don't understand,

Why this keeps happening,

I'm covering the pain,

It's so everlasting,

The hurt burns deep,

It never stops dragging,

Life is a slow death,

It's truly a sad thing,

My hand...

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Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.

Here is  one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.

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You paint yourself blue, always blue
this letter brings me down
perched upon a rusty trailer
paint peels over my shoulder

I've been drinking 
since the boats were rested
on the muddy estuary bed

It's high tide, low life
high tide, low life

I won't stop my reaching out
if there's any way to help, I'll find it
you're so slow to take my hand
scratching at your skin for answers

I ...

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Broken

It’s a weird feeling. 

Hating yourself.  

Always. 

I try so hard to put on a show

Always

To all of my friends

And my family 

I need to be strong.

I don't want pity 

I don't want to be a charity case

I’ve always been the person people come to for advice 

And I’ve always been there for all my friends 

And goddammit, I wish they were there for me 

I me...

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Rain.
I don't like your colour,
Can't hear your noise
Anymore.
You cover streets in winter,
Keep my heart there,
In grey lands.
Let rivers overflow
And my heart sinking 
Into colourless melancholy. 
I want to be
At a sunny place.
I want to feel the golden light
And warmth on my skin.

©️ By Magical whispers 

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When sun comes against all odds

And the colours of life just pop

Or when the rain falls

It falls and falls

And you wet your lips

With piping hot tea

With warm biscuit

Savour the crumbs

Cosy and safe

In the arms of a jumper

The padding of the sofa,

Like a huge hug

Or when your face aches,

Your stomach vibrates

Because you are fighting to breathe

Through ...

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When people ask me how I'm doing I want to tell them the truth. 

That my depression is the captor I can not escape from. 

That my heart longs for the attention I don't sustain. 

That my ears burn waiting for you to tell me you feel the same. 

I want to tell you that depression has invited anxiety over.

Again. 

Yes... that is the third time this week. Thanks for noticing. 

Tryi...

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The beach isn't a beach
if it sans the sea
Just a random strip of sand
scorching, dry
on a hot summer day

The night doesn't fall
till the sun goes away
paving way
for it to dazzle
in its own way

Am I the night
that needs the sun
to dissappear,
to mark my presence
or simply the beach
which will be nothing without the sea?

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