Walking blind in the darkness 

outreached hands 

calling no names

godless

I ask where I am 

and nothing answers 

dante walked with a poet beside him

but my path is wordless 

no witness

I wail so someone will hold me 

the darkness clothes my body

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I choose my mask — 
a polished smile,
quiet eyes
looking past everyone in the room,
the yes before anyone asks — 
afraid my own skin
would not be enough.

I brush past others,
strangers’ shoulders meeting in a crowd — 
brief pressure,
then the quick pull away
I have learned to expect.

Then something gives — 
a breath held too long
that slipped beneath the surface — 
a hairline fr...

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I am a living map, not finished, not fixed — a coastline learning the shape of its own return.

There are mornings
the compass steadies in my hand,
and I believe I know the road.

On other days
the fog swallows the shoreline,
every direction lost to open water,
and I fumble with a language
I’ve forgotten.

I have spent years
trying to redraw myself
into something easier to foll...

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Some people walk into sadness
the way dusk enters a room —
without asking permission.
They let it pass through them
like weather through open windows.
I do not know how.

I run until my lungs run empty,
until my body forgets its name,
and it finds me —
beneath the practiced smile,
behind the masks I call kindness,
in the rooms I lock behind me —
even when all I want is to stop wanting...

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Let your thoughts pass

Like clouds in the sky

 

Let the day

Turn into night

 

Sometimes it rains 

And you won't know why 

 

Sometimes it feels like

Your barely getting by 

 

But storms always pass eventually

And you will see the sun rise 

 

Life won't always be sunshine and rainbows

But sometimes there's beauty 

In not knowing how the day goes

...

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Chapter One — Foundation of Fear

Mark entered my life before I could form a memory. I was three months old when he became a permanent fixture in the house, and my older sister, Casie, was four. I have no recollection of a world before him. There is no clean dividing line between safety and danger in my early memory, because danger came first. Fear was not something that happened to me. It was s...

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Stillness Knows

Stillness is not empty.
It is the space where my body exhales
before my mind explains.

Calm is not the absence of movement.
It is the moment I stop forcing
what was never meant to rush.

My nervous system speaks quietly.
Not in panic.
Not in urgency.
But in signals I used to ignore
because I was taught to push through.

Now I listen.
To the slowing of my breath.
...

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Commander of action

I summoned the wind and thunder

The rain rinsed you of your transgressions and filled your heart with lightning.

 

Unsophisticated and Primal

Tactless and brutal 

A war cry or lustful moan?

Dark energy that has been perverted  by mankind.

Throw your religion in a bag- trash or leather.

That’s not why I’m here

Either way, it won’t save you.

 

...

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I count my worth in loaves of bread

And parts of me I discernibly shed

Morsels, crumbs, granules on my plate 

Unveil a mirror with a crestfallen face 

 

I gorge on sugar that lasts only a few nights 

I wait for it to decay my insides 

Like love, a gaboon viper nestling in my womb,

Ravaging every thought, being and soul, core to root

 

I revel in the sliver of potentia...

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Autumn is a wonderous time

Brown leaves crisping in the wind

Fields sodden by rain

Windswept humans failing to take off holding umbrellas

 

The days are dark and short

Cosy movie weather I'd have thought

Breaking the habits of the heat

Hoping, maybe, for that white snowy sheet

 

It is time to get lost in nature

To selth-sooth, wonder and nurture

Wrap-up warm in ...

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I feel time passing like nails on my skin

Piercing, commanding, but ephemeral

It floats by while I'm left to singe within

Nursing echoes that ring true like spells

 

Against the auroral skies my head bows down

But never hangs heavy

Evergreen vinyls, abandoned hometown

You still lurk in the shadows of my periphery

 

I see you when my hands cradle my head

And when I'...

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We play music
To fill the silence
Between words we don’t say
Those we can’t
We pretend it’s okay
In the silent car
And I sing to the music
To cover old scars
The silence tears open
The memories unspoken
That left me broken
In this very car
The silence surrounds me
Just like that night
And it brings 
All but delight
And makes me realise
I live in that space
It is my home
That I d...

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They'll be no more

Sweat soaked sweaters

I'll let my scars

Brush the breeze

And by the 

Twenty fifth of December 

It will be month Fourteen

 

So as my scars 

Fade to white

I won't be scared 

To show them the light

I'll have a short sleeve summer

I'll finally be free

 

This is not to say that

There'll be no more hoodies

Just that short sleeves 

...

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A figure slumped beside the road, a heap of ash and thread. No face, no shape, just heavy cloth, and eyes that looked half-dead. “Who are you?” asked the wrinkled one, with voice both calm and kind. “I’m Sadness,” said the shape, half-formed, “the one all try to bind.” “They turn from me,” the figure said, “as if I bring disease. They smile too wide, deny the weight, pretending th...

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I still remember

Cold faces in my bedroom

Smiling women in the dark

Slicked hair, teeth sharp

I still remember

The man whose legs

Popped out from under my bed

And I screamed

Broad daylight was frightening

Heart speeding, head beating

The men who moved closer towards me

All I could do was freeze

I’d stare back

With sucked breath, shaking knees

Day afte...

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A poetic exploration of a mind poisoned by the omnipresent specters of Donald Trump and E. Musk. This piece hopefully captures the relentless mental siege and especially the detox from Trump's toxic influence. It is a vivid depiction of inner turmoil and the quest to reclaim clarity and freedom.

Each waking thought, his specter reappears,
A gaudy brute who feeds on hate and strife.
He storms ...

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I can remember the day
That I saw a picture of you
And didn't react at all

No rage
No sneers
No tears
Nothing.

I've never been happier to feel nothing

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Have you seen the moon shining gently tonight?

Do you like the shadows it paints?

 

The moon shines upon me, 

As my feet touch the earth in this peaceful corner.

I can feel the softness of its light.

I can see my shadow dancing with joy on the ground.

 

The moonlight in this place,

Creates a painting of happiness,  

Amidst the silence of life.

 

I like this!

...

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Dear absent friend
Are you still there?
Do you still lurk in the places we used to?
Or have you moved on to pastures new?

Dear absent friend
Do I ever cross your mind?
Even on days with no rain from the skies 
It rains from my eyes

Dear absent friend
I long to hear your voice
For your asks I could not fulfill 
But I miss you still 

Dear absent friend
I hope that you are happy
H...

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I accept

All the things around me

The harsh warmth of an Indian afternoon,

The confused colors of the evening,

Sheer darkness of night regardless of moon,

And everything between the end and beginning.

I have been trying to change my life,

But all I could change was my perspective.

I can’t seem to change the story, Though I attempt to shift the narrative.

I’ll fulfill m...

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Words can be weaponised
Be careful with the words you use
What might be a throw away sentence to you
Forever imprinted, taunting anothers mind 

When you chose these words 
Did you remember the things about me which only you know
The secrets I don't share freely 
But entrusted with you 

People have preconceived notions
Ready to label and validate assumptions
You saw behind the mask
Y...

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If we could rewind the clock
Would you be different 
So that I could know how it feels
To feel the love of a Father

Maybe I could run into your arms
Instead of away from your fists 
You could be my hero 
Instead of the nightmare that persists

Left with questions I cannot answer 
What version of me were you after 

You never liked my face
So neither did I 
I look in the mirror
And...

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Dancing sweet hearts wake one day
Summer break sing and play
Dancing darlings summers morn
Monday Mersey mums they mourn
Silent street dressed in flowers
Prayers on prayers crucial the hours
Dancing beauties nature's Purest
Harmonised with angels to heavenly chorus 

Beyond heartache Unforgettable day

Endless love to God we pray

 

 

 

 

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You talk about the past as it defines you
I hope one day you look past the pain and trama
For there is a gift inside you
For the world to see
Your kind and caring personality

You are not a prisoner of your past
Your prison cell has always been open
It time for you to walk on through
And let the world in and all it has to offers you

Nothing is ever broken or beyond repair
It takes tim...

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I hear the things that go unsaid

that slip between the words,

the spaces where you think perhaps

your silence goes unheard.

 

I hear the things your voice betrays

that crack when horror speaks,

the cough you make you think perhaps

belies you've dived too deep.

 

I see the things you can't relate

that dead look in your eye,

the moments when you think perhaps

...

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Yesterday, was day one.

A day of being alone,

thinking.

Thinking about how my mind 

has yet to understand what happened.

what makes you everything they want,

but not wanted at the same time.

 

what is it? 

 

for someone to bring you in on their journey,

then blame the journey for the reason

 

they   no   longer    need    you   .

 

they need freedom,

...

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It’s been a while since we’ve spoken

I don’t know what’s going on In your life

 

But I hope you’re alright 

I still catch myself smiling

And looking to the side 

When something along the lines

Of our inside jokes comes into a conversation

With strangers or friends 

I quickly wipe away my grin 

For they simply wouldn’t understand 

There’s no point in delving in...

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My journey of healing begins

Trekking along a rocky road of unhealed traumas

Breathing slowly, inhale, exhale!

Tear filled eyes, liquid dreams wash away right before me

Asking myself, who am I now?

And, who do I want to be? 

Against my will, my mind flickers through memories past,  

Confronted with my shadow

Refusing to flee, I learn to cope with the density

Leaving room...

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The sky shed tears, on that day

The day the wind took you away

The thunder of time, rumbled on

Playing a melancholic song

The lightning splitting my heart in two

A piece for me, 

                           a piece for you

One day we'll stitch it back together 

And then, my love, 

                                 we have forever 

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A tale of a boy who lived by destruction

New toys at Christmas they'd break when he'd touch them

If the label said keep dry then no doubt it got wet

He scratched dvds and danced on his train set

 

He'd climb any height to get were was needed

Danger keep out but this boy proceeded

 

If he couldn't go through it  he went over or under

Mayhem on school trips  made sun turn ...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

...

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You pulled me into your orbit

when I needed your help

and so, I made you my centre 

to centre myself

 

That was my first mistake

 

I looked inside you

for places where I could hide

I hoped to run from reality

into the delusions of your mind

I was happy to believe you were one of a kind

chuffed upon chuffed that you were mine

and I felt adored

grateful to m...

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Imagine being totally untethered

After feeling chain linked 

I feel split

That part removed 

That half is trying to renew

But it hurts 

To grow scab over wound 

Missing you is mourning you 

Leaving you is still losing you

And I’m just as lost

As I made you 

If it could be 

I would make it be 

Should I be chain linked again 

I would make it good 

Should ...

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The Eagle Woman is made of shale 
layers of life loam, which weigh her down
She is subsumed by ten white men who have killed every ounce of her outward nature.
Men like granite who glance her way
Not seeing the feathers pearlescent, buried, fused with the debris of past bullies.
Though she rises up to the thermals with wings that only God himself can capitulate.

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Today at school, I locked myself in the bathroom 

so I could cry where no one could see.

 

Things aren’t the same anymore and I don’t know 

how to communicate it.

 

I find myself unable to do the simplest things—

to comprehend, to remember, to articulate 

the things I could before.

 

This morning, I sat in silence and stretched and breathed in deeply, 

and I said t...

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Oh beloved 

Flying high 

God may have taken you back early to those you left behind 

What was yours on earth your precious connections 

To each other " we" each other were just stories and experiences solemnly yours although you would share so precisely the beauty you embraced 

In each individual 

It was like you connected us through your own sentiment whilst playing your songs 

...

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I seek myself

Fighting demons in my head

I fight a battle daily in my head

These voices in me try to bring me down

Saying I'm not good enough

My chest aches

As though a stone presses on me

My lungs gasp with stifling air

Feeling short of breath

I suffocate with my head barely above water

As much I may try to avoid it

It always finds me in the quiet

Robbing me of...

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To hold you in my arms one last time

To feel your touch even though I knew you weren’t really mine

To feel your lips touch mine and again feel your love 

Hoping, dreaming, wishing I could bring you back 

Hoping, dreaming, wishing to fix this shattered heart

But a touch, a kiss, my love wasn’t enough 

You’re not coming back 

You’ve chosen 

And it’s clear now

Your love is ...

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ADVENT

Purification
World of all souls mistletoe rose
Christmas tree healing

Joyful emotions
For giving the heart is key
To the wealth of health

Colds can be deadly
If we lack immunity
We are all fragile

Viruses present
Unwanted gifts at Christmas
To all believers

And of none but we
Shall remember those who died
In hospital wards

Last gasp for the world
Can our patient...

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I want to tell you.

 I want to write it down. 

I want to have the right words.

I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt. 

I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight. 

I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it 

when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...

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I always hoped I’d get a seat next to them—

 

After so many hours in that chair, you look for anything to make you smile.

Most days I came prepared with things to occupy my mind.

 

I carried a book of Kate Bush’s song lyrics, called How to Be Invisible, which had been nearly ruined once when I spilled an entire canteen of water in the bag I packed to take to the hospital.

 

Bu...

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From here—

I wish I could capture this moment with my eyes:

 

A rose-golden mist of salt

shimmering in the glow of the setting sun

falling like stardust into the grey-green seams

of water, pulled tightly over by the crest of a broken wave

 

She could devour me in an instant with 

white-water jaws;

swallow me whole and 

spit me into her dark abyss

 

But here—

...

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09.10.21

I'm not a broken vase 
Not pieces put back together with golden glue 
Not some fragile, broken thing
You can't cut yourself on me anymore. 

You kept trying to hold me together 
To put flowers in me and show me off, so proud 
But I'm not a vase, 
Never was 

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27.07.20

I am a shattered vase 
Pieces picked from the floor 
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards 
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in 
Pretending I'm in tact 
Not a shattered broken thing 

From afar I'm a vase 
Unlike any other 
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds 
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you ...

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When you left, you took a piece of my heart

When you left, my whole world came tumbling down

I became so lost

I was left in the dark

You took with you my light 

When you left, I learned to fight

I learned to navigate this world without you by my side

I learned to be strong to no longer rely on your love

You thought I was weak,

For feeling too much

Now, you're the one ...

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His words could become sharp as corners

And trap you there

Flailing in his grasp

They could pinch your skin

Until you cried

And cried

Throughout your shifts

They could catch your wrists and stop you

From moving on

From moving

They could lock the doors, no leaving

They could shame you and shrink you

They could come flying in from an open window,

A buzzing phon...

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Broken feeling all alone

The dark surrounds you and all is still 

Time stops ticking 

Your heart no longer wants to beat, it no longer wants to live 

You hear a voice whisper 

You hear a voice call your name 

You fall on your knees close your eyes and pray 

You feel his strength 

You hear his voice say , "No more!"

God says , "Rise and grow!"

Have COURAGE to let go......

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i am a lucky girl.

 

just recently i read that

on average

people take around 24,000 breaths 

everyday 

in between words

and laughs 

and running late to their jobs.

today i watched an old

PJ Harvey concert on tv

she was singing and

screaming and

breathing 

all over the place-

it was great

i bet i took a thousand breaths 

just sitting there watchi...

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They come to me when things are still

And leave me without choice to hear

The things I've heard and know too well

Of tired topics,

To be clear

I, myself and just the ears

Without chance to think, or speak

It seems all I do is overhear

Their endless banter of 

Self critique

Seldom, do I have a moment

For myself

Today, for instance 

Was particularly loud

Who...

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I could not reach you

But how I sought to

How desperately I longed

To belong to you

But the walls between us

The ones you built

Stood far too strong

And far too tall

For me to reach

 

Oh, but how I tried

How relentlessly I cast my bleeding hands 

Against the jagged rocks and stones 

That kept me from you

Lost,

Alone

But how I tried

 

And I wait...

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