When I'd first met you, 
Can't explain how frenzy I'd behaved. 
From the daylight butterflies, 
To the dark night fireflies, 
I could feel everything around me. 

It was a feeling out of this world,
Like how the comets collide, 
Like how the stars collide. 
And people have wishes to make 
Of the loved ones they desire. 

I made a wish too. 
To grow old with you, 
To get to the countr...

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I remember being told to,
'You can do nothing'.
A memory that came like a flood,
Only this morning.
I pass by several faces,
That I've been seeing for years.
But today I saw one,
That reminded me of the days of tears.
When the people I relied on,
Pointed fingers at me.
When I was mocked and laughed at,
And what I really was, no one could see.
The times when people told me,
I didn't fi...

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SMASH!

Every time the glass of your skull

Crashes into the fist of another memory

To crush you where you stand

Because another memory has broken you

Because another memory has entered you

Like intruders, they force their way inside

They punch their way into your attention

They invade your heart

Until you must look at them

All so that they can violate you again

They...

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The Dig

Thousands of years later

They found the sacred site

And used their soft sable brushes

To clear the earth from their finds

Here was what looked like a drinking vessel

Owned by a Covid-19 man called Persil

And look part of a plate with the lettering McDon

So possibly owned by someone from the Northern Zone

Inflation devices with logos of Asda and Lidl

Ancie...

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Now when i look back to my life after all these years of pain and sorrow,

only to realise that how far i have come.

Looking back to my older dark soul,

i am proud of my growth.

I am just 20 and i know there's a long long road ahead,

and i am ready for it.

This one last look to my past,

with teary eyes and a bright smile.

Now i am leaving behind my past, ...

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I was reading a story

When i felt a sudden spark of pain in my heart

I was feeling like someone was piercing needles deep inside my soul

It was unbearable and tears were rolling down 

I closed my eyes, it was all dark

And then i saw you

I tried opening my eyes but I couldn’t 

Because deep inside I still wanted to see you for maybe one last time even when nothing was real 

B...

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Sometimes even when everything is right

Nothing feels right 

Everything is complete 

But deep down all you feel is emptiness  

Your life is going smooth 

But all you feel is sadness

You’re happy 

But all you do is cry

You don’t know the reason

But all you feel is pain enduring you

You don’t want to give up

But all you do is losing hope

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Flame

We set the world alight

With incendiary thoughts

That burned like sulphur

Cut with lithium

A million candles

That lit every corner

Of our flammable minds

And shone like supernovas

That was an age ago

When new ideas

Were like matches

Striking on sandpaper

When the faintest

Flintlock spark

Could flash against powder

And deliver shot

...

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What is next? I ask God

Tell me please because I feel so lost

Losing control of all that is around

What is next? I ask God

Then a small voice howls in the wind saying, "Worry about now!"

Smile, Breathe, Relax

Don't worry about the future nor the past

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Don't look back

don't ever do that

the past lives there

with its wild despair,

its puddles of pity

all dark and gritty.

There's joy there too,

and patches of blue.

The mean ol' reds,

where you lost your head. 

A kaleidescope of feeling

to keep you reeling.

Be where you stand,

see what's at hand:

marvels to see,

new ways to be,

colors so cle...

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At the foothills of vintage age
you feel perceptibly less somber
for there are only meager remains
of mostly forgotten days -
      little to smile, rue or cry for
and an amorphous
yet obligingly finite future -
      trifling to put together or fight for.

So dear Chandra:
here is a congratulation:
It must be awesome -
this imminent privilege of geriatrics
and this stolen bit of tran...

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Do you ever want to 
hold on to a moment 
because it feels divine?

A moment when the stars align, 
and everything is fine. 

A moment when you make peace 
with your past, and your pain. 

A moment when there is 
no sorrow, no shame.

A moment when fear
takes a hike.

A moment when the sky is clear, 
the air is forgiving,
and sun shines bright. 

A moment when everything 
feel...

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OUR RAIN

My face drenched

My hair soaked

Our bodies cling

The sound of thunder

Rain gloriously cleansing our past

Our kiss

Our dance

Our rain

Our love

A memory of our first glance

Our first embrace

Our first kiss

This is our rain

Our dance

Our love

Hope

Trust

Complete at last

Gone with the past

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I Don’t Even Have To Hope You Go To Hell.
With That Evil Grin
Come Lurking Around The Corner.
And I Don’t Feel The Need To
Sell Myself To You.
Turning On The Screw.
So I’m Just.
And Just Keep On Writing
Underneath The Ladder.
Old Timer, Turn The Volume Down.
Pages Turn, Yet Here I Burn.
Never One To Be Part Of This World.

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The trees still sentinel stood

their green leaves whispering

rustling gently in the wood

in the same soft breeze

and I know some summer birds

sang in their canopy

a requiem without words

'neath the same blue sky

that through every passing year

quietly watched over me

safe within Ceredig's sphere

It has been too long a time

since our firs...

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If you learn from the past 
Improving your future 
Then you'll achieve the goal 
And reach it safely faster 

Pay an attention to move 
Know the direction to go 
Have time to Improve 
Act well, not only "show" 

Earn your people' regard 
And don't cross the fence 
Know the value of the word 
Now you've got confidence 

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I DON'T THINK, OF YESTERDAY.
 
LET'S TO THINK, WHAT IS TODAY?
 
SUN COMES, ALWAYS, BRAND-NEW.
 
WHY TO SEE SUN, AS GREY.
 

I LOVED YOU, SAME AS YOU ARE.
 
I BEG YOU KEEP YOUR PAST, AWAY.

I DON'T ASK, I DON'T CARE.
 
NOBODY IS BLAMELESS, EVERYDAY.
 

HEART IS OPEN, COME AND SHARE.
 
I NEED TO HEAR YOU, JUST SAY.
 
TOMORROW IS COMING, AS A SHINY DAY.
 
I LOVED YOU TOO, LE...

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Hey there lonely girl,

what are you doing wandering around

these dark places?

Don’t you know that 

evil lurks about? 

The void is littered

with those who will use you,

abuse you,

scar your soul for eternity. 

Listen to my pleas,

I’m begging on bended knees,

move forward

towards the light,

no matter how tempting

the mysterious

shadows may be. 

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Too much reality 
can burn a hole
through your soul.

I prefer to temper it
with rose colored glasses,
as you know.

With my glasses on
I can see past the ego
to the wounds at
war within.

I can see that the
past, present, and
future are all 
an illusion...

created for one purpose

to tell the story
of how we want to 
show up in this world. 

I can see beyond 
resistance,...

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Why say I'm sorry
for something in which
you had no part?

Because, shallow as those 
two words may seem...

the gesture plays 
a pivotal role in 
healing a broken heart. 

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A Shattered Rose

The slick cliff'd river smears shiny

blue-green sliding waters

across richly wooded chateau-lands;

hurrying through honey-scarred falaises,

cat-mouthed where toffee sandstones

arced onto sleeping innocents beneath.

A country blessèd and blighted both,

in equal measure (as aeons bequeath)

full with easy money, and its deadly past.

April ...

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I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll  finally feel strong

Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong

Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...

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Wandering through the sunlit trees

on grassy bluebell banks, brackened

by the unfurling of softly sensual shoots;

strolling in the tide turn rippling sea

as toes sift soft sea sand, silted

and lost to the advancing wave weft;

striding across bare barren felltop

on sheep shorn Spring sprung sod, surrounded 

by haze horizoned hills and hills and hills;

standing by the quie...

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Haunted by ghosts from a distant past of mine

that remain hidden from my memory

but lie embedded somewhere in that cerebral mass.

Thinking of a present fraught with dilemma

residing at the forefront of my brain

Fermenting both fear and worry, and causing distress.

Dreaming of a future full of brightness

Floating above my corporeal form

Building and creating a beau...

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For again i fall
To his charming call
A trap it may be
Its shine captures me

My heart is eaten out
My feelings headed south
Yet my affection is still his
My torture is his bliss

In his web, i lay
There came a girl one day
Ignorant of the danger
Behind the charms that linger

I could not shout
I could not call out
A fate that echos mine
A victim, next in line

It is like a cru...

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{To The Past} 

Here's to my 

past for the 

one's who 

thought they 

knew me well 

I can actually

say to you that 

you can kiss my

ass and please

go straight to 

hell for the 

last and final 

damn time

©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/ One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 26,2018

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25/10/11

So unpredictable.

So sharp and so cunning

Is the pain that run through me,

Hideous yet so stunning.

I want to keep it here, 

I want to feel it's cold aching

Blood spilling from me

My heart is still breaking

What if I want it to stop?

Please, leave me alone!

It'll be there. Waiting.

For me to decay down to bones. 

Maybe that's what I wa...

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The way, she did to me
Is the way I did to her
The way, where hearts broke
The way,
I will never return to


The way where
Sun used to long last
The days spent in the past
Still, when thy feeling arises
My day neither sets, nor rises

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Present — past

Past — gone

Looking back and remembering the yesterdays

Is wrong.

*

Where is NOW?

Where is it?

Living in the THEN…

No, that’s not NOW, not it!

*

The ghost of yesterday

Is in mind

But looking back

Is the NOW you’ll never find.

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Is the pain of loneliness worse than the pain of regret

Than giving away another part of your shrinking soul

I only have so much to give

I do not know how to stop

I am not eternal

I am not limitless

I am finite

There is a certain amount of me

And some parts never grow back

Some parts, once given, cannot ever be recovered

I cannot be returned to who I once was

...

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Yesterday, the sun shone black upon my soul

Depth's depth deep beneath my heart.

Lumined ne'er by hope

Thoughts sank weighted low

Today, dawn'd, in heaven's mantle rais'd,

Glims golden future in my mind.

Light lightened all by future faith

Heart, mind and soul exalting up

Her voice love levered up, returned it from the depths

Dark voids where happiness was stra...

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I had been feeling sad and lonely. I decided to go back into the past and visit
my child hood home.

My Sister, Mother and Brother were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a meal,
I walked in and said, "Hello!"

They welcomed me warmly and asked, "How have You been?" I felt secure and
comfortable being welcomed home.

Soon my Father made an appearance and asked,...

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Wound up
some nights
I go out to think…

Of all the truths we share
there are little reminders we choose to keep hidden
fix up the front porch

but bullet holes in backyards
they go on…

We may not know what they mean
but we know what they represent
the past is scarred, pock-marked

Did the children stand beside the pond
where they were sprayed and felled
did the family huddle clo...

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Cackling cows, but the milk is sour.

Poison meat that we devour.

Broken hearts left to cower.

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How about the beach? Sandy feet, fresh breeze.                                                            Seize the sunlight, beam just as bright 

How about flying a kite? Light, the campfire, just right.                                             Tent settled, just behind that tree you see? 

How perfect could this be? Gazing beside one another; amongst grass and stars  We huggled as if it ...

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I miss the little things.

My schoolyard friends,

The summer's end,

My childish dreams.

And fear this too

Of tomorrow's day.

When I will say,

Today was full.

If Hope lies ahead

And happiness back,

It can only track

That now is dead.

The present is skiewed,

By what was then,

The future's when,

And how they're viewed.

,

...

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Open your books,

On page seventy-two.

Read these sides,

And learn about the past,

Which is not anymore.

We learn about war,

About hate and racism,

And they call it past,

And close their eyes

To not see reality.

One day, they will,

I hope, will understand,

That to be in denial,

Doesn't help altogether.

Because in the end,

Nothing changed a...

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Everything I used to touch
was touched with sadness

Everything I used to make
or say out loud
or joke about
was infused with sadness

A pathos to deepen all
a blackness 
to accentuate all light

Everything I hung
was waiting to be hanged
in every tale I spun
I was waiting to be hanged

Somehow the sadness 
magnified the bright moments
shifted perspective
brought my dark art to...

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The past is the past.
So, learn and build from it.

The present is here, right now.
So, live to the fullest and don't hold back.

The future is ahead of us waiting.
So, whenever that time comes
take ahold of it and don't look back.

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These memories fade into me

Each time I gather

They become seamless

They've woven themselves into the stars

Beauty as they are

It is my past

To the melody of my soul

I caught them dancing

As if they didn't mind the memories that cried

They thought them loveliness

Please watch for when they fall

That is you or I falling to harmonize

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Lo and behold that feeling

once more has returned

To tease test and torment

dead past willfully spurned

From window shut forever

heard unmistakable creak

A portent of ensuing havoc

and destruction it’ll wreak

Dilemmas deemed sorted

in archives since then lost

Will augment latent agony

with much heftier paid cost

An arduous uphill dr...

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I sometimes wander past the house where we used to live.

I park across the road and contemplate

the things we used to do.

As much as I stare I cannot see within

and even if I could

I’d only see the strangers who occupy our house.

I wonder if deep into the night

our voices from years ago

Might penetrate the years

and our echo may softly rebound

Across the walls we used...

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Before She Came (The Girl From Kansas)

before she came

I stood here

for what seemed

like eons

with a blood red sun

setting behind me

my head full

of nothing more

than sawdust

straw

and dreams

a hole in my chest

where beetles

scuttled

happy

come rain or shine

my only fear

that crows might see

through me

be brav...

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In that place

The summers were always hot and the skies completely blue.

And in that place

Where nothing ever hurt me

A lie was never spoken; it was all completely true

In that place

When the morning sun spilled into my room and woke me

Then I’d be up and out and riding my bike

And in that place

The place where I’d be the fastest biker ever

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MY LITTLE COLD WAR 

My mate sent some song lyrics to me, by some band. I read them after reading my story on my nuclear armed stealth jet being used in anger. I’m trying to make sense of the cold war I grew up in now, so many years later. It’s so crazy. The younger kids have no idea but my mate does, he’s only 21 but he tries to understand what it was like growing up under the shadow ...

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Today I have been holding the hand of the model maker.

With my brush I attempt to make good -

as they say.

He died soon after he finished

a wonderful re-incarnation

of our lost harbour.

He made it as light relief while working on

some effigy of violence.

That was his real job.

I like to think of him

losing himself in ...

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