A little girl that got lost

My dad gave me a pair of glasses when I was about 5

It confused me a little

He said, “This is the only thing you’ll ever need.” 

“This will keep you as my little girl,” he said

He put it on and looked at me with a smile

With a warm one, I could see he liked it this way

I wondered back then if the warmth would cool if I took it off

but I didn’t want to find out so soon

I could just stay a little girl I thought, how hard could it be?

It really was easy as a kid but, the glasses got heavier as I grew

They didn’t quite fit me anymore, and nobody else wore them anyway

The kids at my school, they already saw everything crystal clear

It was only me that didn’t apparently, it confused me

I wondered what it was that made me different 

It was the only thing I could see, I was different

While all the other kids, they lived

Me, the little girl, watched

I just watched, I watched them live their lives

make mistakes, accomplish, grow

But me, I could only grow as much as the glasses allowed me

If I grew a little more, the glass would explode right?

So I just watched

I didn’t quite realise when my dad said, this is what you’ll need

the emphasis was on “only” 

No, I didn’t quite see it at all

I just wanted to see the warm smile on his face

Be a little girl, with a loving dad

but teenagers you know, they never listen

they see, but they just never listen

I wanted to be like my friends, you see

I wanted to live, not watch

So I let it all go

I got out of the little glass box my dad put me in

And I lived

I made mistakes, I grew, I made more mistakes

I just wanted to play pretend

Pretend that I was like everyone else

But I had forgotten, my dad wasn’t

he wasn’t very happy when he found out

the warm bright sun, the orange sky, and the red leaves everywhere

flew somewhere else

and the winter came

the icy cold blue sky, the white snow to cover up all the mud 

to cleanse, to purify, to rectify

all the sins I had done

Without the glasses I wasn’t a little girl, I was a mistake

A disease, a genetic mutation, a lack of vision 

I was a blind little spot, what he messed up

Maybe if he had kept me a little closer, I wouldn’t have got lost

I would’ve stayed his little girl forever and ever 

But that’s the issue isn’t it

no one does

We all grow eventually, we realise

We’re just a balloon in the sky

all in different colours, shapes, sizes 

different personas painting the sky 

the one thing that’s the same, the only, is that we can all fly

and someday you get bought

a little kid playing pretend, being adult

likes you, loves you, and wants you to stay with them forever and ever 

a little you, maybe one that’ll be the better you

but there’s the rub, the tip of the needle

you can only keep them for so long

eventually, you need to let go, let them fly

find someone else in the sky

but what if you can’t?

what if you open up a little hole with a shard of glass

let the air loose, little by little, till they can’t fly anymore

till they lose the one thing that made them same

just like everyone else

well I’ll tell you what will happen

the little dove in your clasp will eventually be free

but it’s too late 

you damaged too much, and it exploded 

Now it’s just a piece of rubber on the ground

with no hope left in it

A scar too late to patch up

A disease with no cure

They tried to fly far far away

but after the fourth turn, you knew exactly where they ended up

right before your eyes

all their innocence flew away, just guilt on the ground left

your warm smile gone, just grief left 

And you blame her, don’t you?

Of course, you do

After everything you’ve done

Every pain you’ve caused, every scar you’ve pierced

it’s all her fault

You were the one that gave her glasses when she could already see

But it was her fault that she took them off

that she realised, she didn’t need you

she could fly and you broke her wing

it was all there from the beginning

crystal clear, she could see but she chose not to, 

she trusted you no matter how much she didn’t understand

she let you walk her inside the glass box 

and now she’s just rubbish on the floor

with absolutely nothing, she’s ever accomplished

cause you only saw her as a mistake 

Just a little girl that got lost, had nothing to do with you

She’s all alone now, couldn’t find someone else in the sky

Cause she can’t fly like everyone else

she’s different, she’ll always be 

forever and ever 

FamilytraumasadnessDaddy issues

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Comments

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Bethany Sallis

Wed 23rd Nov 2022 16:14

A lot of beautiful hard work Lisa thank you

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Stephen Atkinson

Wed 23rd Nov 2022 12:13

A captivating & thought provoking write.

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