I’ve finally plucked up the courage to speak,

to allow myself to stand up with the freaks

I’ve been sitting in my bedroom for too long

Waiting for the life i want to come along

Wondering if I am under control or lost

Thinking that I’d be better off dead, toast

Unsure how to be a mother to my child

As I’m always hankering for the WILD

I don’t mean just in terms of ...

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Tendrils of sight swim
memories from my child mind
vast Graveyards flash past
the coach windows
as I sat alone, 
my split-self bristling
against the fabric seats
My school friends chatter
then later they climb
into sleeping bags, safe
I brought my heart out
into the moonlight, breathless
learning how not to wake
others with my grief
whilst you took your half
of my heart
high up int...

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I saw you there sweating
while under the shade
screaming, "stop that now" 
and you threw a book
thump
straight out in front of you
onto faded grass.

You ordered him, "Go! 
Pick it up, you useless child"
A well-dressed boy in a school cap 
cowered to gain the book 
brought it back to you; 
you dropped it
Twice! 
So he had to pick it up again, and again
while you admonished him for ...

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I don’t necessarily want to be like you

There are times when you drive me up the wall!

I thought I wanted to be friends with you

I thought that we were something that we we're not

The reason is that I want to be like you, not that I want you

I want to be able to turn my phone over when someone calls

I want to be had a look away and ignore that “ting”

I want to put myself first...

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Am I a burden or a blessing?

Until now I've brought you pain,

nitpicked neurotic neural pathways

produced images of you burdening people

nuked your brain by old beliefs.

The pitter patter of your baby

put like a seal pup on your chest

but I was there for stop her suckling,

I didn't want her to breathe

No-one except me knew you bitch.

After all we've been thr...

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Kneel before the rich black mud

the minty plants smell when bruised

she sees the double backed burden

spouting eggs into the brown tea water

shame gathers with the loaches at the bottom

as the dragonfly larvae pounce

and eat those who have just been born

the shadows hold no magic to her yet

Hands fly, she captures a creature

pulling its leg to keep it safe

pulling its...

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I felt like a clay pot

once from the earth

Born with spirit, soul cropped

The owners; my guardians, held me

They allowed me to be used

for my true purposes,

not as a pot but a holder of life;

Extraordinary.

Later, others wanted me to be a pot for use

To look and act like other pots 

Or my uniqueness challenged their sameness 

So I became like them, soul lost.

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I see wings with golden flecks 
that embrace the moon; 
a faith we need to reign in,
the horses of light and dark pull them.

I run with the wolves, 
my hair streaming behind me,
as the wheel of fortune flings me out.

I see two magpies when I'm joyful,
but only one when I need two the most.
I can harness hell in times of apocalypse
and channel Gaia on Elysium field days.

The Chario...

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You enter the hospital

COVID precautions, mask on.

You see your Mum,

breathing on her own again,

like she had done for years

even before you were born.

And you know it’s time,

nothing can be done now.

You say your goodbyes

Walk out of the door

to a life that you no longer recognise;

One where you feel alone

without your anchor,

your home

There will be mome...

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Facebook is full of futility;
pandemic emotional ping pong
vapid mini Directors spouting “truth”
proving a point to the other side

The class divide is dividing us,
fuelled by media-driven Morgans 
who needs to create division to thrive
pointless pricks with absent minds
Propaganda piloted, spoon-feeding 

Humans walk past Joe the homeless, 
humming on their way into work
happily stil...

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Your polo shirt is slightly askew.

Eyeliner you try and hide.

My daughter baby’s prime;

we have fought for this.

You now sit in classrooms,

open windows, warmth drained.

Queue, face mask clad, in corridors

dreaming of seeing faces 

The boy you pass notes to

you are no longer free to kiss

or find the ecstasy in another.

Your childhood is on hold.

W...

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I have been

Seen 

Death has held me

Life has killed me

But you still think

You have the right

To give me advice

As if you’re above me

If you let me speak

You might learn

Something

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I seek you moth girl,

there are hopes masked

behind doors in our mind

touches, intrusions

that felt like Fear 

Frozen Little Doll

It’s where you still solicit,

Part Me, Part Him

God’s Steward dismantled

drowning under sheets

and adult whims

Fragments of sin

I ask you to come home

dance with me again, 

you are swimming of reach

in the same mind

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Lives threatened by what they don’t know
Dictated by police banners of hell
Don’t let anyone escape their reality
We are all victims of false dichotomy
Black or white we are all longed for
Children of a false enemy 
Rise up and sense the difference 
A red flag goads us towards sensibility
Neutral props of a false economy
Rise forth and take the enmity
The discourse of truth will out
N...

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Since I cannot sense a name for God

power will stutter out of my mouth

In the old days it was the Village Church

Rich with Stain Glass Hypocrisy and Sin

In the middle it was a wasteland, dead

Then I saw God and everything changed

Spirit stood on my shoulder and held me

Angels came in plain clothes to erase me

No-one left even though I tried to kill me

In the attire ...

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She sits there her book full of latent codes,
a way of communicating so no-one knows
Rambling on my life, traces of a history unread:
a mind full of trash and misdeeds unsaid.
She's a pristine therapist, who hasn't lived,
expecting me to say all and give,
when I couldn't give a shit about her plan.

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You're so impossible
you are selfish
you are difficult
you cause me so much trouble
I've only got this angry with you
you provoked me
you're unreasonable 
you aren't like your brother
you never help
I never get this cross with anyone else
you made me hit you
I lost control because of you
you are defective
but I love you
so all is ok 

everything is possible with me
I am self full
...

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Dark outside,

you see inside.

I’m standing there,

without a care,

but looking out,

i’m full of doubts.

I’m projecting pride,

but have nearly died.

He makes my tea,

you see he loves me.

I appear to have done

nothing for it.

My inner voice,

gives me no choice,

where you can’t see,

I slice my extremity,

the blood runs down,

into the family’s dishes.

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Vulnerable

I know that no one really cares

If those people that they stare at

Really live it die or roam the streets

Wondering if there lives are nothing

Like the ones that “normal” people

live, but I am one who cares for those

Ego less souls who feel more than

Those who think they are more

Do not make me make you see

Those who you think are less

Because you w...

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My wings are brown, not black and shiny.
I'm always peeping out through leaves.
I try and keep above the fear trilling below,
I know they are ingesting bitter roots.
And yet I swallow their song all the same.
The empty smoke of hope that arises,
as I am the Blackbird mother sitting,
gathering material and protecting you,
refined in pointless expectation.
I am a gust of failure that ruins,
...

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She is dead already,

those eyes have murdered her.

They shut her inside jars,

scream their pain, projection.

She needs not to sting humans

but she is overwhelmed.

Searching for open windows,

A chance to kill herself. 

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A house,

a staircase

it was an accident

you hit me

with your words

it's my home I say

but you don’t care

you have come in

again

soon you will leave

but not me, her

I find my bedroom

solace and silence

the smallness of me

you have come again

I do not want you

you are not mine, hers

you smother me,

press me into bedsheets

you smell of bull swe...

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Wounded Healer

Chestfull of Grief

Subdued Heart

Full of Mischief

Scan my Matter

I am a Thief

Don’t listen to Spirit

Just Seeking Relief

Drowning Dreamer

Trauma of Belief

Rivers to Conquer

I am the Dirt

The Soil that Speaks

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You can find it in the drumbeat of a Shaman

Or within trees which possess doorways of hope

A certain stone can transport terrestrials

A mirror reflects what we know

A panorama roars into our psyche

While smells of childhood sear on our souls

The music we know the words to

even though we've never heard it before

We write a poem sacred in its rawness

Visit church...

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Dead wood, no good.

Get rid of the dead 

wood that won’t burn 

like wet yew branches.

People are dead wood,

like soul callouses.

They cling to you,

bring only judgement.

Spouting forth sin,

or their own piss;

its all the same

when you don’t drink it.

They call you wrong,

say you are useless, 

no use for burning.

I smack the dead wood

out of my life,

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A little poem off the top of my head. Not edited, written v.fast. 

Remembering 

Why should we bother?
To think about the souls
who fought in WARS
when peace is our goal.

Why should we bother?
To find a hour to spare
To witness their support 
when we weren’t there

Why should we bother?
To think about the tears
Of all the men and women
who sacrificed their fears

We should alw...

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The wind blew us away,
but we stayed sure footed.
Evening drew in 
as dark clouds swam 
in post storm
Dreams:
a God dwelling sky. 
We built shelter 
for your game,
The way you faced
the wind 
made me so proud. 
We the warrior queens, 
wanting nothing but this. 

By Emma-Jane Stradling

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Enchanted women enter 

Hades fucks Persephone

whilst watching a silver Queen

Re-enter the ordinary world 

where Poseidon rules the sea

I dive through opaque water

the salt flushing out my eyes

under the silver silent waves 

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The girl begins to unfold like a snake

unfurling itself from it's resting place. 

The arch of her foot, the ringlety hair,

the smooth skin that's yet to be shed.

She emits her stellar energies now.

Her unconscious is blissfully sleeping. 

Then they start to tout, with their sales.

Girls on the front of magazines, exposed.

The innocents look on in suspicion.

Is this what ...

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I saw you first when I strolled in,

massive horse, the god of the yard.

You gave us health, you god of healing.

The light streamed in; your heart lit up

just like you were Apollo,

the god of truth, you saw our souls.

You put your head on my shoulder

It was so heavy but I held fast.

You smelt of hay and horse.

Your stamps echoed around the place

your feet as big as di...

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She speaks up for the thousandth time,

when it's easier to keep quiet.

A star who says what's is in her soul

when you respond with your mouth.

A shard of silver pain in her heart.

But they have no idea.

You say the first thing in your head,

collapse her nebulous boundaries.

She’s a people pleaser, easily moved

by those who would like her to fall.

A nebula that ca...

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We hide our dark matter behind walls of soft red flesh.

Some people deny the existence of the matter.

Some think their's is so beautiful they should be first.

You deny the presence of it, even with my prompting.

I have descended into the dark labyrinths of my soul;

separating and extracting the Constellatus from Con -

‘together’ + 'stellatus.'

‘arranged like a star.'

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You gave me hope when there was none,

from the misery in the mother and baby units

from my child's extraction, enraged breasts

useless. It was death, childbirth.

I too sat on the beach, at Southbourne

suicidal, with remorse reeking with illness;

I dug my fingers into the dark, cold sand,

and tussled with the need to stay awake.

I suppose the beach at Hastings was ...

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So I hear from you all that he has died,
the man that touched so many lives.
He has not left you in your heart,
now it's time to do your part,
keep his music alive through the dark.
His shining light will never depart.
He left a legacy to show,
his wishes for those who know.
Never let your creativity die,
From the starman waiting in the sky.

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I want to be alone,
but only within my family.
I want to to teach you
but only with him too.
I want to help myself
but only if you help me.
I want to be confident
but only if you are there.
I want to be creative
but only if you allow me.
I want to be a parent
but only if I’m parented.
I want to be an adult
but only if I can be a child.
I want to feel emotions
but only if you hold me...

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Can you imagine infinity as a 10 year old?

Yet now, 28 Years Later, I think it’s no time at all

I know you’ve been with me, all this while, watching, 

I grew from a child, into a girl, then a daughter.

There were times when I wished you weren’t there,

private moments, intimacies, melancholic memories,

I silently searched for you to surprise me,

my wedding, a fatherly hug ...

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Liquor, such a licentious name,

I hear it whispered on TV,

my hair stands on end.

I move the bottles out of sight,

to negate their seductiveness.

They cry to be held or treasured.

The weakness of wine glasses,

resonating when they are washed.

They are true to their purpose at least.

I pour a scant amount,

measuring with molecular like precision.

I swig it back with...

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Swinging upwards,

scathingly steering myself towards salvation.

School Run: teacher testimonials and tallies.

An “Other,”

an outcast from tradition.

Rousing the reluctant offspring,

combative to my requests.

We breakfast briefly,

on little balls of sugary synthetic yellowness

We arrive at school,

greet the countless glamorous goddesses

oozing out of the orifices

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An evening, sitting, wanting, ripping, blackening.
An acerbic wind.
Wait for the train and the glut of passengers to spill out.
The end, endless encircling madness, himself in the wilderness.
Girls, Judas and their selfish wives, lives pass, suck Jesus.
In his selfish mask.
Tormented, pushed down, I’m full: kill, hell thoughts.
Giggle to stifle grief, uncomfortable familiar family and perfe...

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I am as blessed as bees benefitting from a bounteous bloom.

I am chosen like choosing a caramel from a box of chocolates.

I am holy like the hopping Robin just ahead of me.

I am forgiven as I forgive those who trespass against me.

I am as blameless as my brother’s baby.

I am adopted as an angry teenager whose assaults are acerbic.

I am wise as worries that have wro...

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God is looking for action,

Act,

take steps,

pray,

write a book or a manuscript.

It might make you woozy,

to sign a pact with the devil,

blind panic.

But take that first step,

peeling rust off steel,

deciding you can do it.

Then gaze blankly,

fall asleep,

queue,

lean against a bar,

break a figurine,

take a li...

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