graspin at rat pills
all the while, the tide rises past my lips
and this damn lighter won't light anymore
maybe its out of fluid
maybe its just out of fluid
like this stone is just out of blood .
Tuesday 20th December 2022 5:48 pm
I'm looking at all the warning signs. Staring them straight in the face and baring my claws.
Will I bite?
I will scream, scratch, scare everyone away from me. Stay.
My stomach hurts when I see the person I'm dating start to morph into their true self. Self pitty comes through my nightmares. I can't sleep at night when I don't know what they think about me. Why.
I will not be absent for...
Monday 19th December 2022 7:07 am
teeth whitening strips.
water on a bathroom floor muddied with muttered songs.
cans of who and why on a windowsill.
forehead sweat. made to stick fringes.
quick to anger. founded in a parent not so unlike.
jerking awake. jolting asleep. comfort nul.
calm mornings when the sun alarms.
evil feelings when green and yellow lie dormant.
stuttered uttered eye contac...
Saturday 28th May 2022 10:26 pm
I am from water.
I am from breath.
I am from body.
I am from blood.
I am from heart.
I am from thought.
I am from life.
Thursday 31st December 2020 6:21 am
The past, the present and the future are always changing,
There’s nothing in this world that stays unchanged.
What we remember, where we are and what we might become
Are like shifting clouds no people see the same.
So do not ask me where I think I am going,
And do not ask me where I think I have been.
Don’t enquire how I think I might be feeling,
I don’t and can’t know even who I am.
Saturday 28th November 2020 5:36 pm
The first time
Is a pin prick
To feel yourself
You search your being
You are it:
Coursing through yourself
The second time
You search inside
Behind the corner shop
You find where he begins
But come back,
Stinking of rot
Void of thought
To feel what?
What are you searching for?
To begin ag...
Sunday 22nd November 2020 10:30 am
Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...
Saturday 21st November 2020 7:27 pm
That phrase you love to say
It has become overdone, cliché
No, it’s not a phase
Years, not days
I will not change
Not this way or that way
Though I may grow,
I may expand in waves,
I will not change
To fit your phrase
I will only expand,
Expand in waves
Is that okay?
That I will stay?
That I won’t change?
That I can only expand,
Expand in waves?
Wednesday 23rd September 2020 3:06 pm
A BROKEN MIRROR
Can you Help me please. My mirror appears to be b...
Thursday 9th July 2020 10:33 am
Poems are not for happy days,
For resolutions and self-promises,
For being tough and unresponsive,
Poems are not for new beginnings.
Poems are searching, searing, morbid,
They turn you in and leave the sun,
Poems seek out your obsessions,
They tickle them, they wrap them in a bow.
Poems are not for going out and doing,
For being your great mechanical self.
Tuesday 14th April 2020 3:04 pm
my self it calls itself as such
making way alone, untouched
just fleeting joy when she creates
predictable, a single's fate
then my other comes, falters on fissures
languidly warms, fulfills heart's wishes
yet seeping comfort into space
where always open, felt nothing save
now pricks with pain at such expanse
for place to love must be enhanced
Friday 24th January 2020 2:09 pm
My scars have piled up like leaves on Autumn grass.
My knees are a testament to lake pollution
My hands tell the story of a rambuncious youth
yearning for adventure.
My thighs are a roadmap of mental illness
and a fondness for razor blades.
My face bears the craters from a begone allergy
My mouth is the magnum opus of a poorly trained dog,
whom I miss everyday....
Monday 21st October 2019 3:57 pm
live some lost among high places
large houses, unfamiliar faces
saving up the seconds, wait
counting on a sure thing, fate
silly sounds that pull and tear
away from comfort and what’s fair
breathing in what sparks, it’s yours
pushing out cold facts, untoward
Friday 26th July 2019 6:16 pm
Cold extremities distract my sight
From perspective, trees through the forest, nights
A tingling in fingertips,
a pain, a madness
What is this
There are more walls than I can count
More thoughts than words to let them out
Sweet sounds deter the struggled view,
Determined, strong, set on by you
These do repulse the room’s hard lines
That tighten, straighten so with time
Tuesday 16th July 2019 3:47 pm
I cannot say for certain where I’m ‘from’
beyond the day I crawled into this world
and that’s the way I like it, truth be told,
to shape my own existence from the start.
That blond boy there with freckles and basin cut,
a shy one, wearing simple NHS specs,
in clothes bought big so he could grow
to fill them on a diet of Yorkshire pud.
An artist’s bent...
Thursday 11th April 2019 2:17 pm
Dead wood, no good.
Get rid of the dead
wood that won’t burn
like wet yew branches.
People are dead wood,
like soul callouses.
They cling to you,
bring only judgement.
Spouting forth sin,
or their own piss;
its all the same
when you don’t drink it.
They call you wrong,
say you are useless,
no use for burning.
I smack the dead wood
out of my life,...
Friday 19th January 2018 10:33 am
Eyes that seek truth,
A heart that knows no bounds
A mind that eludes and intimidates
A soul that is and always was free
Determined and passionate
Emotional but strong
I can get through anything
Even when I don't want to
There are times when I do not know myself
These times are hard
Patience will show my path
I'm so grateful I was not alone
I'm still not al...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 3:50 pm
you draw rust where heat’s been;
some passage of time;
life’s clouded outcomes;
weather or not we care.
you’re iron to me; blood strength.
took years to find you;
all: frame, hinge, key, arch;
allowing passage back.
Wednesday 11th October 2017 2:52 pm
Why do you expect so much good in other people
Why do you pray so much under every steeple
How can you be ok to be disappointed all the time
And hurt yourself with so much hope inside
You’ll never learn your lesson if you try to be blind
To The bad side of people you try to hide
And let them inside your heart again
Is it a crime to let them cause you so much pain
To the poi...
Monday 11th September 2017 4:17 pm
In those darkest, darkling months
when both belief and hope were lost
when love was stretched taught beyond endurance
when pain and understanding spiralled
There was some doubt of destiny:
could love be snatched away;
and child a mother lose?
A new reality to supplant all we knew
Monday 1st May 2017 12:04 pm
How many times can one person be reinvented
I have run from myself so many times
I have fled from who I am
in order to be someone better
But always I fall short
Always I fail
Always I become someone changed but still the same
Always I leave behind the good
And carry with me the bad
I flee from the things I hate
Like a bat out of hell
I try to outrun the parts of my...
Thursday 27th April 2017 12:56 am
Is the pain of loneliness worse than the pain of regret
Than giving away another part of your shrinking soul
I only have so much to give
I do not know how to stop
I am not eternal
I am not limitless
I am finite
There is a certain amount of me
And some parts never grow back
Some parts, once given, cannot ever be recovered
I cannot be returned to who I once was
Thursday 27th April 2017 12:55 am
My friends do not understand
Every one of their smiles is a noose
Every act of friendship is another weight on my shoulders
I am weighed down by love, I am weary from carrying it so long, so far
I cannot hold this heaviness much longer
I cannot hold onto this burden
Knowing I do not deserve it
Knowing it is not meant for me
Knowing I should not accept it
Knowing how wast...
Tuesday 25th April 2017 4:09 am
She speaks up for the thousandth time,
when it's easier to keep quiet.
A star who says what's is in her soul
when you respond with your mouth.
A shard of silver pain in her heart.
But they have no idea.
You say the first thing in your head,
collapse her nebulous boundaries.
She’s a people pleaser, easily moved
by those who would like her to fall.
A nebula that ca...
Tuesday 7th March 2017 11:17 am
We were like ‘yin and yang’,
‘Spick and Span’
- Hot pot, big pan -
slick and tanned!
The could we can -
sweet, sweet like marzipan!
The kind of love that makes you FAT,
that attracts the sniff sniffing rats.
- Rap! Trap! Rat! The blind bats! -
But I walked and you ran,
I was kicked like tin-can
then you thought you were tin-man,
cause you forgot your heart ...
Tuesday 21st February 2017 11:28 am
Traveller: walk roads.
Wash eye's innocence in life's flow.
Erode face-gullies in time's flood.
Let years sculpt wisdom into an open soul.
Face journey's lessons willing.
Respond. Adapt. Change.
Face alternate current.
Learn. Change again.
Be you. Inner you. Consistent.
Time's sculpture, life's subject.
Friday 27th January 2017 8:52 pm
The whole of life cowers in a shadow
as I sprawl undone on the leather sofa
those lingering promises blown apart
their bloodstained shards
decorate my mind
O beauty, beauty
you'll be the death of me
I say nothing when I hear you speak
I hear nothing but my voice saying
'give yourself to me'
And you can choose not to remember
you can opt not to partake in recollecting
but the guilt...
Wednesday 8th June 2016 10:40 am
And now I must recover myself
Left, after centuries of fearful neglect
Washed up to dry on a sunless beach.
And now I must plait my hair
Dull, after nights of washing in grease
The guilty searches for lost affection.
And now I must return home,
Home, where I’ve never been
And sit a while and say sorry, I’m sorry, to me.
Wednesday 16th March 2016 3:27 pm
Is it a fool who waits for which he knows will never come, Searching for a pinhole of light in the darkness that has become, Turning off lamps dumbfounded by what he has done, Is my fate the same as this man I see in plain view, Though I try to evade, Everytime I look into the mirror, He stares back at me too.
Sunday 15th March 2015 9:41 pm
Time sleeps in the distant desert,
and sitting softly under the yellow sun,
dried and dehydrated,
there is a seed that waits for the rains.
- I am that seed.
I wait for the rains with open hands
and when they wash over me time wakes refreshed
and I’ll drink all I need
-I am that seed.
The seed that longs to know
the secrets of this distant desert,
and when my ...
Friday 21st February 2014 8:38 am
Never plan anything
that’s my motto
And if you can leave something till tomorrow
then leave it
Don’t think about loved ones
-Love no one
And consider yourself first and foremost
above everyone and everything
Don’t get involved
and don’t feel bad about leaving something
Any money you make -spend on yourself
and don’t start thinking about...
Monday 15th July 2013 3:19 am
do you remember
we placed hooks in our eyes?
waiting in our sleep
to catch the darting lies
that swam inside our heads
do you remember
we should have walked
the chrome stacked streets
that rolled like silver eels
where stub ends sailed on tarry keels
in that vanishing space between
the night clubs gaudy hush
and necessities capi...
Sunday 13th January 2013 10:51 am
The hand reached into the pocket and pulled out lint. Expecting the worst, the lint was a better gift than anticipated. A cop asked me if there are any sharp objects she should know about, I say, "no", knowing that I have dirty tricks up my sleeve. I am arrested. It could always have been worse. So could I. But here I am. Jail Cell. Alone. No friends close. No bail. Alone. Surrounded by humans ...
Monday 3rd September 2012 7:29 pm
Is that why?
for so many years with the pain reminiscent of childbirth
and cried with longing and loss
the empty hollow and the useless womb
Is that why
and found each day weighed heavier than the last
and my body dried and drained
and my world shrank to a parody
Is that why
Tiny webbed fingers a hea...
Tuesday 15th February 2011 8:57 am