There is a marble statue of a girl, in the city square,

People marvel at her all the time, enchanted by her air,

By her thin-lipped smile and her eyes, as soft as clouds,

Her towering presence, enough to silence every crowd.

And yet, there is a melancholy that nestles in her face,

An echoing anguish, shrouded by her simple grace

For that marble statue of the girl, solitary a...

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I don’t know where I’ll be in a year,

I don’t know what life has in store,

But I do know that when I’m with you,

It always feels like coming home

All the children are yelling in the distance,

Your smile is lit up by the evening sun,

How many moments like this do we get?

Time is running out, but we’d only just begun

And it’s all unraveling, this knot of sadne...

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Do you still have my shirt?
And if you do
Do you wear it?
And if you wear it
Do you think about
Do you think about what might have been
Had we made it work?

Did you throw it away?
Did you throw it in a drawer?
Is it in the corner of your closet
Underneath the clothes you don’t wear?
Or did you throw it in the dumpster
When you finally ran out of reasons to keep it?

Do you keep it ...

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You know,

I have tried every medicine in the world,

And yet, not one has cured me of you

I have yearned and ached for your love 

Until I was sick to my stomach, and for what?

All that pain, it yielded nothing in the end;

For I am still cold and lonely on this starless night

You know,

You haunt my dreams, sometimes,

You caress my cheek, stroke my hair, call me you...

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Yesterday, when I was at the park,

I saw two girls, painting a rock,

And unwittingly, I thought of us,

Felt that familiar, all-consuming ache in my gut,

And in that moment, I wished so strongly

That you were sat here, right next to me

To whisper witless jokes in my ear,

Brighten my world with your easy cheer,

And I wished, oh how I wished,

I could revisit the past,...

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You don't know how the memories are playing their silent games,
How softly, without a sound, they return and whisper back your name.
Long shadows trace the walls of the shadowed rooms, abandoned moments slowly ascending.

​You don't know how days come back in crowds I can't refuse.
Silence descends upon my lips and mingles with smoke that floats away,
Nicotine and breathless sighs last long ...

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Confrontation, with no understanding

arguments, with no solution

silence, that is deafening 

the beginning predicted our end because we chose the easy route

instead of talks of our lives we chose to silence each other with our lips.

instead of listening and understanding, an intimate touch took away our problems.

For at time. 

we assumed our probl...

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Walking into your kitchen now bathed in shadow

So full of laughter and light not so long ago

The Piano once so loud and expressive

Now sits shrouded in its cover so pensive

Like a dog waiting for its owner

Midnight tears roll for the fallen

Silent tracks at the mercy of night

No questions or answers

No anger or fight

Only shocked disbelief

No wrong and no right

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I tend to only see clearly

When I look back

I question is there a life I can live freely

Without having to watch my back

I simply tried to love everyone dearly

While they turned their back.

The flashes of the past

My urges to live fast

The way I left myself last

I believed I was always an outcast

My innocence became cracked

All the questions I wish I got ...

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I'm dreaming of a Wet Christmas

Just like the one we had last year

Where the tree tops drip

And children slip

To see grazed knees upon the ground

I'm seeing a wet Christmas

With every sunlit morning rise

Where the wind is howling

And shoppers are scowling

To find that next Black Friday deal

I'm feeling lots of eyesight appointments

With all the screen tim...

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And indeed, 

the seasons will shift once again,

Yet,

that one autumn leaf, 

will hold onto the branch,

with all its might,

Awaiting the breeze,

to carry it away.

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RAIN ART

Colourful art lays on the roof on this building

Leaving questions to ask with no one fielding

Anonymous they lay, doused in rain

More vivid are they as the rain runs down the drain

"Who made these pieces?", nobody asks

Just waiting benign for their next task

Given up and left to the elements

Like a memory lost to an Elephant

In the sun they run and rus...

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Colourful art lays on the roof on this building

Leaving questions to ask with no one fielding

Anonymous they lay, doused in rain

More vivid are they as the rain runs down the drain

"Who made these pieces?", nobody asks

Just waiting benign for thier next task

Given up and left to the elements

Like a memory lost to an Elephant

In the sun they run and rust

Soon be...

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Do you know the feeling of being understood?

Me neither.

Do you know the feeling of being loved?

Me neither.

Do you know the feeling of betrayal?

That I knew, as I feel fresh wounds still scattered across my heart

The thousands of doodles and drawings I had in my sketchbook

Could never compare to my wrist's lines of art

The things you could find hidden in a book

Might ju...

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Am I Enough?

Today I didn’t go anywhere

I wallowed in the heat that strangled my home

Took a seat in the spot that I frequent and listened for the changing winds of time

They never arrived.

In fact it was more of the same

‘You Okay?’, ‘Im glad’

Empty words of intricate meaning

Convey both care and solace 

Who cares?

The rain didn’t arrive all the same.

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How long is too long before concern spreads like the cancerous disease that precursors worry and anxiety?

                A week? A day? TBD may be the answer -

                A close-up of her face will do. 4 inches by 4 inches, with a description that would inspire all to help me find her. Strawberry, 2%, Whole and Chocolate. As long as I get the message out.

           ...

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He has come again

Never welcome, never kind

The unwanted guest 

How I wish we weren’t intertwined 

Sometimes he gives notice

Sometimes, none at all 

The unwanted guest 

His shadow looms and curtains fall 

When he departs 

The darkness stays

The unwanted guest 

When will he free us from these chains

A friend to none

Yet known by all

The unwan...

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"To fly high" -  my dream, my creed,
To touch the skies with endless speed.
Since childhood I promised to rise,
To trace the clouds, to claim the skies.

The birds I cherished, graceful, free,
Now hold a different truth for me.
They fly with no true place to be,
Just motion framed by destiny.

But I, with maps and dreams so grand,
Now confused, unsure where I stand.
What if the path I’...

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The lights you seek are not these ones, these are mine

I shall explain more in time

As I have searched far and wide

Yet these are the most beaufitul I find

Unique, like tears in the snow

I share these lights with the Emporer, Leopard and Crabeater

With an hour of sunlight, there's nothing more sweeter

Than to sit and watch the carnival of light above

On my own, as the ...

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The word and I cannot coexist
I try to say it
I try to say it when it's late and i'm alone
When the only person who can hear me
Is me
But
It sticks in my throat
Turns my mouth to ash
Chokes me until tears stream
And the word is lost in my brain

So
I try to think it
I try to think it when the words fail
When I think that maybe if I can recignize it
Then it can't hurt me
Therapy...
...

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It's morning. 

The peace I had is suddenly gone.

Creeping into my head is the anxiety and sorrow I always have.

Why couldn't I have slept longer?

Why do I have to wake up?

The day is too long,

The minutes feel like hours

The hours feel like days 

The days feel like weeks.

I can't stop this feeling. 

Feeling of grief- w...

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I once had an older sister 

I once had an older cousin sister;

Used to come over for summer vacations

and other auspicious occasions,

many times I cried to make you stay

for little longer,

Now you're gone for ever;

To return never.

The fun we had at beaches and seashores,

Could I ever forget?

The laughter you had in arcades and photos;

Was it all a facade...

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Times takes about titans,

But short lived curtains

Curtails happiness;

Clothes that wouldn't dry,

Clouds and eyes that cry,

Wet lands that sigh,

Visible shivers that reply,

Trees and aspirations that lie,

fritters I fry,

With the tea I try,

Are you a random passerby?

Give me a heartfelt highfy(5),

No matter what I try

Your piece of mind; I couldn't buy

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I saw you my friend

Looking toward the sky

I thought you knew you, my friend

Things aren't supposed to die

Loner Bird

Why did you have to die?

Londer Bird

Why did you have to lie?

I saw you again

Sitting upon the edge

Of the same window cill

As the past thousand times

Loner Bird

Why did you have to die?

Londer Bird

Why did you have to lie...

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From the lover you'll never know

A note scribbled down in tears

sits atop a mound of colour

Trying to work out these forgotten fears

From a family torn and lost

Flowers that soon will rot

Your teddy sits upon the mound, arms wide open

Melting, muddy and forgotten

For the journey now cut short

With an ending some had thought

If only you could see things

How b...

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i want to be forgotten.

i want the last time

someone utters my name

to be on the first day

of spring.

i want the world to

get acquainted with

a life without my love

and then

i want it to cry

because

it really was

better with me in it

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I can't help but wonder, was it worth it?

Was your transient moment of pleasure worth making me feel like shit?

It seems to be a never-ending cycle of me losing my mind over you,

Your words display such innocence while your actions prove they're not true.

Defending, deflecting, giving every reason instead of the selfish thoughts in your head,

Unintentionally cementing my newfou...

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at times I find myself
with insight
into my third eye
the inward perception
of crystalline tears
holding onto emotions
looking for one thing

The truth

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I am covered in
bruises.
i love them because
they are proof
of all the times i fell...
in love.
i am covered in
scars.
i love them because
they are proof
of all the times i thought i fell...
in love
but something else was there to catch me.
i have scraped knees
from being dragged
thru life by my heart
because it moves
quicker
than my feet.

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I was ready made for grief.

to live an ode to a common thing,
     this elegy to peace.

and on the days that I feel nothing,
     I torment the stillness behind my eyes
because feeling is proof of living.
and I so badly want to be alive.
     to dig deep in the scar garden,
     to excavate my hollow pit,
     to sow a lifetime of memories
     of being just out of reach.

it is my...

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I've been in my feelings
and in my head for years.
I've built walls and
called them boundaries only
to wake up one day and realize
that I've boxed myself in

and that's the tragedy in it all;

in keeping myself safe
I've locked everything out.
and what a sad way to live,
peaceful and
picking my own muse 
to pieces until the only thing
left is
a bloody pile of 
everything I used to...

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i'm always the girl youre not sure about.
people have tried to make me
the girl you come back for.
but i want to be the girl
you never left.

and there are gaps in my happiness.
gaps in my teeth.
gaps in between breaths.
air, just...
slipping away.
fading away 
like colors on clothes
that have spent too much time
in the sun.

and what a funny way to say
theres always light in my l...

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i find myself texting you late at night

until you block me i’ll keep on coming back

wish i was only here out of spite

but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack

i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance 

however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind

and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance 

so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...

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used to take things before going on walks

it’d be dark and cold

and i’d be underdressed

i couldn’t seem to withhold

i’d stumble around the neighborhood 

trees and leaves would move

even though there was no breeze

i couldn’t seem to mentally improve 

i grew more and more detached

would walk by a half way house everynight

i thought that perhaps that would one ...

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i know you’re disappointed in me

we always scream for hours and fight

until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree

even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night

im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore

i look in the mirror and see someone new

it’s like i’ve never seen her before

i wonder if you feel that way about me too

my therapist...

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Smells of wild garlic, bells of dark blue
Grasses in seed, blossoms of cherry
The garden alive, in the song of spring
We'll take it slow and let you limp round
It's hot today and sun warms your old bones
Sit on this carpet of green to enjoy
Flop on your side, old man, if you please
Not even seen, Robin, picking your fur
Postman arrival is not even heard
So you can take, that well warrante...

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Scuffing leaves on the ground

With no other soul anywhere around

Hands in my pocket, keeping warm

My feelings swell to an indignant storm

Life at home isn't quite right

The yelling and shouting gives me a fright

"Best apart" says my instinct

But it's not like me to kick up a stink

Night times leave me cold, fearful and small

Ear to the glass, glass to the floor

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Maybe not the healthiest thing 

But the healthiest I ever had

Such a prince charming you seemed, with

 your white van for a steed. Full of recovery 

stories and what seemed like integrity.  

Not perfect for sure, an anger problem and unnaturally, unwarranted high self esteem. Yet still better, more together and healthier 

than I had ever been.

So many nuggets of...

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you look at me like i'm insane

i can't tell if i am

if I turned out to be psychotic

would I even be this self-aware?

i put on obnoxious amounts of chapstick

cotton candy or strawberry-flavored

it severely drys out my lips

but I know you'll think of me when you see it at the store

I always attempt to blow up my life

just because you left me again

you run ever...

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To feel the love you never received;

To feel the affection that was given through grating words that come behind a “Im doing this because i care”,

To feel the sorry’s that were ‘paid’ to me, the gifts I had received to understand how ‘sorry’ you were after harming me, physically or verbally and if not, mentally.

‘I love you’; an affirmation of affection or deep caring, especially to ...

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we were close when i was little

you called me your sugar plum fairy

sat by my bed when my dreams were too scary

I didn't know then that our relationship was so brittle

you have mixed feelings about your own mother

maybe that's why you act the way you do

you rip me apart and then try to patch me up with glue

we both know you wouldn't ever do that to my brother

you ...

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didn't wake up with the intention of being bad

I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead

run around my house and verbally beat up my dad

the screams sound bloodshed

he says, "there's so much you wanna do" 

and i obvert my eyes

wait around for a mental break-through

and make unachievable plans doing the highs

i wanna be a savior

and get th...

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you told me i’d only fail

laugh at my hopes and dreams

you act as if i’m frail

there’s often reoccurring themes 

you know i’m not dumb 

it’s just that you don’t care

so don’t ask me for gum

and don’t you give me that stare

i don’t know how we ever got along 

we’re opposites like the moon and the sun

you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...

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I get a little tired of it - folks who seem to think

they must be happy all the time or else they’re on the brink

of some traumatic end, oh yes, like everything is bad

if once in a blue moon they have to deal with being sad.

It makes no sense to me at all. Just what do they expect?

They should be happy day and night and never get set back.

Well, I can’t grasp it, not at all....

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Location unknown

No flesh or meat on the bone

Bereft of all comforting thought

This isn't what I was taught

I once knew a place

Where I knew every face

Now cold and dark

No warmth and no spark

I travel around in the void

Wondering round like a lost boy

And although I am able

Fully trained yet maimed and unstable

A ghostly belonging

Of betrayal ...

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Man of my dreams

I wish it could be as it seems

Perfect in every way

each day

better than the last

But I know from the past

who you are 

and who I am

I am country

and you are city

I am 

campfires, picnics

and drivin-in movies

You are 

opera's, symphonies 

and trips to Europe

Each time you are near

I am engul...

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you are drowning

swim, I know you can

you don't realize

the water

it will kill you

it already has

for, why don't you scream?

fight

but your voice is lost

not even 

the bubbles

reach the surface

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I listen to these words
as I fall through the water
accumulating down below
I listen as you sing
your sad sad song
like falling up a waterfall
of emotion
falling in reverse
but always looping
 

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"i know how to walk from here to there" 

okay, i muse back, 

"so walk through fires with me, walk through" 

i cant. i never have been able to. 

the places that i walk from are the mouths of cavernous houses. 

and from them ive only just realised i can leave.

"i will give you wings and a heart and a lust for the finer things"

good, i need an incentive.

"but you must act upon...

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Hello again Mr. Ink,

It's been a long time and I'm kinda glad.

Everytime you come around is because things are bad.

I havn't felt the need to have you in my life.

But lately...

That desire has been back.

The need to write my feelings down. 

The need to cry as I type..

Funny how back then I worte with pen and paper with my tears runing down. 

Look at me now..

All grown...

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