Poetry Blogs (regret)
What I am is wrong,
This is not me,
The entire sum of my life has led me to this fact,
I cannot be who I was, nor who I am,
Not even who I am trying to be,
The end is but a heartbeat away,
And there it will begin,
Life lived as a puppet,
Is life ruled by the puppeteer,
Cut the strings,
To fall to the ground by your own hand,
And then rise of your own accord,
Is what I long for,
Tuesday 1st September 2020 11:17 pm
As I recall, you cried the first night we met
I found it unusual though charming
Soon it became clear you cried too easily
That daily weep was something alarming
Tears should be for special occasions
Justified by unmitigated joy or grief
Not turned on like a tap by ephemera
But controlled, orderly and brief
I decided to give you something to cry at
Began to roa...
Wednesday 15th July 2020 11:25 am
He was generous he was sweet
He fed us well, we were meat
Yet somehow as others hobbled towards his call
To feed, to fatten, to round, to fall
I saw myself getting sick and more frail
I felt death near, I felt pale
I saw the colors of existence washing away like dirt in a shower
I saw Him as he was, generous with the meat yet not generous with His power
Thus this was the cu...
Monday 11th May 2020 10:17 am
My gums are bleeding again.
There’s a stack of papers that need attention
But I can’t find my glasses.
My truck is making that funny noise.
I sleep too late
Because no one wakes me.
I don’t write
I feel it’s all been said.
I find I’m repeating myself
No one takes me seriously
Your point’s been made:
I am selfish and fickle,
Sunday 10th May 2020 4:55 am
Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.
Here is one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.
Friday 8th May 2020 11:43 pm
We track the oblique, sly fireflies
that keep popping fitfully by.
While life swarms invitingly by the side
we remain rabidly hustling
those brusque cracking stars
...shifty, deceptive, volatile
in onyx-bronze, raven nights
We: the tenderfoot novice
bulldozed on many a graceless trip
half-cocked, peripheral, stoned
and profoundly ill with pitiful
Friday 3rd January 2020 2:57 am
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
Set my heart free of chain
Don't break my heart again
Live your world keep me alone
I regret to be yours at all.
Since we met on that "…." Day
You're still acting the play
How to believe yourself today
since you're hiding your goal.
God helps guilty to regret
But you decided and insist
Only to make mistakes a lot
Now get ready to stop or fall.
Saturday 9th February 2019 11:12 am
Ink and paper,
A young boy,
A foolish little girl.
This became the beginning of my writing.
“Write what you want,” he says to me.
I do, because he knows best.
I write everything I want.
I write worries,
I write sadness,
I write fear,
I write recovery,
I write my own lovely fantasies,
I write anger,
I write sadness and fear again.
Later I will write recovery.
He takes my ink a...
Wednesday 16th January 2019 9:09 pm
Too late she cried
Sitting in Starbucks doorway
After the lights are all turned out
The demons are surly coming
I can hear them scream and shout
It is for me the sirens call
Flashing blue and white
Piercing though the darkness
Blindingly bright white
Flowing down the sidewalk
My life’s blood ebbs away
In the morning another statistic
Is all the p...
Tuesday 15th January 2019 8:58 am
I'm torn with regret
I can't just repent
I look in the mirror and see a face I resent
I dug myself in a hole of lies
All my sins, I'm crucified
Hang me, leave me stuck in time
Kill me, let me meet demise
Suffocating, no more breathing
There's no way to start this healing
Like telling a clepto to stop stealing
Spewing words with no meaning
Help me, drowning, no life support
No getting b...
Friday 16th November 2018 10:22 am
A Shattered Rose
The slick cliff'd river smears shiny
blue-green sliding waters
across richly wooded chateau-lands;
hurrying through honey-scarred falaises,
cat-mouthed where toffee sandstones
arced onto sleeping innocents beneath.
A country blessèd and blighted both,
in equal measure (as aeons bequeath)
full with easy money, and its deadly past.
Tuesday 18th September 2018 1:28 pm
He is sad, he is hurting
No one ever told him he was wrong.
Spoilt and arrogant,
He had become.
Behaviour always accepted.
A love for himself,
he always expected perfection,
It’s not his fault. He knew something was wrong,
an angel he searched for, an angel he won.
Another win, at his feet, treated her with deceit.
Monday 12th March 2018 12:30 am
When it was discovered, we recoiled
Out of doubt, out of fear
We focused on the opinions of others
Instead of what we thought
When I let our secret fly free,
I was shown acceptance and love
Hope blossomed like a cactus flower
It would be okay.
He was capricious, of two minds
One day yes, the next was no,
He produced a name, but renounced his love
Tuesday 20th February 2018 12:17 am
Every heart wants somethings thats harder to get
Like looking for that rainbow in the desert
Or the dry spot in the rain forest
But no some people are hunters
They prey on your weak emotions while you pray for acceptance
You could stand up for them while they stain your name when your down
That same stain will be seen around town
Looking for love no im just a corner hoe for ...
Wednesday 28th June 2017 11:05 am
Spin in your grave,
Oh, spin there where the moon does not shine!
Can’t you see the light seeping deep into your hollow home?
Yet you sit there and ponder how the dirt had once made up your body,
Because oh how the lack of oxygen makes us all feel whole.
Against the wrath of a god,
Comes again the ax of the wind into a tree m...
Tuesday 30th May 2017 7:16 am
are also, it seems,
we can't quite figure out who to blame
we just know, it can't be ourselves
Tuesday 18th April 2017 10:14 am
You look at me and forget
I was strong before I was pretty
You disregard my mind in hopes that my heart is a path leading you to my body and briefly
I regret to have met you, you see my eyes before you hear my voice
For you have already forgotten the first rule; I am strong
So when I love, I love strongly
And when I hurt, I hurt badly
But when I scream, ...
Tuesday 18th April 2017 9:32 am
Soullessly starring into the air
As her body laid lifeless
All this time the Stifled screams
Shut away to keep them at bay,
Any chance to show remorse
Shut down and accused of lies.
If I could tell you one last thing
I love you would be the words to say,
Now I can't see you again
I see the truth that was buried within
I can't help but blame a part of me
Wednesday 8th February 2017 10:19 am
I work hard most days
hands all rough by six
ah, but it’s worth every callous
and when I’m done, I walk
right down the sea-front promenade
sip on a cup of something
so warm and so sweet
with those boats sailing in and out
in the lazy light of the evening
There forms a shape in the foam on my coffee
I see the outline of your nose and eyes
looking up at me
I wonder j...
Tuesday 31st January 2017 11:02 pm
The pallor of the parquet floor
Brings recollections of
School, its classrooms, its corridors
Somehow the pattern pulls
Me into a journey through
Time; conjuring images
Of art and assemblies,
Of laughter and lateness,
Of parents and pupils and plans:
For a future unknown;
For escaping the lessons
And the chill of those changing rooms.
A mishmash of memories,
Monday 30th May 2016 1:18 pm
What was once a beautiful thing is now empty
I should have taken hold of what we had
But was too young to see beyond myself
What use to be a vivid and deep conversation becomes small talk
Just passing the time
You still know what buttons to push
I just think I do
It’s been years and your fingerprints are still on my heart
The more I try to get away
The harder it becomes ...
Monday 16th May 2016 6:42 pm
I wish I could tell you anything
Anything you want to hear
But I don’t think you would listen to me
I don’t think you would believe me.
A never ending game of cat and mouse
A classic case of “will they, won’t they”
You can’t see what is happening between us
Or maybe this is all in my head.
That’s the struggle isn’t it?
Not being able to tell the differences
Sunday 15th May 2016 8:15 pm
(By Paul A M Palmer)
"There's only one way to kill it:
You have to dig it out."
It's what they recommend,
The locals: they have the knowledge.
Scrape and scrape the top, spade against
The turf and tufts of lichen and moss.
“You have to deepen the trench and then
Scrabble and search for the roots.”
Black and brown in the soily ground
Its fibrous tubes and tendril...
Saturday 7th May 2016 9:31 am
Walking past our old home
With heightened regret of suicide
I can’t stand the way that death feels
But I’m dying to feel alive again
Every street name reminds me of my past life
Of all of things the I failed to achieve
These anxious images control everything
Control my emotions to lose it all
My bent wings won’t let me fly
I’m sinking fast like a rock drowning ...
Monday 28th December 2015 11:58 pm
The child in his arms, such a precious gift,
her sweet little smile would make his heart lift.
Born into a love that none could compare,
baby blue eyes framed with curly blonde hair.
Conceived and born on such love filled days,
from the moment he held her he was blown away.
His heart did a flip and his smile was so wide,
his devotion to his daughter could not be denied....
Wednesday 22nd July 2015 5:34 pm
When I was younger
Not so very long ago
The best thing I owned was a radio and
A pair of headphones
The ability to block out noise was crucial to my survival
I used to tune the station just out
So that there was always white noise
Blocking out the screams
The smashing of plates
Classical music was my choice
As the songs w...
Friday 26th June 2015 9:36 am
"I'm sorry" is not enough
For all the selfish things I said to you
And taking your love for granted
And always pushing you away.
The rain poured so hard that night
Police cars and flashing lights
You're at home in the clouds
Towering over my head.
I found you lying there
Your body kissing the ground
Broken and fragile
Your blood is forever stained on my hands.
You know I wasn't p...
Wednesday 18th February 2015 4:33 am
Lo and behold that feeling
once more has returned
To tease test and torment
dead past willfully spurned
From window shut forever
heard unmistakable creak
A portent of ensuing havoc
and destruction it’ll wreak
Dilemmas deemed sorted
in archives since then lost
Will augment latent agony
with much heftier paid cost
An arduous uphill dr...
Tuesday 12th August 2014 3:54 pm
Beset current despondency
goads me again to express
Reason for disenchantment
and issues crucial address
It’s not just plain strangers
but ones considered as own
Despite all indulged civility
apathy in return got shown
Kept seeking sane rationale
searched the very core inside
Answers did never justify
with none to stand be...
Tuesday 27th May 2014 5:07 pm
the red regret of Thomas
my fingers drip crimson apologies
but now it’s far too late
I wanted to feel the red in you
to let the steaming coils
wrap themselves around my disbelief
so when you offered your wounds
I was cautious at first
but needed to satisfy fears
to blood lust
even as the sticky mess of truth
congealed upon my skin
tears dribbled down my ...
Monday 24th March 2014 6:48 pm
Trying to put brave guise
deep down within I burn
In quest of eternal bliss
notoriety I got to earn
None were expectations
or any of bartered trade
Folly proved true essence
of calling spade a spade
Gave in to most situation
never wished any return
Response stayed hostile
sans as much of concer...
Friday 7th March 2014 9:01 am
supping at the Silverback Inn
the glass stops halfway to its destination
and the sands of time are quicksand
as you survey the crowded saloon bar
in the gently creaking Silverback Inn
the one with the paunch
I remember him
he was a bully
a right hard case
look at him now
fat and old
the stained and sticky floorboards agree
whispering taunting mocking
Wednesday 5th March 2014 7:01 pm
Few moments desolate
often get you to think
How the twist of events
push you over the brink
Streaks of fleeting joy
abruptly come to end
Sans even little caution
or time to comprehend
Just split of a moment
it hits one ever so hard
Striking at susceptibility
when entirely off guard
Once past the insta...
Monday 17th February 2014 11:13 am
It indeed turned a folly
telling wrong from right
Each came out a winner
with me conceding fight
I’ve reached a juncture
doesn’t matter anymore
On face may seem loser
but wiser since before
Likely never transpired
surprising didn’t emerge
Accepted all dished out
veiling own latent urge
Saturday 15th February 2014 11:23 am
At core of it all is yearning
to someone similar belong
Another there to relate to
and walk distances along
Bond in sort of perpetuity
till infinitum which extends
Joyous in times favorable
supportive in nasty bends
Tolerant of most nuances
offering emotional bind
Forever whetting intellect
as stimulus for the mind
Thursday 6th February 2014 1:13 pm
Confounds very purpose
in the end what it ensues
Logic macabre it nurtures
plain irrationality accrues
Those closer tend to shun
all unknown you befriend
Despise meant well being
disinterest try to pretend
The time will pass you by
in state sorry to repent
Unaware you’re of perils
uncertainties it’ll pre...
Sunday 2nd February 2014 7:55 am
Friday 1st November 2013 12:01 am
I have outgrown both the years
and the clothes
which had my name sewn into them
this doesn’t mean I no longer need help
to figure out who I am
my gloves are no longer twinned
by umbilical wool
but I appreciate you holding my hand
while leading me through this cold weight
I am living in those times
though if god were bothered to look
Wednesday 16th October 2013 11:00 pm
Thursday 31st January 2013 7:42 am
do you remember
we placed hooks in our eyes?
waiting in our sleep
to catch the darting lies
that swam inside our heads
do you remember
we should have walked
the chrome stacked streets
that rolled like silver eels
where stub ends sailed on tarry keels
in that vanishing space between
the night clubs gaudy hush
and necessities capital morning rus...
Sunday 13th January 2013 10:51 am
Just audio at the moment!
Monday 20th February 2012 12:14 am
When I look at the sky,
Is she looking too.
When I weep alone,
Is she weeping too.
She grows in beauty every day,
But I am growing too.
She grows in my heart every day,
I miss you.
Tuesday 27th December 2011 12:38 am
Those days we wished
We hadn’t woken up,
Propped up with pillows
Perhaps, with our legs
Curled around the covers.
Arms folded appropriately
Around ourselves, holding
Chests in, pulling the guts
Spilling across the bed
Back into ourselves.
We talk then don’t talk,
And a quiet shudder or two
In the gutter was the onl...
Wednesday 20th July 2011 1:21 am
It’s all about those up-downs
In the stomach,
I did it for the hit-and-miss;
A squeeze in the gut.
That’s what it was,
Hate for love, love for hate
And all of those.
Drawing together opposites;
Sucking in at the teeth,
And raging at opposites.
I fought in words, li...
Tuesday 24th May 2011 1:20 am
Once, so many years ago,
such a distant place and clime;
moments of thought and life were shared,
each move in perfect time.
Words in unison, hearts pulsed,
so intimate each gesture;
each expression fears repulsed,
companions of great measure.
Now it seems we're worlds apart;
nothing more in common share.
The last desired thing to start,
last threads fray beyond repair...
Sunday 20th March 2011 8:45 am
Was it the yellow of your bright petals
or the way you danced in the breeze
that I brought you home from fields?
Was it the strength of your upright stalks
or the camaraderie, your solidarity?
There in the sun you sang hope,
songs that filled a mourning heart;
there in the wind you whispered
plaintive farewells on conflicted air-
fill this grieving with consolation.
Sunday 19th December 2010 1:32 pm
Once in every while
it was so nice to talk to you last night,
I need to hear your smile,
so tender, sweet and light,
not so very often
but once in every while.
once I said 'I'm your man'
you replied how you wishe...
Thursday 19th August 2010 11:48 am