They say time fills the void that grief brings 

That life becomes easier and we are supposed to feel comfort in knowing that the emptiness and the pain weaken their grips around our throats 

How happy we should be to allow these to pass 

But I would rather the emptiness fill me like a garden hose in an Olympic pool and the pain dull like an open break sealed with bandaids 

And when the...

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 I used to believe that it was me.

That I was broken.

I used to believe that I was the reason you left; that I was too dark to be loved.

That I deserved to be left behind.

I used to believe it was me!

I looked in the mirror everyday and I cried praying to God that he fix me.

Thinking that there was something wrong.

Praying to God that he would make me worthy of your love.

I...

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I

Goodbye 

The way the lightning taunts me

makes me cower in my home

folded paper walls surround

as the rain falls on and on

Here I'm warm

with comforts near

More than enough

so safe and dear 

Still, I can't evade the storm

as it pours

it pelts

it blows

into my pillow

quiet grief

spirals from within my soul

II

Tuesday E...

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 Where have you gone?

Where has your mercy fled?

Do you see the tears

 drenched upon my bed?

Do you hear my cries for shelter?

Do you remember me at all?

Please tell me you’re not just watching

As my kingdoms rise and fall.

One hundred and twenty days

And still I cannot breathe.

Have you buried me beneath

A burden that will not leave?

I know you s...

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I've thought about this deeply.

I've given it my all.

I wish I had more than just one head

to beat against this wall.

All the shoulds and shouldnt's blur my vision,

wont's and cant's clog up my ears.

And now everytime someone says "I can"

I burst right into tears.

I stood on top this promise

of a mustard seed so little.

I gave a faith so boldly

and receiv...

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God, I know you’re good.

You’re gentle and you’re kind. 

You quiet the restless heart,

With words it cannot find.

You tether the most wayward souls,

Drawn away by the slightest breeze.

You answer the most daring questions,

With sovereignty and ease.

All you do is good,

It’s the only way you know how to be.

How else could the Lion

Befriend a sheep like me?

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My heart is hurting.

It can’t contain the pain.

It seeps like beads of sweat out of my body

And falls like drops of rain.

The rain soaks my shoes,

then bleeds through to the skin.

The cold of winter settles;

it settles once again.

I cannot save my mother,

Though she and I both hoped that I could.

But I’m afraid that a daughter’s love

Can’t always do the t...

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In this dark night of my soul

at the hands of unkind men,

when they looked at me and saw no value, 

except for every now and then.

In those moments of quiet desolation,

when I begged to hear your voice,

when I pleaded for you to save me

and when I wrestled with your choice.

For all the ways I can forgive them,

though it makes no sense at all.

The winds of a...

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We sat in silence

in Room 1220,

the bustling of the nurses feet

and the machines

around us filled the space. 

beep, beep, beep. 

On other sides of the room 

as we awaited 

your final return. 

The hope from his mother

filled the air,

his life flashing before her eyes,

and all she wanted for his future,

her bright, shining boy. 

I wish I could have 

share...

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I remember the lines 

of your face.

the wrinkles around

your eyes

when you smiled.

the curves that

framed your

cheeks and lips

as you bared 

your teeth in

a cackle or two.

your cheeks bounced

with a slight poke

to your warm,

oily skin.

your lips chapped

on the bottom left

from you constantly

biting throughout the day.

your forehead,

red a...

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An empty room

Filled with bodies

Voices of different

Tones and pitches

And volumes.

Stifled cries

In the corners,

Whispered sentiments by the photos,

Muffled screams

From his mother

In the chair

Adjacent

To the giggles that

Came from

The pew of the casket

Where I laughed

With friends

As we reminisced

Of the days that

Were simpler.

Hands a...

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I remember the curves of your face, 

The edges of your smile and your chin 

Where the thick bristle of beard hairs 

Sat unkempt and untrimmed. 

I remember the blues and greens 

In your eyes

When you looked at me 

Behind the long lashes I envied,

The ones I dreamed our children

Would one day have. 

I remember the brown hair

You kept dirty and wild,

Alwa...

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the void is dark,

grim,

an endless abyss 

that swallows 

what tries to fill 

the emptiness of

where your life once

occupied.

it spins,

a vortex consuming

the happiness in waves

that crash around it.

time doesn't heal

the wound that came from

your leave,

it only scabs the edges

of the void,

to be picked and 

let bleed when

its ready to take m...

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there are so many things i could

say to you.

but the words that i come up with most 

are, 

"i'm sorry."

it wasn't my fault, but i

take the blame.

was there more i could do?

more i could say?

none of it would have made a difference.

we would still be here, apart,

forever.

you're with me now, in a different way.

that's what i hear, what they tell me.

th...

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I twist my brain in different directions, an attempt to make sense of the tragedy that befell upon you, upon us. A rope, already twisted and tangled, a feat to straighten it out that you also took onto your shoulders, when they were already bearing the weight of your own world. In a moment, you were gone. Spirited away into another dimension, occupying the space that Mother universe has provided y...

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HOME

So close yet so far

Six hours in the car

Memories

Pasties

Miles and Miles

One day, we will be reunited

Until then, 

unrequited.

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