Poetry Blog by Miranda Fegan

Wip

t's a good year for a circus
she's lost in the crowd
they're surrounding her conscious 
the deafening cheers rob her of her mind
her stars don't match the night sky

look for home, come back to me
wandering out there
lost but never alone
for love lays beside you 
the universe has stolen you away 

Can you see me down here
your shell, your home
I stand empty as ever 
tied by ribbon I...

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Auditory Hallucinations

Her galaxy is speckled with wormholes

Bridging throughout her universe

Cosmic energy flows to and from

Relaying messages within it’s radio waves

Thoughts, feelings, memories, ideas

Full conversations that only she can hear

Believing that they are really there

Believing in the possibility

Needing to believe

A source of comfort is all it is

So that when she is ready

...

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Familiar Feelings

A new spirit walked with me today

A ghost of calmer grace

Inconceivable, no need to repeat

Yet living in my personal reality

Overactive daydreams can sometimes be useful

We were alone within the crowd

To them I was unattended

The imaginary projection kept intrusions away

Our conversations lively and silent

Playing over the music boasting through my earphones

Allowing ...

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A New Day (A 4am Prose)

The darkest of blues start to ember

As rays of sunlight creep higher

The world begins to grow brighter

Breezes will come and go

Chilling straight to the bone

Storms form and pass

Wreaking havoc in their path

Tides will rise and floods diminish

Carrying away every hope and wish

Fret not

For this is not eternal

It is when the night comes and the day is done

Restor...

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Unnamed WIP

I had never been lost at sea

Till I beheld your eyes

And in them a world

That I would be honoured to venture

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Adam

Daily Battle

Your ghost lingers

Our connection is still open

I can feel your highs and lows

I can feel your anger and love

It hurts

Everything hurts

Do you feel mine

Can you feel how alone I feel?

Knowing that now

With the only one gone

There is none left who can decipher what I’m saying

“The sky is blue,” I could say

“The sky is light blue” is the common response

No one ...

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z

Specifically, Then, Why?

Why?

Why?

Why did you imply I’m an addict?

Why did you imply that I use my mental illness as an excuse?

Do you realize that you did either of those?

Why do you think you couldn’t make me happy?

Why did you say such mean things?

Why did you keep me so close only to tear me away layer by layer?

Why did you unfriend me after saying you wanted to be friends?

Why did you leav...

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z

Losing Myself

I feel as though I live moment to moment

Laughing, smiling, enjoying the little things before me

Then the rest of the time I am conscious of

My soul leaves my physical form

And ventures off for something more interesting

I miss her, most of the time

But maybe it’s better this way

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Everything Has Changed

… not even angry orchard tastes the same.

Why did you touch everything in my life?

I feel as though I’m covered in your prints

Traces of you everywhere I go

Told the bartender

He kept asking about you

but maybe it was an excuse to talk to me

Who am I kidding? That’s a laugh

Rid me of your ghost

Just for a short while

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z

Hindrance

This is starting to piss me off

This thing the universe is doing

Where you’re everywhere now

Walt Whitman wrote a beautiful and loving poem

About community, inclusion, equality, and love

I Sing The Body Electric in harmony with Whitman

My soul enraptured by his words of truth

For school I must write an analytical essay

And for the life of me

I have no argument to really ...

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z

I miss you

I miss the sound of your voice over acoustic guitar

My siren, my Apollo, my muse

Only my imagination knows how your scruff feels against my cheek

and yet

It’s as if you’re here

Holding onto me with restrained desperation

Every chance I ever come upon, I will always accept your call

Even if for a moment, just to hear your voice

Just the chance to hear those wor...

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d

Golden Brown

My dreams are filled with hues of earth tones

Brown masks mysterious secrets,

Dark to cover the pain of ignorance,

Opaque to cover to want of another.

Shimmers of luminous gold peak through

T'is the sun’s kisses,

Ultimate love in heated warmth

Showing compassion with silent understanding

I feel the nutrient earth,

Allowing life to foster and thrive,

The maze of mahoga...

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Bubbles

Bubbles
Everywhere
The world warped on the skin
Colors meld together
Yet remain seperate
Watching, observing

Silent

At times the art is good
At times it would rather burn
A bubble still remains
Lurking in the air
Nothing to say

Not even a thank you

Orbs that stare
Orbs that judge
Unfair, these transparent shields
Bubbles are free
They roam where the current takes them
Car...

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a particular someone checks my blogsand i know who it isbut he gets to stalk my pageseven as a fellow artisteven as a friendhe is allowed to block me on everythingi just wish you'd at least talk to mei know you go to my ask pagei'm not angryit's just not fairpleaseso just message me

Used Art

Used Art

Skin like stretched canvas

Torn and tattered and dull

Colored in fingertips and old bruises

Paintings are no longer practical

Art collectors want to touch

To feel, to experience, and to damage

Then sell to the highest bidder

Hide her away, turn a blind eye

Don’t look, don’t touch

This piece has turned to dust

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Snow Day

Snow Day

One cannot simply ignore this

Superstitions do not normally get my attention

That is, until premonition fruition

Hindsight and all

Yet while the bayous have snow

Rain taps my window pain

I cannot ignore this sign

This message

I will not see snow this year,

Perhaps for many years to come

Snow is too pure to be touched by my tainted skin

Yet still I pray ...

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heartacheloveromanceSnowsnowflakez

Who Am I?

A storm trapped in a rain drop

Hurricane wrapped in a wave

Hundred mile winds twisting within a breeze

Devastating quakes in every stone

Dirt speckled snow blanketed over bones

A forest of memories behind a cosmic window

Ash curls out into nebulous tendrils of purple and blue

A ghost of an echo

No longer able to self recognize

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dissociatingdissociationexistexistenceexistential crisisidentity lossmental illnesswhat am iwho am i

Unnamed

Dirt speckled snow blanketed over bones

A forest of memories behind a cosmic window

Ash curls out into nebulous tendrils of purple and blue

A ghost of an echo

No longer able to self recognize

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Existence is Fatal

When the words that flow from brain to mouth seem to just fly away instead of being caught by ears

When my face portrays incorrect emotion

When the reactions to actions are denied wrongfully

As though my reality is delirium

When promised over and over in order to trust just to be broken by more lies

When my heart falls for it over and over simply because it knows no other way of exi...

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Why Do I Stay?

It's the little things you do
The way you say my name
The way you smile at me
How easily I can laugh with you
No matter how sad I am
The way you believe in me
The way you hold me up
How strong you can be
To lift up and support me
The way we kiss after a fight
The way we grow together
How beautiful you make me feel
On my ugliest days
It's all these things,
All these reasons,
I'm stil...

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boyfriendLoveloverslovingpartnerrelationshipromancespouse

Renewed (Soon)

entry picture

A warm glow from within your leathery shell

The muffled heartbeat of a renewed life

Soon you will be able to stretch your wings

I see you in there, your beauty, your wonder

Take your time, don’t rush

I won’t leave you, you’re never alone

The strength already lies inside you

You’re alive, and it’s dark, and it hurts

The world is cold and cruel

Though within you lies a for...

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Silence

Perhaps I'm too exhausted to hear the words whispered upon the winds

Keep to myself, keep to myself,

Don't look, don't look,

Sores freshly ripened need time to heal, sticks and stones will break my bones

And words can shatter souls.

Not everything is about you

How would I handle denial of articles forged from my heart?

Keep to myself, keep to myself,

Don't look, don't look,...

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i don't even know what to tag this withi thought i'd get an email at leastthis is so disorganizedwipwork in progress

My Muse Is Dead

Beige walls stand empty where original artworks once hung
A woman, beyond her years in mind and body, sits at her desk
Staring at a screen that, despite vast knowledge at her fingertips
Is empty
The cloud of cognizance that enveloped her has cleared
Ridiculed by those she trusted
"Over medicated"
No more pills
No more gange
Nothing to help control the demons within her mind
There is no feeling o...

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adhdartistsbipolarBipolar depression sadnessbulliesdepressiongiving up on passionsgiving up on peoplemedicationmental illnessocdprocessing emotionsptsdshame

Untitled

I’m not even angry at you

And I never was

Confused, yes

Hurt, yes

Frustrated, yes, but from confusion

I can’t be angry with you

Or at you

But I am angry

I’m angry that I put my best effort

That I tried so hard

I’m angry that this happened again

My best was not good enough

I’m angry that I ignored the signs

Such small flags

Warning me from the beginning

...

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commitmentflagsheartbreakLovered flag

Good Girl

Good girl
Those words move me
Quivering to my core
Sparks the embers in my cheeks
So many connotations
A thank you for listening
To your commands
A unique expression of adoration
As well as appetition
An ‘it’s going to be ok’
Psychedelic to my anxieties
Caress my curves
Trace the imprints you leave
On my soul
On my skin
Please, tell me again
I want to be your
Good girl

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a more romantic love than i've ever knownbdsmi love using homonymslovelove makingLoverssexsexualitytrust

My Ray Of Sunshine

Here I go again
Explaining another quirk to some bullshit that happened years ago
I don't keep journals anymore
I hate writing in pen, normally
Someone always saw
Someone always spoke
I always saw some psych
So I never published under my own name
For fear of commitment
In a sense
And here I am
Again
Ashamed of my behavior
Knowing how damaged I sound

"Considering the many things
That...

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argentinahealthy relationshipi love himloveManuelmy partnerpartnerpolyamorouspolyamorysunshineunderstanding

Pick Up (A Selfish Poem)

Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...

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adhdanxietybut i refuse to act selfish anymoreddepressionheartbreaki am allowed to have selfish feelingsi miss youi miss you alreadylong distancelovemissselfishSometimes I wake up still thinking of youthinking of youthis is my outletz

Creative

I need to buy tablet pen tips

Forty two hours since my last nap

Forty two thousand taps, scrapes,

And frustrated sighs

How much in sales today?

Can I sleep yet?

Is it enough?

How many strokes across digital canvas

To correct the damage done 

One commission to the next

My heart left these works long ago

Onward, fingers, onward 

Create the things they want to see

...

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Artistartistscreativitydebtmundanetired

Stupid

A thought occurred to me

I never asked to be protected from the outside world

I only ever asked to be helped up when I'm knocked down

 

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Take Them

Take Them

Take these lies off my chest

Let me bleed from the gaping holes

No need to stitch me back up

These fallacy filled temptations

My main attraction

Hiding my true neuroticism

Telling the world stories

Of oh how amazing I am

How gorgeous

Such a demanding presence

Such an alluring sham

How dare I not live up to the expectations

Of a gorgeous woman 

Li...

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body imageBreastsdepressionsexualization

I Miss You

Am I allowed to express this?

I’m never quite sure during these times

When you need you

This energy builds up inside me

Wanting to screech out 

How beautiful you are to me

How you inspire me to keep going

How every time I get the privilege

of hearing your voice

my soul flutters to your cadance?

You have healing powers beyond your knowledge

Is it ok, will you get ma...

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Di love youI miss youlovemiss youz

Homesick Walls

Is there no hope of returning

Homesick

Relative happiness is nice

A ping in my brain

A twinge in my heart

These pulses of ice in my veins

Never want to stop

Every moment distracted

You're there

Crying

Please, please don't cry

Every attempt to want to understand

You help

Another wall is slammed down between us 

 

Please don't push me away

I can be goo...

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friendsheartbreaklovewallsZach

I Can Be Good (Z)

With each and every prose I think of new things to outpour onto this page. Ideas and feelings flow through me, conflicting, and most of the time I am ok.

I've been sober since then; nothing helps this anymore. Every day starts out slow, in a haze, then I feel ok and content and myself for a few hours. Once noon rolls around, my heart hurts, my stomach turns, my head spins, and I leave class to ...

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adhdbipolardepressionlong distancelong distance lovelovepolyamorouspolyamorypsychpsychologyzach

Cast Aside

Cast Aside

A woman cries for now she knows

Her love is unconditional

Weeping at the empty kitchen table

One, two, three in the morning

None are awake but her

Right hand reaches out to air

She wails

“There was no choice to make!”

Yet she always knew, in some way

Either too much to handle

Or not enough

But always cast aside

 

Anger will not manifest

Her l...

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adhdarbitrarybipolarcast asidechancechoicescrydepressionheartheartbreakheartbrokenlate nightlovepolyamorouspolyamory

I Know Who I Am

Eyes that seek truth,

A heart that knows no bounds

A mind that eludes and intimidates

A soul that is and always was free

Determined and passionate

Emotional but strong

I can get through anything

Even when I don't want to

 

There are times when I do not know myself

These times are hard

Patience will show my path

I'm so grateful I was not alone

I'm still not al...

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emotionaleternal lovehearti amlovelovingmemindselfself lovesoul

How Are You

How are you?
What are you thinking about?
Why are you thinking that?
Where does your heart go?
Does your soul fly?
Can you see clearly?
Did it help?
What didn't help?
How is your soul?
How is your heart?
What do you think about?
How are you?

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hearthow are youi love youlovelovelorn soulmatesoulwhyworriedzach

My Ocean (S)

A Tumblr picture; my first bikini

In the ocean

I had been so proud, disabled and beautiful

That's when you saw my shine

You reached out like a moth to a flame

Too fast, my love, too fast

One makes mistakes

when no one hesitates

Oh how much you have grown my love

Not only have you become the man I saw all along

You have become the man you have always wanted to be

I ...

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growthloveoceanpartnerpolypolyamorouspolyamorystephen

Haven't Changed

HA! I guess I haven't changed since then. All these schemes and dreams in my head of me doing something impossible to win you back. Wrong choice of words. To open you to me once more.

Once I daydreamt that I somehow got in touch with Al Barr and we went drinking up in Edmonton at your favorite bar every day for a week until you strolled in. You were star struck, Al was a cool wingman, you fell ...

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happyi don't want toi need youletting golovepainplease don't gozach

A Promise to You (Z)(11/01/2017)

A promise to you,

if you are willing.

 

You and I are worth it

No, that's not right

We are ALL worth it

We are all worth the work

and with that work divided

the load is lighter

I would love to meet her

I would love to love her

To see what you see in her

Because I know it's pure and right for you

She is wonderful

I know she is already

There's one thing w...

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communicationheri love youlovepolypolyamorouspolyamorytrustzach

Soul (10/16/2017)

I can feel you from so far away

Suffering in silence

Asking my patience that I gladly give

Your happiness is more important.

My love is strong, my mind is weak

Yet for you, I would put my own

Stress aside if it meant helping you.

My body, mind, and soul are yours

When you need them.

I love you in every sense on the word.

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himlovesoulzach

Not This Way (Z) (11/20/17)

I still scroll your page

Keeping my distance

I cry, but not because I'm hurt

My tears are for you

My hope is for you

My person is better for loving you

So for that, if that person isn't me for you

Acceptance is necessary

You are my life, my soul, my love

I never cared if others are in your life

As long as they made you happy

I guess I'm just sad

That I can no lo...

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but pleasei don't hate youi love youlovepleasepolypolyamorouspromisetake your timezach

What on your mind? (Smoke Signals) (October '17)

What’s on your mind?
Who really wants to know?
A world filled with love
yet blind and ignorant of it
stuck in a cloud, observant
only once in a while truly touching
rarely feeling but always loving
she cries
does not know why
she figures
she might as well fill this world with smoke
then maybe this world won’t be so bad
what would you do if you saw
smoke signals from a rain cloud 

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old

A Cloud of Cognizance (October '17)

A skull, abundant with nebulae

Cold waves crash upon the heart

Echoing through the veins and beyond

There she remains, inert in her behavior

Acclimated with these surges of pain

Leering at the screen before her

Acumen floating above curls that betray

A cloud of cognizance

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meditationprocessingthinkingThoughts

Patience (September '17)

i am never one to say ‘i was only kidding’

i am the type who experiences guilt

physical and mental

never mad at those who snap at me

deservedly so

but

patience is something that i need

so please

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angeranxietyguiltlovepatience

Oh, Pixie (January '17)

Oh, Pixie,
Pierce me once more with that joyous laughter
Happiness is embodied, 
But so much more.

Oh, Pixie,
Mysterious creature
Bewitched, longing for enlightenment
I serve thee

Oh, Pixie,
Soul that entwines my mind
Allow me to be seen, to be heard, to be touched
But how

Oh, Pixie,
Love

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bewildermentfairyin lovelonginglovepixie

Bittersweet (S) (July '17)

Paint white over my eyes
Seal my lips with lies
Scrub my skin so that it may be raw
Sweep my feet and watch me fall 
Shackle my hands with twisted irony
Let me hear those phrases of fallacy
For I would rather have it bittersweet
Than to feel so incomplete

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Longing

I See What Is To Happen (11/8/2017)

I'm Terrified

I’m scared that this is who I will be from now on

I’m afraid of what I might become

I’m scared that I’ll never have a healthy relationship

I’m afraid of losing everything again

I’m scared that any person who comes close to me will hurt me

I’m afraid of being isolated

I’m scared that I may be better off alone

I’m afraid of these thoughts racing

I’m scared th...

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heartbreaki didn't know what to do to keep youi knew i was losing youi wish you didn't have to push me awayscaredterrified

Sol (9/11/2017)

Sumptuous daylight

May you fill my soul

Bring light to this life

So wretched and cold

 

Oh, illuminating fairy of day

Reliable and warm, your kiss

Washing away the night’s pain

Bathe me with your bliss

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contenthappinesshappyin a good placein love

Home (20/11/2017)

Home

Keep finding bits and pieces of

Myself strewn across my mind

Only to be blown away again

And what little pieces I have left

Shake and shiver in fear.

Knowing the horizon has better days

I strive onward, searching

There will always be a place

Not a hole, but a safe space

In my heart

For you to rest your head awhile

And know that I will always love you.

 

...

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alwaysheartheartbreakhomeLoveZach

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Recent Comments

Cynthia Buell Thomas on Used Art (Mon, 11 Dec 2017 08:20 pm)

suki spangles on Used Art (Mon, 11 Dec 2017 10:10 am)

Fred Varden on Snow Day (Fri, 8 Dec 2017 11:12 pm)

Connorlannes on Snow Day (Fri, 8 Dec 2017 10:58 pm)

Big Sal on A Cloud of Cognizance (October '17) (Tue, 5 Dec 2017 02:09 pm)

Cynthia Buell Thomas on Renewed (Soon) (Sun, 3 Dec 2017 05:50 pm)

Martin Elder on Renewed (Soon) (Sun, 3 Dec 2017 03:15 pm)

Miranda Fegan on Renewed (Soon) (Sun, 3 Dec 2017 12:28 pm)

David Taylor-Jones on My Muse Is Dead (Wed, 29 Nov 2017 07:52 am)

Sidra Shahid on Untitled (Tue, 28 Nov 2017 01:56 pm)

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Jon on I Know Who I Am (Tue, 21 Nov 2017 08:11 pm)

Miranda Fegan on I Know Who I Am (Tue, 21 Nov 2017 07:19 pm)

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