Made a painting

it isn’t too big or too small

too fancy or too empty

just the right peaceful amount of boring

grabbed an old dusty brush

and buried it in pink

like the cheeks of a smile covered in blush

covered it all

all the sadness all the hate

anything too dark to make me feel small

covered it all so I could forget

leave it all behind 

as if it was someone el...

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I want to be as hot as the sun,

As bold as the ocean.

I want to shaped like a perfect, pretty, pink heart,

And painted by Di Vinci himself.

I wish to be as beautiful as Cleopatra,

Yet as poisonous as a snake.

I wish to be happy with long hair, and shiny ivory skin, as plump and picturesque as one can be.

Let this not be jealousy,

Let this be the truth.

Let me not be engu...

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Anguish

All the pain and despair

Emptiness, loneliness, and longing

All the heart wrenching moments we've had since we were young

And all the things that try to bend break you

Even if they sometimes succeed

All those awful things that hurt so much 

Are merely devices which mold you into who you were always meant to be

Face down the anguish and use it as a tool to sculp...

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So it ended before it began,
but I have no regrets nor sorrows..
It's as if I knew 
deep down my heart
that it never could be
like two rail tracks that'll never meet,
like the moon and the sun that'll never collide,
a mirage in the dunes, mistaken for the oasis for a while,
a book with only a prologue and an epilogue ,
with no chapters in between..
It's not that I don't care
or don't ha...

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ive been invited to a party this saturday. 

i think i will go, 

i think i will get as drunk as i can. 

to feel the painful crushing weight of the sunday hangover. 

im going to act as if i am in a french film. 

i will tell each person a different lie, 

tell them something i've made up about myself. 

these people dont know me. 

dont know me at all. 

but whats more lik...

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What should I write about today?

Damn if I’m not tired of writing about myself.

As good as it is to develop my story,

boy is it repetitive!

I would love to have some success under my belt.

If only I didn’t self-identify as an insurance liability.

my mind swinging back around to my past every chance it gets.

A pattern I seem incapable of breaking.

I tire of asking,

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Lately in your eyes less than perfect 

Look in my eyes never perfect 

If you are bringing drama best be worth  it 

I feel alone though.. I don't feel like I deserve it

You're in the room still I  feel I've been deserted 

I'm far from perfect

For what it's worth.. you should know that I am worth it

Know me better I  can work it 

Got me thinking for a minute I'm not worth it 

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I am more than my sexuality. My job. My pleasure. My image.

I am my past

my future, my lessons,

my life, my heart, my fears.

My skin aches to be loved and my eyes to be seen,

my ears to be heard,

and me

.. me... ME... to be seen.

My passion, is not simply created and finished between my legs,

between my thighs,

but flows within my body like glitter in the wind.

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Let's look at ourselfs today, do you love you today?

Look again, what can we do better?

Look again, look good.

We kinda look good today, don't we?

Look at that smile hiding, those twinkly eyes.

If you look even better, we look beautiful.

But we already knew that because we are!

And we need to own it!

Yes.

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I've sat up a tree for days and no-one noticed.
Neither the few who wandered underneath,
Nor the even fewer who should have cared.
Enough to realise I was missing!
And no-one came searching.
Time has no meaning, when the bark is pressing
Into the base of your spine.
And trees don't have cushions!
After the first hours, you only know you are there
Because you can't feel your feet.
Only fo...

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Although there are still two more poems to be met in the unrequited love sub-theme of love's tempest it is chronologically correct to open up new sub-themes of 'friendship' or 'platonic love', and 'self-love' or 'self-esteem', these themes often intertwine and overlap.

I thought about whether to just finish the unrequited love theme and then return to this first of the friendship poems, but I t...

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While waiting for the bus to school,
I came upon the weighty problem
Of what to do with my hands and feet.

Unused to such quandries and puzzles,
I first thought the answer to be
Simple, like hands in pockets, and stand on feet.

But unbidden, there came to my mind
A picture of myself, standing on my feet.
A plump girl, with her hands in her pockets.

At last I could stand it no longer
...

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You promised me a future,

I painted the perfect picture.

Failing to see the sands,

Slipping through those firmly grasped hands.

Your one moment of affection

I’d find an eternal connection,

I thought this was love,

Until you took away my winter’s glove

I stopped dreaming,

My heart was screaming,

What was this injustice?

The longest day, it was my solstice.

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A little poem inspired by the all the positive aspects i discovered over the last year in lockdown. 

As I walked past the empty gym,

My thoughts began to swim.

I wondered what now? Where will I find my escape?

Lost in thought, I continued down the cityscape.

I listened intently,

As the winds blew gently.

The outside air called for adventure,

A need for wander...

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Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me

I wonder if you ever felt the way I felt for you

Sometimes I wonder why you stayed by my side so long 

Why did you watch my light slowly die

And then blamed me when it was all gone

Sometimes I wonder why did you fall in love with someone else when you had somone by your side who gave you all her life who gave you her heart

Then I realize th...

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What if we could have no doubt

What if we could all just look at this world through a child’s eyes

What if we could share our life’s without being judged

Let energies meet and collide 

Trust that people won’t hurt you 

Trust that people won't see you for the crazy human you are but instead for the new beautiful soul you’ve become 

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Seeing the shadow in vision
Getting feared of what the great poison
Hiding out back to the scratch
Tired of being what they're interpreted 
To be looked up in the sun
To be puked in deep water run
To be lost in relief distance
I was fight, 
But no lights were made
So where is is heading through wind? 
Passing it off to be betrayed and seen
That soak tree's been relied on
As this volt i...

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Focused on piercing eyes, light hazel abyss

I reached down earnestly past orbiting hips

Fingers parting engorged velvety lips

To find within a now aching, sensitive tip.

Writhing, squirming

Unprepared and panicked

Intensity unparalleled

Myself, I know not what to do with.

Tears, laughter

All consuming heat and fleeting chills

Dreams are becoming reality

A...

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I am sad. 

I am worthless. 

I am unlovable. 

Nobody loves me.

I do not deserve to be loved. 

I don't matter. 

I have no matter.

The world would be a better place without me. 

 Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.

I wish I were dead. 

-depression

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You always see

when people trip and fall 

face first onto a knee,

The shear panic of a red warm pool. 

People crowd and care, 

Rushing to rescue. 

Drip, drip, drip,

The skin now stained

seeping from veins,

Pumping like a bad memory,

Fixated on the blood

people forget the scars,

Not the one oozing with puss

but the one deep-rooted, 

Crying out for atte...

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~A fractured mosaic staring back at me

Shades of blue, brown, yellow, gray and green

Are the stitching that weave this being together

A fabrication of vibrant parts synthesizing to make a real whole

The real me~

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I woke up today feeling a bit numb

I woke up today feeling like everything will be fine

I woke up today and decided that I was done

I woke up today and cried

Then I looked in the mirror, I said, " Girl you look fine!"

Then another voice said, " Don't you dare give up!"

So I put on a happy face,

And I headed out to find that girl I once was....

Happy. Beautiful. Strong

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what used to hurt me

still does

what used to scare me

still does

what used to make me curl up on the floor

shaking to my very core

still does

I am constantly afraid that one day

I will come face to face with my mistakes

a tableau of painful regrets and aches

the times I said I couldn’t when I could

the times I said I wouldn’t when I would

the past stil...

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He loves her but, 
she loves him,
but he loves the mirror 
like his lost love loves selfies.

Adoration, pointing every direction, 
like weather vanes in a hurricane.

Each unware their 
love affair 
is bound to end. 

Love lessons often repeat 
until we understand that 
real love begins within, 
then overflows to others, 

making the circle of love 
complete. 

###

https://...

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Bring Back the Pin Up

I was a sexual woman

I was…

Until my consent and its importance,

I was robbed of.

This is the year where-

I rediscover her

In my coven

Friend to friend

My witchy woman tell me how to be-

A proud feminine,

Love bug again

I know, I know!

I will observe you in your glory

Take notes, mimic my old self and copy-

My memory

When i was ...

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Where’s The Sun?

I used to orgasm imagining i was running to-

The sun.

To reach climax for the relief was spiritual

Sex for me has remained-

Emotional.

Now it’s perverse and sexual.

So, I hide inside-

The dark of the night

And only come out when the moon says

You’re safe now.

He has my best interests in his heart filled with craters

Other women scarred with play...

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It's time to let go.

It's time to move on from the past, 

from whatever it is holding you back

The random pain from memories 

coming back to you as if two years was instead, two months ago

It's time to be free of all that is not meant to be

You know and I know 

The universe will show you which way to go 

Find true connection from within

Only then will you find clarity 

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Me, where is she

squeeze my skin, the flesh

it’s not me

I love me

the love I have lives deep

it’s far, so far beneath my cheeks

I wish I could hug me

to make myself believe

that with a finger touch it’s me

so then I’d see

that I am not this temporary body

and what I am is free

but Earth demands an anchor, you see

unfortunately for me

because it becomes all...

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It is time for Renewal and Rebirth!

The shedding of habits, worry, and fear

Letting go will put my mind at ease.

I no longer want to feed stress and self doubt,

In the corners of my mind they disappear.

I wash away the negativity,

I wash away the pain,

I wash away the regret,

My goal is no longer to please.

My heart will no longer hurt,

I will put mysel...

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Eyes that seek truth,

A heart that knows no bounds

A mind that eludes and intimidates

A soul that is and always was free

Determined and passionate

Emotional but strong

I can get through anything

Even when I don't want to

There are times when I do not know myself

These times are hard

Patience will show my path

I'm so grateful I was not alone

I'm still not al...

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I'm my own worst enemy,
It's funny how that works.
To see nothing great in me,
To question, "what's my worth?"

Looking in the mirror,
All I see is filth,
But the mirror isn't dirty,
It's just the figures spilth.

People try to compliment me,
But I only disagree,
Not seeing what they see,
They must say not what they mean.

I need more motivation.
My job is nothing great.
I need to...

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Learning to love yourself is gruelling. Every flaw, every mistake, every quirk. Only us ourselves know how characteristically flawed we truly are. So we hide. Hide behind make up, clothes and materials.

Social media enables us to create an ideology of the person we think we are, the person we want to be. But in the midst of the night we lie awake contemplating ourselves. Questioning our choices...

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