Anguish

All the pain and despair

Emptiness, loneliness, and longing

All the heart wrenching moments we've had since we were young

And all the things that try to bend break you

Even if they sometimes succeed

All those awful things that hurt so much 

Are merely devices which mold you into who you were always meant to be

Face down the anguish and use it as a tool to sculp...

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Through the bitterness of winter 
life crawls, so lingering and lonely
and hauling your battered heart into 
the shelter of some place holy
Your mind swims with the terrible things 
those hands have groped toward
The grit of guilt and shame conspire 
to serve as your reward

Such troubled thoughts reverberate
as they echo up into the arches
Gathering their mass and falling back 
they’v...

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I wish I could hate you,

But I can't.

I wish I could forget you,

But I can't.

If I have a choice between love and death,

I would have chosen death for sure.

But I can't.

Love is so stupid,

That it hurts

Making me so frustrated,

That it hurts

Amplifying the feeling of loneliness,

That it hurts

Can't even express all this in your face

It hurts.

...

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If you find yourself with awful luck.
And that in the deepest hole are firmly stuck.
If you feel from it you'll never rise,
That the world is cruel and harsh in your eyes.

If you feel there'll never be a tomorrow,
And you'll never leave your path of sorrow.
If you feel your life has no point or reason,
And it's loose ends will never find completion.

You must know that life is always ch...

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If we arrive at great misfortune,
Try not to be bitter.
Turn it into something positive,
And do not be a quitter.

And if we should meet a dead end,
Or if we should lose our way,
Know we can get back on track
And that tomorrow's a new day.

And if we don't know where we're going,
And we are filled with huge despair,
We can redraw our map of life,
And find our roads lead everywhere.

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things used to be simple

lovers dawning undiluted

before he turned up and

left my dreams polluted

I knew she had a history

you sensed it in her eyes

she'd seen many lovers

said a host of goodbyes

hoped she'd seen sense

woken up and matured

that restless streak still

her carnal urges cured

my money she was after

I knew it from the start

one-w...

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Thunder roars through the empty halls

Lost, forbidden, in the dreams of the dead

Desolation descends to answer the call

Of petulance, compunction and dread

The horror of the night, haunts the moon

As it shines on the blackness of life

Earth disembowelled by all it consumes

Distorting truth, fouling Gods paradise

Death reigns hard, as love is defiled

His cloak b...

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Soaring clouds cloak rising sun, vigorous brightness, morning whiteness
Lightness, creeping upon those weeping sightless, dark blindness lifting in slightness
Rightness becomes a non factor, heart like a melted down reactor spitting smoke
Go for broke, break it all, the inevitable fall comes swiftly, will twist thee into submission 
Nature's battle of attrition, cruelty ingrained into life lik...

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Climb the steps, one by one

Feel the breeze refresh me

Hands can nearly touch the sun

Golden rays drip down around me 

Love and splendour encases my heart

With the world shining out all its glory

A brand new day, a glimmering start

New beginnings, new days, new story

Top of the slide, secure on the mat

Fluttering lungs fill up with excitement

The world whizz...

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Then the photos appear

I never see them coming

That need for revelation

Emotionally so numbing

Image of ex-husband

Faces of cheeky kids

This woman has lived

My life hit the skids

Tales come with the pics

Stories of her family life

Domestic ups and downs

How she fared as a wife

All I feel is hot shame

Angry at what I missed

Wife, kids, annive...

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Fires seething, breathing, spewing forth
Molten vulgarities unto this earth,

Feeding on the despair and indifference of
A society that has rid itself of all those things
Which are true and good,

Nothing is intolerable anymore, for the flames
Have consumed all, beggar and borrower alike,
And smothered nature's sight,

For the heart which cannot see shall be mute to
All that could open...

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Everyone's asleep

Silently I weep

Misery boiling 

Anger steep 

What one sows 

Isn't that what they're supposed to reap? 

Why do I remain good

Continue to be kind

Try ever so hard to preserve my mind

Karma seems to lack purpose

Or simply ignores the concept of time.

Doesn't my pain matter

My life unrecognizable and tattered

Am I that good at pretendi...

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You need hope to see a future

Without that there's only despair

That's the lesson you taught me

When you told me you didn't care

There was no tomorrow in your eyes

Only dead ashes from yesterday

There was no tomorrow in your eyes

My future's upped and flown away

Our journey's come to to dead end

I'm backed up against a concrete wall

Even now I'm hoping again...

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Dark and bleak and empty and bare
This life is hard.. I hate it here.
Voided, eroded, saddened... barren of joy
Helpless, hopeless, soulless... a plain white wall
Mopey, lonely, gloomy...why even try
Hungerless, Sleepless, motionless...I might just die
Drowning, not breathing, cant gasp for air
Quiet pain, drenched in rain, not one care
Deserted, isolated, distressed and bored
want to, ...

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Shadows of a face I see

Pain oozing beyond every pore

Blissful smells

mocking empty arms

Worthless words that shatter my core

Shadows reflect in the mirror for me

Dust resting in places not seen

Unnoticed stains

Caress faded floors

Memories blurring from what could have been 

Shadows saturate the world that I see

Dying embers of defeated hope 

Tainted ...

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my chair continued to turn

even though I had left it

outside the window

new shoots appearing, what was

the point of notes on my desk

he showed me a corner creased photo of his daughter

I could see it in his eyes

the sun caught his crisis

he was going to steal the moon

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I used to think it would be an honor 
to usher in a thousand years of peace,
a willing martyr to stop senseless suffering, 
but I had no idea of the atrocities 
that would ensue between men,
or the loss of innocent children 
that we would witness with despair 
and helplessness. 

Come now Lord, end the madness, 
flood evil with love,
make our planet a peaceful place, 
before all hope i...

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You ask if I believe in God...
How can I not?

To deny my Father
means I leave my existence
to some 30 year old predator
who impregnated a girl half his age
and left her to raise their child
in the wilderness, among wolves 
that feed on loneliness and despair.

Without my Father, I would never know
that after suffering comes deliverance,
pain leads to compassion,
forgiveness breaks b...

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God is watching over us,
They say.
When we feel afraid,
Grateful or anxious,
We look to the sky
For reassurance,
Hoping for protection,
Consideration,
Or tender mercy.

Hope lies only in the sky.
Fear burrows under our feet.
The lost wanderer is afraid
To look down and advised to look up.

So believers are blessed
With good posture.

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Mortality stalks me 
like a jealous lover.

Breathlessly follows me
wherever I go, incessantly
banging a gong, 

chanting, 

it won't be long, 
come to me, let 
the pain end.

My eternal soul sees
this game of mortal gods 

and challenges me

to go where mortals
fear to tread...

Meditate in silent space
past the black hole,

beyond illness,
depression, despair

to that ...

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Too much reality 
can burn a hole
through your soul.

I prefer to temper it
with rose colored glasses,
as you know.

With my glasses on
I can see past the ego
to the wounds at
war within.

I can see that the
past, present, and
future are all 
an illusion...

created for one purpose

to tell the story
of how we want to 
show up in this world. 

I can see beyond 
resistance,...

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Passion consumed 
eventually fades.

Passion capped 
pursues us 

beyond the grave.

This revelation 
helps me understand,

our encounter was 
never about us.

It was about our muses
intertwined in the 

world of words.

We were denied 
the lasting passion
we searched for

so we could write 
our soul songs

for seekers 
to see

the ectasy 
and despair

that accompan...

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There you are beaming 
at everyone you meet
posting highlights,
keeping it together. 

But, I see your soul scars...
loneliness, heartbreak,
disappointment, addiction,
depression, despair...

It's enough to turn
most souls to dust.

But not us.

Diamonds are made from 
coal under pressure.

Show your scars,
keep the faith,
and shine on.

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It's easier to believe
I am a child of the most high God
than to live a life of despair.

It's easier to believe
everything happens for a reason
than to question fate.

It's easier to believe
love is everywhere
than to give in to hate.

It's easier to believe
in forgiveness
than remain a victim.

It's easier to believe
in abundant blessings
than mounting problems.

It's easier ...

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Life, a word in silence...

just as the whisper

of an absent wave

Night falls,

unable to grasp the vehement screams of plight;

bitter hope, as the hours,

pass inert

Exiled memories;

yesterday’s forgotten,

today’s furtive

At this hour, which I did not choose,

tombs bloom under the bloody grass,

knotting my tears

amidst indifferent glances

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In the Halls of Knowledge

The Great Men shared their wisdom

With emperors, kings, monarchs, and generals.

Great women shared their insights and guidance, too,

But their words are stored in different wings of the Great Hall.

It was the Great Men who laid the foundations

For civilisation, for democracy, for tyranny,

Architectural planning, sewage, and war.

It was the Great Me...

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When I wonder what's wrong
When I think whats going on
A Voice said 'this is what you did
Not much love exists to feed.
Tides will not change the future
Might just believe it, forever
Believed that the eyes I see
Truth in them will set me free.
Taking a huge dose of the drug
Never know what's beneath the rug
Chemical changes inside me
They will not let me be.
Let me be the free bird fl...

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The Imperfect Gardener

Someone once said, long ago or last week,

that it's futile on a finite and populous planet

to seek a truth, or a finely polished apple,

in the still-life-on-canvas we daily behold,

and by such uncouth behaviour

we are mostly confounded, and fail to grapple.

So we're prisoners here, in uncounted millions,

unable to leap high or fast enough to...

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Yesterday, the sun shone black upon my soul

Depth's depth deep beneath my heart.

Lumined ne'er by hope

Thoughts sank weighted low

Today, dawn'd, in heaven's mantle rais'd,

Glims golden future in my mind.

Light lightened all by future faith

Heart, mind and soul exalting up

Her voice love levered up, returned it from the depths

Dark voids where happiness was stra...

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In the air, the pallor rises showing faces of wrath,

breathing shame in light of a complex coalition of schemes;

a sudden fury appears discreetly under the crying

and the world indifferent...

Amazed glances are exchanged;

the impertinent silence is not tolerated ...

while the inventory of gifts continues

buying those in olive green uniforms, governments and judges

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Bag Of Bones

Please let me introduce myself -

my name is Billy Jones.

You might know me better

as that useless bag of bones

that gets under your feet

when you’re staring at your phones,

planning all your creature comforts

on extortionate pay day loans.

Well I was once like you my friend,

I haven’t always been alone

huddled up in corners

where the autumn lea...

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Very surely I’ve been remiss
To imagine you, darling, like this!
Oh, the melded hours have cruelly conspired
To strand me in ecstasies of longing—which I so desired!—
To abandon me to oceans of thoughts of your kiss—
It’s a breathless caress, plunged in the shuddering abyss;
Oh, darling, what bitter elation—what horrible bliss!

I’ve made lists which contain nothing but your name!
And of ...

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Unrequited love is the destruction of the heart

It is walking across an endless desert occupied with faded mirages that show you beauty like never before

Constantly consumed by its wonder, constantly consumed by the despair for your love for it

She is the mirage, you are the lonley aching fool in an endless desert

You are the one slowly suffocating by the boundless intesity of what you...

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This Is England

the empty cardboard

coffee cup groans with hunger

eyes to eyes to anything

that isn’t eyes

clothes that itch with dirt

the taste of yesterdays soup

settles against teeth

sleep is the enemy

dulling your hopes of escape

if the spiteful arrive

with mean intentions

and brown leather boots

head bowed against the world

not looking ...

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You stand before an empty horizon,

The silhouette of the trees running sharply across the bottom of the sky,

Eyes fixed on those soulless, black shapes in the distance.

Your gaze wonders up – slowly. The sky transforms before you

From the light into the dark.

The moon hangs – trapped in the dawn of engulfment,

The ground beneath you is dim – stretching to meet the light.

...

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(If Mother Earth could speak...)

I’m the first light of dawn setting fire to the skies,

the awe that ends with a soft, sated sigh.

I’m the slow, gentle sway of ancient, lofty trees,

branches of life filled with wonders to be.

I am sands and seas; a warm summer breeze

blowing soft, whispered tunes over ever-changing dunes.

I am stars in the heavens sailing high overhe...

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I slide down a rope
     into the empty chasm 
          which is your cold heart. 
I light a fire 
          in the depths of your despair. 
You hate me anyway. 
It rains. 
An ocean is born; 
          it swallows me whole. 
Darkness engulfs me. 
Surrounded by other misguided souls. 
I feel their cages; 
     I discover mine. 



NOTE: I wrote this at age 15. I have edited it sinc...

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I sat beside you on that fateful day,

As they sutured your wrists in A&E,

Their failure to keep you safe,

Was no failure of ours or me,

For try as we may to get you help,

Their ears were as deaf as their eyes,

Now we sit..... in our tortured state,

In the hollow your passing creates,

You will always be with us inside our hearts,

For as long as our minds wi...

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Tally one for days past,

At present still remembered.

Nil for today, at last,

For your presence it still lingers.

My dreams are full of you,

And In my waking hour, you echo,

There is naught for me to do,

Save hope you let me let go.

I stay awake at night,

Because when sleep comes it seems,

I must concede my plight.            

You are the girl of my dream...

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The sun is always there

you used to say

there behind the clouds

waiting to break through.

I hung on those words.

And now I wish you were here

so that I could show you

how outside the rain’s been falling

for longer than I remember

day after day after day

and the skies are grey and heavy

the streets run with water

the fine clothes we were so proud of

...

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Or watched her go about her day, 

In a pleasant kind of way,

And realize that you are happy too,

Just because she laughs with you.

And know that if she were to ask,

You would accept her any task,

And do it with unblinking speed,

If only it was you she’d need.

Have you ever known such despair?

To always have an angel there,

Who gives meaning to each passing d...

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It is dark out there,

Where did the light go?

I can't see a thing,

But can feel the snow.

And the temperature is dropping,

Twenty below.

And my sister stopped moving,

And mother is slow.

Father has gone,

To where, I don't know.

And it is dark out there,

And still the wind blows.

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The scalded soldiers

Slid over the top

Of the parched peak; waved,

Awaited the pop

Of reflexed wretchings -

The wretched allure;

Sweet shelling shrapnel

So bitter and pure.

Then dinning quiet but

Cliched tweeting; the

Eery aftermath

Of gorge filled eating.

The troops fall silent

'Til cries ring out and

Once more the trenches

Filled with d...

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They say that some people can attain justice, but...

how can there be equity if justice is not blind, it has open eyes and points its finger?

without a clear alphabet , without free will, as so ordered by the commander of staggered dawns

False testimony multiply in front of their hands, to in...

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Jaded lasting tedium

beset with gloomy cape

More I try ridding off

seems stuck at nape

Tattered and misshapen

the vilely kind of garb

Root cause for despair

inviting many a barb

Donned inadvertently

as cover up sort drape

From all harsh realities

 when I sought escape

Ever since it stayed on

not even once removed

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did I ever say I was “good people”?

some days I miss the hasty shouting

the crack of fist on salted cheekbones

better that than the nauseous choice

of considered upholstery or designer phones

never weather appropriate, rather, accident

ripped and bleeding, waiting for some other

and days my head will fill with men of war

always in shock yet mostly in awe

a...

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I loved you once as deeply as any man could Will
and, if the darkest truth were known,
in my heart I love you truly still
Though the distance that lies between us
 may seem so very far apart
space and time will not unbind
the aching, raging heart
So farewell my love and lover once
and, as lovers ever true,
we will live and laugh and love again
like lovers that are new

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Somewhere, the 9 till 5 office worker stops me with a deadpan stare,
Fixes me with the times of timetables passed, the graph paper squares
Of tomorrow’s schedule. The high-rise offices never bother to look down.

I never liked the city.

Never really cared
for the city’s callousness, its daily suicide,
the shadow at the top of each building that watches with certainty.

C...

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Turn eyes!

Pretend I'm not here!

Do not look at me with disgust.

Laziness

is not the reason I am here.

Some a job's loss to be in

my shoes.

This is a more cameo style poem.

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`

Be numb to me
get off your knee
cease from demeaning
my esteem for you
with your lucid hate

the hourglass leaks

coloured sand pours
rainbow streaked tears
where the rains bleached
this sunburnt heart
with the acid of your disdain

these wearied hands

no longer reach for yours
your reflection is marred
and the mirror put awa...

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