Poetry Blog by Flavia Gordon

PALM TO PALM, SKIN TO SKIN

Touch...

betrays all that I try to hide

Touch...

soothes the turmoil inside

Touch...

takes my breath away

Touch...

gives me hope for another day

Touch...

reveals desires I have forgotten and were dormant

Touch...

offers what I need and all that I want

Touch...

awakens a passion I so desperately want to indulge in

Touch...

pacifies my suffering. 

 

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DUALITY AT PLAY (inner monologue of a childhood sexual abuse survivor)

(Waring! Excessive use of expletives)

Remember the Tin Man (Tracy Chapman)

 

Hindsight illuminates the plight

Retrospect brings dark to light

Always a little too late

Try as I might

 

Do I stand up and fight

Or is this a time for flight

I can never seem to tell

Never get it right

 

I guess genetically,  I am a mix of ostrich and possum

Freeze and play dead

...

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ResilienceretrospectionSexual abusesurvival

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT PEP TALK

Happy thoughts

Happy thoughts

Must think happy thoughts

 

Avoid the lure of melancholy 

One must remain jolly

Feign being upbeat and perky

Until it becomes a reality

 

Yes, you can do it

It's no sweat

Grin and bear it

Smile...abate the threat

 

You are now a pro...

A life spent surviving the impossible...

This is but a minuscule bout of sorrow...

...

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optimism

THE HEALING OF ANCIENT WOUNDS

She wondered into his place of work because she thought she was loosing her head

When approached by him she lost herself, her wits and her heart instead

She found her will to try, emotions she had lost, physical urges she thought she had shed

The sight and sound of him, the insight he shared, her soul he fed

Cautiously she indulged,  dependency has only ever brought feelings of dread

...

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appreciationchangegratitudemindfulself-growth

Bare Minimum

I sat before 

Crumpling in on myself       

Lost in my head   

Wishing I was dead

It's over now

Why are we still here                         

He got what he wanted                     

Why does he sit there and stare       

My body limp                                     

Folding over in submission               

My head on his knee                        

...

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Inner StruggleRape

MY SAVIOUR, MY SAVANT (An ode to my paid weekly "friend")

I lost all control

Crossed the threshold

My tears too excruciating to hold

 

I prayed earnestly to be released from the pyre

I saw you and I continued to burn 

Only now, I burned also with desire

 

Curiosity peaked

Fervent interest realized

The voodoo you do, mesmerized 

 

Divinity revealed?

Oh, what power you weild!

Desperately I yearn to yeild

 

Yo...

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appreciationgratitudemental healththerapy

I Concede

I can't breathe.

I don't want to breathe...

(without you!)  

 

I want to seethe.

Please let me seethe... 

(Because I can't have you!)

 

I want to feed.  

Why can't I feed...  

(I want to devour you!)

 

I have needs.  

Don't you have needs...

(Let me fulfill a few!)   

 

Let's do the deed.

Let me do the deed...

(I want to make love to you!)

 

...

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desireLove and lustrelationships

Imposter Begets Imposter?

Who am I

why do I

when will I

where can I

Answers elude

My identity un-formed and crude

 

Mother pretends

The show never ends

Until the curtain is drawn 

All the doors are closed and simulations suspend

 

I don't know who I am

Give anything to be sure

Stand firm in my convictions 

On both sides of the door

 

No duplicity here

All masks removed

...

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aspirationsfake lovehopenarcissistic abuserelationships

Karma the Uninspired Bitch (explicit)

Everyone's asleep

Silently I weep

Misery boiling 

Anger steep 

What one sows 

Isn't that what they're supposed to reap? 

 

Why do I remain good

Continue to be kind

Try ever so hard to preserve my mind

Karma seems to lack purpose

Or simply ignores the concept of time.

 

Doesn't my pain matter

My life unrecognizable and tattered

Am I that good at pretendi...

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Angerdespairfrustrationlifemental healthsurvival

My Super man

Panic setting in

For reasons unknown everything is unsettling

I wished I could kick my heels and disappear

But, instead, he appears

Through the haze his face is clear

I fight the urge to will him near

Oh God, did he sense my fear

Or my emotions churning and my tears near

How does he do it, what exactly does he hear

Me daring him to care

My vulnerability on full blast ...

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attachmentdepressionmental illnessrelationships

Rush Hour Treat...

Emotional turmoil 

Tranquility sporadic

The future unknown yet frightful

A familiar face in the crowd  

So warm, inviting and sweet...

 

Everything makes sense again

Hope is reignited 

Fear, is once again

For the time being

Obsolete...

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appreciationgloomgratitudehopemental illnessrelationships

Transference and its counter

Am I making an impression...

Do I leave you bewildered with every expression...

Do you look forward like I do to our weekly sessions...

Or are my scribbled musings akin to aggression... 

An unbecoming, pathetic vie for attention...

I find you delightful and have a genuine fascination...

I am curiously eager, feelings bordering on    intoxication.

 

But, apparently in therap...

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depressionlifelonginglovemental illnessrelationships

A Client's Woe

When shadows go into hiding

And dreams run wild

I imagine you all stripped down and bare

All facades shed

Thoughts of me invade your head...

 

Or so I wish, a girl can dream

I miss you, I want you

If only I could scream 

These words out loud 

Remove the shroud

Say them loud

Say them proud...

 

But I mustn't disturb the peace

What is unknown must remain ...

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forbidden desireslifeLongingmental healthrelationshipsunrequited love

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