Poetry Blog by Jacqueline L Elias

For many years I walked in shame

With my head bowed down not looking anyone in the eyes

Shame for not being good enough

Shame for not being wanted nor loved

I sat in darkness wondering if I would ever be able to find light

Sat there wondering, if I would ever be worthy or enough

Then a voice whispered in my ear, " I am here."

The voice got louder and yelled, " I am here."

T...

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I have learned that I am African that I have African blood

I have African brothers that protect me and will not let me fall

 I've learned about the atrocities that slaves went through

I've walked through the dungeons and smelled and seen the horrors that slaves experienced

I stood in the female dungeon and heard the cries for help and felt the fear that these women went through

I've...

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Wait,don’t give up

Wait, everything will be fine,

“Wait,be patient,” God tells you.

Your heart pounding hard

Your head spinning with thoughts 

“God,” you yell waiting is so hard

God says louder, “ wait and your promises will come true”

So you sit and listen 

You sit and wait 

Hoping, dreaming that his promises will come true soon

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It is hard having faith

When you feel so much pain

It is hard to obey when you feel so betrayed

It is hard to smile and put on your pretty face

When your whole world has seems to have crumbled

But then that voice comes back to you and says , "Look how far you've come, look how strong you are!"

The voice tells you everything is going to be just fine

You breathe, close your eyes...

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Many days I was in darkness
Many days I cried for help
Seeing no beauty in this world
I forgot what it felt like to smile and not feel pain
A simple act of kindness
Will you come here and slide with me?
A simple question
A simple task
Sliding down the slide made me smile
And feel the love of God

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What is next? I ask God

Tell me please because I feel so lost

Losing control of all that is around

What is next? I ask God

Then a small voice howls in the wind saying, "Worry about now!"

Smile, Breathe, Relax

Don't worry about the future nor the past

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I woke up today feeling a bit numb

I woke up today feeling like everything will be fine

I woke up today and decided that I was done

I woke up today and cried

Then I looked in the mirror, I said, " Girl you look fine!"

Then another voice said, " Don't you dare give up!"

So I put on a happy face,

And I headed out to find that girl I once was....

Happy. Beautiful. Strong

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A dark cloud over me

No matter how hard I battled I seemed to be stuck

No matter how hard I tried to overcome the struggle it was eating me alive

Breathe, wake up, walk

What is wrong with you I yelled, " You have God!"

Get up battle, don't give up

Life keeps throwing punches at you

Life keeps making you fall

But fight, fight and be strong

Don't give up

Don't you dare ...

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It's been a hard day

Smiling pretending everything is fine

If I pretend it feels better

If I do it enough it hurts less

I haven't texted you all day

I haven't ran to you

I keep telling myself I don't need you anymore

I keep telling myself I don't love you

But a voice in my head keeps saying, " Be patient, be kind, show yourself self-love."

Then I look at my arm the word ...

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I made a decision that was hard

To let you go 

To let you fly

God told me don’t worry she’ll be fine

God told me ,“ Love is patience. Love is kind.”

I cried and yelled and couldn’t accept it 

His voice was clearer his voice was loud

He said one more time, “Love is patience. Love is kind.”

I finally understood I needed to stop being selfish 

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"God, God!" I yelled and cried.

God why have you abandoned me.

I drank to see if the pain would go away.

"God!," I said I still feel hurt

I still feel pain!

Then I finally gave up and cried for days and saw nothing but darkness

Then a voice came and said, " Get up, don't give up, put on your shield, put on your armour!"

The voice was mad the voice was hurt the voice was comman...

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The words you said made me realize it's all done

I cried, yelled, and wallowed in self pity

Then I showered

Did my hair

Put on clothes and said  , "That is it girl get it together!"

I said, " That is it girl look at that mirror!"

You are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, and SMART

I said , "I love me!"

"I love me!"

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Urge

I have this urge to call you

An urge to beg you

An urge to show you I can be happy

I have an urge to tell you that I am strong

I have an urge to tell you that I agree and we're done

An urge to say I know you aren't coming back

I have an urge to stop torturing myself and finally let you be free

I say one more text that is all I need

I say one more text that is all I ...

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I Forgot

I forgot how much I loved to write

I forgot how much I love me

I forgot how much it hurt to be alone

Yet, to know that you are free

I forgot how much I love to sing

To feel the warm sun on my skin

I forgot to be me

I forgot how to smile

But today that all changed

Today I remembered...

I remembered it no longer us

It's no longer you and me

Now its me!

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