i want to work on myself

what kind of work do i need?

am i a car stranded in the middle of nowhere,

waiting until the mechanic comes, only to pass me by

am i an equation, frows burrowed in deep thought

an excuse for the mathematician to silently slip away

am i a philosophical question, everyone has a different opinion

that they will rarely ever voice, for when they do it echoe...

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do you see your reflection in a golden frame

untouched by the rust of the storm you created?

can you see it gathering dust as you avoid blame?

too scared to get your fingers dirty, you let your outline fade

unknown where the background ends and humanity enters

i can no longer recognize your face and its features

am i squinting hard enough for you?

do i need a microscope to not...

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memories light my heart to start again

warmth in my veins like medicine

i open the door, gaze at my collection

candles in every crevice and corner

my house is overrun with light

but i am warm

so i let it burn

candles on my nightstand flicker

as i dream of fire consuming me

and awake to see the light i kept too close

fell during slumber, catching every other glow

i...

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roses are red, like a kiss, a stamp, a heart that has bled

or white, like doves, a dress, a jewel shining in the light

you, my friends, are yellow

not like dirty snow or old stains in carpet;

yellow like the sun that blinds us on our walk,

stars we gaze at from different windows until we look away,

keys that unlock us with every little talk

i picked the freshest flowers for my...

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The world is a fickle friend.

Turning which ever way it will.

I call out to it...  I shriek back...

When it disapproves.

But its disapproval...

Is its only attribute

On which I can depend.

written 2012

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This poem tries to capture the pain of watching a friend succumb to addiction, bound to a destructive habit that erodes both health and hope. As one friend struggles with the limits of friendship and "agape", the other slips further and further away, lost in a cycle that breaks promises and bodies alike. This poem hopefully serves as both plea and ultimatum—a haunting look at the cost of holding o...

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I can’t give up my joy 

The people who surrounded me 

With bad intentions 

Couldn’t hold up the charade that they felt joy when I succeeded 

Are deleted, blocked , ignored

I’ll never see them across my screen , my mind, in my sight

Because once I know we’re not aligned 

What’s the purpose of having you near?

So you can rejoice?

About me stubbing my toe 

About me getti...

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Your feelings for me were beyond what you lead on

Did us talking regularly 

Soften your heart unexpectedly?

Unknown to me but very known to you 

It came to the point where “love you” became “I love you” 

Slight change to our goodnights 

Nothing to overthink 

We’re friends right? 

You got “busier”

Our talks lessened 

I still see you partying though 

I’m confused 

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Dear absent friend
Are you still there?
Do you still lurk in the places we used to?
Or have you moved on to pastures new?

Dear absent friend
Do I ever cross your mind?
Even on days with no rain from the skies 
It rains from my eyes

Dear absent friend
I long to hear your voice
For your asks I could not fulfill 
But I miss you still 

Dear absent friend
I hope that you are happy
H...

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Long slevees

Cut my hair

Hell yeah

I trust her 

With my soul

She says I shouldn't though

Buts she shouldn't 

trust me either

We watch the world burn

We laugh about it

She could kill me

No dought about it

I don't think she would

So let's just hope

In the good of humanity

Let's listen to shitty music

Crush on gay guys from tv

Let's sit on ...

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Fixed my binder

Ripped my tights

Gave bad dating advice

In a uniform 

that doesn't fit me right

I walked the walk

I fought the fight

I danced to Chappel Roan

With all my might

Cause I love the dance

And I love my friends

So I'll stay in a skirt

Until the end

If it means that I can

Spend more time with them

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When will it go away?

The pain in my chest

Pain in my stomach

Pain. 

It’s repetitive and never stops

It creeps up on me like bugs

Stings like a wasp

Bites like a mosquito

And leaves, taking a small part of me

Some say it’s a part of life 

Maybe I don’t want that

If this is life 

Maybe I don’t want any p...

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I’ve never forgotten the Glen river’s  

smell on those wet Donegal days.

Its convoluted arteries drained

through bogs of purple heather,

to emerge in petrichor and painterly swirls.

Just boys, we traipsed its fern banks

on mizzled days with wet feet

squelching. Off balance, our eyelines

like gunsight, skimming black stones

in flat counts to the far bank.

Our...

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When all the leaves fall from the trees,
what does it mean to you and me?
Perhaps it wasn't meant to be
as now we reach the end.

Is there some place we didn't go?
We tried every fork in the road,
and never seemed to find a home.
My dear, what's at the end?

But we're ok. Yeah, certainly
we could have done things differently.
But side by side we took this ride
and so what is to ga...

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I was a stranger, you took me in

but I found you were stranger still.

I guess we’re two peas in a pod

cuz neither of us fits the bill

of all the many ways the world expects

two blokes like us to be.

You took me in, now we’ve become...

the strangest friends you’ll ever see.

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Yes, I’m that friend that’s mean but true.

Forever trying to look out for you.

I’m that friend that’s firm but fair,

But at the end of each heartbreak, I’m always there.

I’m that friend that will constantly scold you to see,

That you’re not being the best you that you can be.

I’m that friend that calls you a fool;

When you let everyone else use you like a broken...

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Gone but never forgotten, is what they love to say,

but those waves will still hit, like nuclear shit,

Since the day we parted ways.

Just like that radioactive breath, that rots us to the core,

And eats us away, day by day, until once was becomes no more.

See the peace for you becomes my pain, your dreams became my twisted reality,

For the agony that you leave behind, w...

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They say that change is a part of life,

Alright,

If everything were to stay the same,

Forever,

I will be bored out of life,

But there are always some things,

That I want,

For eternity,

Like my love for chocolates, maybe,

Or my stupid childish desires and wishes,

Gazing at stars all night,

Or feeling the warmth of sun,

On me, as I let my imaginations run wild,

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This melancholy fug
burrows into my bones
After delving back again
into those memories recounted
with such forensic clarity
Comes a cold blue atmosphere
a fragrant longing
and precision-tooled regret

Those searingly stark lines
old faces, wild flames
lost friendships resurrected 
I’m dropped back into the thick of things
Drifting through teenage streets
old freedoms, vintage fantasi...

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We were together back in the day

Bumping along so ready to play

You called me up, thought me up, as things got tough

But I’ve always been here to walk your paths

To see you shine, to laugh your laughs

You saw me smiling and did believe

I needed to show you it’s not make believe 

This man now with you, can see who’s you

He loves and cares and will always be true

He’ll be ...

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Going out to meet a friend
to be the ear to their unspooling
coughing up confusions
unpacking problems
unhappy hour
at some pub table

I’m the calm eyes
the easy conversation
pliers to cut the wire
defuse that complicated 
emotional bomb
over a couple of drinks

There’ll be no judgement
only sympathy
a gentle steer
of thoughts towards solutions
or mostly
I’ll just listen

That...

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There was talk of train trips

     and long-distance walks.

There was talk of mountains

     and open water sports.

There was talk of eating wild

     with and without forks.

There was talk of the pub

     and stopping for shorts.

There was talk of diary strain

     and see after vacations.

There was talk of cash constrain

     and deferred decisions.

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Walking past The Boot tonight
a warm but sunless dusk
The door was open wide
drinkers shuffling and spilling out

I think of that favourite friend
who brought me here five years ago
We played some pool, supped our beer
as he talked of his dilemma

His partner wanted children
but regrettably, he did not
she gave him ultimatums
and he wasn’t sure what to do

When the world stopped for...

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All this world,

Is one big stage,

And we star as mere actors,

In its brilliant plays.

Every face, a pretty smile,

But Is it truly what meets the eye?

"We my dear, are best of friends,

 Joy, or despair, 

 I'll be near.

 Cotton clouds,

 Or coarse sand,

 Side by side,

 Hand in hand.

 One day, at last,

 Harsh winds?

 They'll have to pass." 

The...

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The nurse in green hands me a syringe.

It’s in one of those small plastic bags, you know the ones. They held goldfish crackers when 

you were eight years old. 

She hands me this syringe and says to rinse after eating

that then I should be good and food won’t get lodged in my holes and I won’t get infections or dry socket. 

Watch out with certain foods, she says,

you know, things ...

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When Faith is bestowed upon one's soul 

Life shall never be the same 

With a name meaning Gift of God

Then one must live up to his name

We walked through holy grounds 

We had a chat a healing chat 

Young spiritual Brother 

Troubled oh brother of mine 

Gentle natured of course knowledge ahead of his time

Archangel first name and middle beloved 

Longing to pro...

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I almost regret to write this poem

for fear it may vanish

flicker away like Evan's flame

scared of the voices

that murmurs that carry its name

across the wind

whispers of That

but it only lives for a little

hiding in plain sight

waiting to be noticed

so it may slip away

one more time

only to be invited back

by the warm, orange glow

of the everlas...

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A friend of mine once said these words to me:

‘All friends are just a waste of space.’

(I wondered why he was my friend!)

‘They’re unreliable, you see.

They let you down and disappoint

And put your nose right out of joint.

They claim to love, but in the end,

You can’t believe what’s etched upon their face.’

‘Their comradeship is no more than a front.

They all end up...

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It’s hard to look at pictures of me from high school

You’re in all of the stories

The prom after-party, beside me in chorus

And now we don’t speak.

But if you called

I wouldn’t hesitate to pick up the phone

Drive anywhere you needed me

But we don’t need each other anymore, do we?

You could say that I missed too much

You and he are no longer together

You were so many ...

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Do you remember when we were kids

and time was just a staircase we couldn’t wait to get to the top of

A bunch of spoiled kids with lives of pure bliss

impatient, immature, imperfect moments of the past in place

Pictures of a camera, all frozen in such haste

Do you remember when we would play hide and seek

I would hide all of me and you would come and find 

see me and stil...

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She smiled from the window sill,
A heart so weighed by sorrow.
She admired the night with onyx eyes,
Ever waiting for tomorrow.

She sung upon the sill so still,
Gazing from star to star.
And wasted wishes every night,
For those who lived so far.

Ever selfless yet wanting more,
She’d wish upon their health and love.
She’d live for hope like never before,
For the voices up above.

A...

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after For M by Mikko Harvey

I didn't expect you to leave

red paint on my heart. 

Have you ever spoken

without the timbre of your gaze

turning words into molasses?

Well, if not, I think you should try. 

Follow my lead:

Emotion tied to twisted words and Pokemon is an odd combination.

I hope you know the melody of my laughter will be found in those words.

Sometimes,...

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You are the one bright star in a cloudy night sky,

You are the distant beacon on a stormy dark sea,

You are the twinkle that flickers in my eye,

You are everything to me.

You are the single flower that grows through the weeds,

You are the last autumn leaf that clings to the tree,

You are the one strong shoot amid barren seeds,

You are everything to me.

You are the...

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Pieris

The color yellow looks different when I look through your eyes,

As if the fields are made of emeralds decorated in butterflies,

And then I see pollen fly and descend to the wind’s singing

And embed themselves into beds’ sheets’ linen.

The coursing of dance mimics a river current

And I involuntarily admire your freckles and the rose of your cheeks like they’re sunbu...

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It’s usually said 

sometime with dread

when excited there’s no head

and that’s very true 

the brain often flew

wanting something new

can’t stay still very long

I’m up and quickly gone

feeling wonderfully strong 

I’m a child of eight 

who wont stop even at a gate

for this is going to be GREAT!!

and should you be able to stay 

lots of fun co...

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A best friend is always there

one who truly cares

help you when you’re feeling down

make you laugh remove that frown

give support cus you can’t play sports

show the way from a tiring day

a best friend is ready helping steady

to that very end

on to the next they will surely send me

even if it offends me

looking out when I can’t decide

whether to stand or to hide

...

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She was my best friend.

I loved her unconditionally.

I loved the way she spoke her mind,

The way she worded things.

The way she lied.

Oh how she loved to lie,

Twisting stories to keep me hooked.

She doesn’t know that I know about her lies.

She doesn’t need to.

As much as she’s hurt me,

I could never hurt her back.

I mean, I wouldn’t dare to.

She’s my best friend...

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05.05.2020

I can feel you're scared. 
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart 
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand 
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore 

You carry sadness around on you 
It poisens your words 
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes 

The sad stench of it radiates through your pores 
And if I can take it away, 
If I...

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People need people, 
Compassion brings change
Ideas fly 
Magic happens

Energy is never created or destroyed 
It is passed between people 
Shared between friends 
Rubbed together and transferred
Like hair to a balloon 

I'll take some of your sadness 
You share some of my joy 
And together we might just float 

We'll balance each other out and cruise down the river 
Two bottles bob...

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25.03.2020

The revolving door of frienships hurts
When it clips you on the way out 
Empty words fall on dead ears 
And two people are left broken 

Where did it all go wrong?
Both too afraid to ask 
Both too kind to tell the truth 

How do you tell someone who was once your dearest confidant 
That their cals now fill you with loss 
Phone rings and you see their name and panic 
Unret...

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Maybe, the tallest tree holds the sky up
Like a tent above our heads.
Maybe the wide branches shelter us,
As we hide against its sides.
Maybe, the near eternal trunk supports us
As we innocents rest.
And the sunlight is more beautiful,
Streaming through its leafy hair.

I could be lifted high, and safely in its arms,
And wonder at the beauty of the world
As it swayed.
There, would be p...

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I've sat up a tree for days and no-one noticed.
Neither the few who wandered underneath,
Nor the even fewer who should have cared.
Enough to realise I was missing!
And no-one came searching.
Time has no meaning, when the bark is pressing
Into the base of your spine.
And trees don't have cushions!
After the first hours, you only know you are there
Because you can't feel your feet.
Only fo...

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Although there are still two more poems to be met in the unrequited love sub-theme of love's tempest it is chronologically correct to open up new sub-themes of 'friendship' or 'platonic love', and 'self-love' or 'self-esteem', these themes often intertwine and overlap.

I thought about whether to just finish the unrequited love theme and then return to this first of the friendship poems, but I t...

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"Give children fire, so they can grow stronger than anyone you've ever known"


Take me to the edge
Give me wings to touch the sky
Let me hustle my sorrow into the wind
May my pain echo in a kind
Might it set their world on fire
Tears pumping through their veins
Let them know what I've felt
What ache I've been in
And they'll heal as soon as their own wind whisper hits 'em
As a hurrican...

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Remember when we acted so sly,
Going to lunch and getting high?
Remember when we camped and drank all night;
all of us glowing in the fires light?

Remember the girls we used to date,
How they never used to make us wait?
Remember the time we all skipped school?
Always together, forever, free and cool.

Remember how we all dressed the same,
And thought those over 20 were lame?
Remember ...

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Everyone’s having babies

Everything’s just turned up a whole notch of crazy

They must just think I’m lazy

But I too, could really love a baby

Makes me feel quite stupid

I’ve never had luck with cupid

Life doesn’t come with a blueprint

But really did for you, kid

Never been dripping in diamonds

Couldn’t find a man to afford them

And even if he offered

I’d ...

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I don’t necessarily want to be like you

There are times when you drive me up the wall!

I thought I wanted to be friends with you

I thought that we were something that we we're not

The reason is that I want to be like you, not that I want you

I want to be able to turn my phone over when someone calls

I want to be had a look away and ignore that “ting”

I want to put myself first...

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I will be embarking now on a sequence of poems, in chronological and thematic order, that will stretch back right towards some of my earliest poetry. The collective theme is 'Love's Tempest', within which there will be various sub-themes. We start with the sub-theme 'Beginnings'.

Although this particular poem was probably written when I was 19 or 20 years old, it talks about earlier chidhood. I...

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No more asking of “what” and “why”;

As always, silence replaces the weeping.

I keep repeating that you are not alive,

But you are not dead either, you are just sleeping.

I hear your steps on the staircase,

Your voice rushes in, then, the smell of your hair.

You smile at me, and I look through your face

As the cold of eternity fills up the air

And rests on the lifeless face ...

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A little memory with my favourite animal 

The wrinkled grey skin

And that playful grin,

 He drew out his trunk

And from the bark he took a chunk.

With that sparkle in his eye,

He certainly wasn’t shy.

We had a connection,

A friendly affection.

In the water he gave a whimsical splash,

With that the day ended in a flash,

Until we meet ag...

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