Depression (Remove filter)
Southern Lights
The lights you seek are not these ones, these are mine
I shall explain more in time
As I have searched far and wide
Yet these are the most beaufitul I find
Unique, like tears in the snow
I share these lights with the Emporer, Leopard and Crabeater
With an hour of sunlight, there's nothing more sweeter
Than to sit and watch the carnival of light above
On my own, as the ...
Friday 6th December 2024 3:17 pm
alone
I have this indescribable need to be heard,
like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,
like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,
like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen.
Am I alone?
Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,
waiting for a lifeboat that will never...
Sunday 24th November 2024 5:40 pm
Black & Blue
Cry me black and blue
And black and blue
And crimson tears will fall.
Break apart this wanton fret
That consumes us all.
Broke into my heart again
To build a crumbled wall
While I waste internally
Replaying what I saw.
Cry me black and blue
And black and blue
And scarlet veins will die,
So strain ...
Saturday 23rd November 2024 6:32 pm
Forgotten
When we die,
We'll be forgotten,
But what can we say when
We're forgotten
While alive?
What am I to think
When I am invisible?
When I am cast aside?
When I am the problem?
Who is there to see me for me?
Does death then hold no meaning?
Is death even worth fearing?
Or is it rather embraced
As a means of escape
From those who
Don't care
At all?
Thursday 21st November 2024 4:33 pm
Nostalgia
Your nostalgia is lying to you.
Life is hard now,
But it was hard then, too.
You were just younger, dumber, more care-free.
If you knew then what you know now,
Maybe then you'd see.
You'd see the heartache;
You'd see the pain;
You'd see the way they lie and shame;
You'd see that no matter what you do,
You're always going to be you.
Sunday 17th November 2024 4:14 pm
The Girl They Called "Robot"
Crawl into my waiting arms
And tell me that it’s cold here.
The anger held within my eyes
Will never sear you.
When I’m lost in my own soul
How will you know to save me?
Or will you cry again
While telling me I’m broken?
"Broken,
gone,
beyond repair."
Reaching out was never easy.
Never necessary.
Never an option.
And so it sha...
Saturday 16th November 2024 1:07 am
Out Of Body
Aim your anger at me;
Pull the trigger,
And watch me bleed.
I can take a few more bullets
Rotting there inside of me.
Set me free.
Oh, set me free.
Grit my teeth,
And watch them bleed.
One by one
They fall away
Beneath the clouds,
Beneath the gray,
Beneath the promise of better days.
I sing beneath the sky so dark
With weathered bones
With shattered...
Tuesday 12th November 2024 12:53 am
My Senses Fail
The feeling comes gnawing, gnashing, crashing into me from within, a reminder of the things I lack, the things I could have been.
The thought of failure torments me, slashing, stabbing, holding onto my heart, a reminder of those who always thought that I was just playing an imaginary part.
The pain comes sharply, sneakily, forcing my mind into behaving, a reminder of the moments I have lost ...
Tuesday 12th November 2024 12:47 am
Never Alone
My mind is the only place I feel understood.
It’s a direct reflection of the confusion,
The hatred,
The insanity,
And yet it is home to me.
It beckons me back when I wander too far.
It calls my name when I’m lost in the dark.
Yet even with a thousand blessings,
I find myself crawling back towards the Hell
That dwells within me.
The chasm therein is deeper still
Tha...
Thursday 7th November 2024 4:26 pm
Flowing
I’m drowning in the remnants of my own mind,
Falling deeper into the abyss of consciousness
That threatens to spill out onto the pavement at any given moment.
Pull the trigger and watch it flow?
Flowing,
flowing,
flowing out.
My soul is bursting at the seams,
breaking out,
broken up,
bending wildly.
I’m bartering with my...
Tuesday 5th November 2024 7:07 pm
Can tell
Can tell
Give me your heart, you lied from the start
Looked in ya eyes ain what you want
I can telll James got ya heart
That’s who you wanted it from the start
Cut me off, youn wanna talk
Let me die you could just walk
Really had the key into my heart
Why you wanna do me this when I’m soft
Hurt
All in my thoughts
Left me dying, now it’s my fault
Crying
Lonely in a empty lo...
Sunday 3rd November 2024 2:08 am
Myself
I gave my all into this dhit
I put everything I had into this bitch
Just to get chewed up
Left dying,crying, lying in a ditch
Painful eyes from crying
Lonely nights, I was dying
For all the times, I was coming up and could only afford to feed you; and not myself
This for all the ones I left, even when u couldn’t let me be myself
I put myself on the shelf just so u co...
Monday 28th October 2024 1:47 pm
Imagine
Imagine
Why they have my back on the wall
When my heart was pure, I loved all yall
Imagine the one you loved, be the reason you fall
Imagine putting everybody weight on your shoulder
And they applaud when u fall
Imagine being so lonely and broken, with no one to call
Imagine ...
Monday 28th October 2024 3:19 am
For When I Was Lost
For when I was lost
I gazed into you
Like the flame of a single candle
You lit up the darkness
Kept the beauty of light alive
But as I gazed too long
Your glow began to melt
And then the light went
Not in you, but me
Your soul within mine
The touch not of a burn
The glint not of a flame
But the sleek of a mirror
I can see in this d...
Sunday 20th October 2024 4:53 pm
Life
Life ain’t play fair
Prob be the reason why I can’t pay my fare
But somehow I still stayed loyal and fare
I always tried to get it my own,
Just so I could pay my fare
I’m down 20 to 30 in the middle of nowhere
My heart ache
The pain I just wish I could shake
I wish me and my bm
Could just relate
Plz Britt
Don’t think I’m gonna be a bad parent
Just becau...
Monday 14th October 2024 12:06 am
Moral Support
We shouldn’t be embarrassed
to talk
…. about our problems
to a therapist
always looking at me, before you speak
I’m here for —You
if ever
you feel the need to talk about anything.
Sunday 29th September 2024 9:48 pm
Myself
I left everything, and made you my everything. Just for you to stab me in the back. Down on my lowest you left. I thought you had my best interest, instead you squeezed my heart to death. And instead of giving it back you left my heart on the shelf. Haven’t let me seen taeden, you got him thinking I left him by himself. Left me for dead, I was sleeping in the car by myself. Cold and lonely, I did...
Tuesday 24th September 2024 4:01 pm
Tumours
I'm laying on the operating table
The lights almost blinding me
As I wait for the anaesthetic to kick in
Waiting for the bliss of sleep
I realise...
There was no anaesthetic
I begin to panic but my body stays still
As if I'm chained up to the table
As if my brain is denying control
I feel each cut the surgeon makes
I feel a warm liquid dripping down my...
Wednesday 28th August 2024 3:06 pm
Starry nights
Here I am floating in the starry night
Filling my head with thoughts of delight
Flying through the atmosphere
In fear.
That I might go too far and reach the expanding abyss
Here I am floating in the starry night
Drifting aimlessly through the black void
Without a tether... without a voice
In fear
That I might drift back into earth's orbit and plummit to the core
...Tuesday 27th August 2024 4:22 pm
Eyes on Me
I don’t want to be seen
I don’t want to be perceived
I wish I could go anywhere and be invisible.
People are everywhere
Eyes are everywhere
They’re all living their own lives but why do I feel as though mine is being watched?
As though they’re looking for a mistake in me
Is my hair messy?
Is my outfit mismatched?
Do I walk wei...
Monday 19th August 2024 11:30 am
a bad habit
i find myself texting you late at night
until you block me i’ll keep on coming back
wish i was only here out of spite
but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack
i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance
however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind
and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance
so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:12 am
late night walking
used to take things before going on walks
it’d be dark and cold
and i’d be underdressed
i couldn’t seem to withhold
i’d stumble around the neighborhood
trees and leaves would move
even though there was no breeze
i couldn’t seem to mentally improve
i grew more and more detached
would walk by a half way house everynight
i thought that perhaps that would one ...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:10 am
going blind
i know you’re disappointed in me
we always scream for hours and fight
until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree
even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night
im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore
i look in the mirror and see someone new
it’s like i’ve never seen her before
i wonder if you feel that way about me too
my therapist...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:07 am
I still don't know if you're alive
When I close my eyes I see the sun rising over the ocean. I see a succession of cars. I hear you laugh. I see knives in the flesh. I see fireflies surrounding your body. I see endless trees and a forest I have never known. I see barbells and birds. Lots of birds. I see the moment you decided to give up, I see you vomiting in the toilet after taking the pills. I see you telling me you thought the ...
Monday 17th June 2024 7:25 am
Monsters don’t exist
Monsters don’t exist they say, they aren’t under your bed
I realise now I’m older, it was all just in my head,
but them ones are the scariest, the monsters in your mind,
the ones that make your heartbeat race, the creatures you can’t find.
Only you can feel them there, it’s driving you insane.
your body shakes, your brain, it aches ,from fears that live within,
you cry inside, you’ve got to ...
Monday 3rd June 2024 6:34 pm
Grey Day
Well he's definitely very angry today
He's gone and taken the world's colour away
Left me with only white, black and grey
Nothing, nada, no red, blue, yellow or green
No trace of them, gone! nowhere to be seen.
Vibrant pink, warm orange and vermillion
There nothing left now in this colourless prison
So how to describe the earth's serene face
The tree's and the flowers and wide open space
...
Friday 10th May 2024 12:14 am
The Inner Feeling
The inner feeling
In which they are hidden
There’s no power of healing
The things that are forbidden
A little, tiny, very small
Peeking through the wall
Short, not very tall
The most whimsical of us all
Power we cannot see
The ghastly things are up for a walk
The prisoners are we
Suddenly we’re not able to talk
A dried fiend,
A false end,
At...
Saturday 13th April 2024 10:27 am
The Loss
Every loss is felt
Just as a ripple is spelt in water
Ever decreasing, calming asunder
A clock ticks in a house even emptier than before
The dark lingers in a hall still and sure
The cat rules now
Wondering why and how
Water weeps from a pungent wound
Never to be cleaned but to neglect and fester
Such a thought no beautiful sight could hinder
Leaving the los...
Monday 8th April 2024 3:25 pm
My Love Is For Me, Not For You
Roses are red, violets are blue,
When I think of your love for me, I lose love for you.
What does my love feel like to me?
Being surrounded by beauty that only I can see.
Hidden behind my smile is someone fragile, flawed, and easily broken.
I showed you all of my healed scars and one by one you ripped them back open.
Again and again, my mind retreats to happier days while I ...
Wednesday 27th March 2024 1:03 am
Coming To Grips
Sitting here thinking, another week gone.
Another small increment moved from the fire.
It feels like it does when you’re just waking up,
half grasping consciousness, half in the mire.
When you’re not quite sure if it’s real or a dream,
the one where no matter your efforts you fail.
In total frustration you claw just to move,
and in the struggle, you miss the details
...
Thursday 21st March 2024 1:22 am
unachievable dreams
didn't wake up with the intention of being bad
I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead
run around my house and verbally beat up my dad
the screams sound bloodshed
he says, "there's so much you wanna do"
and i obvert my eyes
wait around for a mental break-through
and make unachievable plans doing the highs
i wanna be a savior
and get th...
Friday 15th March 2024 2:39 am
In Case I Lose This Fight
I almost killed myself tonight,
I ran out of reasons to live and reasons to fight.
Each day is a battle just to survive,
How is it that I am expected to thrive?
The loneliness in this house is overbearing,
I feel like a fool for even caring.
All I need is to be loved and feel wanted,
But my reality is the opposite while my brain is haunted.
Nothing I say or do wil...
Friday 15th March 2024 1:43 am
When The Darkness Falls
It’s colder now and seems somehow
more empty than before.
I wish I’d known the future then,
and what it held in store.
No longer is there will of heart
to venture form these walls,
and so I sit alone inside…
when the darkness falls.
Each stone hand crafted for the cause
to block away the pain.
The mortar mixed to guarantee
no feeling will remain.
A mist ens...
Friday 15th March 2024 1:24 am
chronic pain
i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?
I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others
sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...
Thursday 14th March 2024 1:25 pm
supporting the economy
my worth is always fluctuating
you talk to me like I'm worth nothing
but when it's past nine pm I'm priceless
I can't tell if I'm a commodity
you told me you liked me out of the blue
it was almost out of impulse
like that pretty journal, you bought but never used
both are just things that are nice to have around
you didn't need to do that
you had plenty of things at home stuffed in yo...
Thursday 14th March 2024 1:23 pm
the moon and the sun
you told me i’d only fail
laugh at my hopes and dreams
you act as if i’m frail
there’s often reoccurring themes
you know i’m not dumb
it’s just that you don’t care
so don’t ask me for gum
and don’t you give me that stare
i don’t know how we ever got along
we’re opposites like the moon and the sun
you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...
Thursday 14th March 2024 1:21 pm
Freefall
Sat through another non-eventful free fall through the ceiling
while trying hard to feel something despite the way I'm feeling.
Trying hard to find my way back to the time of when
I didn't have to sit in this damn chair time and again.
For every day now seems a bit more like the day before.
Just like a cross between a treadmill and revolving door,
where weeks and m...
Monday 26th February 2024 2:14 am
Exit
It’s finally the day to come,
blood mixing in.
Flows like a river
through oceans of sin.
Long past the point
where the numbness was new.
Long past believing
that anything’s true.
Steel against flint,
only flash in this night.
Desperate to see
but it only ignites,
the gasoline soaked
twisted rags in my soul.
No way to stop it
and nowhere t...
Saturday 24th February 2024 1:32 am
Days End
The days don’t seem to give a damn,
they march in step of time.
They stare ahead with eyes of steel
while never breaking line.
They torture me with disregard,
they tread upon my soul.
They seem so unaware I’m here,
they simply come and go.
I once believed the day would come,
I hoped that it would give
the thing that I was searching for -
a reason I should...
Friday 23rd February 2024 1:44 am
Lightening
Lightening burns and strains my mind
Freezes my thoughts like a photo
Open to think again
Alive again to life ever after
For now at least
Lifting me from depressions hungry jaw
Sunday 4th February 2024 9:11 am
Sorrow's Bounty
In a world of plenty, where joy should reign,
A soul wanders lost, drowning in pain.
He has it all, or so it seems,
Yet inside, he's adrift in shattered dreams.
Possessions many, but feelings in drought,
Tears concealed, smiles worn throughout.
Once in a while, breaks down unseen,
In the quiet ache, where joy's been.
Everything's there, yet nothing to hold,
A ...
Friday 19th January 2024 5:35 pm
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