Just thinkin' of that night,
Colors of black and crimson red,
And the 5 liters of blood and byle
That I internally shed,
It's a miracle that I'm alive,
Cause I should be dead,
Battling the depression sucks,
Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed,
Only God knows the everyday duels
With the devil I fight inside my head,
The people that I've hurt,
And the thi...
Wednesday 28th September 2022 4:32 am
I am what’s wrong with me..
Not the people around me.
Not my love life.
Not what I have or don’t have.
It’s solely me.
I feel empty, like a dry river screaming and crying for some rain..
Only thing is at least the River knows what it is that it wants or need so bad.
At least the River has a reason to shout.
Whats my reason ?
I feel like screaming.
I feel like...
Wednesday 7th September 2022 9:21 pm
Awkward questions, I don’t want to speak
Leave it alone, the hurt is too deep
Pick at the scab and I’m sure to bleed
In silence I scream, this is not what I need
The one word answers
Can’t you see that it hurts
Things buried so deep
You are trying to unearth
I don’t want to face it
I’m not ready for that
Inner thoughts are my secrets
Wednesday 20th July 2022 9:34 pm
Move on / Build a Better You
Time moves forward
It never turns back
So why do we spend so much time
Stuck living in the past
Mistakes are only natural
Issues and problems to resolve
Without mistakes, problems and issues
We never would evolve
So try and be more positive
There’s nothing left to lose
The world is at your feet
Just walk the path you choose
Hold your head up high
Saturday 11th June 2022 11:45 am
I went to sleep last night
and prayed that I had tears back there to shed.
But there were none to be found.
I went to a party yesterday
and prayed for an opportunity to make some conversation.
But there was no thought in my mind,
I felt was worth sharing.
I’ve been back in school for a year now
and I prayed for dedication and success.
But there was no goal I co...
Sunday 29th May 2022 2:23 am
I’m not sure how to do this…
to turn around from self-hatred.
to not despise this life of mine.
to no longer want to throw it away.
To realize it was never mine to begin with.
To be thankful for all that I do have
and to seek the flaws in my own logic.
not for self-pity,
but to reorganize my perspective
and see what I’ve had the whole time
and simply missed.
Friday 20th May 2022 6:13 pm
what is it I’m trying to do here?
“your poetry is beautiful”
“you should be proud of yourself”
If only I never hid away.
If only I was still 7,
then it would be acceptable.
If I had opened up back then,
I would have had people falling over themselves
to make me feel better.
But I’m a grown ass man now.
and no amount of complaining will do a da...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:08 pm
The question I never stop asking.
What exactly is and isn’t within my control?
The question I will never answer.
Is my fate my own?
Is destiny, a reality?
I am in control of my actions,
at least in theory.
My work ethic is mine to command,
that's the rumor anyway.
But if I were to get up and do,
would it make any difference?
I feel so exhausted from ...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:07 pm
Can I have a hug?
Can I not be pulled away from?
Can I be weak, and in pain?
Can I have any physical connection that isn’t sexual?
Can I not be afraid, of the casual flirting,
with the barista behind the counter.
Can I have a small piece of the love,
Shown between a girl and her friends.
She goes to embrace another she,
A group of besties, inseparable from each...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:07 pm
On the surface, I look fine.
Swallowing emotion and putting on a face,
the fastest and most reliable reflex I have.
All you need to do is dig,
just a little bit,
to see that it’s all one big shell.
So why hasn’t anyone
figured it out yet?
Can I be more than this?
A hard shell,
with crumbling and rotting
holding it all together.
Friday 20th May 2022 6:04 pm
Getting better is as simple as getting up
and doing it.
Or, at least I think it should be.
Worrying about what I’m doing next isn’t helping
When I’m not doing anything right now.
A city on the clouds
Lined with golden bars and silver gates
The prettiest prison you ever did see,
The cloud 9 in the back of my head.
I sit here, and think, about how I
Sit here, ...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:02 pm
I’m so hungry
I’m so tired
I stay awake and starve myself,
punishment for days of being a glutton.
I choose sleep for dinner,
a kitchen full of food in the next room,
because I have no idea what to do.
I come here everyday.
I get the same thing every time.
I write a new poem,
about the same old depression
I cling to
for reasons I’m not sure of.
Friday 20th May 2022 6:02 pm
I want to split my head on a fire axe
I want to be found, dangling in a closet
I want to be a fine red mist on the front of a train
I want to be pulled in four by horses and rope
I want to be skewered atop a church steeple,
on display for all to see, as in the ancient days
I want to decorate my room with my flesh,
and turn my sanctuary into a meat locker
I want to...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:00 pm
I’m so completely depressed.
Any thought or action I could possibly take,
eventually comes to an end.
and I’m right back where I started.
Feeling completely hopeless, capable of only self-pity.
I’m so desperate to share my innermost being.
I’m so afraid of how people will respond,
to my circumstances.
The very thing I’ve tried so desperately to put into word.
Friday 20th May 2022 5:57 pm
I am in the sea.
I feel pulled under, my left arm ripped off,
My head so heavy with words of everyone except my own
This world makes me feel like I'm so unusual, that I'm a visitor.
Everybody sees a portion of me, but never all of me.
In an ocean I am drowning, with the way I'm "meant to be" pulling me under
I have fallen into a pit of cement
Wednesday 16th March 2022 3:11 am
Empathy and care
that burns all
a never ending struggle
No result - No change - No difference
Except to you
that’s the difference
can’t be ignored
can’t be left
more resilient than all the love in the world.
I didn’t know that
Tuesday 15th March 2022 9:40 am
When I think of her I think of scars.
She told me when she touches them they remind her of the cuts;
of how the cuts made her feel,
“it’s a purge”, she said, “a sense of being real".
She spoke to me with honesty of the incremental cost
of destroying the things she held so dear
now irretrievably lost.
Of how, through her inner turmoil,
she could meet the gi...
Sunday 30th January 2022 1:41 pm
I am auburn.
I am Grey.
I am unique.
Flat pieces; four points
Innies and lock
Without me, you are not complete
With me, we are replete
A needle in the haystack
Saturday 29th January 2022 8:03 am