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John Coopey

Updated: Tue, 17 Jul 2018 02:32 pm

johncoopey@tiscali.co.uk

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Biography

J Coopey, Esquire, Dead Horse and Donkey Buyer. I started writing poetry about 8 years ago. At first my poems were simple rhymes of no literary merit. Since then I have got no better. I write mostly about the little things in life, leaving the more “worthy” stuff to loftier poet-y types. My meanderings take me across the varied subjects of my family, railways, love, football and history; indeed, the whole pan-something-or-other of my life so far. I am probably best known (besides Chapel Haddlesey I am also a big draw in Beal and Birkin) for my irreverent, often bawdy parodies of well-known songs, aiming left, right and centre across the spectrum of politics, life, the universe and everything. I am now retired, spending much of my time on shed-life, gardening, writing, and holidaying. It’s a tolerable lifestyle if you can stand it. Prior to this I spent over 20 years in the coal industry, a further 20 years as a management consultant and finally 3 years as Verger at Selby Abbey, all of which have funded (not in any financial sense, you understand) my poetry. It will surprise people to know that I have recently had published my first (and many hope last) pamphlet of poetry, complete with accompanying CD, entitled a little vaingloriously, “Proper Poems by John Coopey; The Finest Poet from Chapel Haddlesey Ever to Draw Breath”.

Samples

Ikea I just don’t know what to do with my shelf I just don’t know what to do with my shelf It’s a bargain I bought from Ikea in town Now the bugger’s fallen down I used 2 inch screws I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do with my drawers They’re made in pine so they matched with my doors Though instructions came in the flat-pack all of these Were mostly printed in Chinese I just sniffed the glue. I just don’t know what to do. But I stuck my nose To the window pane Now I can’t go back to Ikea To complain. I just don’t know what to do with my stool Why did I buy it? I feel such a fool It was missing dowels and it was missing pegs This one’s only got two legs The seat’s missing too I just don’t know what to do. But as timber goes It was pretty good And for sure it makes for Cracking firewood. I just don’t know what to do with my bed “Just fill with water” the salesman had said But the bloody thing has turned out such a dud One fag burn’s caused the house to flood Insurance? No fear! I shan’t go back to Ikea. Tom Pudding Marbella's the spot for mooring your yacht To ostentatiously show what you've got But a sight more evocative ploughing the foam Much nearer the heart and closer to home Was never a craft you'd look good in I refer to the Ponty Tom Pudding. A cross between a barge and a train With a tug at the bow taking the strain Everyday making 2 or 3 runs Every trip hauling 800 tons Of limestone or coal or with wood in It's Goole not Cannes for Tom Pudding. The roads might be blocked or the trains were on strike But Tom would chug on just as slow as you like Never no more than 3 miles an hour Ensuring continued electrical power Unhindered even by flooding Earning its corn was Tom Pudding. Along the canal to Ferrybridge “C” To generate your electricity Or onwards to Goole to ship overseas For developing nations industries Or start their economies budding, Pump-primed by Ponty Tom Puddings. Manning the rig would be Skipper and me From 14 years old to age 23 The pay was appalling, conditions as bad The best job of work that I'd ever had Despite the muck you were stood in Fighting a snake in Tom Puddings. Dust up your nostrils, your ears, in your nails Grafting in rain and in frost and in hail And Skipper made sure they were clean 'fore a load I'd be shovelling out muck as even it snowed They'd have slurry and sludge and with mud in I've cursed them Bastard Tom Puddings. But sad to relate their days are long past The Aire and Calder has witnessed their last Consigned to mem'ry and history since The closures of Fryston and old Ponty Prince Two pits my brothers sweat blood in So Farewell to the Ponty Tom Pudding.

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

Audio entries by John Coopey

"BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE" (14/12/2019)

HE'LL HAVE TO GO (13/12/2019)

"ALL LIES AND JEST" (08/12/2019)

COS HE'S A LIAR (BUT YOU'RE NOT BOTHERED THAT HE LIES (04/12/2019)

THE MORE THAT IT CHANGES (02/12/2019)

THE OLDER I GET THE BETTER I WAS (27/11/2019)

THE FOUR-DAY WORKING WEEK (22/11/2019)

TWO NATIONS (17/11/2019)

THE LOVERS (15/11/2019)

LITTLE BASTARDS (02/11/2019)

More audio from John Coopey…

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Comments

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Hazel

Thu 24th Oct 2019 19:24

Thanks for the comment John on Love Me, wrote while in hospital after a hip operation

d.knape

Tue 24th Sep 2019 17:37


Your fancy title stunned
yet we accepted it in fun
in fear of looking dumb
"Custodian" it becomes.

😃

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John Coopey

Wed 18th Sep 2019 23:07

I suppose I was feeling a bit spikey at the time I wrote that comment, Ray. I’d just had another poem removed; puzzlingly, it was from 2017! Not a re-post, you understand, but the original. It kind of implied that it was Not offensive in 2017 but is now! Odd.

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raypool

Wed 18th Sep 2019 19:48

Hi John. I didn't want to get bogged down on the discussion board when it seems to functioning quite well without my further intervention. But I did enjoy your heavily loaded references to "offensive" literary material, and thought it was not only relevant but entertaining in its take on the moderation process, which I have noticed in the past has been levelled against you. But I'm pleased to say you don't lie down!

regards, Ray

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John Coopey

Mon 16th Sep 2019 22:05

Just seen this, MC. (We’re on hols in Devon). Thanks for letting me know. I checked back to see I got an ultimatum to amend it or it would be deleted. I don’t know what the offending wording was. Because it’s deleted (ha ha).
Hey ho.

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 2nd Sep 2019 23:09

Hi JC - my email told me there were two comments today-02/09/19- on your old blog "Old, Racist and Thick". When I logged on to read them, I discovered that your entry of that title had been removed and
that only GS's comment was visible to read. No attribution to the
moderator involved and the time lapse between posting your blog
and the two comments referred to only serves to beg the question
why now?

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Philipos

Sat 31st Aug 2019 09:12

Apparently Adolph visited the UK at one time pre-war. Sod he was his Luftwaffe planes bombed houses in our street. I was under the stairs with Mum - I didn't have a clue what was going on but Mum was having sniffy words with someone called God. The body never forgets these events - I still startle at the sound of a car back firing or the like. P. ?

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Don Matthews

Sun 21st Jul 2019 10:14

John I can't believe
The record people haven't
Signed you with a contract
With such fantastic talent

Tra la la la la la la la la

(I would sound like a wounded dingo....? )

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Don Matthews

Sun 21st Jul 2019 10:07

John you must check comments
On your profile page
More than once in several months
Someone might want engage

How would you feel if someone
Gave you heaps of praise
And you ignored them several months
The giver would go crazed

On other hand they could John
Curse you on and on
You wouldn't know but others would
(You need to check more often.....) ?

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 21st Jun 2019 19:30

Hi JC - a follow-up to your comment earlier today on my own profile
page. Whilst I was unsuccessful in completing an online contribution
here's a thought. IF you have a PayPal account it would be easy for me to send you the sum I would have sent previously - which you
could then use towards your chosen charity before you succumb to
stress and strain brought on by your efforts. Remembering a certain
Henry Ford of motor car fame:" Exercise is bunk. If you're healthy,
you don't need it and if you're sick you shouldn't take it." Boom-boom! ?

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Philipos

Mon 3rd Jun 2019 22:56

Well John I guess we all miss the youth and vigour our earlier selves but apart from health, there must be some positives in getting on a bit, the younger generation I suppose. Great to see you still posting. P.

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 4th May 2019 12:25

Hi JC - it would have been fun to meet up in Devon and put the
world to rights but having just completed my "family birthday" visit
to my old stamping ground, another trip isn't on the cards yet.
I recommend a small hotel if you like to plan ahead - called The Downs, it has a great position overlooking Lyme Bay with views to Portland Bill on a fine day. It has numerous awards for its food &
service, with two great hosts in Kate and Ed. Worth checking out
online if you go to Torquay. I always have the same front room,-
with a balcony, ideal for an in-room breakfast on a sunny day! They even welcome dogs (& well behaved owners ho-ho) so that
gives some idea of their flexible family-orientated approach. I was
impressed enough to recommend them on "Trip Advisor". In this
case, small is great!
Cheers,
MC

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Ian Whiteley

Sun 28th Apr 2019 17:23

thanx for commenting on 'sonnet 91...' John - yes, I think even the die hard politically motivated are now thoroughly sick of it all. You sound surprised at me turning my hand to 'form' poetry - I think I do it more than most - I really enjoy writing to a style - sonnet is probably my favourite and most utilised form of it.
I appreciate your comments
Ian

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 22nd Apr 2019 16:40

Hi JC - regarding your I Walk The Line charity appeal - I
went to the link provided and "joined" via the procedure
on offer, completing the process right through - trying
via Paypal with an endless buffer on view to donate. I then
tried via my bank card - with the same endless buffer
for "processing donation". After many minutes waiting for
completion, I gave up and signed off - unsuccessful in my
effort to donate. Sorry.
MC

d.knape

Thu 7th Feb 2019 12:01

Coopey is loopy
a name that is fun,
A groupie named Coopey
is a poet named John.


wink.

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poemagraphic

Fri 23rd Nov 2018 23:27

Good evening John

Thank you for reading my pug washed poem

Po

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Ian Whiteley

Tue 23rd Oct 2018 16:40

Thanks for your insightful comments on 'Blood Brothers In Arms' John - glad you liked it. I'm pleased about your churches stance on symbolism - I think too many people get wound up about symbols when it is the act of remembering human suffering that is the crucial point - and by that I mean ALL human suffering of any race, creed or culture
cheers mate
Ian

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Shirley Smothers

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 17:00

Hello John, thank you for your support of my poem BROKEN EGG SHELLS. It's nice to visit with you again. I don't post much anymore.

Thanks,
Shirley

<Deleted User> (17045)

Tue 16th Jan 2018 09:58

Thanks for that John.

I'll try and linger a little longer

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Ian Whiteley

Tue 6th Jun 2017 21:29

thanks for commenting on 'This Flower' John - I'm pleased you liked it - apologies for delay in replying
Ian

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 16th Apr 2017 18:47

I hope you're working on a victory stanza JC

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 16th Apr 2017 17:44

Hi JC - got your update about the TCT on my profile page.
And, as a great man once used to declare: Action this day!

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 14th Feb 2017 20:45

"Loose canon"? I knew you were connected to your local
church but I didn't realise you were such a big shot as to
be a member of the cathedral chapter my dictionary
mentions - and a wayward one at that. Boom-boom!?

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ken eaton-dykes

Sat 4th Feb 2017 23:42

Hi John.

One fact about over weight earlobes. No matter how big they'll never rub together. (Doesn't bear thinking about)

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AM Cash

Fri 23rd Dec 2016 22:03

Will a Brexiter ever admit they were wrong, even when democracy is destroyed in those countries that only joined because they wanted to be with us.

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John Coopey

Tue 27th Sep 2016 19:12

Thanks, Ray. I'll bow to your research. We'll check them out next time we're down.

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raypool

Tue 27th Sep 2016 18:52

HI John I'm quoting from a book called Southern branch lines - plenty of pics in there. I'll list the relevant lines concerned on this conundrum!
1. Brockenhurst - Bournemouth via Ringwood and Hurn, closed 1935.
2. Brockenhurst Ringwood Dorchester .

3 Brockenhurst - Broadstone Junction.

4 Ringwood - Christchurch

Holmesley is no the old station tearooms with the trackbed forming a road (quote). Wimborne an industrial estate. I travelled the road from Brockenhurst towards Ringwood which is pretty much a main road. I don't have an old road map but maybe this might have replaced the track bed, albeit much more twisting! I couldn't find an alternative site for a line , but the station backs right on to that road. Have fun. Also there is a little preserved station called Breamore, near Fordingbridge(also served) which was ran north south.
Have fun. Cheers Ray.

steve mellor

Sat 27th Aug 2016 21:50

Hello John

Many moons since last we met, but really chuffed you enjoyed Fatty McL. I do value your thoughts.
My writing seems to have slowed (far too content with life) and am now living in Leicestershire with little chance to haunt the poetry world that exists a little further north.

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ken eaton-dykes

Sat 6th Aug 2016 09:55

I should imagine the big G is fed up of meeting people by now.

He might though spare an extra minute for you, having the same initials as his lad.

Cheers KED

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raypool

Sat 30th Jul 2016 11:58

It's never too late, John ! Thanks.

(Getting a grip).

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