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John Coopey

Updated: Tue, 17 Jul 2018 02:32 pm

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J Coopey, Esquire, Dead Horse and Donkey Buyer. I started writing poetry about 8 years ago. At first my poems were simple rhymes of no literary merit. Since then I have got no better. I write mostly about the little things in life, leaving the more “worthy” stuff to loftier poet-y types. My meanderings take me across the varied subjects of my family, railways, love, football and history; indeed, the whole pan-something-or-other of my life so far. I am probably best known (besides Chapel Haddlesey I am also a big draw in Beal and Birkin) for my irreverent, often bawdy parodies of well-known songs, aiming left, right and centre across the spectrum of politics, life, the universe and everything. I am now retired, spending much of my time on shed-life, gardening, writing, and holidaying. It’s a tolerable lifestyle if you can stand it. Prior to this I spent over 20 years in the coal industry, a further 20 years as a management consultant and finally 3 years as Verger at Selby Abbey, all of which have funded (not in any financial sense, you understand) my poetry. It will surprise people to know that I have recently had published my first (and many hope last) pamphlet of poetry, complete with accompanying CD, entitled a little vaingloriously, “Proper Poems by John Coopey; The Finest Poet from Chapel Haddlesey Ever to Draw Breath”.


Ikea I just don’t know what to do with my shelf I just don’t know what to do with my shelf It’s a bargain I bought from Ikea in town Now the bugger’s fallen down I used 2 inch screws I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do with my drawers They’re made in pine so they matched with my doors Though instructions came in the flat-pack all of these Were mostly printed in Chinese I just sniffed the glue. I just don’t know what to do. But I stuck my nose To the window pane Now I can’t go back to Ikea To complain. I just don’t know what to do with my stool Why did I buy it? I feel such a fool It was missing dowels and it was missing pegs This one’s only got two legs The seat’s missing too I just don’t know what to do. But as timber goes It was pretty good And for sure it makes for Cracking firewood. I just don’t know what to do with my bed “Just fill with water” the salesman had said But the bloody thing has turned out such a dud One fag burn’s caused the house to flood Insurance? No fear! I shan’t go back to Ikea. Tom Pudding Marbella's the spot for mooring your yacht To ostentatiously show what you've got But a sight more evocative ploughing the foam Much nearer the heart and closer to home Was never a craft you'd look good in I refer to the Ponty Tom Pudding. A cross between a barge and a train With a tug at the bow taking the strain Everyday making 2 or 3 runs Every trip hauling 800 tons Of limestone or coal or with wood in It's Goole not Cannes for Tom Pudding. The roads might be blocked or the trains were on strike But Tom would chug on just as slow as you like Never no more than 3 miles an hour Ensuring continued electrical power Unhindered even by flooding Earning its corn was Tom Pudding. Along the canal to Ferrybridge “C” To generate your electricity Or onwards to Goole to ship overseas For developing nations industries Or start their economies budding, Pump-primed by Ponty Tom Puddings. Manning the rig would be Skipper and me From 14 years old to age 23 The pay was appalling, conditions as bad The best job of work that I'd ever had Despite the muck you were stood in Fighting a snake in Tom Puddings. Dust up your nostrils, your ears, in your nails Grafting in rain and in frost and in hail And Skipper made sure they were clean 'fore a load I'd be shovelling out muck as even it snowed They'd have slurry and sludge and with mud in I've cursed them Bastard Tom Puddings. But sad to relate their days are long past The Aire and Calder has witnessed their last Consigned to mem'ry and history since The closures of Fryston and old Ponty Prince Two pits my brothers sweat blood in So Farewell to the Ponty Tom Pudding.

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

Audio entries by John Coopey

THE POWER OF WORDS (20/03/2019)

OUR GERT KNOWS BEST (17/03/2019)

PRIAPUS (15/03/2019)



SHE (08/03/2019)

GAYS (05/03/2019)


ONE GOOD REASON (22/02/2019)

ALAN ON THE MORROW (09/02/2019)

More audio from John Coopey…

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Thu 7th Feb 2019 12:01

Coopey is loopy
a name that is fun,
A groupie named Coopey
is a poet named John.



Fri 23rd Nov 2018 23:27

Good evening John

Thank you for reading my pug washed poem


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Ian Whiteley

Tue 23rd Oct 2018 16:40

Thanks for your insightful comments on 'Blood Brothers In Arms' John - glad you liked it. I'm pleased about your churches stance on symbolism - I think too many people get wound up about symbols when it is the act of remembering human suffering that is the crucial point - and by that I mean ALL human suffering of any race, creed or culture
cheers mate

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Shirley Smothers

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 17:00

Hello John, thank you for your support of my poem BROKEN EGG SHELLS. It's nice to visit with you again. I don't post much anymore.


<Deleted User> (17045)

Tue 16th Jan 2018 09:58

Thanks for that John.

I'll try and linger a little longer

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Ian Whiteley

Tue 6th Jun 2017 21:29

thanks for commenting on 'This Flower' John - I'm pleased you liked it - apologies for delay in replying

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 16th Apr 2017 18:47

I hope you're working on a victory stanza JC

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 16th Apr 2017 17:44

Hi JC - got your update about the TCT on my profile page.
And, as a great man once used to declare: Action this day!

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 14th Feb 2017 20:45

"Loose canon"? I knew you were connected to your local
church but I didn't realise you were such a big shot as to
be a member of the cathedral chapter my dictionary
mentions - and a wayward one at that. Boom-boom!😃

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ken eaton-dykes

Sat 4th Feb 2017 23:42

Hi John.

One fact about over weight earlobes. No matter how big they'll never rub together. (Doesn't bear thinking about)

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AM Cash

Fri 23rd Dec 2016 22:03

Will a Brexiter ever admit they were wrong, even when democracy is destroyed in those countries that only joined because they wanted to be with us.

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John Coopey

Tue 27th Sep 2016 19:12

Thanks, Ray. I'll bow to your research. We'll check them out next time we're down.

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Tue 27th Sep 2016 18:52

HI John I'm quoting from a book called Southern branch lines - plenty of pics in there. I'll list the relevant lines concerned on this conundrum!
1. Brockenhurst - Bournemouth via Ringwood and Hurn, closed 1935.
2. Brockenhurst Ringwood Dorchester .

3 Brockenhurst - Broadstone Junction.

4 Ringwood - Christchurch

Holmesley is no the old station tearooms with the trackbed forming a road (quote). Wimborne an industrial estate. I travelled the road from Brockenhurst towards Ringwood which is pretty much a main road. I don't have an old road map but maybe this might have replaced the track bed, albeit much more twisting! I couldn't find an alternative site for a line , but the station backs right on to that road. Have fun. Also there is a little preserved station called Breamore, near Fordingbridge(also served) which was ran north south.
Have fun. Cheers Ray.

steve mellor

Sat 27th Aug 2016 21:50

Hello John

Many moons since last we met, but really chuffed you enjoyed Fatty McL. I do value your thoughts.
My writing seems to have slowed (far too content with life) and am now living in Leicestershire with little chance to haunt the poetry world that exists a little further north.

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ken eaton-dykes

Sat 6th Aug 2016 09:55

I should imagine the big G is fed up of meeting people by now.

He might though spare an extra minute for you, having the same initials as his lad.

Cheers KED

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Sat 30th Jul 2016 11:58

It's never too late, John ! Thanks.

(Getting a grip).

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ken eaton-dykes

Mon 25th Apr 2016 11:03

Hi J.C. Thanks for your kind comment, much appreciated.

Next time your in Brid. order the coffee close your eyes and play Cliff Richards Summer Holiday (ugh) into the earpiece, from that new fangled portable music thingy-ma jig in your pocket

steve mellor

Sat 30th Jan 2016 09:53

Hi John
You caught the spirit, as usual.
Long time no-see, but am currently living in Scotland with new partner, and it was on the way back up north that the pheasant/quail met its end

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Jim Trott

Tue 26th Jan 2016 17:55

Hello John

Thanks for your comments on "Martha Street"

Glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks also for reminding me about Gerry Rafferty. Am now about to search for my old Stealers Wheel LPs!

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Vicki Ayers

Wed 13th Jan 2016 19:41

Thanks for reading & commenting on 'nice try!' - I shall make sure the graffiti is removed ;-)!! Xx

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Ian Whiteley

Tue 5th Jan 2016 16:03

thanks very much for commenting on Black Christmas - really pleased that you liked it. As always, an insightful response, no mother would ever want her son down the pits - but, in an age when the stigma of the dole shamed hard working men from going on it, the mines were often the only alternative to earn a living - as many of my classmates found. Luckily, I didn't need to. Apologies for not responding sooner - I really must get my act together in 2016. Cheers

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Wed 28th Oct 2015 19:37

hello Mr.Coopey
I found your sample ''Ikea'' hilarious
It pictures the struggles most of us have while building up an IKEA shelve or other products of the same company.

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Ian Whiteley

Sun 18th Oct 2015 19:06

your comment on 'Don't Pay The Poets' - succinct as always John

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Ledger de la Bald

Fri 9th Oct 2015 20:10

Hi John. Thanks for the comment on Ye Old Protection Spell-you old rascal!

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Thu 8th Oct 2015 22:29

Thanks John, I am delighted that this poem has appealed as it new ground for me. I tried simplicity and directness with a sort of unhealthy glow and desperation.
You have inadvertently picked on one of my favourite poems as a comparison. I am over the moon!!

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Tommy Carroll

Sun 4th Oct 2015 18:31


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Graham Sherwood

Tue 22nd Sep 2015 11:36

John thank you for your comment on The Black Men.
I thought it would be you that got it. Time THFC had a haka I think!

Rebecca Miller

Sat 19th Sep 2015 03:03

Hi John. Thank your for your comment on 'Daddy' and for taking your time to read it. Very much appreciated :)

Lynn Hamilton

Mon 7th Sep 2015 22:27

Evening John and thanks for reading and your comments on Camera Man and other work - very much appreciated. I personally could not have taken that picture and would have picked him up and covered him but I wanted to get over my thoughts on trying to understand the actions of the camera man and his reasons. As I said in my response to David Moore I was so unsure whether to blog as does that not put me in the same vein as the camera man?

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Ledger de la Bald

Sat 22nd Aug 2015 08:12

Good Morning John,

Many thanks for the comment on "...And Along Came Jeremy". Refreshing to hear you say that you like the poem even if you don't entirely agree with the opinion expressed within.

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