Poetry Blogs (2013, cancer)
Nineteen nighty five
I was sitting in the sports hall
pen in hand
the desks apart
a teacher I didn’t know
patrolled the aisles
The English paper said ‘write a story
include a river
and an allegory’
The clock at the front clicks
thin hands jerk and tick
I spin my pen
study the air vents above me
there’s a dusty shuttlecock
caught up in the pipework
there’s a br...
Thursday 16th April 2020 2:02 pm
I lost my vra vra vroom
The day you got your diagnosis
Felt joint tomorrows wither
With the growth of what we knew
You – with your mother’s heart
And dragon’s roar
Saving me from lions
Or bullies, or bees...
My sister, my confidante,
My best friend
Entombed within the capsule
Of your hypobaric oxygen chamber
I stand outside and count the miles
Wednesday 15th April 2020 11:30 am
Out driving our first cars at night
snaking the blackness of North East country roads
I'd flick the headlights off
hear the girls scream
then back on and we'd crack up laughing
In our town, there wasn't much to do
but wander looping streets
haunt the park outside of college
blow house to house, see who was home
or spend it lying in your bedroom laughing
When you and Chris split, he ...
Saturday 20th October 2018 12:13 am
Once you've been touched by the "C"
You'll no longer ever be free
It stains me, sticks with me
I just want to be released
But I'm haunted by this vicious disease
That aims to end lives, make me deceased
We may halt it, but it never truly leaves
It's tangled within me, lingering in my bloody Genes!
You never know what's lurking underneath
Not everything is always as it seems
It steals y...
Friday 10th August 2018 2:16 pm
It's a tough pill to swallow.
I want to fucking puke.
This feeling in my stomach,
like I swallowed a live nuke.
They just give me pills to swallow
and run a lot of useless tests.
I tried so hard to keep it away,
to fight it off but it infests.
I hate these pills I swallow.
I feel the cancer in my veins.
It's consuming my body
and fucking with my brain.
It's not your pill to swallow.
Monday 18th June 2018 1:35 pm
What a cool gothic chick I hooked up with online.
We shared the same interests.
A pretty, kind, intelligent, funny woman.
I thought this is it.
I've met my soulmate.
No more loneliness or being misunderstood by the wrong gals.
What a catch.
Something stopped us being together.
She sensed it.
Bad news got in the way of us.
Half a bottle of vodka engulfed my oblivion.
Monday 19th February 2018 10:52 pm
i'm overly sensitive and also rather shy
i keep my thoughts to myself and hide when i cry
I notice that i'm an emotional wreck
I moan a lot and i'm a pain in the neck
i wouldn't put up with anyone like me
yet some how you do what is it you see?
Is it my certain skills like being able to cook?
Or is it because i enjoy other thing's like reading a book
is it because i'm un...
Thursday 15th February 2018 3:51 pm
I can tell you exactly when it happened. I was sat on one of those plasticy leatherette chairs. You know the ones, they have them in all hospitals, they're easy to wipe clean if someone has a little accident. I had my hand clasped about my wife's fingers and though I knew I was squeezing them too hard she didn't complain.
She, the doctor that is, or should I say consultant? Anyway, she leant in...
Wednesday 31st January 2018 4:43 pm
no man should know
no child should hear:
to be spared.
as he sat with his sons at home
and struggled to find
she will never return to us
she is too ill
In a time when she was strong
as her body weake...
Wednesday 20th September 2017 3:36 pm
My little pale faced love
Pixie now for you or closer
Hang on in there, it's proof it's working
This is just a sign of the clock ticking
Ticking away the days to full health
Full recovery no less my lovely, you'll see
The pest shrinking daily for others to catch
Trust in their judgement and hold my hand tight
You'll be free soon my lovely, just you wait and see
Saturday 13th May 2017 8:15 pm
black clouds on a sunny day
a bus ride into town
on a sunny day
a black cloud
crawls its way
across the window
this is about me
this is about me
this is about me
this is not about me
she could be
he could be
there is no sign
how would I know
I glance at her
curves into uncertainty
at the corner
of her mou...
Monday 19th September 2016 4:15 pm
The day I got that phone call I knew was the beginning of the end, that day was the last day I felt real fear. The fact that you’d be taken from me at any moment. That phone call was in fact my worse fear realized. That day it felt like you were ready to stop protecting me from the world but in that same hour I knew you wouldn’t be there to protect me at all. I flew to you, I ran to you only to se...
Saturday 10th September 2016 3:20 am
This make-believe story I predicted in my head,
To pieces upon the ground does it fall.
A happiness once experienced -
A security long gone,
And a father I had imagined -
Now a memory in which I had created.
But, the hurt inside is real -
All torn up, how does my heart continue to beat?
A trauma of the past -
Why must I remember what I wish not to?
Wednesday 6th July 2016 10:44 pm
There was a man I knew,
not too close, not too far,
as a child he was there
to tend to my scars.
A man with a past,
of that I had no doubt,
a man, when provoked,
who knew how to shout.
A happy man
with a smile for all,
he'd always be there to
pick me up when I'd fall.
And though never far away,
we were never very close,
a sign of those times...
Sunday 17th May 2015 11:54 pm
You always said you worried
for the ones you'd leave behind
and what they had to go through
as they watched your health decline
I never fully understood
how you found the strength to fight
never once self pitying
though you had every right.
Never once did you complain
or state life was unfair
rejecting help because you felt
it better served elsewhere
the tears you shed wer...
Tuesday 22nd July 2014 10:48 am
If you were a dog
we'd have put you sleep
before the loss of memory
and dragging of feet
before the confusion
and constant frustration
haunted with the knowledge
your life would be taken.
The jumbled speech
and declining sight
the fears that kept
you up at night
the lack of food
going into your system
the morphine drip
and doctors inspections.
The saddened look
Sunday 20th July 2014 2:19 pm
I found a picture of you today
it rocked me to the core
showing you smiling, full of life
before your cancer war
it broke my heart to see it though
and made me question why
the ones who mean the most to us
are taken before their time?
Filled with so much more to give
oh how you spread your love
always there for anyone
and never one to judge
you taught me vital lessons, which
Sunday 20th July 2014 12:56 am
One more day I wanted
from the moment that you passed
one more conversation
to hear you talk and laugh
a year gone by already
and the void you left remains
this loneliness unbearable
can't shift this fucking pain.
I tried to drink and smoke myself
into an early grave
momentary respite from grieving
I still crave
but nothing numbs the feeling
of a paren...
Saturday 19th July 2014 11:48 am
For a princely sum of seven quid odd
You can buy a fare to see your god
With tar and chemicals in each fag
Your lungs are choking with each drag
Carbon Monoxide with a nicotine kick
Coughing and spluttering until you're sick
But pushing on with your tobacco intake
Tumours and Emphysema from a daily fix
Four thousand chemicals in each toke
Friday 11th October 2013 12:38 am
Offend a Daily Mail reader – today!
In our miniscule existences upon this planet Earth
There’s precious few occurrences to occasion us true mirth
So listen up real loudly, those with brains and minds to spare
Who still hang on to plucking out true hope from thinnest air
Here’s the solution, if you’re open to such play
Just offend a Daily Mail reader today
Thursday 25th July 2013 9:19 pm
I’ve hope that the miracle I’ve asked my pagan Goddess for happens.
That my dear friend and fellow writer,
Charmaine Maeer, makes a full recovery
from the cancer that is murdering her.
Blond beautiful intelligent age 34.
Soon to be dead.
A spear in my heart,
me not knowing why her.
Except my dear friend fights with spirit and total love endures.
Friday 14th June 2013 11:39 pm
Well hello there,
It has been a long old while since I last posted and lots has happened since my last post. I have a new job and am now officially a commuter which is inspiring a large amount of material as you can imagine. I have also had one or two tragic events happen which leads me to my latest entry.
At the beginning of this month my Grandfather passed away after losing a long f...
Tuesday 29th May 2012 8:15 pm
On this day you left.
The Earth could no longer handle your grace, for this world can be an ugly place.
We couldn't handle your departure by ourselves. You showed us that we still have each other and that family is more than we were allowing it to be. Some of us will recoil and shrink. We look at them and we think about growth, our own extra terrestrial face as universal...
Monday 21st May 2012 4:56 pm
Why on Earth would you think
I’d find one of the world’s biggest killers
You’ve known me for years, you heartless cow.
We shared the same drab town
I looked after you when you were sick
Scraping back hair, sponging brow
Forcing vile vials of fizzy liquids down your protesting throat.
I’ve run Marathons, raised...
Monday 9th January 2012 10:56 pm
No-one understood his love for smoking,
The man swore on his life, with his life,
That he would never quit his ‘hobby’.
When asked ‘why do you love it?’
He explained that he was manipulating,
The smoke, as he blew out rings.
The man expressed a knowledge for
Cancer, but said he would take his chances,
Because smoking made him feel powerful.
In the autop...
Tuesday 3rd January 2012 11:58 am
I see you
with sensual sense
like the Na'vi.
Hungry for your love
yet I let your absence starve me.
Living on the spiritual sustenance of memory,
Sliced on loose lips
drunk on truth and Hennesy.
I see you
as I raise a glass to the departed...
to my departure from your life.
How can I tell my lover I'll literally travel oceans to be at her bedside
when I d...
Saturday 15th October 2011 11:41 pm
Drenched in heavy morning rain
Like an arctic soaking to the vein;
I just sat there stunned and wordless,
by the results of endless tests.
Only do I seek the scoffer's sympathy;
my litanies dot the bottom of this timpani.
No restaurant on high street offers...
Whoa! I found where my sanity rests:
A very com...
Monday 20th December 2010 9:51 am
Take Five Hundred and Sixty Four
million pounds to fund
What the hell is that?
Five - Hundred - And - Sixty - Four:
Five hundred and sixty four
more than half a Billion
is Five hundred and sixty four
And how many lives would it count,
half a billion pounds
if a cure for ca...
Thursday 8th April 2010 10:46 pm
I nervously tread past them
Glaring Haplessly at each and everyone of them
Wondering when it will come
When it will hit me
Like a bullet to the head
They turn around, and follow my presence
Staring through their anger fuelled eyes
Into my cold, lonely soul
I dare to hold that contact they crave
But I don't give it to them
The air is suffocated b...
Monday 5th April 2010 4:37 pm