Fighting a hundred battles, every damn single day
unable to help myself, with no one around who can aid.
Battling these invisible demons, but falling down each time
wondering how others can cope like this, or appear completely fine.
Twenty-Four years pass on and on, before they catch the cause
but it turns out that I'm not at fault, for all of my many flaws.
Today my struggles are validated,...

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hurting, melting, head caving
my head so broke inside
trying to hold it together
but i feel so far from fine

suffocating, shaking, heart racing
my body responds in fear
trying to reason with myself
though it doesn't help it clear

aching, receding, soul's numbing
my mind is shutting off
trying to hold onto reality
but i feel so very lost

falling, stalling, chest pounding
my soul'...

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I feel it itching under my skin
clawing away deep inside
I thought i could be myself around you
now i am just sorry that I ever tried

I find myself bending over backwards for you
trying to leap through these flaming hoops
Still, it isn't a choice that you choose
For that wouldn't ever, benefit you

We're winding down this endless road
neither of us can find any hope.
Still we hold ont...

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Trapped here, in this agony
every moment, is killing me
my spine contorts inside
hurling daggers into my side.
No escape from this cruel hell
my mind locked, within this shell
No longer can I hide
All of my body screams inside.

Excruciating pain flows through me
making it hard, for me to breathe.
The spasms contort my upper limbs
as my brains venemous tune, continues to sing
compelli...

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She’s a bright star, within the unlit night 

Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life 

Her strength is beyond admirable to all 

And even if she should ever fall 

She would somehow, pull though 

The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do 

Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face 

She's had to fight great wars, every single day 

Even wh...

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Days pass way too fast

It's hard to invision, that we'll last

Running onwards, aimlessly

Without allowing our truths, to set us free

When will we gain control?

Stop plodding on too slow?

Not one of us really knows,

We just continue with the flow

I dream of the day, they set us free

Finally able to live the way, we want to be

Just me and you for eternity

A...

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Carcinogenics in every single thing we buy
From our food, clothes, to even our hair dye
Although Europe does indeed do more to try to protect us
America really doesn't seem to give a flying fudge
They have many slimy loop holes which risk our health and safety
Like the fragrance loop hole that has, over these years, affected us far too greatly
They need not disclose chemicals that they use t...

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The benefit system is a joke
It pays the disabled less
Than those who doss,  drink and smoke
Pre-paid prescriptions for those who don't need it
And those who need them, struggle to pay, ending up sick
Medical necessities are not very cheap
Even painkiller prices are getting quite steep
And for those who's health is farthest from good
Its hard to get by when you can't walk far, before falli...

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You see the USA and UK
Having pride for our race
When really, we are a disgrace
But the truth always is the hardest thing to face

We hurt the world that gave us life
Proving our greed has no price
We are a plague upon the earth
Taking it for all that it is worth
Money comes before conservation
Because nothing is worth it, without gaining a sum
Disguising our greed as caring for what's ...

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The shadows are getting smaller

You’re unable to continue to hide

You have as much luck as the cold caller

When your debt is paid, things will again be right

You’re on the way to misery

Trust me, I’m able to foresee

This fate that has become your distant destiny

One in which you’ll fall down before me

You bite the hand that helps you

Had the chance to quit to

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I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll  finally feel strong

Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong

Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...

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You don’t know what it’s like

to care for someone, the way I do you.

You don’t know what it’s like,

Being around the forbidden fruit.

You don’t know what it’s like,

to look like a genuine fool.

You don’t know what it’s like,

to be in love with you.

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            This pain cripples me.

                         It works its way through
           me quickly,          
                               like lightening bolts
 spiking throughout my  
                         entire body.

 

It keeps digging...

deeper...
 

into

my bones and

muscles.

I can  feel them

knotting and

twisting and

tightening, th...

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I hear the pitter patter outside my window
So soothing and melodic to my ears now
The rain outside is pouring down
Creating a melodic soothing sound
I again start to finally breathe
As this cleansing process sets me free
The noise it makes charms me
Often helping me see clearly
I long for Autumn to soon come around
It's the rainy season, I have found
The water trickling from the sky
Has...

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Sorry buddy for what's gone on
If only you had actually known
How much that  I sacrificed for you
And this friendship that I thought was true

I honestly stood by you always
I was the friend that would have stayed
But in the end it was you that betrayed
Me in the most hurtful of ways

We had a history that we kept a mystery
Because it wasn't knowledge that we wanted freed
Why is that a...

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I am so very exhausted
I tried everything,  I really did
Still this darkness looms over me
Making the love and happiness hard to see
Everything is impossible to try to reach
This constant fight drains me like a leach
My limbs are so heavy, I can hardly move
Bouts of energy come far too little, and far too few
So I'm stuck in this position, as if I'm glued
And no this isn't the type of day...

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We support one another
Like roots do trees
Holding one another up
Whenever they should bleed
Our bonds become stronger day by day 
As our anxieties slowly fade away 
Even when people should try to collude 
We won't be pitted against one another 
And should I ever be forced to choose
I would pick those who support me like the roots
Of the trees that stand so tall, as you enable me to

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The monster digs it's claws in tight
I can't escape it, with all my might
I want to run away or hide
But today, with you, I stand to fight
The dark won't win, only light

I can feel the thread, moving my limbs
Like a puppeteer is pulling the strings
I see myself saying and doing these things
As the pied pipers' flute continues to sing

The voices that speak so clearly to me
Try to chan...

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All my life I've been used like a weapon 
Being aimed, knocked and drawn, facing friendly fire
Little seeds being planted by words and feelings
Anything to which your twisted minds desire
Manipulating me until I'm alone and disconnected 
Cutting loose all ties, that know your true nature 
Because now you know that is the only thing that'll save ya

You don't realise that I do not need the ...

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Growing up sick
You become obsessed with it
Being devoured into its pit 
Some people call it selfish
Others call it self pity 
I just call it, "trying to escape a situation most shitty"
We may seem self obsessed
But when some days you cannot get dressed
Its often a cause to become stressed
Motivating you to find your way out of this mess
Becoming a social recluse 
We are often of no use
...

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Up swings
Low swings
Irritable swings
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
...

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I am not the fat girl

I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

I am both the bingeing in the night

And the starving from pure fright.

I am both

In the mirror I am both.

I am the always too thin pile of bones

And the body too big to call home.

I am both.

In the shops I am both.

I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes

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I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

I am both the bingeing in the night
And the starving from pure fright.

I am both

In the mirror I am both.

I am the always too thin pile of bones
And the body too big to call home.

I am both.

In the shops I am both.

I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes
And the girl who's Inability to feel sexy make...

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They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
The crippling pains from the body and mind
They are with me all of the god damn time
They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
When I think that all is going well
They make me really rather  unwell
Creating my own personal hell
Where nothing around me is swell
Anddd...
...

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People keep telling me
"It'll get better in time
But why can't they see"
That I'm really  not "fine"
Who are you to talk
You don't don't what it's like
To be in almost endless pain
For the majority of your life
Until you walk in my shoes
You won't know what I feel
Until you battle this pain to
You won't know how I deal
You think I'm joking about agony
But you won't know how much it's ...

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You think you rule this whole damn town
But I can tell you for sure, I'm stealing the crown
You may have won before, but I won't back down
I deserve to finally be free now.

You walk with attitude, like women in heeled shoes
But it doesn't take a genius to know you haven't got a clue
You fought well though, so don't feel blue
When you see the tables turning, against you.

You think you r...

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Why do things have to be only one way
Do you really believe we experience the same days?
Our lives take different twists and turns
And most of all we all truly do learn
So will you listen to me when I tell you
That your experiences are only one truth?
Your knowledge might truly be great
But it doesn't foretell everyone's fate
When I write, it's from one kind of perspective
But I am not sa...

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Once you've been touched by the "C"
You'll no longer ever be free 
It stains me, sticks with me
I just want to be released 
But I'm haunted by this vicious disease
That aims to end lives, make me deceased
We may halt it, but it never truly leaves
It's tangled within me, lingering in my bloody Genes!
You never know what's lurking underneath
Not everything is always as it seems
It steals y...

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When everything is so bleak and dark
I dream of the day we will never have to part
You're my everything and my heart
I knew you were meant  for me from the start

I know your intentions are true
Because you feel the way I do you
Your eyes so honest and so blue
Loving me in all the ways I need you to

As time goes on I find myself mending
Because no longer am I alone fending
Against thi...

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Sometimes situations cause us to part
But none of that matter's if true is your heart 
No amount of distance can tear you apart
Whenever you next meet, again it will start
But one fortunate day you'll find one another once more
You'll welcome them in and they'll never make you sore
Because the love you both share is one most could only adore 
You cherish one another, to  one another's core.

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Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without the guards being too rough
And forever being cuffed
Prisoners  are abused and raped
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By being held captive and afraid.

Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without being forced to confess
To somebody else's mess
Being stripped and undressed
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By bein...

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We debate over opinions
As if they are a fact
We argue like it means something 
Its really quite an act
If you were to read, not Google
You'd look a lot less daft
But here we are, debating
Over opinions, as if they are a fact

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Walking down this endless road,

Never knowing which way to go.

Each path seems dark,

each breath

harder than the last,

constantly hiding from the past.

I try to find the strength to move on,

But each time I do, you still want to have

your fun. When will it sink in?

You will never win.

I’m done playing,

You might think you’re staying.

Truth is you’re as temp...

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In and out the sea doth sway

Erasing mans death and decay.

An old man's struggle,

No net, no sail. Only a flag

of permanent defeat.

Great fish swimming around and around,

the reel running, a screaming sound.

A Marlin swims, the ultimate catch,

only days to see if luck they will have.

The men struggle and pray away,

A massive catch needed to save the day.

...

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So many medical advances

Technology forever enhances

But what are the chances

That they are being honest,

And not leaving their patients pissed

About the complications that exist

Of which they were none the wiser

Until the technology is inside ‘em

And they are experiencing the pain

That the FDA could have saved

If only it wasn’t for the loop hole

That leaves the re...

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Watching, listening, waiting

An endless unmoving time

Pain thriving within her

Her heart is far from fine.

Feeling, hurting, crying

An endless stabbing pain

Giving up on trying

Her heart so full of strain.

Retching, whimpering, head swirling

An endless wrath of terror

Her fingers clasping, curling

Her heart forever slain.

Calming, numbing, unfeeli...

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If you should fall down again
And find yourself needing a friend
I will always be here by your side
Please don't shut yourself in and hide
I will hold your hand through the pain
You will beat these demons again
Together we will pull you out
Of the fountains creating doubt
I will stick with you all the while
Hoping to see you yet again smile
You are never on your own
In my arms you have ...

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You see the chavs unveiling torsos
Which fashion hair that always grows
The shorts his distant cousin wears
Showing us sights that only scare
The ice cream man appears once more
Serving melting ice cream through his door
You hear the neighbours having a Barbie
An hour or two later they sound rather barmy
The neighbourhood drunk stumbles as usual
And vain young girls become rather delusion...

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Would you believe me

If I told you the truth

Would you stay with me,

Or would you just leave?

Would you still feel 

The way that you do

If you saw me kneel

Before the demons so cruel?

I tried to escape

But it fell right through

It was never fate

What should I do?

I didn't mean to fail 

I did choose you

But the monsters fight

Harder than I'm able to

I...

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Friends of old, friends of new
Friends who want to help you
Friends of penny, friends of wealth
Friends who're ill, friends of health
Friends of knowledge, friends of wisdom
Friends who are your support system
Friends of youth, friends of age
Friends who free you from your cage
Friends of love, friends of mutual hate
Friends who are early, friends who're late
Friends who are near, friend...

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We love to have a tidy house
But we really don't like to clean it
If only someone would tidy up
I would have some place to sit
Days pass and nothing changes
Till you feel that nauseous pit
Then you realise the rooms a mess
And it makes you want to quit
As you start to clear up all of it
You think to yourself, "oh shit,"
"How did I ever live like this?"
It's really quite a tip
Time flie...

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If you can check for nasties 
To make sure you don't have it
Then why  would you say no,
You're silly, opening the door
Saying "hello, come through,"
Or " I'm not scared of you"

The needle might be scary 
Or perhaps you're rather weary,
that the procedure they require
Is not one that you desire 
It won't be as bad as you fear
When it's over, have a cold beer

A stool sample might ...

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You may think that friendships will never last
That is, until you rekindle one from your past
Sometimes we disconnect as time goes by
But that isn't any cause to be sad or cry
If destiny and  fate cross your paths once more
You will feel at home again, no longer sore
We leave finger prints on one another's souls
That keep us marked until we are grey and old
Time may hold many turns and cha...

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I'm running away scared 
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.

How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it

I'm shaking but holding on tight 
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...

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Performing an intrusion

                     Could damage the illusion

                                           Leading to the forgone conclusion

                                                                                   That I might just lose you.

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I'm addicted to, all the

Things you do. The way

You look at me, make me

Breathe. I can face this now,

With you I now know how.

Your words enlighten me,

Your eyes, they help me see,

I've never felt this free.

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You try to escape the demons

But they latch on way too tight,

Their claws digging into my body

And mind, with all their might.

Fighting is exhausting,

It physically and mentally drains.

But still I endure it, hoping

One day I will finally escape the pain.

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I'm sitting here, trapped, frozen in time

Head imploding, finally losing my mind

Nowhere to run, bound and confined

To the prison within, my unconscious mind.

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Each day, more exhausting than the last.

Time goes far too slowly, or too fast.

you're either extremely low, or elevated.

People either love you, or you're hated.

There is no middle ground

- no inbetween.

Everything is one extreme.

you're either Jekyll or you're Hyde.

It is a never ending fight.

You're a walking contradiction ,

With no explanation,

No cha...

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“Ich du, Ich du!”

Those words meant nothing to you.

Nought but bindings

Tethering me to you.

Your loving face turned hard,

Your gaze hurting me like barbs.

“Ich du, Ich du!”

The words that bind me to you.

Your  ghastly glare

Evoking within me so much fear.

“I truly do love you dear,”

Barely but a long-lost whisper in my ears.

Your gentle touch tur...

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