I want to tell you.
I want to write it down.
I want to have the right words.
I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt.
I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight.
I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it
when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:40 am
I always hoped I’d get a seat next to them—
After so many hours in that chair, you look for anything to make you smile.
Most days I came prepared with things to occupy my mind.
I carried a book of Kate Bush’s song lyrics, called How to Be Invisible, which had been nearly ruined once when I spilled an entire canteen of water in the bag I packed to take to the hospital.
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:35 am
I wish I could capture this moment with my eyes:
A rose-golden mist of salt
shimmering in the glow of the setting sun
falling like stardust into the grey-green seams
of water, pulled tightly over by the crest of a broken wave
She could devour me in an instant with
swallow me whole and
spit me into her dark abyss
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:33 am
I made dinner at 10:30 tonight.
Fried Kielbasa, macaroni and cheese, cinnamon applesauce, and
buttermilk biscuits. It’s what I always eat when I’m missing home.
I had everything finished and on the table, except for the biscuits.
I never remember to start them ahead of time.
So, I waited— watching them impatiently through the window in the oven door,
and I could hear...
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:31 am
“De Temps En Temps,” by Josephine Baker. That’s what I was listening to. Funny now to think I'd ever forget how it felt, something like that.
Alone and facing my death in a stranger’s beach house, next to a dark, cold, ocean in the dead of Winter.
I ate Dove chocolates and soaked in a warm bath with bubbles to the brim, and listened to “De Temps en Temps,” while lifting a razor to...
Tuesday 6th April 2021 4:39 am
The sound of “Violence”
I can feel it
The ledge, again
The poison running through
My veins, I feel it
Hurting me, helping me
Pink plastic wig
Pretty pink perfume
Make me pretty
Don’t let me
Pray to God I don’t
Monday 1st March 2021 3:38 am
i am a lucky girl.
just recently i read that
people take around 24,000 breaths
in between words
and running late to their jobs.
today i watched an old
PJ Harvey concert on tv
she was singing and
all over the place-
it was great
i bet i took a thousand breaths
just sitting there watchi...
Tuesday 26th January 2021 3:36 am
They come to me when things are still
And leave me without choice to hear
The things I've heard and know too well
Of tired topics,
To be clear
I, myself and just the ears
Without chance to think, or speak
It seems all I do is overhear
Their endless banter of
Seldom, do I have a moment
Today, for instance
Was particularly loud
Friday 22nd January 2021 3:05 am
I could not reach you
But how I sought to
How desperately I longed
To belong to you
But the walls between us
The ones you built
Stood far too strong
And far too tall
For me to reach
Oh, but how I tried
How relentlessly I cast my bleeding hands
Against the jagged rocks and stones
That kept me from you
But how I tried
And I wait...
Friday 22nd January 2021 2:32 am
Stay with me, I beg you
You’re all that I have left
My safest place
Greatly, I fear
That the more I think of you
The more you will fade from me
Like others that I could not keep
You are all the spirit I have within me
My intangible dream
I would know nothing of hope
If the light you give
Should be smothered into smoke
I would not fight the dark
I would hav...
Monday 18th January 2021 3:34 am
Pick and choose it
It's so beautiful-
Isn't it beautiful?
I spin it and
Flip it upside down
This way is better
I like this much better
Hold it together and
I can make it
So much better
I watch it and
Over and over again
Monday 18th January 2021 2:56 am
today I saw the sun
for the first time in
a long time
a cheerful ray brushed itself
against my cheek and
under my chin
as if to lift my head for my eyes to see
the world lit up
and for the first time in a long time
it made me smile
Monday 18th January 2021 2:31 am