I'm trying to find serotonin 
In bodies and whiskey oceans 

Floating above water isn't working
Fighting the gravity, so here's to hoping 

I don’t feel right unless I'm wrong
I told you this all along 

It's like there's a switch that flipped
No longer writing my own script

Can you tell me why you're still here
Why you haven't disappeared 

I know I'm always next to you
(But) I'm...

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"What's the blood from? And please tell the truth
You didn't have those stains before you left for school
You cover your scars but wear the stains with pride"
Would you believe me when I say it's how I feel alive.

Awkward in my own skin but comforted by my blood
I don't even like myself. How can I be someone you love?
Call me a sore loser when I didn't even ask to play
White striped refle...

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A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts

Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.

I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.

You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
B...

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Is sobriety killing my creativity?
Or is it better off this way?
It's hard to find some comfort in this
When all I know is pain

I couldn't go on much longer
With the way I was feeling inside
But who am I now that I'm sober?
Loss of identity will reside

Let me feel the lines of your hands
From your finger tips on down
I don't know how to fix me
But your skin is safe and sound

My a...

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Have you ever thought of ending it all?
Facing your fear when your backs to the wall?
Crossing the bridge and paying the toll?

Nobody know's the feeling better then me
I fantasize while in bed, rest assured I can't sleep
Knowing it's me I fear murdering me

Drowning my face in my own reflection
Disconnecting myself from other's connection
Removing my head from self-loathing dejection

...

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I'm sorry for inviting myself I just wanted to spend more time with you
And if I'm in your way I'll stand in the corner and wait for you

Now I'm sorry to be a bother but do you think I can have some water
To wash away my insecurities but I know you'll give them back to me

I don't know what you want from me but I just want your company
Find what you're looking for and take it all from me

...

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Maybe the truth is I was never really meant to be happy.
Not in the sincerest form of the word anyway.
I'm content and I do have my happy moments.
But sincerely and truly happy?
I don't think that word was invented with me in mind. 

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Do you still think about me?
Am I one of your painful memories?
Do I cross your mind when you're all alone and trying to sleep?

I can say that all is the truth for me
I'm just a grain of sand and you are the sea.
You wrap around my brain until I can't fucking breathe.

Do you remember trying not to cry?
The day we finally said goodbye.
Feeling like we're alone but surrounded by a hundre...

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I'm searching for a genie at the bottom of every bottle.
But three wishes will only last a little while.
So I'll just sit and sip on my own sorrow,
But you know I'm still going to try again tomorrow.

I'm searching for some rhyme or reason,
Why I'm still here in this mental prison.
Maybe so I'm forced into self-reflection.
But you know I'm stuck in this misdirection.

I'm searching for a...

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I wish the abyss would stop looking back at me.
I look in the mirror and I swear that's all I see.
Not a monster but a void I cant escape.
I was born with a heart but it seems mishaped.

Someday I swear I'm going to leave this place.
Find my way to the light that people praise.
But for now I think it's better if I hang my head.
Bite my tongue and drink until I just forget.

I don't know ...

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Scars show where you've been, not where you're going
Death is the only god that answers when you're calling
Time keeps moving forward there is no slowing
Will you miss me when I'm gone or while I'm going?

Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you
I should have never trusted you not to
Please don't do that thing that you do
You bat your eyes, fake a smile so I forgive you

I trac...

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I don't think you understand the the severity of my depression.
If you did you'd know it justifies my smoking sessions.
I don't do it to get "lit" or to have a good fucking time,
I do it cause I can't sleep unless I'm really fucking high.
My brain it eats at me and won't let me breathe.
The destruction and misery that's inside of me.
It keeps me awake and when they ask I just fake
a smile u...

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Sometimes I over drink.
Oops I mean overthink.
Ah fuck it, it's the same damn thing.

I over pour my glass leaving no room for coke.
The voice repeating in my head of the last words you spoke.
You ask why I'm self destructive but the truth is I dont know.

I'm starting to think that the devil is a lie.
The only evil we see is what we bury inside.
I'm going to lose to myself, it's only a ...

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I know you're hurting baby and feel like giving up.
You're building walls now baby but I'll climb on top.
I'll break them down now baby and lift you up.
You don't have to do this alone now baby, we'll partner up.
Don't think you feel too much now baby, I know it's tough.
I see your flame is dimming baby, I'll light you up.
You must be exhausted baby, you've fought enough.
I'll fight your ba...

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The sun sets around this dirty glass.
Just a few more hours until I become someone new and forget who I was.
Im waiting for the fireworks but they'll surely never come.
There's no celebration for killing the demon that's been killing everyone.

You think a simple crucifix could fix this.
I don't think I can send my monster back to hell.
I've killed my insides I'm nothing more then a shell o...

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You think that time would make it easier and maybe I'd just forget.
I still think about that day often but I'm starting to think about it less.

I don't know if I should feel guilty because you're not always on my mind.
Or maybe that's just what happens when you've been gone such a long time.

I do wonder if you'd be proud of me and the things that I've done.
Would you tell me that you're h...

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Clock out, start my car and check my phone.
I look down, see a text "Hey, you doing okay bro?"
Confused and realizing I missed about 12 calls.
Didn't know what was going on, nothing was clear,
*Incoming call from 'enter name here'*.
I answered "Hey what's up?" and then I heard the tears.
"What's going on? What did I miss? Are you alright?"
'You didn't hear? She was driving and passed away l...

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Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbi...

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I'm torn with regret
I can't just repent
I look in the mirror and see a face I resent

I dug myself in a hole of lies
All my sins, I'm crucified
Hang me, leave me stuck in time
Kill me, let me meet demise

Suffocating, no more breathing
There's no way to start this healing
Like telling a clepto to stop stealing
Spewing words with no meaning

Help me, drowning, no life support
No get...

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Tell me baby who's on your mind?
Who do you see when your lips are on mine?

Is it the guy you kissed?
Or your friend you miss?
Or somebody that I completely dismissed?
Anyway, I guess I deserve all of this.
I put you through hell when I promised you bliss.

I know i'm getting fat,
And my habits are pretty bad,
I need to trim my nails,
And I'm just always fucking sad.

What a drag.

...

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This bed it is a bridge
Of what is real and fantasy
I despise reality 
I'd rather keep dreaming
Where I am free
To be alive
Where I will thrive 
And my heart can be
Free from knives 
I will not cry 
I can not feel 
I stay in bed to escape what is real

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Tell me how am I supposed to end this?
This feeling in my stomach, is it endless?
I can't say that any of this makes sense,
but this has got me feeling apprehensive.

In my brain all I get is emotional feedback.
It always makes me take a few steps back.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain.
I can feel the static flow through my veins.

I'm trying to end the ringing in my ear.
A sound...

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When I try to sleep, I remember all my fears,
And every mistake I've made in the past five years.

My heart feels heavy, alone in a crowded room.
Suffocating claustrophobia, will this be over soon?

This is exhausting, trying to win this fight.
Hand over mouth, nothing's felt so right.

I'm running out of breath, I can't make this climb.
Chasing down the clock, seems I'm out of time.

...

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Tell me again how fire is dangerous
As you're standing there playing with matches
You strike the sulfur that would ultimately end us

You beg me not to leave but you push me away
I never know what you'll be feeling today
Tell me how you love me but cause me dismay

I know that you're trying I see it in your eyes
The first time I learned not only your mouth can tell lies
Say I give you li...

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You can say that I'm a little out of touch
I fell down but I can't climb back up
None of my friends give a fuck
I guess I'm shit out of luck.

If I'm not feeling blue I dont feel much
I know they'll tell me to suck it up
Moving on is just hard as fuck
I'm tired of being down on my luck.

Its like holding in the clutch
I press the gas but just rev up
Going nowhere fast my motor is fucke...

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Its 2am
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand

This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.

I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't tak...

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It's a tough pill to swallow.
I want to fucking puke.
This feeling in my stomach,
like I swallowed a live nuke.

They just give me pills to swallow
and run a lot of useless tests.
I tried so hard to keep it away,
to fight it off but it infests.

I hate these pills I swallow.
I feel the cancer in my veins.
It's consuming my body
and fucking with my brain.

It's not your pill to swall...

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I'm just a number,
Put me in the back.
One of these days,
I swear I'll fucking snap.

Always keeping it in,
Forever pushing it down.
One day I'll strike this match
And burn this place to the ground.

Empathy is a curse,
A color I wear well.
I'm sick of always wondering
How other people feel.

I don't take care of myself,
I just bury my own bone.
I'm always there for everyone
But ...

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I finally figured it out
How to get up there pre-death.
I crawled my way up to you
Without leaving my own bed.

I tried to break you out
But they wouldn't let you leave.
I tried to break you out 
To bring you home with me.

I got kicked out of heaven
No they won't let me back.
They said if I ever tried again
To prepare myself for attack.

I'll go back everyday 
If I had the slighte...

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I don't have very long,
Will you tell me that you need me?
There's something wrong,
I know you see right through me.

I try my best,
But those intentions were lost.
A burning flame,
On a candle wick that's been gone.

It's becoming clear,
That my simple words are useless.
If I just disappeared,
Would you say it's me that you miss?

Please lie to me,
Just to try and save face.
I kn...

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I spent
My last $20
On you.
I hope
You like
What I got you.

I know
They're not
The nicest ones there,
But I,
Wanted to show
That I was thinking bout you.

I know that,
Times have been
Tough for you,
And I
Know that this
Wont make everything right.
But I've been thinking bout you.

And with
Every petal that falls
I hope you
Know that it's
Every thought I have bout you.

...

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I don't like my brain today.
It's bringing me down,
In more than one way.
It doesn't really matter
What anyone will say.

I really don't know why,
I always feel this way.
When it starts to get cold,
And the sky turns grey.

I don't want to be here today.
I tell my co-worker,
As he slowly walks away.
He agrees with me,
But knows not what I say

Please beg me to stay.
I need to fee...

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What can I say I'm a little fucking jaded.
Must be stemming from the lies that you stated.

Yesterday's punks should've been today's politicians.
At least then to my generation they would listen.

You're killing our planet and bankrupting your people.
You leave us dying in a ditch and swear that we're equal.

Call me a millenial and I'll wear that shit with pride.
Please don't confuse me...

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If you're not careful you can get lost in the woods of your mind.
My piece of advice would be to bring with you a guide.

Someone to hold your hand and walk you through.
So that if something is lurking you have someone to hold onto.

Make sure the person you bring is trustworthy.
That they'll stick around when it starts to get scary.

Things go bump in the night and more-so in these woods...

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Best friends until the end
You know that will never change
Things might be different now
But they'll always be the same

Fourteen years old
Just two punk rock kids
Skateboarding and sneaking out
All the classes we would ditch

You know that I spent most of my nights with you
At your house there on Laredo Vista Avenue

Fast forward 10 years
There's no classes to ditch
I know if I did...

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Who am I to you?
Do you want me to stick around?
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
But you still don't hear a sound.

Hang me from your promises
As I choke on your words.
You said you want me forever
But you cut my heart in thirds.

Where the fuck were you
When I needed you the most?
My world was crashing down
You turned into a ghost.

You left me all alone
And I've been lost he...

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They don't tell you that when you start to get older
How hard it will be to let go and try to get sober
That no matter what steps you take you'll never get closure

Guilt, I'm just buried in so much fucking guilt
Like I had something to do with the loss of what we built
6 weeks in and I'm already surrounded by the blood I somehow spilt

I can't move on and it's impossible to fucking let go
...

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It's odd for me
To be down on my knees
Praying to a God
That I don't believe in

I asked him why
There's so much pain in my life
And the one bit of joy
Was cut off like a knife

I was angry and mad
Didn't expect a response
I was crying and yelling
In my little tiny house

I heard in my heart
The reason to be
That there wasn't a soul good enough
To fill the love that I need

He ...

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Today's the day where I don't feel like waking up
I'm struggling to do anything at all but refill this half empty cup 

Today's the day that I relapse and pop this little white pill
It's supposed to make me numb when I'm feeling mentally ill

Today's the day that I burry myself in bed all alone
I'm hurting so damn bad, it aches me to the bone

Today's the day that I'm going to let every...

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Don't call it a comeback
My depressions been here for years
I still smoke myself to sleep
And calm my anxiety with 3 or more beers

It's just goes to show
That I should stay in my lane
I stare at the bottom of an empty bottle
Just to focus on something other than pain

I knew it'd come back
I knew it was too good to be true
Depression isn't a state of mind
It's something that controls...

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I only write when I'm sad
Cause I use my words to cope.
So what am I supposed to say
When I feel the slightest bit of hope?

Love poems and positive thoughts?
I've tried that but it's all been said
I start writing and all I can think about
Is the times I wanted a bullet in my head.

Pretty typical stanza coming from me
Everything I write is basically the same
Oh no, I broke down the fo...

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There's a ghost in my room
That sings me to sleep
Whispering in my ear
A sweet symphony

With a simple melody
That has a heart mending remedy
But the words that it sings
I can't remember for the life of me

The voice is familiar
But can't put it to a face
I remember something similar
When my mind was in a better state

All I can hope
Is that it never leaves
Because if it were to d...

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I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or addiction
Or fucking alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?

"Sorry kiddo,
Suck it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just fucking sucks"

It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them

They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It jus...

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Boy just take it easy
Boy just take it slow
Please don't give up now
You have so much further to go

Put that gun down boy
Step away from the ledge
All the demons your fighting
Don't have to stay in your head

Let me help you boy
Let me be your light
You and I together boy
We'll give 'em a hell of a fight

This is it boy
It's time for war
With me by your side
It'll be easier than...

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Like the morning bird
You sing the stars away.

Just like that
My darkness burns to light.

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Put on my pants
Put on a show
Fake a smile
No one will know

Don't show weakness
Fake my emotions
Bury my anxiety
Just go with the motions

I gotta play fast
Need to sing out of tune
Because don't you know
Punk Rockers Don't Sing The Blues

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I'm sitting in purgatory
A deserving end
To my shitty story

You think you know who I am
But you don't know what I've done
Some call me the devil
Some call me his forgotten son

I'll take your heart at the start
And say you have mine
Once you realize I'm empty
I'll leave you all alone, crying

I've done a thing or two
That I can't say I regret
I'll dig into your memories
Make it i...

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They say people don't hurt the same
And I wish that wasn't true
Because going through this alone
Is something I'm not sure I can do.

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I've got me a best friend
His name is Jack
I put him on rocks
Then mix him with black

He and I hang
With a lady named Mary
Jane is her last name
Though I'm careful not to carry

When we're all together
My troubles slip away
I don't worry about anything
But I have to watch what I say

We get into some trouble
But most of the time we're
All alone in my room
With a twelve pack of b...

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I had that dream again
Same place different time
I asked Chris if we can have a minute so he exited, stage right
We were laying and I was holding you so damn tight like if I let go you'd float away.

Wood was falling from the roof and it was coming straight for your head
It probably would have killed you but I stopped it and saved you instead
You were so relieved we both started crying and ...

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