Nicola Beckett on BANANAS
5 hours ago
"You have been here a few days now",
"Since Saturday", she replied
"And why did you come in here?"
"Because I attempted suicide"
She didn't have any worries,
She wasn't sad or happy,
It was blank, emotionless state,
Nothing to do, nothing got her interest,
Now been quite a few time living through this noiseless rhyme,
It was like a vegetative state, living in her mi...
Friday 19th February 2021 6:15 pm
Each day contains its challenges.
And by the hand of fickle fate,
It may be full of great despair,
And could drive one to hate.
All life includes its stresses,
And may be turbulent and cruel.
Should we live with only hope,
Oft we may become a fool.
There are many great things in life,
Which should not be dismissed.
But if one should choose to give in,
There's much that can be mi...
Tuesday 17th November 2020 8:49 am
Yes I choose to be what I am anytime I make these decisions
I hate that I am the beast the feasts on your weaknesses and give into my gluttony
But I’m not all at fault and if I was would you fall into those cracks just to find my happiness
Or would you say it was unnecessary because you can find yours at the end of that fictional rainbow you so love to look at
If the world cracks apart...
Monday 20th July 2020 6:34 pm
All these gifts, All these blessings in disguise
His mysterious ways, his sadistic delight
From the trees of eden that give a graveyard sigh
To the centipedes within me that just do not die
The students of the earth bicker together, both dung and honey flies
They buzz together, they fly together but alone they shall die
Oblivious to better sunsets, oblivious to a better day
Friday 8th May 2020 12:46 pm
You’re standing still at the top of a hill, the breeze gradually increasing, staring intently at he picturesque view of the voracious desert terrain that could ultimately devour you with a single touch. the breeze has been blowing, constantly blowing for many months, you forget what it was like to have still, calm air around you. But the breeze is picking up, you start shaking, not because of the ...
Thursday 30th April 2020 1:13 pm
Every time you greatly suffer,
And with your life be disappointed.
And you feel that there is no hope,
And all things seem so disjointed.
Every time you feel lost,
And ask yourself: What can I see?
And you feel that there is no future,
To find a purpose for being me.
When you feel the whole world mocks you,
And that it always seems so cruel.
When you feel you have no place in life,
Sunday 23rd February 2020 1:06 pm
the pain gets too overwhelming
i find myself sitting alone dwelling
on the past life that led me to drugs
i sit wondering where i went wrong, lost all my friends; im an outcast, i dont belong
and i dont understand why god kept me living
what does all he suffering bring but an eternal hell thatg suffocates me
losing all efforts, it feels like i cant breathe
and the battle goes...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:33 am
I used to think it would be an honor
to usher in a thousand years of peace,
a willing martyr to stop senseless suffering,
but I had no idea of the atrocities
that would ensue between men,
or the loss of innocent children
that we would witness with despair
Come now Lord, end the madness,
flood evil with love,
make our planet a peaceful place,
before all hope i...
Saturday 4th January 2020 1:13 am
You had asked me once if I believed you to be equal to me
I told you yes - It wasn’t a lie
I believed you equal in every way
But only now do I realize, both, lie and truth in my answer
In that time of my life we were equal
But, as of now, we are not
You are not equal to this new me - the true me
One that is not starved and decomposing
Tuesday 17th December 2019 1:29 am
Poetry is my
drug of choice,
rays of sunshine.
on lonely nights,
my lost lover
in my ear,
birds in flight,
Sunday 3rd November 2019 12:39 pm
TinCap’s log. Stardate: nowish.
Energy from a big bang churned in a sun for billions of years & several seconds ago launched earthward at the speed of light & deflected off stuff & hit my optic nerve which sent chemical-electrical signals into my neural network generating my experience of seeing an apple hanging on a tree.
Other energy - x-rays, infare...
Sunday 7th July 2019 9:08 pm
The root of all suffering.
Being and non being.
Body constantly at odds with the mind.
Do i choose body or mind.
A paradox, a kunundrum, enantiodromia.
Dysphoria is real.
How can I be so sick and at the same time be so well.
Disease, a state of being at Ill ease with a state of being.
The binary code runs deep. Greater than a social construct.
Male to Female, Yin/ Ya...
Tuesday 4th June 2019 8:58 pm
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart...it betrayed me one to many times.... I love to deeply. And care too excessively... Then I hurt! And the hurt is like so many hurts I have endured...yet so unlike any... Each time its new...somewhat unique in its anguish...lingering... Stalking me during the day...and as night falls so does my reserve... Proclaimed by the world as a 'strong woman' if only th...
Thursday 19th October 2017 1:46 am
Sometimes I can't even talk
I just want to be left alone
With my own thoughts
Other times I don't want to be on my own
I just want someone to hold me
And make me feel safe and at home
Sometimes I can barely walk
I just want to stay in bed all day
Hoping the pain will go away
Other times I want to fight it and carry on
Even though I know it might bring a flare up on
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:07 pm
Feel Like I'm Crazy
The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?
They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:04 pm
Cool air replaces where your hands should be,
Fingers locked on bare skin all over me,
The breeze keeps blowing colder and colder,
As the love between us grows older and older,
Your tongue parted my lips that way,
Your hands grasped desperately to make me stay,
Yet I still drifted endlessly away,
And I kissed someone new today
Monday 2nd January 2017 8:25 am
I've been lied to, setup, used as damage control, taken advantage of. thrown through your ringer and drowned in your crocidile tears. But you never knocked me down. Your sins against me, I wear them as armor.
Monday 8th June 2015 10:57 pm
Shaky fingesr slide over my
New wounds and my
Scars of hatred, with
Pills. I long my
Horrible hours of
Screaming death wishes and
Shots to my head would make
Tears fall down from my
Eyes, hurting me still!
More day and I would of been swept away.
Friday 8th May 2015 7:04 am
Father's very strict, mother's very weak
Beatings too harsh for a daughter of only 3
You wished that I had died Daddy
You even said it out loud
but i loved you anyhow
Forbidden to walk on the carpet
I was just not good enough
I've tried to fulfill your wishes Daddy
Fifteen times I tried somehow
I ran under buses, in front of cars even.
I took hundreds of pills Daddy...
Tuesday 10th June 2014 1:38 am
Two of my children were kidnapped as babies, and I suffered so much over it. This poem came out of that suffering, along with many many more.
A MOTHER’S GRIEF
It’s really hard to bear
The loneliness within
When emotions test
And hearts bleed
When children’s arms
Reach out to mother’ running
As they are taken from her
And pain is enthroned
To leave her with nothing
But the pain and
Tuesday 10th June 2014 1:16 am
A winter bite that
mocks the spring, pincers its cocoon.
A life supported?
Cease one's internal decay,
Even ice melts. Love's fluidity.
Thursday 11th April 2013 6:14 pm
"I am a patient" I whisper in my head
and I should be treated like one
please take care of me
as I lie in this bed
with my insides burning
scared to death of this disease
my bones ache
I tremble and sweat
and cry as I stare out the window at the parking garage
where my car is parked, waiting for me to escape this nightmare
I wish I could say I'm here because I'm brave
Tuesday 16th August 2011 6:48 pm
fall into pools of swirling merriment
shirk substitutes that others recommend
firm in the knowledge of purest joy
your visage clear in mind, no mental toy
stab with wanton thrusts this warm caress
reveal dream's scorn amid phobic duress
with fiery brand your chariot swift - protect
lunar spheres in shaded ponds - thoughts collect
tinge red this broken tune - unbroken...
Wednesday 23rd March 2011 8:25 am