Branches curl their gnarled fingers
Sprouting leaves as thick as hair
I’m older, but drifting alone again
Through the botanic gardens
Roaming the hot houses
I taste that chewable air
Holy loneliness
I hold you dear to me…

The roughness of weathered bark
contrasts the delicacy of fresh stems
Poking from fractured seeds
I feel the world breathe
I’m taking part, I made my peace
I don’t...

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The year was eighteen seventy-eight
Beneath a ruthless, burning sky
Dry Creek slept, remote and sedate
Where dust danced wild and secrets lie

The air was thick with ghostly tales
Wooden homes and slow-worn feet
A silent sheriff on dusty trails
Where time itself forgot to beat

But fate, unseen with playful hand
Brought to the path a gleaming surprise
A box unmarked, from no known land
...

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The light fades slowly on the horizon
like a farewell, hesitant and forlorn
and the night is born with no hurry to be night
lost in the shadows of what’s yet to be drawn

There’s something in the air, a gentle sigh
an unseen movement drifting through the trees
a secret vanishing with the breeze
perhaps a memory that never learned to fly

Words may fade
but silences still hold their weig...

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Toys, mugs and letters dress this stoney garden

In lines that would not impress a cold, gnarled sargent

Stones stagger around like crooked teeth

Adorned with names, chocolates and festive wreaths

The view is long, sprawling forever

Lost but knowing in its endevour

The living are still, smiling through their solemness 

Clutching Birthday cards with Christmas sadness

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Could a miracle befall me?

Me,

Me who hopes and then cries?

Me who sees and then ignores?

Me who chooses the lone road every time?

Me who sings shrilly but no soul hears?

Me who sins and never displays penitence? 

Me who reiterates the same blunder and it's like groundhog day?

Me who gets beaten up and is still ignorant?

Me who puts others first?

Could a miracle phase...

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The driftwood floats,

Down toward the rocky slopes,

Without a care in the world.

"I can't be bothered by those jagged rocks now,

In this cool water where I enjoy my ride,"

"Besides, there's still time to turn this around,

If I could just go against the tide."

"What a life this is being driftwood,

Where I go next is anybody's guess."

So I smile like nothing's the matter,

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I have this indescribable need to be heard,

like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,

like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,

like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen. 

Am I alone? 

Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,

waiting for a lifeboat that will never...

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Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue 

          And crimson tears will fall.

     Break apart this wanton fret

That consumes us all.

     Broke into my heart again

          To build a crumbled wall

     While I waste internally

Replaying what I saw.

Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue

          And scarlet veins will die,

     So strain ...

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Crawl into my waiting arms

And tell me that it’s cold here.

The anger held within my eyes

Will never sear you.

When I’m lost in my own soul

How will you know to save me?

Or will you cry again

While telling me I’m broken?

"Broken,

        gone,

            beyond repair."

Reaching out was never easy.

Never necessary.

Never an option.

And so it sha...

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Aim your anger at me;

Pull the trigger,

And watch me bleed.

I can take a few more bullets

Rotting there inside of me.

Set me free.

Oh, set me free.

Grit my teeth,

And watch them bleed.

One by one 

They fall away

Beneath the clouds,

Beneath the gray,

Beneath the promise of better days.

I sing beneath the sky so dark

With weathered bones

With shattered...

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My mind is the only place I feel understood.

It’s a direct reflection of the confusion,

The hatred,

The insanity,

And yet it is home to me.

It beckons me back when I wander too far.

It calls my name when I’m lost in the dark.

Yet even with a thousand blessings,

I find myself crawling back towards the Hell

That dwells within me.

The chasm therein is deeper still

Tha...

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In the hole of the common, fear runs deep,
where the voice of the many stirs us from sleep.
Dress the same, speak without spark,
act like the crowd, it's mediocrity's mark.

Alienated souls, proud in their space,
yet some feel the pull and yearn to escape.
Clarity’s a pain, like islands alone,
different in values, they stand out, unknown.

Children are innocent, while the old face disdai...

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Am I ready for the things I acquire ? 

Used to mediocre things 

Not having enough money to buy what I need 

My goal has always been the finer things 

Wearing what I want, living where I want 

It seems small but those are big to me 

I don’t live above my means 

Watched people go down that road 

It’s not a pretty scene 

I’m scared about what I would do when I acquire what ...

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Love is an action, not just words

I tend to hear people say they “love me” 

 But they hardly ever call

They say they “love me” 

But they never want to meet up 

They say they “love me” 

But aren’t there for me

I see the action of avoidance

Not love.

I see them make effort for someone else

But not for me.

Is this a glitch?

Why am...

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And so it's done

That dream I saved 

I cherished and nurtured

Fed the best parts of me

Now dried up and decaying 

Crumbling like flaky pastries

The color all gone 

Now grey and dusty

Like cobwebs in corners

Of long forgotten rooms

Like dirt on windows

No one has looked through 

The feeling I had

All diminished and dead

No longer a heartbeat 

O...

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Looking out from deep inside

this fortress here wherein I hide.

Formed brick by brick in rounds of pain,

some circumstantial, others made

by hand selecting from the first -

fine crafted moldings of the worst.

With clays of pity, doubt and fear,

mix in the water, make it clear

so all around will go away.

Form isolation day by day

til self-inflicted world of on...

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Location unknown

No flesh or meat on the bone

Bereft of all comforting thought

This isn't what I was taught

I once knew a place

Where I knew every face

Now cold and dark

No warmth and no spark

I travel around in the void

Wondering round like a lost boy

And although I am able

Fully trained yet maimed and unstable

A ghostly belonging

Of betrayal ...

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I pride myself on being alone

And in it finding joy.

I scroll through my social media,

those carefully curated feeds.

Watch silly humans

on my screen, 

endlessly.

Put on whatever soap,

Not picky with tropes.

Listen to my favourite song,

That always ropes me into singing along.

Noise follows me around,

Faces surround,

All of the time.

I don't mind it when I...

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Sometimes the sunshines in winter unexpectedly

Sometimes the person you thought was a friend turns out an enemy

People are not always what they seem on the surface

The man who made you feel like royalty

Suddenly makes you feel worthless

All the promised plans were just to pacify

The times when I felt appreciated have gone now I can't satisfy

I hope you fly high

When you do ...

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There I was,

Standing in the storm,

Walking through the dark world,

Slowly,

All alone. 

Light was dim,

Lamps burnt cold,

Silence all heard,

But my heart's wild roar.

Then there You came,

A gust in the storm,

With Your competitive smile,

And encouraging eyes,

"You done, already?", 

You said, with that smile.

"What more can I do?"

"Race till the t...

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All this world,

Is one big stage,

And we star as mere actors,

In its brilliant plays.

Every face, a pretty smile,

But Is it truly what meets the eye?

"We my dear, are best of friends,

 Joy, or despair, 

 I'll be near.

 Cotton clouds,

 Or coarse sand,

 Side by side,

 Hand in hand.

 One day, at last,

 Harsh winds?

 They'll have to pass." 

The...

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I am in the sea.

I feel pulled under, my left arm ripped off,

My head so heavy with words of everyone except my own

This world makes me feel like I'm so unusual, that I'm a visitor. 

Everybody sees a portion of me, but never all of me. 

In an ocean I am drowning, with the way I'm "meant to be" pulling me under

I have fallen into a pit of cement 

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A slave to my feelings,

Shackles trapping my mind.

Trying to break through and begin healing, 

But hit with the cruel reality of man-kind. 

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letter to spring / michael kwack

in a wind

there i smell a scent of spring

i've passed the winter away

in a far place alone

but it was now

only hours of emptiness

i've got to write letters

the last confession to myself

then meet the spring

in complete quietness

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Play in the Night

                      --Michael Kwack

From two o’clock

When owls hoot

Up to four when cocks crow

Surely I will be kept awake,

To watch the secret play

Of the conscious and unconscious.

However, I will not see

The queer performance inside me

As a mere dream in the night.

If I long for better plays,

More will I wander dur...

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I am not Alone

Ujjal Mandal, India
7th December 2020

I am not alone.
When nature cast her beauty upon me,
My silence speaks the words
Of happiness.
Oh, I am not alone
I have silence.

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Confined to a tiny apartment

terrified of a viral threat

she rocks in her chair listening

to voices in the corridor

Who is going out?

To voices in the street

Who are they? Are they infected?

She turned off the TV months ago

when depression became too much to bear.

In the silence she waits

for the danger to pass

listening to the constant

chatter of...

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I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...

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Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting 
You just need to get there

People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight

Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...

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Crumbling all around you
Your world falling apart
Life seems to be dealing cruel blows
And your wondering where to start
From the moment you start hiding
Things go from bad to worse
The damage is occurring
And your causing yourself hurt
On the outside you are smiling
But on the inside there is pain
To the world your seeing sunshine
But all you see is rain
Behind the dark clouds lurks y...

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It’s a nagging,

A light tug of the sleeve on a cold day,

It reminds you it’s there with

Every quiet evening and cancelled plan

If you close your eyes you can feel

It stronger, engulfing you with its words

And its touch, filling your soul with the

Dirty sludge it flourishes within. 

It follows you while you walk from

Street to street, from room to room,

And taunts you ...

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When I walked through the path,
Alone in the moonlight stars.
I found a stranger wearing smile,
Didn't know the feelings behind
Walked with her and saw a different world
'There I got a new family' - I loved
Didn't know we could get so close
That my life could be disastrous if we broke.
Hiding the feelings behind and faking the smile they left.
Hope of meeting again is the only thing they ...

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When I’m not alone 
All I do is moan
I also groan
My companions say “Oh won’t you stop!”
But my only reply is “I’m going to the shop”
 

 
When I’m alone
I can play my trombone
Without somebody screaming “I would rather you moan!”
And I don’t always have to go to the shop
I just always watch TV non-stop
 

Once I was alone
And I was on my phone 
And I was shown 
A warning about a...

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Four walls

Little comfort

Self control, the rage inside

Missing choices
Voices taken
Expelled forsaken
No choice
To live..
To feed the fallen
Four walls
One door
No comfort,
challenges acceptance
we shall over come

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I went to the market today, 

I bought some Haddock.

Under the present circumstances it seemed like the best thing to do,

There’s nothing in the shops,

Not even toilet paper

It looks like things are going down the pan very rapidly

What a thin veneer

Civilisation is so fragile

No thicker than a sheet of tissue paper, so gossamer.

I poached it in a bit of milk, the Haddock,

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an old man sitting alone at a diner

a child alone at recess because no one wants to play

an addict who sits at home inebreated because shes lonely

all of their minds have gone astray

feeling not good enough, feeling like no one cares

the feeling of loneliness is sometimes too much to bare

laying alone while your significant other sleeps

watching the ball drop on your own on ne...

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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Lonely,but never alone , courtesy, of these voices,
Drowning out , my natural thought process,
affecting, how I make choice's.

Controling my mind, totaly possessed,
Punishing me for what? Disturbing my rest.

In fact I'm so controlled ,that all my life I've been unaware,
Didn't know ,any different, assumed they were suppose to be there.

Intrusive in voluntary thoughts
no filters in my...

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My fate is not in your hand

GOD makes our fates alone

Our life are surely planned

GOD feeds the ant in the stone

World is certainly small

If compared to Galaxy as shown

Whoever believes is a giant

GOD to perish the giant alone

MY heart is calm and glad

Satisfied of what I own

Whatever you earn in the dark

SURELY you'll pay it at noon

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No one else can judge me

Only God who reads hearts

People have abused me

When I reach fake of the facts

If you believe you're the master

And you can judge and lead

Surely you lose the only factor

That keeps you faithful indeed

Leave me alone fair and simple

I have to forget tens of lies

You should break your false temple

Wake up please .. open your e...

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Living in my own world

Not giving a damn about anything but me

Call me a self centered freak

But thinking 'bout myself is a good change

When everything revolves around you

Nothing ever done my way

You're on cloud nine with a tiara on your head

I'm on the ground with mascara trails down my cheeks

In this big world with turns and curves

I saw all the ups and downs but more...

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Is it a Curse .. or God's Grace 
To live alone heart and place 
Suffering what I always face 
Hopeless to be myself again 
 

Are these changes good for me 
To be lonely always or not to be 
To live away of what I see 
I lost my hope and brain 
 

Sadly to wake up and sleep 
Painful to feel yourself cheap 
Living alone hurts in deep 
I wish to know why, but i...

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We were lame and we were young,

Walking in the woods,

While singing our song,

Never in my dreams, felt anything wrong,

Thought you were always coming along,

Do not remember where exactly I lost you,

My eyes searched for you in heavy fog,

I continued my journey amidst the rocks,

Shivered through-out the night,

Darkness was blocking my sight,

Always thought that you wer...

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Because I can no longer kiss you

no longer feel your skin

beneath my fingers

or hear you in the night

Because I can no longer call you

no longer sound your name

beneath my breath

or hear you whisper soft

Because I could not stop time passing

could not return time's sand

beneath its glass

or heal the wounds of time

Because I could not hold you here

could yet y...

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I watch them engrossed in their hand held devices,
The only thought I have is what's the point, What's the point of talking when there's no listening,
Communication is lost to an electronic device.

Likes only feed an ego that should not grow, Comments from strangers that do not stay but go.
Posting and waiting for the above,
This what their life has become.

I watch them slip away into a ...

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There is a room where these people go, 

All share something in common, 

They sit there, pondering, 

'Why is this happening to me?' 

They could spend hours, days, weeks, months or even years in this room, 

These people are not together, 

In fact they are all alone, 

What do they have in common? 

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I never lied I never cheated 
Never put my hands on it 
Her cat the only thing I’m beating 
I told you I loved you 
I showed you the meaning 

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I'm just a number,
Put me in the back.
One of these days,
I swear I'll fucking snap.

Always keeping it in,
Forever pushing it down.
One day I'll strike this match
And burn this place to the ground.

Empathy is a curse,
A color I wear well.
I'm sick of always wondering
How other people feel.

I don't take care of myself,
I just bury my own bone.
I'm always there for everyone
But ...

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Who am I to you?
Do you want me to stick around?
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
But you still don't hear a sound.

Hang me from your promises
As I choke on your words.
You said you want me forever
But you cut my heart in thirds.

Where the fuck were you
When I needed you the most?
My world was crashing down
You turned into a ghost.

You left me all alone
And I've been lost he...

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Everything I wished for, everything I dreamed of, in my grasp. 

The dream became my nightmare. Torturing me by showing me what I want and need in life. Turning into something ugly and twisted. I have become a shell of what I spent years building myself up to be. 

It’s like I’ve crawled through the dirt and mud to get to the ladder, I climbed so I high I could feel the sun on my face and the ...

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