Ashely Thompson on Julia Deakin
1 hour ago
I’ve been sitting on the precipice of this
For a while
Unsure how to express my feelings
When I don’t know what I feel
I’m hysterically nonreactive
I’m worryingly unworried
From nothing to everything
Because - like Whitman -
I contain multitudes
Many great thrashing waves
They slip through nets
Can’t be caught
Thursday 21st October 2021 9:40 pm
When she folded into herself
You all looked away
When she unraveled
You all watched
Wednesday 20th October 2021 1:01 am
Maybe if people had learnt
to let me come and play,
I wouldn’t be sat here,
playing with the chemicals in my brain,
in overgrown grudges
and hand me down trauma,
a murder on the playground,
a dozen years in the making.
Sunday 29th August 2021 2:41 am
I fear once again,
my bitten tongue has cast me out
amongst the swarm, as wasps
land on my lips:
a mistaken stagnant flower,
that does not flutter
in objection, to what strikes
fear & discomfort,
into my heart.
& thus, I lay here lifeless,
on the pollen grass,
a murder most foul,
by the silence of my despair.
Sunday 29th August 2021 2:14 am
The postman came this morning,
the rattle of his letters falling through the door,
passing as my only real engagement with the world,
as I hollow out the envelope,
and scan the contents in eager anticipation,
hopeless in my pursuit, in this endless waiting game
for 10am’s rattle and clank,
to clutch in my purpling hands,
an eviction notice for the trepidations in my head.
Saturday 28th August 2021 3:30 am
I can feel you're scared.
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore
You carry sadness around on you
It poisens your words
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes
The sad stench of it radiates through your pores
And if I can take it away,
Friday 14th May 2021 11:18 am
Everything is going wrong.
Or everything went so wrong
I can't tell
If it stopped and I didn't notice,
And I can't tell
Everything is just nothing now.
Or everything was so much nothing,
I can't see
That there's any difference now,
And I can't see
Everything is tumbling down,
Or everything is built...
Tuesday 11th May 2021 3:31 am
the sun lay beating on my breast
warm rays of sunshine pierced my skin
but i do not dare let them in
my life is empty
i am cold
from all the stories in my head
the past it haunts me through the night
with fiery flames it burns me
the shadows from once where there was light
creep across my skin
sinking deeper and deeper within
i fight and scream but nothing gives...
Tuesday 30th March 2021 3:07 am
The master behind my own downfall,
A slave to my eerie thoughts.
Wondering if I can break free and stand tall.
The side they never talk about in sports.
The minds weathered to achieve anything,
But fear clouds my judgement.
Disappointment builds up and the storm starts readying,
Now caught up in the cyclone of my own cynical thinking.
Tuesday 23rd March 2021 6:58 am
hurting, melting, head caving
my head so broke inside
trying to hold it together
but i feel so far from fine
suffocating, shaking, heart racing
my body responds in fear
trying to reason with myself
though it doesn't help it clear
aching, receding, soul's numbing
my mind is shutting off
trying to hold onto reality
but i feel so very lost
falling, stalling, chest pounding
Wednesday 10th March 2021 11:07 pm
Got that Bob Marley “every little thing” playing in my head.
Whilst thinking about all those whose belittled me, replaying what they said.
My emotions wreaking havoc, and it’s starting to spread.
Infected with anxiety whilst living in this dread.
Feeling like the only cure is the liberation of being dead.
Saturday 6th March 2021 1:59 pm
Her universe was split into a mass of struggles and compressed emotions within an sunken space.
The collisions of depression and anxiety grew stronger forming dark energy made up of misery; it’s high density crushed happiness quicker than the speed of light.
There were once stars in her eyes, shone brighter than any quasars, but it burned away creating the black hole in her being, leaving...
Thursday 25th February 2021 2:26 pm
You say I am a good person,
They say I am a bad one,
Forgetting that I am just a human being,
Just being what I am now.
Change is unstoppable, just like the flow of water,
People change, so does life,
Making sad almost all the time.
They say you are the one with wisdom,
I can only see you as the one with regret.
"Life is beautiful" as you state,
So why it becomes so hard living like ...
Wednesday 24th February 2021 6:08 pm
I feel more and more like broken glass
as each day has gone pass.
I try to stay strong
while everything goes wrong.
I don’t wanna upset them,
they think that I am as beautiful as a gem.
Why can’t I see myself as they see me?
Why must I lack so much glee?
I need my friends to make me happy,
because without them I feel so sappy.
I hate that I must admit that I’m no...
Thursday 18th February 2021 4:01 pm
I don’t wanna be here
and that may be hard to hear.
I’m sorry for always letting you down
because when I do, it makes you frown.
It’s become second nature to fake a smile,
because being happy is the new style.
I hate it when we argue and fight.
I hate it so much, it makes me cry at night.
I think I’ve run out of tears
from crying all these years.
I cry in the car...
Wednesday 17th February 2021 3:56 pm
It feels like the world has stopped in its usual tracks. Evidently deepening all existing cracks.
Prior acceptance to daily life is altered. Causing vibration to all that was taught to us.
The new is the unknown and previous certainty a distant memory.
A memory of which we fight and clutch tight too. A faded interpreted dream, our only prayed for virtue.
I feel a inhumane pres...
Monday 8th February 2021 9:39 am