Poetry Blogs (2013, Suffering)
TinCap’s log. Stardate: nowish.
Energy from a big bang churned in a sun for billions of years & several seconds ago launched earthward at the speed of light & deflected off stuff & hit my optic nerve which sent chemical-electrical signals into my neural network generating my experience of seeing an apple hanging on a tree.
Other energy - x-rays, infare...
Sunday 7th July 2019 9:08 pm
Keeping me alive and well
To suffer and watch
Wednesday 19th June 2019 4:13 pm
The root of all suffering.
Being and non being.
Body constantly at odds with the mind.
Do i choose body or mind.
A paradox, a kunundrum, enantiodromia.
Dysphoria is real.
How can I be so sick and at the same time be so well.
Disease, a state of being at Ill ease with a state of being.
The binary code runs deep. Greater than a social construct.
Male to Female, Yin/ Ya...
Tuesday 4th June 2019 8:58 pm
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart...it betrayed me one to many times.... I love to deeply. And care too excessively... Then I hurt! And the hurt is like so many hurts I have endured...yet so unlike any... Each time its new...somewhat unique in its anguish...lingering... Stalking me during the day...and as night falls so does my reserve... Proclaimed by the world as a 'strong woman' if only th...
Thursday 19th October 2017 1:46 am
Sometimes I can't even talk
I just want to be left alone
With my own thoughts
Other times I don't want to be on my own
I just want someone to hold me
And make me feel safe and at home
Sometimes I can barely walk
I just want to stay in bed all day
Hoping the pain will go away
Other times I want to fight it and carry on
Even though I know it might bring a flare up on
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:07 pm
Feel Like I'm Crazy
The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?
They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:04 pm
Cool air replaces where your hands should be,
Fingers locked on bare skin all over me,
The breeze keeps blowing colder and colder,
As the love between us grows older and older,
Your tongue parted my lips that way,
Your hands grasped desperately to make me stay,
Yet I still drifted endlessly away,
And I kissed someone new today
Monday 2nd January 2017 8:25 am
I've been lied to, setup, used as damage control, taken advantage of. thrown through your ringer and drowned in your crocidile tears. But you never knocked me down. Your sins against me, I wear them as armor.
Monday 8th June 2015 10:57 pm
Shaky fingesr slide over my
New wounds and my
Scars of hatred, with
Pills. I long my
Horrible hours of
Screaming death wishes and
Shots to my head would make
Tears fall down from my
Eyes, hurting me still!
More day and I would of been swept away.
Friday 8th May 2015 7:04 am
Father's very strict, mother's very weak
Beatings too harsh for a daughter of only 3
You wished that I had died Daddy
You even said it out loud
but i loved you anyhow
Forbidden to walk on the carpet
I was just not good enough
I've tried to fulfill your wishes Daddy
Fifteen times I tried somehow
I ran under buses, in front of cars even.
I took hundreds of pills Daddy...
Tuesday 10th June 2014 1:38 am
Two of my children were kidnapped as babies, and I suffered so much over it. This poem came out of that suffering, along with many many more.
A MOTHER’S GRIEF
It’s really hard to bear
The loneliness within
When emotions test
And hearts bleed
When children’s arms
Reach out to mother’ running
As they are taken from her
And pain is enthroned
To leave her with nothing
But the pain and
Tuesday 10th June 2014 1:16 am
A winter bite that
mocks the spring, pincers its cocoon.
A life supported?
Cease one's internal decay,
Even ice melts. Love's fluidity.
Thursday 11th April 2013 6:14 pm
"I am a patient" I whisper in my head
and I should be treated like one
please take care of me
as I lie in this bed
with my insides burning
scared to death of this disease
my bones ache
I tremble and sweat
and cry as I stare out the window at the parking garage
where my car is parked, waiting for me to escape this nightmare
I wish I could say I'm here because I'm brave
Tuesday 16th August 2011 6:48 pm
fall into pools of swirling merriment
shirk substitutes that others recommend
firm in the knowledge of purest joy
your visage clear in mind, no mental toy
stab with wanton thrusts this warm caress
reveal dream's scorn amid phobic duress
with fiery brand your chariot swift - protect
lunar spheres in shaded ponds - thoughts collect
tinge red this broken tune - unbroken...
Wednesday 23rd March 2011 8:25 am