I had the best dream

Where I was out to my dad

And we were

Laughing at responses

That my teachers had

One teacher said that 

My egg was cracked

And that’s true

But it has been 

Since I met him

Although those two things

Have no correlation

I mean when I had him 

it was online school

he never made do anything 

Because he was cool

So I spent m...

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“butterflies can’t see their own wings”

my wings were unique, folded and geometric

i felt proud, never hid them like a secret

i was called brave

              ↳”i’d want to die if i were you”

i pulled my antennas over my eyes

i naively accepted compliments at face value (i belonged)

when it came time to fly, i could only flutter

that’s all my wings could do (i was okay with...

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Sitting with the girls never felt right 

But guys activate my fight or flight

It’s so hard to be friends with them

Hard to ask how they’re doing 

But it feels right

Don’t know why…

I just thought that the girls were bitches

But they weren’t that bad

It wasn’t a gut instinct 

Just dysphoria I had 

And I wanna be a guy

I’m envious of everything

I try not...

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" Hello moon," can you help heal this broken heart

Can you take away the pain of the one I've lost?

The waves crashed loud, my heart beat fast, tears fell down my cheeks as I cried,

"Hello moon" can you help heal this broken heart

Can you take away the pain of the one I've lost?

My feet touched the ocean waves as the moon shined bright on my teary face

I just want to let her go, ...

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Like poison ivy creeping through my brain
Strangling emotions, my words are maimed 
Shutting me down and keeping me in
Making me feel that the true me is a sin
Holding me back and won't let me out
Wanting to scream, wanting to shout
I will find a way to let the world see
I'm going to break free, I want to be me
So poison ivy your not in control 
I'll keep on fighting until my life feels w...

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Inside the mind
Like the deep blue sea
A bottomless ocean 
Where thoughts run free 
Thinking of a guys
But it feels so wrong
A feeling of guilt 
The thoughts are too strong 
A hidden secret
A self inflicted lie
Not true to oneself 
But don't know why
A locked treasure chest
Waiting to be found
A mouthful of words
But the lips are bound 
Sifting through sand
In the hope of a find
...

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I like to be in company of women
Female voices

I'm struck how women and many FINT
(female, intersex, nonbinary, and trans) talk to each other.
How they have underlying understanding of unspoken truths
and speak of them
then act accordingly.

Mark conversational buzz with questions animated exchanges is resonant.
Full-bodied richness from one to another this fem...

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Just leave me alone and let me find peace
I don't want to hurt
I don't want to weep
Who’s are the voices inside my head?
Why do they hate me? 
What have I said?
Why let them get to me?
What do I say?
Why can’t I make them all just go away?
Why do I feel I have to paint on a smile?
Why can’t I just be ‘me’ for a while?
These are the questions I’m asking each day
The voices, the demons I...

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Chains of Capture

Deepest darkest nightmares
But only if you knew
The lengths that I have taken
To hide away the truth
The scars are slowly fading
But the pain runs deep inside
Some say that I'm outspoken
But they don’t see the things I hide
The questions left unanswered
Constantly running through my head
The ‘what if’s’ again resurfaced
That I’d thought I’d put to bed
My demons is ...

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Charade

Is my confusion an illusion
Is my mind just playing games
All the demons and the monsters
Quick enough to lay the blame
Many questions left unanswered
And many answers make no sense
My only coping mechanism
Is self destruction or self defense
On the outside I may look happy
But I’m crumbling inside
All the feelings and emotions
Just so much easier to hide
If the lock could b...

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The red light

And its stunning sight

Remind me of

Our lips when they fight

The blue blaze

As the siren plays

Reminds me of

Your eyes and their gaze

I didn’t care that I

Was being arrested

I don’t even fear to die

If my love gets contested

Because my love is real

Even if it is a crime

Being guilty isn’t a deal

To love is, this time

In a...

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Mami's little princess

Papi's pride and joy

Mami taught her to be a good house wife

Mami taught her to be a smart girl

Papi taught her to think twice before saying yes to any boy

Papi taught her to be a strong and to be an independent girl

Mami's little princess 

Papi's pride and joy

The little princess grew up to like girls not boys

And Papi's heart broke

And Mami's ...

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Thunderstorms
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...

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I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...

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Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting 
You just need to get there

People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight

Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...

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As a child
Friends knocked the door
Eagerly excited
You were waiting for
To hear the question 
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents 
If you were coming out

As a child 
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
Getting dirty
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could

As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
And ca...

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At school as a teen

I was sitting in class

With all my friends

When the teacher asked

I’ve a question for you all

In this form group today

What would you do

If a friend told you they were gay

“I’d beat them and punch them”

The one friend said

“I’d kick them, and hurt them until they were dead”

The whole class cheered and seemed to agree

And that was the start of...

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Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...

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Demons are coming
Engrossed with my brain
Their taking control
Am I going insane
They try to take over
The thoughts in my head
But I won’t let them get me
I’ll get them instead

Fighting with demons
Keep those demon’s at bay
Caged in a corner
Keep those demons away

When panic takes over
Those demons are close
They’re reaching and beating
They fill me with doubt
But stood in the ...

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Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seams bit by bit, part by part

The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me ma...

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Do they really need to know
Does it matter, does it show
Does it make them like me less
Can they see inside my head
Do they really need to know

Do they really need to know
Put on a front and fake a smile
Things seem ok for a while
Until the shadows creep back in
And the demons start to win
Do they really need to know

Do they really need to know
Everything looks fine outside
But I’...

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Rescue ‘forever’
The fight of my life
Saving a marriage
But hurting a wife
Twisted confessions
It feels like a dream
Entering territory
I should never have been
Keeping a secret
Locked up deep inside
Now nowhere to run and nowhere to hide
I should of kept quite, not swallowed my pride
But how could I live
With the secrets and lies
Emotionally scared
A heart that is bruised
Feelings...

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The root of all suffering.

Being and non being.

Body constantly at odds with the mind.

Do i choose body or mind. 

A paradox, a kunundrum, enantiodromia.

Dysphoria is real.

How can I be so sick and at the same time be so well. 

Disease, a state of being at Ill ease with a state of being. 

The binary code runs deep. Greater than a social construct. 

Male to Female, Yin/ Ya...

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How can I cope with this devil on my shoulder, The heat is on but its making me colder, When I was younger it hoped I’d grow older, Started off small now it’s heavier than a boulder, 

You say I’m fine well I’m sick in the head, You say I‘ll cope well I’m sick of this mess, I don’t know how long I can stick with this stress, If it was my way then I would’ve writ this in red, 

I’m go...

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Where love is love it cannot be untethered.
Through spite and persecution it has weathered.
It matters not the faith that you believe,
Cares not of gender, colour or of creed.
No wall can hold it in, no bridge too far;
No laws that call it 'sin' can keep it barred.
The martyrdom of hate, try as it might
Will never cease the progress of its plight.
Where cowards take up arms to end its cour...

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Before you start reading this piece, I'd like to take your attention for one moment to remember Maggie Turner, the woman whom this piece is about. She was a firecracker of a woman and one of the most inspiring, intelligent, opinionated, caring, compassionate people I've ever known. She said what she thought and wore her heart on her sleeve. Not enough people in this world do that, and I love he...

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What do you do with a drunk in GAY bar,
What do you do with a drunk in GAY bar,
What do you do with a drunk in GAY bar,
Early in the morning!

Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Early in the morning!

Tell 'im, “sorry, it's members only”,
Tell 'im, “sorry, it's members only”,

Tell 'im, “sorry, it's members only”,
Early i...

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A cum stained victory for the avant-garde,
throw away your cameras
and embrace the lens of the soul.

Prettiness does not define talent.
How can a stoic face define the myriad of human emotions?
A lifeless motif of the status-ho.

Individuality seeps like semen upon a blood stained carcass.
Trickles of truth, like tears upon a false-face.
One cannot spell life without l...

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I'm gonna cum all over this page
Swallow this microphone like a cock with rage
I is Brownie I is gay
Were queer terrorists today
This is Bidaman a suicide bummer

*The name's Bidaman,

wanted Suicide bummer.

My fingers tickle your insides like

an eclectic guitar strummer.

Like Oasis I'll strike a chord if only

the one,

till I hit you again and the bomb ...

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