My dear fellow writers, 

It's been quite a while since I wrote something and even longer since I posted on this site. It wasn't merely a lack of time that caused this break. My life has been a roller-coaster ride filled with strange occurrences and emotions I never thought I would feel. It was crushing to experience them, but enlightening to know that they can be overcome. However, it's not eas...

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Mental health today is a complex matter.
Where stigma judges all to be mad as a hatter.
But there's no shame. There's no disgrace.
It's something of which we'll have to face.

So don't be afraid and feel no guilt.
And with help our lives can be rebuilt.
So of mental health we must now speak.
It doesn't mean we're strange or weak.

So do not run or try to hide,
But find someone in which ...

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A bony child, a sick child 

Wades through muddy water, stumbles over battered roads

A quiet child, a trodden child

Eats with hunger, with greediness 

A shy child, a violent child

Runs after street vendors and dogs, cons the benevolent 

A street, a war, a game to play.

A bony child, a sick child is her-

Me.

A traumatized child, a ragged child

Stomping around hospi...

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Across a road, a tranquil sight

Where animals graze to a shepherds delight

In the warm glow of a spring's dawn

A summer's heat is soon to be born

But across this tranquil hill

Is where the "looney's" roam and madness spills

Torn from family's and lost to war

Their minds scream through a padded door

Nurses rush to aid the wounded

Thrashing and yelling - who woul...

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I can feel fire in my veins

Red roses set aflame 

Burning embers 

Passionate rage 

A suffocating feeling I can't escape 

I feel like running away 

To some faraway place 

Where even the stars 

Wont remember my name 

I might lose myself 

In a faraway world 

Hiding away 

In my secret escape 

Time is an illusion 

And I'm caught up in the confusi...

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Faces,

Desperate faces,

Blank faces,

Resigned faces,

Passive faces,

Tired faces,

Shamed faces,

Stare at walls,into nothingness.

From the brink of the universe, from the edge of a cliff.

Nearly plunging deep into the ocean, sinking into the quiet of the night

It's like a near-death experience.

I fear mine is one of them,

In fact, I possess all.

I'm alread...

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I want to get out but the way is shut,

I want to fly but my wings are bleeding,

I want to sing at the top of my lungs but they're punctured,

I want to cry but my eyes are dry,

And the air,

The air is so thin such that I can neither breathe nor gasp,

I desire nothing more than to be free but the clouds are dark,

They threaten to fall,

They whisper of an incoming storm,

A ...

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Sometimes, you learn to be frugal, humble,and patient,

Sometimes, life beats you down so hard you can't get up,

It shreds you into pieces that take forever to piece back together.

Piece by piece, you glue,

Only to come undone, for your tears are stronger than your will,

Brimming with them, they cut and cut,

Leaving behind an empty and aching heart ,

That only time and hum...

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Shall no one weep

Shall no one cry

Shall no one come to say goodbye?

Not a single tear

Not a voice to hear

Not a stone to say, this is where I lie?

I am music without sound

I am nowhere to be found

I am a leaf that falls to die

I am the periphery of your eye.

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I have this indescribable need to be heard,

like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,

like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,

like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen. 

Am I alone? 

Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,

waiting for a lifeboat that will never...

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When we die,

We'll be forgotten,

But what can we say when

We're forgotten

While alive?

What am I to think

When I am invisible?

When I am cast aside?

When I am the problem?

Who is there to see me for me?

Does death then hold no meaning?

Is death even worth fearing?

Or is it rather embraced

As a means of escape

From those who

Don't care

At all?

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Your nostalgia is lying to you.

Life is hard now,

But it was hard then, too.

You were just younger, dumber, more care-free.

If you knew then what you know now,

Maybe then you'd see.

You'd see the heartache;

You'd see the pain;

You'd see the way they lie and shame;

You'd see that no matter what you do,

You're always going to be you.

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This poem tries to capture the pain of watching a friend succumb to addiction, bound to a destructive habit that erodes both health and hope. As one friend struggles with the limits of friendship and "agape", the other slips further and further away, lost in a cycle that breaks promises and bodies alike. This poem hopefully serves as both plea and ultimatum—a haunting look at the cost of holding o...

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My reflection doesn’t tell my story yet I still feel as though it defines me

When I look,

 I see my flaws

I see mistakes

I see problems

Looking at others I see so much beauty

They have the perfect clothes

Perfect hair

Perfect face

Perfect body

Maybe it’s just a facade but it seems so real

Pushed on me is the pe...

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Reading through each page

Experiencing the characters emotions

Putting myself into the protagonist's shoes

Only to realise that I've left out the person who hurts the most

Paging through the book I start to realise

The "happy" friend has always been hurting the most

They have always supported the protagonist, but never themselves

Even though the protagonist is the superhe...

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Cut me open, bleed me dry 

A knife not a tool, a liberator

There is the forgiving woman with sorrow

Deep in those eyes, to a place 

I am oh so unfamiliar with

There are places you know, you see

It is the dark holding our sparks 

A flock of deft touches and harmony

Yet the pulse of the thunder rolls over

Sparks scattered, hidden or gone 

You will never, never...

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Walking around an empty hospital

Hearing voices, standing still

It's a strange feeling

Knowing there's no one on these grounds

Empty beds are blocking

As painful feelings are unlocking

Buried away in their homes

Scarred, anxious and alone

Yet the voices are protruding

Rebounding and allusive

Screams of fun and play come across

From another world now at a ...

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Did I hit my head or have a fall?

Did my heart give out?

Am I under the stars?

Did I make it to heaven?

The memories I have are as strong as an over perked cup of coffee

I can’t forget or let them go

In fear that I’ll feel I’ll have never lived those moments to remember

I try to recreate those memories

I try to relive every moment

But each time I do

I realize it’s not...

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I want so badly to just be me

but im scared of rejection

people not accepting me

see do people really accept me 

or do they only accept their version of me

am i being my true self or am I playing a false version of me

Do people truly like the real me

or do they only like the parts of me they want to see

Do people really see me

or do they only accept t...

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Planning away, sometimes all day

Words on a page, moulding like clay

Toward your interest, "I'll engage" you say

I should of known it would go this way

Travelled around all week through

Sometimes I'm spinning and I don't see you

Learnng the lines of a script I have written

Walking the mile but somewhere you're hidden

Delivering is easy when you've got the tools

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My iPad is thirsty

Well travelled, rugged and dirty

In need of a clean

And with its blue squidgy exterior

It's a sight to be seen

You are brave

Going places where no iPad has gone before

Where young people fight and snore

High care can be dangerous for all

But my blue squidgy friend

You will be there till the end

Stimulating and engaging

Its you they're i...

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Well he's definitely very angry today
He's gone and taken the world's colour away
Left me with only white, black and grey
Nothing, nada, no red, blue, yellow or green
No trace of them, gone! nowhere to be seen.
Vibrant pink, warm orange and vermillion
There nothing left now in this colourless prison
So how to describe the earth's serene face
The tree's and the flowers and wide open space
...

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I am here, connected to you
Hiding in the corner
Growing darker as the light grows stronger
Formed shape, cajoined to you
I follow you in the street or lane
Looming dark in mirrored form, defined
Ever present, twinned by shape

Creeping on the floor or wall, a mirror of your soul
Ever here, your silent brother 
Shaped in your darkest desires
My friend, your friend, a soundless mus...

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There's no stars out in this darkened sky.
As a curl up, on the hard floor to lie
I cannot lay safe, cozied on this soft bed.
Not with the noises and memories floating in my damn head.
The cracks and the bangs that rang out in the night.
Times I saw many men fall, disappear out of sight.

Was that today, yesterday, or maybe tomorrow?
No bravery left here there's only raw sorrow.
The noise...

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At a loss to know what happened, I did not see you fall
I wasn't  there, I didn't see when Angels came to call
A world without, memories now is all I see
I leave you now,  to say your own soliloquy.....

This is could be my own exposition,
Bills, money, world events, my own loneliness decision
People all around me but I'm hiding the pain
Physical illness or mental strife is all that I gain
...

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I'm tired and cold, rags gathered tight, so show me some pity
It's been to long out in this cardboard city
Food gathered and begged, no chance of meds, while you stay warm in luxury beds
A doorway, a tunnel, a railway station
A look of disgust from most of the nation
I didn't ask to be ousted from a normal life
To be fed to the streets in toil and stife
Clothes dishevelled, ripped and most...

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In the depths of my soul, a battle rages
Between the light and the dark, not written on pages
Deception creeps in, a constant war within
Yet I find strength to help, to heal, to even win

I lead and mentor with doubt in my heart
An imposter's mask, a master of art
Carrying others' weight, ignoring my own
At what cost, I wonder, am I overthrown?

But still, I stand tall like a lighthous...

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i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?

I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others

sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...

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I'm not a soldier but I'm at war

Clean and sober year number four 

Battles with temptation 

Past friends and relations 

Conflict miscommunication 

I get tired of waiting I'm tryna be patient 

Testing my patience 

What's expected of me isn't me 

No point trying to change me you see 

That change must only come from me 

People are not what they seem 

Reality looks dif...

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They said, no!

no, you can’t!

just shut up,

go away;

they said

what they

always say,

too old,

too fat,

waste of space,

a pisspot,

a fantasist,

say voices

in my head.

I've told them,

piss off,

the first step’s

to take one,

so I took one,

I planned,

If you do not

you plan to fail,

so I got all my kit,

warm leggings

and mi...

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Hoody, vape and tatt

All night I've been sat

Another coffee will wake me up

Here's a magazine, take my cup

Alone on the ward, feeling bored

My eyes crush a matchstick hoard

Marks and scuffs on the walls

Remind me of times, restraints and all

Long days and nights settle in my thoughts

Old faces, names, and incidences haunt

Decisions made, young people blamed

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Savouring the solace 

Subverting the scene 

A spectre on the surf 

Sublime and serene  

Suffering the silence 

Shaping the sun 

Scuppering the smog 

So sane with someone 

Staffing submerged 

Sheepish and surged 

Scared as the scurried scatter 

Splurged and so shattered 

Shanked and superfluous 

Serious and stained 

So sad to see 

Striking...

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It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"

It’s a liminal in-between 

A line we like to call blurry

But I never asked you to undress me

My body abandoned me

My words went slurry

Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble

Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble

Four times play on my mind

One of them I even forgot

Until it accosted me during a usual d...

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Hokey Okay - Experiences with the mental health teams 
 

The police bring you in, next thing you’re out,

In out in out, fucks your head about,

They do the okay okay and turn you around,

Claiming that your mindsets sound!

Woahhh you’re okay okay,

Noooo, ill chokey chokey,

Woahhh, you’re okay okay

Head hurts, alarms sound ah ah ah

Then you’re back in again, out ...

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Have been preoccupied with several articles related to Shakespeare Authorship and their relevance to today's thoughts on mental health, gender stereotypes and free speech. This week I ask: "What was the prevailing attitudes to deformity by Shakespeare and his contemporaries?" Qudos Academy examines Elizabethan attitudes to physical deformity and numerous references found in Shakespeare’s plays.

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If you care anything at all about Mental Health Services in Tory UK, and about how the Tories treat their citizens watch this: https://youtu.be/OTkqQX2xvqQ

Modus Operandi-Conscious Cruelty

National Emergency; declare a General Strike;

Are we Hearts of Oak, or timid wee mice?

Stop kissing their boots, tell ‘em to take a hike,

I for one, am itching to get rid of these lice;

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The devil has always been,

A faceless entity

To me.

Until now at least.

Now it has become clear.

I can see.

The devil

In front of me.

They are no singular person.

Instead a pair.

Familiar sight.

Lungs devoid of air.

The devils gaze at me.

Recognizable set eyes.

No surprise.

Why is this reality?

First sight of a child.

Encounter...

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the see-thru states

of liminal infamy

"don't let me down" 

sung in desperate drams

beacons prain

from a street corner

affixed and shorn and 

bare-truthed,

snaggle toothed:

cleft palates and anaphylaxis 

sanded down by time

into a shape something 

much like mine

(too much)

please see me

but don't look;

a shared hypocrisy 

wrung motes of p...

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born to Cybele on a golden cloud
he appeared in a flash of lightning
carrying Prometheus on his back. 
his footsteps left luminous tracks
a blazing trail of prints 
& ground breaking indents
cementing his path through the sands of time.

when the bearded man spoke or wrote 
his words formed waves
blown by the west wind
& the sleeping dead woke
drinking his poems as an antidote
from a ...

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How do you cope with being alone?

I don’t.

How do you love when you don’t love yourself?

I don’t.

How do you open up to people you know?

I don’t.

How do you handle being left?

I don’t.

How do you give when there’s nothing to give?

I don’t.

Well you must think about your life and friends?

I don’t.

Do you think in the future you can do better?

I don’t.

I’m s...

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I wanna talk about what kids go through

Broken door frames, busted light shades and spider cracks in the windows

I wanna give some clarity on these events

Woken up from sleep if you even slept, alcohol on the breath, eyes bloodshot, blank and brow full of sweat

Its probably the funny guy in class, class clown of the school

6 hours before class he was woken up and 3 hours of that he ...

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Move on / Build a Better You

Time moves forward
It never turns back
So why do we spend so much time
Stuck living in the past
Mistakes are only natural
Issues and problems to resolve
Without mistakes, problems and issues
We never would evolve
So try and be more positive
There’s nothing left to lose
The world is at your feet
Just walk the path you choose
Hold your head up high
There’...

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what is it I’m trying to do here?

“your poetry is beautiful”

“you should be proud of yourself”

If only I never hid away.

If only I was still 7,

then it would be acceptable.

If I had opened up back then,

I would have had people falling over themselves

to make me feel better.

But I’m a grown ass man now.

and no amount of complaining will do a da...

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The question I never stop asking.

What exactly is and isn’t within my control?

The question I will never answer.

Is my fate my own?

Is destiny, a reality?

I am in control of my actions,

at least in theory.

My work ethic is mine to command,

that's the rumor anyway.

But if I were to get up and do,

would it make any difference?

I feel so exhausted from ...

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My eyes are shut

my brains going wild

That feeling in my gut

Makes me want to be a child

I think back to yesterday

It was the very same 

I wish it would go away 

In the end I’m all to blame

My heart beats too fast

As the clock turns nine 

I’m giving today a pass

But I’ll be out of line 

Where’s the fresh start 

The one I dream about 

Even th...

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Fighting a hundred battles, every damn single day
unable to help myself, with no one around who can aid.
Battling these invisible demons, but falling down each time
wondering how others can cope like this, or appear completely fine.
Twenty-Four years pass on and on, before they catch the cause
but it turns out that I'm not at fault, for all of my many flaws.
Today my struggles are validated,...

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You cannot change the world,

but you may be able to be an

influence in someones world.

The world is wild and unruly.

Chaotic in nature. But you

can make  a difference each

moment to feel into its texture

with your touch. It won’t be much,

but maybe it is just enough.

it is all you can do in the face

of the storm that matters.

Live it. Live it for those who can...

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(For the girl who haunts my dreams still)

Dear Daddy,

Not that you'd care, but

All that I wanted 

was to make you proud

But, I was too stupid

Too fat

Too loud

All you ever did 

was bring me down

I was your scar

Your permanent frown

I was your verbal punchbag

In your whiskey fuelled state

Never felt like your child 

Just a vess...

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CUTS

When I think of her I think of scars.

She told me when she touches them they remind her of the cuts;

of how the cuts made her feel,

“it’s a purge”, she said, “a sense of being real".

She spoke to me with honesty of the incremental cost

of destroying the things she held so dear

now irretrievably lost.

Of how, through her inner turmoil,

she could meet the gi...

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a chocolate Santa Claus

a piece of motivation

a piece of dedication

a piece of dictation

mission failed

a piece of self hate

a piece of failure

a piece of disappointment

a piece of weakness

cancelled mission

new year, new start

mission restarted

self-hate

lose weight

goals you have to achieve

goals you can't achieve

goals you must proceed

con...

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