Bury me in the sand

Of my favorite beach

Let the ocean breeze

Carry me to a place

Where I feel at peace

I don't know

The exact point

Where things went South

But it was not my intention

To hurt you

I love you

I wish you could see that

One day

We will meet again

And we will be happy

And there will be no end

My dad asked me

To come hom...

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I sleep when the stars forget to shine,
Eyes wide open, scrolling time.
2AM — my haunted hour,
Where silence hums with quiet power.

One night, the mirror caught me off-guard,
No angles, no edits, just me — hard.
Muscles softened, edges blurred,
A body I knew, now slightly slurred.

Flesh where firmness used to cling,
Like my strength got up and left in spring.
No tears, just a stare t...

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A life had my thoughts, ephemeral and bright!

Coursing thru’ the skies, in a shimmering light.

                    And time reached out, in a glorious embrace;

                    Rushing me breathless, through empty space.

When the memories came, unbidden but true;

From the nether mind the feelings broke thru’.

                    Some moments to rejoice, some sharp agony.

  ...

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My words emerge
from a desolate city 
that the kindly night welcomes
and in it they find their dwelling place

Words of enchantment 
never tire of sailing,
randomly searching for white clouds
or the fury of the sea

Words that beg spring
to bring peace instead of war
and write a song of forgiveness,
justice, freedom and most of all
an ode to love

Loose they go from flight to fligh...

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i find myself texting you late at night

until you block me i’ll keep on coming back

wish i was only here out of spite

but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack

i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance 

however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind

and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance 

so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...

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Lightening burns and strains my mind

Freezes my thoughts like a photo

Open to think again

Alive again to life ever after 

For now at least

Lifting me from depressions hungry jaw

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Looking for some poem to plagiarise

Pretend I made it up before your eyes

Got to be profound with deepest meaning

Tell you that it all came through dreaming

Or through transcendental meditation

Perhaps even via drugs or medication

Still I cannot seem to find rhyme or reason

Is adapting one of my own poems treason?

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You don't need to be Perfect,

You don't need to be the Best,

Just a Better version of Yourself,

Every Single Day...

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What's the point of dreaming
If I'm not sleeping
What's the point of my legs
If I'm not walking

What's the point of my imagination
If I'm not thinking
And what's the point of my eyes
If I'm not seeing

What's the point of those words
That my heart is writing
What's the point of those feelings
That my soul is screaming

What's the point of everything
When only me is here
And what'...

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Made arrangements to go away for my anniversary

Which then did render a thought

Does my wife really enjoy vacationing with me

Or am I her last resort

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Expressions of Love: Part VI

Title: Time

Time flows by
Like the silky fabric
Of her dress
Each ticking second
A slight touch 
Each ticking minute
A flowing twist
Each ticking hour
A small rustle
The fabric of time
Is the fabric of her dress

-Jaxy

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The truth you’ve hid beneath the ocean,

Never has come in sights of the pirates above,

They claim the seas not knowing what you hid below,

Roaring around with treasures from the above,

Just not knowing me deep below,

Has led broken connections between them and me,

Time passes, kingdom rises,

The ocean is forgotten,

But they were nothing close to it,

...

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I spend sleepless nights
Rehearsing the
Bold confident smile
Which lasts
Only
Till I glance at
The palm of my hand
Engraved
With a list of
Insecurities.  

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A ragged boy
Picking up garbage
A malnourished girl
Carrying around
Her brother
A family of five
With patched up clothes
Lonlely old man
Sipping on a cigar
Group of workers
Doing manual labor

A smile
Caught on Camera
Doesn't prove a thing
A smile
Frozen on a
Framed photograph
Doesn't convey the truth

They may not have everything
But they are the happiest
-The world's best l...

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Slowly slowly,

A cynical way of crying calls for silence.

Tears become unconventional objects

that could be wiped off from my cheeks

and wiped back on clothes,

until the wet leaves no mark of existence.

Hush-hush,

The pain would go away

and vanish with no trace,

as though it is meant to remain unknown.

By then, all will be well, and the scars shall

thrive in preten...

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Life

Life's great ambition 

Is merely

To survive itself 

Society 

I am not 

what I am

So I am

what I'm not

Former land of the free

Every great civilisation 

Consumes itself from the inside out, eventually 

Welcome to the genesis of Gilead!

Time Less

The mind is a time machine 

…Until it's broken

Then memories lay do...

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Just leave me alone and let me find peace
I don't want to hurt
I don't want to weep
Who’s are the voices inside my head?
Why do they hate me? 
What have I said?
Why let them get to me?
What do I say?
Why can’t I make them all just go away?
Why do I feel I have to paint on a smile?
Why can’t I just be ‘me’ for a while?
These are the questions I’m asking each day
The voices, the demons I...

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Charade

Is my confusion an illusion
Is my mind just playing games
All the demons and the monsters
Quick enough to lay the blame
Many questions left unanswered
And many answers make no sense
My only coping mechanism
Is self destruction or self defense
On the outside I may look happy
But I’m crumbling inside
All the feelings and emotions
Just so much easier to hide
If the lock could b...

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Walking to the station lost in thoughts.

A useless collection of ideas and emotions swirl around me,

and I gradually tune out even those.

Leaving a vague existence between aware and asleep.

Time and life drift by and it’s a comfortable place.

Easy

Lazy

Safe

Too Easy.

Arriving at a destination without knowing anything of the time in-between.

That time.  Gone.

W...

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a chocolate Santa Claus

a piece of motivation

a piece of dedication

a piece of dictation

mission failed

a piece of self hate

a piece of failure

a piece of disappointment

a piece of weakness

cancelled mission

new year, new start

mission restarted

self-hate

lose weight

goals you have to achieve

goals you can't achieve

goals you must proceed

con...

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Congress of mind
Legislative limb of this body of reason
Billions of cells cry out to be heard
Elected by instinct, opinions thus interred
Reach past the dirt that covers
Break out of silence's somnolent sequester
come back
come home
Eyes no longer lost in wandering lament
nor sight sight veiled by cataracts of mal intent
Turn back your gaze to whats outside
The sun's caress sure to abi...

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waiting for the first snowflakes

leaves

red, yellow, and orange

have long since gone

grass has turned brown

frost has covered the land

afternoon sun is low

in the southern sky

geese have flown

in the blue heavens

south for winter food

squirrels gathered

nuts and stored

them in their nest high in the trees

next-door nei...

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Fate comes, though we see it not
Time treads onward, however we dig in our heels
Vigilance toward one threat leads to negligence of another,
and the cruel limits of mortality aren't shy in their reminder
It is this ceaseless grasping at what can only slip through our fingers,
this continued effort at being or creating something which stands outside time that withers our hearts so.
Desire and...

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A seed nurtured, spreading roots in this tainted ground
the only hope for my salvation
In 200 years, I tell myself,
this ancient oak could look back on rough beginnings
and trace each struggle and stubborn victory
in growth ring spirals and gnarled bark
roots reached down, as if to foil fate
and anchored tight against the wind that merely tousles
mighty leaves
or so I tell myself
a sprou...

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Existence
"The state of living, or having objective reality"
Living is Existence
What is Existence
Not the ice sculpture
Not the photo shopped, picture perfect version plastered on the smuck white dictionary pages
What is it to you
Existence is I, composing these words so exact and sharp as the silence sliding off the snake's tongue
As it is to you, as your eyes dissect each letter and sti...

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For those I’ve lost, those I’ve left, those I hurt and all those I walked by leaving the potential of future loves forever spinning in the realm of might have been.

How do you measure the value of a life?
Day by day meticulously noting defeats and victories
Tallying the binary source code of your programmed life?
Or is value found in the flavor of the moment?
The act of following an arbitra...

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I stargaze in my own room,
with thought of holding you.

The melody of songs I don't know,
make me wonder what there is to behold.
With a gentle laugh,
I stand starstruck by your words.

Like a child I stand below it all,
seeing colour that aren't letting you go,
as the stars paint a portrait of your smile,
I am caught stargazing in my own room.

And the sky turns back to white,
as t...

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inside of you,

that constant voice

knows you better 

than anyone else.

she’s been there

when no one else was.

she knows she’ll never

steer you wrong.

she’ll direct you forward, 

& retract you 

from uncomfortable situations.

no matter if they say otherwise, 

listen to her.

friends know a side of you,

your lover knows another,

but she knows...

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looming at me she's smiling

swerving to keep her at bay

I crossed double white lines

after that things went grey

waking in her brawny arms

she whispers words of love

how we were fated to meet

the way we fit hand in glove

concussion raddling my mind

my brain limps in reverse gear

random thoughts flit like fleas

one above all else, naken fear

valeti...

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No lofty dreams to weave..
No grand conquests to achieve..
Just a little nod of admission..
Just a little promise to keep.....

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my mind is a maze

a dark labyrinth

a closed trap

my thoughts run around like scared mice

they’re squeaking and scampering

and running around in a craze

delusional, one might say

loud and quiet and fast

they’re mad and shy and cry

but only because they’re terrified

they just want to be saved, to be heard

but my mouth doesn’t open

doesn’t say a word

it’s weak a...

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A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts

Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.

I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.

You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
B...

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We all have thoughts

They're in our heads

During the day or when

We take to our beds

But where do thoughts go

When we're brown bread?

Do they expire when we do

Or emigrate instead?

Do orphaned thoughts stray

Seeking a new home?

Is the air alive with ideas?

Does a corps of notions roam?

And is that where poetry begins?

Idling like taxis, do rhym...

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Thoughts..

Thoughts are funny 

Thoughts are freaky 

Thoughts bring pain

Thoughts bring gain 

Neither here neither there 

All we think we bring to bare 

My thoughts 

Her thoughts 

Your thoughts 

His thoughts

Thoughts we share

Thoughts we cannot bare 

Though you do not say, your thoughts they always find there way

Good thoughts bad thoughts 

All day we fi...

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Two lone souls 

believing they stand out in the crowd

do they really

or are they the same as everyone around

they feel like they're special, profound

no one must feel the same

but they do,

they all want to be loved

they're all searching for the one

Yet there isn't only one for you

there are quite a few

as they've slowly come in and out of view

this one here...

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The seeker seeks, the searcher finds,

    The adventurer travels around his own mind.

The winds that blow and storms that shout, 

    and rock both tree and bush about.

The wanderer carries a burning torch,

    To light his way with no remorse.

No solice does a watcher find,

    when seeking troubles in his own mind.

Cold hearts grow, lone spirits become strong,

    and ...

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That scenic chorus paints pride blended tears

as suspended droplets thrum euphoria

those watchers notice, its nuance foreign.

They’ve never heeded- never recognised

the harmony befriending delicate words

that welcomed wrung emotions on inches.

rare colloquial feelings pouring traces

left to the table.

The playing record that tugs at my arm

to appear closer, pulling at ...

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Do you ever feel like you're the protagonist of a book?

Where the ending is constantly being rewritten and you're just waiting for the day that it's finally gone through all the edits and gets published?

But what happens if it's a novel that has 7 parts?

You might never even get to read the last written words or get to the final chapter of what you thought was your

"perfect ending."

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Our states of mind are like different rooms.
Some of wonder. Some of gloom.
We go out of one and in another.
Each one is different to the other.

We know not what we'll find inside.
And we might wish to try and hide.
Some rooms be dark. Some rooms be light.
Some be with joy and some with fright.

Each one may contain certain rules.
With different objects and different tools.
With chall...

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dangerous minded

cant forget all the things that happened, im constantly reminded

tramatizing pictures in my head

the doctors got worried so they put me on some meds

because i couldnt deal with my mental

derailing and my thoughts became detramental

i couldnt handle my life anymore

couldnt stop the impulses before...

it was too late, theres drugs involved, using them i thoug...

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Vulnerable

I know that no one really cares

If those people that they stare at

Really live it die or roam the streets

Wondering if there lives are nothing

Like the ones that “normal” people

live, but I am one who cares for those

Ego less souls who feel more than

Those who think they are more

Do not make me make you see

Those who you think are less

Because you w...

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The way I write…
I brainstorm twenty titles
words or phrases
that sound good to me
that subconsciously
already feel like parts of me
then I refine them
and refine them
pile them up around my feet

And when I’m in the mood to write
I’ll either start writing
(with aim or aimlessly)
until I get stuck
then I grab a title
work it in the lock
release whatever’s hidden
(and it feels good...

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 Our thoughts are squat frogs sploshing around in the foggy marsh of our minds. A croak here, a croak there, then they disappear into murkiness plopping up later, random and undetermined to splosh and croak some more.

Oh! that they were leaping salmon heading up through swirls and rocky torrents, progressing against currents and foam; the fish and river sparkling in the sun. Achieving at last ...

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Thought ought to be,

Pure, precise and princely.

Sadly, mostly,

It's a battered ball, but, bit, batted about,

Deformed - to conform - to today's haze.

Thus, inevitably, it's always somewhat crazed.

But still, thought ought to be.

So let me leave you with this one:

Where do yours come from?

A Definition

To think is

To sink into,

To link into,

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I wish the abyss would stop looking back at me.
I look in the mirror and I swear that's all I see.
Not a monster but a void I cant escape.
I was born with a heart but it seems mishaped.

Someday I swear I'm going to leave this place.
Find my way to the light that people praise.
But for now I think it's better if I hang my head.
Bite my tongue and drink until I just forget.

I don't know ...

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Hold me while I fall apart

the little things I say as we sit by the waterside 

my memories start to slip away like the waves up on the bay 

 what is he who comes to my side?

all the bad things start to fade away 

take it away I say as he holds my hands

broken dreams, making plans 

hold me I’m falling apart

this feeling surely cannot last by the waterside  

JC

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Translation of my Arabic Poem (“The Choice”) 

Who, in the World, chooses his birth? 
Who chooses his family and children? 
Who chooses his fate and country? 
Who chooses the time to go to heaven? 

But it is possible to choose our day 
To sincerely care about family and work 
This will be the first right step to our future 
To achieve our goals while we're alive 

Your name and countr...

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Happiness, in hands for you.

If you decided, not to be sad.

As a cup of water, to drink.

To clean your thoughts, to be glad.

Sadness, does not need to broach.

It always knocks, worried heart.

But Happiness, with a golden coach.

Asks, to ride happiness cart.

The Brain is yours, “to make use”.

Positively, think of your own.

Feel your value, never abuse.

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Part of my disorder

is that consistancy isn't real

every day is a wave that I am forced to ride

I want to grab each day by the horns

I don't want to be on a ride anymore

I want to be the driver

I want to set the pace of my days 

I will see a time where this is my present

and not just a fantasy

I will have control over my life

one day

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As I rush to the future the past hangs on

 like a long day on a summer day. The need for self endulgenment urges to keep going. Dont look back it say as a rush of memories go by . Times up it says.

 The outside is not connected with the

 inside and they are separated by decades of urgency . So much to change so much to do. so much to make up for with no energy to move ... 

rush rush! t...

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