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What were they like?

They were the deciding factor

Of a good or bad day

Of whether I was okay

If we were okay

 

They could change my mood

Stop me in my tracks

Jumble my mind

Blind me from the truth

 

Like heroin

I was their addict

Ephemeral pleasure

Everlasting poison

 

By the end

I was weak

Lost

Stripped of all identity

 

And they appeared

In my dreams

...

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closureExeslost loveMoving forwardmoving on

Spit of Life

Do you remember how we used to savour the pins and needles on our tongues?

Do you remember how we used to bite into bitterness?

lick the spit of life

I was turned on by brokenness

maybe it’s cliche

that I craved pain

swallowing broken bottles

it's lined my pockets

it's swollen my stomach

Do you remember when we saw ‘sad’ as just another crayon

to colour ourselves in w...

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break updepressiongetting betterhopemoving onpainsadism

Broken Bottles

It shattered across the floor

I knew this was coming, it was no surprise

I couldn’t take it anymore

Oh, the fire in his eyes

 

His hand against my neck

His breath against my cheek

I pulled away hoping not to wreck

Yet his presence felt so meek

 

The way he talked to me

The way he spat on the ground

The way he grabbed my knee;

It had me all turned around

 

...

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alcohol abusemoving onsexual assault

When I Knew I Deserved Better Than You

the day i faked saying i love you was the day i put myself above you. the day i realized i didn't want you anymore was the day i finally was able to kick you out and bolt lock that door. i don't know what exactly lead me to this point of closure, i think maybe i had just regained my confidence and composure. by you, i was left alone.. your whereabouts most nights were unknown, and you made sure to...

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better not bittercruz 2017moving onstep forward

What We Leave Behind (and what we take)

You told me I was worthy of more, but always convinced me to stay

 

But today

Today I leave our bedroom the way it was left this morning 

Cushions and pillows adorning the bed 

we chose for this life together 

A shared bathroom that won't be shared anymore 

Two shelves, one mostly empty 

A walk in wardrobe, filled once with fabric that clothed us

Only now it is bare with...

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forgettinggiving upleavingmoving on

A list of this years things

entry picture

A sodden amygdala,

stagnant as dead liver.

Clogged by memories magma,

too stubborn to deliver.

 

Stuck inside, unfiltered.

A husbands punch,

a child's last breath.

The liquid lunch

to quench the death.

 

The heroin friends

who met common ends,

their purple faces

filled the lens.

 

The thunderous rain of dust

that came blinding in the night,

has...

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AmygdalaMemoriesMoving onProcessing traumaPTSD

Farewell Serpentine

Circling the water
one final evening
I catch sight of my reflection
see those lines forming
writ across my brow
so I roll my head in ink
kiss the page…

Soon, we’ll be quietly leaving
no longer anchored in Zone Two
swaddled by the Thames
for an unknown pause we’re going now
The shapeless mess of time approaches
with me, desperately
clawing at relief lines
to understand what gradient
...

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goodbyeleavinglondonmoving on

Storm Chasers

Tyre tracks on dirt roads
storm chasers
looking for the eye
or something on the other side

Peddle kisses the floor
world whips past the window
tearing up the old road
headed North, searching for more

We were happy here
(eventually)
but could there be greater happiness
elsewhere
storm is a chorus
always another verse 
on the other side…

In some mad way
we’re headed for a great...

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movingmoving citiesmoving housemoving on

Chapter 14:Her

entry picture

How’ve you been? Can I stay here for a bit?

I thought we could sit here and talk for hours

About how we used to be so in love

And all of the things we were going to do.

 

I can feel you in my heart

It’s beating out of time

This love used to be our home

But it’s time for us to move on

 

It's been hard for me sleep

And my senses are not functioning right

But I'm g...

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lovemoving on

Delicate Love-

Delicate Love

 

            Moving day; a time of excitement, worry and letting go. My baby girl has finished college, married the man of her dreams and is beginning a new chapter in her life.  The van left an hour ago and on a whim I went to the attic to make sure she had everything. I glanced around and tucked in the corner the words “china” in girlish writing popped out at me.

        ...

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inspirationlovememoriesmoving on

Chapter 23: Stars Are Humans With The Spark

entry picture

Standing over your grave
Remembering the good times that we had 
Times when you were still here 
But now they are just sweet memories in my head.

The pain is creeping up again 
But I won't let it bring me down 
I can't raise the dead 
But you're still alive in my heart.

Putting roses against your name
With tears leaving my face 
Couldn't see through your point of view 
Too angry to see ...

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moving onRebels

Moving On

entry picture

Moving On

staring through the window
at that dark and dismal place
where shadows danced and jittered
and a stranger had my face
I was shocked, but not surprised, to find
my future hopes would never last
if I stayed gazing in the mirror
and obsessing with the past

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leaving past behindlooking backlooking forwardmoving onnew start

Each Branch I Snap

 

each branch I snap spills
accusations of every broken neck I ever wished
so out of politeness I bow my head
to show the dotted line,
the hemp tattooed severance knot;
that grace, which allows my hands
such time to forsake the face
of saved history
when everyday swings
the way of an ending that wont be changed
the grass, as always, redder
on that...

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ageingbitternessjealousymalicemissed opportunitiesMoving onregretresignationresistance

Gotta Keep On

.


Gotta keep on moving,
keep on travelling...
keep one foot ahead of the other
like a race that has no winner.

Then I shall outrun my tears and leave all my fears

the wind before me, then behind me.
Ridding me of moistness, passed my ears.
Gotta get going, to keep from falling....
keep this foot in front, then the next.
 

 



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