When I Knew I Deserved Better Than You
the day i faked saying i love you was the day i put myself above you. the day i realized i didn't want you anymore was the day i finally was able to kick you out and bolt lock that door. i don't know what exactly lead me to this point of closure, i think maybe i had just regained my confidence and composure. by you, i was left alone.. your whereabouts most nights were unknown, and you made sure to not pick up the phone. picturing different girls on your dick, the thought of it made me sick... when you would return, you promised you'd change, but you'd never learn... i cried to you about my fears, and you held me close, kissed all my tears.. said you'd love me for years. but after we made love, and you sobered up, back to those hoes you'd go - or to wherever, i don't know.. just to go out with the bros.. so whenever you stayed gone, i'd hit up Kyle Justin and John... trying to forget your name on my brain with one of those, but i couldn't go through with it, i'd just feel gross.. better alone, i suppose. so whenever you were out, i worried less - and for me, i did stuff more.. not worried about no whore, by worthy dudes i was noticed more.. of myself, slowly i became sure. i saw that you didn't deserve my love, and i saw then, grown men? yes, there were plenty of.. who would go out and fight for my love. there were others deserving of, including MYSELF - you never earned my love, i just gave it out to you who never got past first LUST.. so i got out of your stupid fuckboy cycle, and maybe give a chance to some dude named Michael - and i finally loved all of me, or at least started working on what could be.. because between you and me, i should've never given my love out for free, to someone who broken every inch of my being.. i saw finally what everyone else was seeing.. so this not me running, and not fleeing, i'm just stepping up and moving on. i'm just loving myself, no longer stepped on.