Limerick (Remove filter)


If I am correctly concluding

Today Caledonions are brooding

‘Cause there’s no party peeps

Getting tatties and neeps

With much-vaunted sheep’s offal pudding

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First Jab

At last I have hope of salvation

I’ve now had my first vaccination

So I’ll wait in the queue

Till the second one’s due

While planning a Spanish vacation

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Well the world news of late has been crap

With disasters all over the map

Why can’t we call pax

And simply chillax

With a nice drop of something on tap

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Time Between Jabs

They’ve extended the time between jabs

Though it’s never been tested in labs

So I guess it’s a guess

We must hope for success

And immunity’s still up for grabs

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He’s hummed and he’s ha’ed and he’s hedged

With calumnies falsely alleged

But it’s time I believe

He should pack up and leave

His legacy surely guilt-edged

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There once was a billionaire

Who tweeted: 'I just don't care

Folks think I'm odd

But I am a god

And I love my orange hair!'

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The Gift (Limerick)

The Gift  (Limerick)

At the end of a trip to Tibet

I brought home for my daughter a pet

"You fool," said her Mamma

"She asked for a 'LLAMA'

You're short of one 'L' I regret."

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Mutual Admiration

Your dandruffed head which once was fair

Your sweaty armpits clogged with hair

Those sagging tits that touch your knees

That fluff-filled navel full of fleas

God ! you're sexy when you're bare.


And you my love are perfect man

Your dentures even have a tan

And though your willy's lost its zing

Eventually it still goes in

You're HOT........come take me while you can.


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AdmirationHotPerfect ManSexyHumourLimerick

My neighbour had a fluffy cat.


My neighbour had a fluffy cat

Cold, aloof and very fat

Now it's dead; her little Clover

Driving home I ran it over

Looks much better now it's flat !

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Morning Glory

Morning Glory

I woke up with a girl in my bed

It stunned me so here's what I said:

"My god you're attractive

are you sexually active?"

She replied, "Are you right in the head?"


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Time To Diet

We’ve got through the seasonal cheer

Well stuffed with roast turkey and beer

But the poor bathroom scales

Now just greet us with wails

And hide when we try to come near

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My fingers and toes are all froze

And icicles hang from my nose

This winter’s a curse

Please send for a nurse

To warm me beneath the bedclothes

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Christmas Is Coming

They tell me that Christmas is coming

And those dozen drummers are drumming

But the pipers I think

Have had too much to drink

And their conduct’s become unbecoming

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Keeping Warm

It’s time that the story was told

How passion that night took a hold

There was snow all around

But they happily found

Not everything shrinks when it’s cold


The temperature dropped through the night

But they were so filled with delight

That they did it again

And again and again

And once more before it was light

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Poetry mix


Time goes on

The world does too

Our Nature grows and dies

Our technology expands and flies

We manifest and destroy

To make ends meet

Even with passing days

We forget about the increasing heat

Or the decreasing ice sheets

Nothing seems important

To global tyrants and corporations

But money and power

At the cost of decreasing our showers

We accept it whic...

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How Ireland Spoilt The Grand Slam Party

When England played our boys in green

In Dublin the teams did convene

They huffed and they puffed

But got roundly stuffed

With nine points to Ireland’s thirteen

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Reality TV

I really do not want to see

Those reality shows on TV;

They just make me yawn,

I wish they were gone,

There’s movies I’d much rather see.

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Last night I set out to make curry

But was in a bit of a hurry

I know it sounds silly

To double the chilli

Now there’s somewhere else I must scurry!

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There Was a Red Leader Called Corbyn

There was a Red leader called Corbyn,
Beset by Blairites a-squablin’,
Despite overwhelming support,
Unelectable they thought,
They’d rather have Thatcher over him.

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U.K.politicssatirelimerickLabour PartyJeremy Corbyn

All Hail Bold Etonian Boris

All hail bold Etonian Boris,
Whose exploits sent up quite a chorus,
To prove Europe was dead,
He swung down by his head,
Into the seat of Foreign Office.

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PoliticssatirelimerickBoris JohnsonBrexitEU

There was a Young Man from Kyoto

There was a young man from Kyoto,
who was awfully fond of a photo,
when he saw a kimono,
his eyesight went mono,
and now a kimono’s a no-no.

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A Slightly Dirty Limerick

This traveler was out of luck

The other car oh it was struck

She said it was my fault

Her I wanted to assault

But my thought YOU YOURSELF CAN GO FU**


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A Clean Limerick











There was a black cat on a grave

He did not want to misbehave

He was abandoned there

And it was just not fair

But then he attended the Zombie Rave





This Limerick was inspired
by "Limerick Friday"/Facebook

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Limerickcleanfunny poem


Gone are my forget-me-nots,

All my sweet-peas replaced with shallots;

And a marrow now grows

Where there once was a rose;

Could it be a vegetable plot?

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