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how do you see me?

I want to know haw you see me

Do you see my stomach at first is that how you see me

or is the little bit of fat on my chin is that how you see me

Is it my thighs is that what you first see of me

my chubby face is that what is seen of me

is it every crease that i spend hours of my day staring at, is that the part you see

in my eyes thats all i can see of me 

and i need to know ...

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bodyflawsinsecurityperceptionsee

Half of the World

entry picture

sometimes I feel so frustrated

That I can't find the words for my feelings

That I feel like I'm such a fraud

And I contradict myself

and try to rewrite everything with rhyme

or look for your validation, your approval of my soul

my stanzas and my gibberish: the wannabe Allen Ginsberg-like howl sounds more like a pathetic whimper

a lack of vocabulary enmeshed in gross erroneous ...

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Allen GinsbergEnglishfrustrationinsecuritypoetryvulnerable

Creativity Costs

You are enough. 

Insecurity or 

grandiose confidence 

isn’t necessary. 

Doubt, distraction, 

procrastination, fear, 

impostor syndrome,

borderline lunacy... 

are costs of the 

creative process.

Keep creating 

through it all.

But, then again,

what do I know.

https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI

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artconfidencecreativityinsecuritymusicpoetryprocrastinationwriting

Invisible

~I'm the thin layer of ice that forms on paved surfaces
A slippery slope that can lead to ones demise if ignored
But you ignore me anyway, because I'm seemingly harmless
I don't think the camouflage I wear every waking day helps
It's a proactive measure I guess
You see right through me
Like I'm made of glass
I'm fragile, but you throw the stones anyway
Don't you know shards are deadly?~

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feelinginsecurityInvisible

Some people just don't know how to enjoy being sick...

entry picture

Not thinking is fun

It makes me a bum

I like to be a bum

A bum having fun

Not thinking

 

Ergh, oooh, errr, umhrm

I'm not mad

Because I don't care

The world spins

Money is spent

The world has a dent

I do not care

 

You're only in trouble if you think you are

You're only a failure if you think you are

 

I'm gonna think I'm in the clouds

Watching ...

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amiInsecurityokskystars

Sideways

Sadness follows the ends of my hands,

Gravel broken sideways. 

 

Finish the beginning to confirm the edges,

Shadows digging deeper.

 

The bridge built for the followers,

Leans forward,

Above that brittle and cold creek.

 

Water fills holes to drown the children,

Your gasps unending,

A quiet end on the side of relief and tranquility.

 

Following the bitter ...

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deathdisappointmentfearhopelessinsecuritySadness

Narcissistic Lullabies

In the great winter night,

Opened skies scream to the willowed avalanches,

Where the people die mourning their loved ones.

 

Leaves didn’t fall that afternoon in december,

Nor did the bodies strung up on the desert floor,

Sand seeps into wounds and makes the blind cry for their mothers,

 

Fashioned in a new way to see the world go round,

I opened fantasy and mirror alike...

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AngerInsecurityMovementNarcissismSelf-Hate

'Small dick syndrome'

So I feel like I've uncovered my own rendition of a super hero power 

When I meet a man I can estimate his dick size within an hour

So this may seem a little seedy, a bit sleezy, but when a man overcompensates with money why does he think it will impress me 

 

One guy on a night out handed me his credit card and told me to drink as much as I dare at his expense 

I politely declined ...

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consentcontrolinequalityinsecurityjealousyloveMenpenistrustwomen

Second best

I'm tired of being second best 

I'm tired of being the one the world rejects

The husband wanted more so he went with the bridesmaid 

& even back in primary I never got picked for the school play

 

Second best is a journey of progression 

Always so close to the prize but then comes life's hard lessons 

It seems no matter how much you want it and no matter how hard you try 

T...

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betrayalcompassionfearfutureheartbreakhopeinsecuritylifelovemoralsquestionsrejectionSecondbestspiritualityUnknown

Cracks

Cracks. 
Subtle and nearly invisible at first, 
slowly crawling over my skin, 
forming fractols of scars. 
Suffocating, 
entrapping me inside my own body, 
crushed under the broken glass
penetrating through every inch of exposed skin, 
deepening with every thought unsaid, 
every night of comfort you missed, 
every casual remark you passed. 
My silent screams ring in my ears 
waiting to...

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anxietyimperfectionsinsecurity

Self reflection.

I used to think writing was an escape, 

But i now realize that it has never been anything more than a device to feed into every word that I use to bring the emotional drain that is my heart and mind to a story between the paper and ink. 

It seems that the lights flickering above me have more meaning, 

At the age of seven, I was told the truth as to where my father was and why i never hear...

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AnxietyDepressioninsecurity

Layers

I’m gonna be so pretty for you,

She says

As one layer falls off and tumbles to the ground -

Hugging your feet

Like a lash of waves.

I’m gonna be so pretty for you,

Let me be pretty for you,

I will be the prettiest I’ve ever been,

She says

As one layer of flesh peels off, along with her clothes.

One layer of soft lips melts from her features -

Layers and layers till...

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beautydestructiongenderhumaninsecuritylayerssexsubconsciousunconsciousunravelling

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