Poetry Blogs (Humour)

Jungle Breath

she just woke up with jungle breath

lianas swaying left and right

screeching yellow monkeys

had been swinging through her night

the tigers eye and serpents glare

snuck past teeth and tongue

leaving there a fragrance

that quite resembled dung

crocs lay in waiting

in lakes of rippled spittle

and down along the waterfall

the lips d...

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Word-Twicester

Tommy Licester went to Bicester
To see Sally, his little sicester
But on her door was a note
That Sally had wrote-
It seemed that Tommy had just micester

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No laughing matter

This is the tale of a dirty old geezer
Who tried so ‘hard’ but never pleased her

Well, he caught a cold one day,
And almost sneezed his dick away.

He sneezed on poor old Daffney Goff
Who almost cut his dick right off.

She gripped the sheets hard for awhile

Which made the old man grin and smile

Until his sneeze took its toll
Which ke...

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Hey, let me stop a cyclone!
It may knock down my kingdom
made of my own 
convictions, 
beliefs, 
thoughts, 
ideas, 
powers, 
establishments, 
and most importantly, 
my dear ego, 
everything of my own, 
my life, 
my rules. 

Please help me stop it,
lest it shouldn't pave the way
for a new creation 
where, I'm afraid, 
what if I couldn't be a centre? 

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A laughing Parrott ate a carrot as
an Elephant climbed up a tree,
he was chased by a Mouse who wore a Pink blouse and liked to swim in the Sea,
A Lion passed by who flew his kite in the sky while singing to two dancing Llamas, 
and a juggling Giraffe was taking a bath while wearing his woolly Pyjamas! 

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Who is there
ringing my door bell
since half an hour?

I don't have time
to attend you 
and your ballad. 

Rather, I don't like
to pay attention 
to something smarter. 

Oh, I may like you
if you'll chat with me 
on groceries and vegetables, 

but I can't spare 
my precious time 
upon intellectual matters! 

Please, don't judge me
for my knowledge 
beyond ignorance. 

If yo...

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A pig went quack with a Monkey on his back while watching an Elephant juggle,
a Tiger passing by in his plane was flying high and a laughing Rhino started blowing bubbles,
a Gorilla started baking the pie that he'd been making as a Billy Goat was brushing his hair,
and a Crocodile was painting a Zebra who was skating while eating a big ripe juicy pear!

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A Monkey wore pink lipstick
as he laughed and baked a cake
and was followed round the kitchen by a disco dancing snake, 
they were joined by a Rhino who was wearing underpants, shuffling his bum and joining in the dance,
then there came a Chicken who was roaring like a bear as and a skateboarding Elephant with long curly hair. 

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People must not cough near you

they must cough far away

If you hear someone coming

Tell them to...

FAR COUGH ! 

           Po.   24/03/2020

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Size Matters!

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

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A 'Valued' Friend!

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

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The Trouble With Nuts!

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

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Not So White 

Little Snow White's daddy died 
Pretty girl cried and cried
Wicked Queen an ugly old tart 
Sent huntsman to take her heart

Huntsman took Snow for a ride 
But felt ever so guilty inside
Snow looked up and made her plea Huntsman said, ‘Go now! Be free’

He took his knife; he lit a cig 
Then cut heart out of a pig
Snow White ran he felt good 
She tripped over piece of wo...

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