Poetry Blogs (humour)
I thought I'd add a quick note, with this being my first blog entry.
I specalise in poems of extreme gormlessness, and wrote my first one after getting into John Cooper Clarke back in 1991. A few years later, in 1993, I saw JCC live in my hometown of exotic Bolton, supported by the legendary Hovis Presley. I enjoyed his set as much as JCC's, and bought a copy of his book, Poetic Off-...
Thursday 8th October 2020 9:32 pm
she just woke up with jungle breath
lianas swaying left and right
screeching yellow monkeys
had been swinging through her night
the tigers eye and serpents glare
snuck past teeth and tongue
leaving there a fragrance
that quite resembled dung
crocs lay in waiting
in lakes of rippled spittle
and down along the waterfall
the lips d...
Tuesday 28th July 2020 2:02 pm
Tommy Licester went to Bicester
To see Sally, his little sicester
But on her door was a note
That Sally had wrote-
It seemed that Tommy had just micester
Saturday 11th July 2020 1:19 pm
No laughing matter
This is the tale of a dirty old geezer
Who tried so ‘hard’ but never pleased her
Well, he caught a cold one day,
And almost sneezed his dick away.
He sneezed on poor old Daffney Goff
Who almost cut his dick right off.
She gripped the sheets hard for awhile
Which made the old man grin and smile
Until his sneeze took its toll
Tuesday 7th July 2020 9:05 pm
Hey, let me stop a cyclone!
It may knock down my kingdom
made of my own
and most importantly,
my dear ego,
everything of my own,
Please help me stop it,
lest it shouldn't pave the way
for a new creation
where, I'm afraid,
what if I couldn't be a centre?
Friday 5th June 2020 9:11 am
A laughing Parrott ate a carrot as
an Elephant climbed up a tree,
he was chased by a Mouse who wore a Pink blouse and liked to swim in the Sea,
A Lion passed by who flew his kite in the sky while singing to two dancing Llamas,
and a juggling Giraffe was taking a bath while wearing his woolly Pyjamas!
Thursday 4th June 2020 7:57 pm
Who is there
ringing my door bell
since half an hour?
I don't have time
to attend you
and your ballad.
Rather, I don't like
to pay attention
to something smarter.
Oh, I may like you
if you'll chat with me
on groceries and vegetables,
but I can't spare
my precious time
upon intellectual matters!
Please, don't judge me
for my knowledge
Wednesday 3rd June 2020 9:22 am
A pig went quack with a Monkey on his back while watching an Elephant juggle,
a Tiger passing by in his plane was flying high and a laughing Rhino started blowing bubbles,
a Gorilla started baking the pie that he'd been making as a Billy Goat was brushing his hair,
and a Crocodile was painting a Zebra who was skating while eating a big ripe juicy pear!
Wednesday 20th May 2020 9:08 pm
A Monkey wore pink lipstick
as he laughed and baked a cake
and was followed round the kitchen by a disco dancing snake,
they were joined by a Rhino who was wearing underpants, shuffling his bum and joining in the dance,
then there came a Chicken who was roaring like a bear as and a skateboarding Elephant with long curly hair.
Monday 18th May 2020 8:52 pm
People must not cough near you
they must cough far away
If you hear someone coming
Tell them to...
FAR COUGH !
Tuesday 24th March 2020 9:34 am
Jack and Jill were getting wed.
(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).
“But, let me give you, Son,” he said
“some fatherly advice.
On the day, I wed yer mam
I nipped ‘er straight indoors.
And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am
I soon laid down the laws.
I boldly took mi trousers off
and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’
She drowned within a sea of cloth...
Sunday 23rd February 2020 3:41 pm
A 'Valued' Friend!
Frank, tonight, is working late.
The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.
“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.
“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.
I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,
to tell you of his news, alas.”
“It’s nice of you to think of me.”
Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”
And so they share a brew and chat;
Saturday 22nd February 2020 1:17 pm
The Trouble With Nuts!
The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.
But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.
It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed
they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!
Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.
Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).
A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...
Friday 21st February 2020 9:52 pm
Not So White
Little Snow White's daddy died
Pretty girl cried and cried
Wicked Queen an ugly old tart
Sent huntsman to take her heart
Huntsman took Snow for a ride
But felt ever so guilty inside
Snow looked up and made her plea Huntsman said, ‘Go now! Be free’
He took his knife; he lit a cig
Then cut heart out of a pig
Snow White ran he felt good
She tripped over piece of wo...
Wednesday 19th February 2020 9:49 am