Poetry Blogs (2020, depression)
Lemme collect these shambles, ones scattered in the name of cards ungambled.
Battles that left me rattled. Pieces that never fell together.
Realisations gone to tatters. Memories forgotten, altogether.
These pieces of armor unfused forever.
Energies wasted in mindless splendor, with ideals crafted in inks without matter.
These caricatures of youth, wasted in canvas of unwritten ...
Friday 18th December 2020 10:00 am
Who Am I? And where do I belong?
Where do I go right? Where did I go wrong?
Was it real or fake love I was shown all along?
Am I really that mentally tough & strong?
If I fail, Will I momentairly freeze or stay froze?
Will I dig up a pile of dirt in my back yard & find a bunch of diamonds & gold?
Or am I to die a failure, lonely, & old?
This the type of mindset the old me was ...
Tuesday 15th December 2020 6:44 am
Narcissus creatures surround me.
Vultures, pecking at my serenity.
Testing my resolve.
Threatening to consume me.
Daring me to break free,
from a doomed mentality.
Do I close my eyes to injustice
permeating our atmosphere,
like The Great Smog?
I spread my Phoenix wings.
Rise above the toxic darkness.
Bring forth healing light.
Spread peace, kindness, love.
Never give up ...
Thursday 10th December 2020 3:49 pm
She's gone again, I dont know where
Her nightly walks a bit of a mystery,
I wonder if there's some fancy man
After all, she has a bit of a history
If I had any sense, I'd try to follow her
Difficult to think its come down to this,
Yet we dont communicate anymore
To be fair, it was never married bliss
A copper at the door with bad news
They've found a woman in t...
Monday 23rd November 2020 11:03 am
The first time
Is a pin prick
To feel yourself
You search your being
You are it:
Coursing through yourself
The second time
You search inside
Behind the corner shop
You find where he begins
But come back,
Stinking of rot
Void of thought
To feel what?
What are you searching for?
To begin ag...
Sunday 22nd November 2020 10:30 am
Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...
Saturday 21st November 2020 7:27 pm
[ ] Even through the deep pain, shame, regret & great sorrow.
[ ] Keep well living there is always a tomorrow.
[ ] Fight! Go towards the light, not the dark road.
[ ] We know the burden is heavy on you & has a strong hold.
[ ] And it's not and easy thing to defeat or let go.
[ ] Beware of your health it's taking on a great toll.
[ ] I can feel the negative vibratio...
Thursday 19th November 2020 7:51 am
The sounds of the ocean waves crashing as if they were talking to me saying , " Breathe, be free."
The sound of the wind whispering in my ear, break your chains, run, run,run, don't you dare look back
My eyes closed, my heart beating fast, wondering when will the world stop spinning round and round
When will my light be free to shine
When will my soul be freed from yours
Tuesday 17th November 2020 8:22 pm
i DONT belong
i don’t belong here
i don’t belong anywhere.
i belong alone .
i belong dead.
no one understands me.
i go in groups and try to talk but nothing useful comes out.
i try to get people to like me but no one ends up liking me.
im so far in my own mind i can’t connect with anyone around me.
i hate myself. i hate who i am.
Thursday 12th November 2020 4:01 am
What be-stilled the Demon?
Was it the rage that boils up from
centuries of fear all lived in a single night?
Or the boundless rivers of tears that
Flow -unchecked- from swollen eyes?
Neither will find you the success you seek.
For the demon thrives on both.
Fear is the food of the damned.
It nurtures the creatures created in pain
To give only pain in return.
Toss the fear aside,
Tuesday 10th November 2020 12:46 am
The sun was supposed to save me
Erase the dark
Outside and inside
I waited patiently
and I was determined
Trusting my everlasting assumtion
That that thing will come
Take the pain away
It would just take time
The time of waiting
Biding in the dark
The aching anticipation in the cold
All of a sudden
Seems oh so sweet
Once the alleged change appears
But nothing changes
Monday 9th November 2020 12:34 pm
A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts
Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.
I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.
You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
Sunday 8th November 2020 5:53 am
I struggle without hands
Have no mouth, to speak of
And my eyes avert.
I itch and blotch,
And the radiance of the sky
Illuminates my sheer loneliness.
Darkness can't come soon enough
'Though I fear my blanket will
become the soil of my grave.
Wednesday 4th November 2020 12:49 pm
Somebody famous once said
That people aren’t afraid of being dead
They’re afraid of being forgotten
Whilst their bodies decompose smelling rotten
That is a lie
I know because I spy
People are afraid of the unknown
Afraid of what they haven’t been shown
No one knows what happens for sure
Just know when you die their is no door
Like when you’re asleep for hours witho...
Tuesday 3rd November 2020 1:35 am
Where am i?
I ask my mindless brain as I disassociate
I disassociate to the point that everyday feels the same
Everything i do blends into one giant blob of nothingness
Nothing matters. Does it?
It doesn’t. Nothing has ever mattered.
That's why we alter our state of reality.
We alter it to feel something out of all the nothingness.
We take the shot. We take the h...
Monday 26th October 2020 6:13 am
Is there a poem or song to describe the melancholy that washes over me, unexpectedly?
One to suppress or express, dark desires
to put myself first, at all costs.
Let my needy family
fend for themselves,
betray those that have betrayed me,
including my own body.
Throw my arms up in despair,
one more time,
take a deep breath,...
Sunday 25th October 2020 7:56 pm
You stuck your fingers up me and didn’t even know my name
You grabbed my ass and blamed it on the drink in your hand
You kissed my neck and pulled me into you
I was yours for the night---that one night.
I was too drunk and you knew. Yet you kept going
You kept going down on me further and further.
My bra somehow came off and you began to suck
I didn’t know what was going ...
Monday 12th October 2020 5:12 pm
Possible trigger warning - depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide.
I've played in bands for most of my life, and in the last 15 years or so, I've written a few lyrics that have been based on my experiences of trying to get through difficult times. I tend to do comedy stuff with poetry and serious stuff with lyrics. I don't think of my lyrics as being poetry, but the band I'm in does have o...
Saturday 10th October 2020 5:42 pm
How happy would I be
When the sky would be black,
Thinking about the time,
Shaking my legs.
Jump off or burn off
Nothing I could be sure off.
Giving you a big smile,
Now even you can't see me, faking off.
You thought you saved me,
Grabbing me before I could fell
You dare to intrude my will
Now I am trapped in this hell.
If only you could hold my hands before
Then you won't have t...
Friday 9th October 2020 4:48 pm
Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?
Would you give her love and affection?
Even if she was yelling and screaming and being mean?
Or would you turn a blind eye and just say
"Oh, she just wants attention!"
And ignore her cries for help.
Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?
Would you kiss and hold her and tell her everything will be alright?...
Thursday 8th October 2020 1:51 pm
As I stare out this window
down to the little people of the world
I wonder and wish
what if i was the beautiful tall girl with the blonde curls?
can I see into her soul?
by staring out this tear streaked window?
can I have her life?
and trade her these frightening memories that float around in limbo...
shes so radiant and thin
Everything that I am sadly not
Thursday 8th October 2020 10:03 am
i invite you in my life to feel something again
to turn my numbness into happiness;
you are my happiness
you make me my happiest
no one loves me as much as you do.
day in and day out i consume your love and affection.
soaking up every last bit. the feeling of feeling something for someone again excites my soul.
feeling anything is so hard these days.
but then i a...
Wednesday 30th September 2020 7:29 am
You don’t know about the anger and rage
Which has mutated and grown with age
Only let loose when I engage
In the booth or on stage
Normal people are able to contain and control
(We’re all a bit psycho)
But normal people hold it in their subconscious
Only coming out in hallucinations when they’re unconscious
Grown with time the rage has become monstrous
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 5:14 pm
After hitting self destruct
Had to find something inside to reconstruct
Build me up
Here’s what’s left
Hanging onto the last breath
Pulled myself from the depth
Now I am free
But hold on...this just doesn’t seem real to me
Feel like I’m stuck in somebody’s twisted fantasy
They’re pulling my strings
They’re whispering things
Telling me I’m crazy
Telling me I’m...
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 5:09 pm
Lyrics invade my brain
If I don’t get them out they run around and drive me insane
All the best material comes out then hides got to wrack my brain to remember
But I don’t even know what day it is
Should I be buying presents are we in December
This is why when you see me gaze
It’ll amaze you to know that I was in a daze
I wasn’t looking at you
Don’t care what you do
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 12:55 pm
I don’t like to lie
But I won’t argue with stupid
So until the day I die
I’ll neither confirm or deny
They’re like tumours
They spread and they grow
But lucky I release my anger on flow
Lucky I already snapped
Your words don’t go through
So how come when I’m alone
I hear the voice in my head saying the same things as you
Then a part of me is saying...
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 12:51 pm
Coronavirus can kiss my arse
and if I get a fine
they’re gunna have to get in line
coz I’m broke and I don’t care
“but we want our money”
well life ain’t fair
that’s why I welcome death and all its depth. To be able to say I’m finally free,
no longer trapped in this body of torture and insanity.
Yet that’s what awaits me when I go, if only I could show, show you the way...
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 12:39 pm
Do the bathroom thing,
Do the breakfast thing,
Do the bathroom thing again,
Do the commute thing,
Do the work thing,
Do the commute thing again,
Do the dinner thing, the family thing, the needful thing,
The friend thing, the hobby thing, the health thing,
Do the evening bathroom thing,
Do the self-education thing,
Do the good-night thin...
Wednesday 16th September 2020 11:35 am
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang, but a #hashtag.
Tuesday 15th September 2020 11:05 am
Seeing the beautiful sky,
From my dead eyes.
Wondering the beauty in the holy night,
Dark was the only colour which helps me to hide.
Hiding my sadness my sorrows my fear my cries,
Trying my best to keep the face with smile.
My hobbies,my joy, my emotions were becoming day by day a bit fewer,
Now I am just existing in the world, can't even face myself in the mirror.
Monday 7th September 2020 6:58 pm
How are you?
A question worth a thousand answers
A thousand possibilities summed into one
Somewhere in between the good and the bad
Between the lines
Of the lies
For poetry and more visit: https://www.wordsoffaith.co.uk
Monday 7th September 2020 2:55 pm
Panic setting in
For reasons unknown everything is unsettling
I wished I could kick my heels and disappear
But, instead, he appears
Through the haze his face is clear
I fight the urge to will him near
Oh God, did he sense my fear
Or my emotions churning and my tears near
How does he do it, what exactly does he hear
Me quietly praying, daring him to care
Friday 4th September 2020 6:18 am
Am I making an impression...
Do I leave you bewildered with every expression...
Do you look forward like I do to our weekly sessions...
Or are my scribbled musings akin to aggression...
An unbecoming, pathetic vie for attention...
I find you delightful and have a genuine fascination...
I am curiously eager, feelings bordering on intoxication.
But, apparently in therapy t...
Friday 4th September 2020 4:14 am
As I love,
So I wish to be loved,
As I care,
So I wish to be cared for,
As I tolerate,
So I wish to be tolerated,
I could go on.........
But all these are simply words,
Words with elusive meangs,
And vague interpretations,
And no meaning at all to those who choose not to listen,
To write about love means nothing,
To talk about love means nothing,
Love is an action, a reaction,
Thursday 3rd September 2020 12:23 pm
She walked into this world,
Smiled, and parted her thighs,
Loving passion of death,
Burning the flesh to cinders,
Come to me,
Desire has weakened my spirit,
Her words have broken me,
Echos carry deep, dripping with the sex,
Be with me,
Pain and love are one,
The blood-soaked arousal of an evil servant,
The consumate act, the ultimate submission,
And in the end it ...
Saturday 22nd August 2020 6:51 pm
Negativity is not always overtly depressive,
Positivity is not always overtly happy.
Negativity eats away, piece by piece.
It hides in the banal.
Its disguised by layers of colour,
Negativity is drip fed, unnoticed.
Even the comfortable.
Negativity keeps you in your place,
Thursday 20th August 2020 10:52 am
It’s a walking numbness, a dull pain
that sometimes presents itself in waves.
It slowly builds, and one day, every few weeks it explodes.
I can’t bring myself out of bed.
The rolling tears subside for a moment only to build again and again.
The world outside, and the family inside, doesn’t exist, only what’s happening right here.
Only this pillow, only this blanket, only the thoughts ...
Friday 14th August 2020 1:49 pm
clouds my view
at a quarter til two.
I don’t understand why
my muse avoids me like the flu,
when a simple poem or song will do.
Wise words to help me understand
why true love passed me by
in this lifetime.
Why wrong choices,
that felt right at the time,
left me alone in this abyss
where my better self
silently bears witness
to my shr...
Friday 14th August 2020 5:56 am
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...
Wednesday 12th August 2020 9:04 pm
Pain exists inside the heart
That mourns the missing day
Emptiness, holding all that’s lost,
Fingers white, grasping air, slipping away
Darkness surrounds all we see,
Shadows stolen from what could have been
Extinguish a flame, smoke filling our souls
As expectance is hidden and unseen
Embers remain in the sorrowful ash
As the wind lifts up the light of our e...
Wednesday 12th August 2020 9:09 am
I planted some seeds
I watched them grow
They got stronger each day
They are flowers now
The petals are vibrant
They’ve come to life
They blow in the breeze
They reach up to the light
Independent and free
They stand so tall
Bask in the sun
From the early morn
As the night time comes
They go to sleep
Until the next new dawn
And the little birds tweet
Then they rise again
Sunday 9th August 2020 5:04 pm
I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...
Sunday 9th August 2020 10:32 am
Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting
You just need to get there
People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight
Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...
Wednesday 5th August 2020 4:48 pm
I am sad.
I am worthless.
I am unlovable.
Nobody loves me.
I do not deserve to be loved.
I don't matter.
I have no matter.
The world would be a better place without me.
Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.
I wish I were dead.
Tuesday 4th August 2020 12:59 pm
Temptation looms endlessly,
Dwarfing my little mind,
Making no sense of my sordid little ways,
Consumed by all,
For is it just a passing breeze,
Or the rock that has me be,
Is there life in what I am today,
Or what I am yet to be,
The heart does not know,
Oh, how very little it knows,
Of that which it gives the body and mind to,
The torment of the flesh is but a whimper,
Tuesday 4th August 2020 12:43 pm
And so the bastard sings........
His cruel deformities an abomination to those who set our standards,
It is a vicious, stinging blade that cuts him down in the street,
And the vermin watch, their cocks in their hands,
As the bastard falls, crying,
The gushing blood flows into the lifeless streets,
Glowing rivers of virility,
Washed into the gutter,
I took her hand, to take her away...
Sunday 2nd August 2020 9:50 pm
As a child
Friends knocked the door
You were waiting for
To hear the question
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents
If you were coming out
As a child
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could
As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
Saturday 1st August 2020 1:08 pm
Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...
Friday 31st July 2020 1:23 am
Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...
Tuesday 28th July 2020 11:05 am
Crumbling all around you
Your world falling apart
Life seems to be dealing cruel blows
And your wondering where to start
From the moment you start hiding
Things go from bad to worse
The damage is occurring
And your causing yourself hurt
On the outside you are smiling
But on the inside there is pain
To the world your seeing sunshine
But all you see is rain
Behind the dark clouds lurks y...
Sunday 26th July 2020 10:34 am