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Woken early by my black dog

growling at another rabbit hole,

pulling at the leash to

dig out some sorrow or fear

to bring back home

and leave at my door.


And there it would stay,

if I were in charge.

But today my Ego stands

waiting for His treat and

carries it into my mind.

And there He starts his dissection.


Pulling apart the fresh, raw,

sinewy emo...

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mental illness

I've Seen Miracles

I’ve seen miracles happen before my eyes,

witnessed empty souls become human again.

More than human, I’ve seen them struggle

and fight against an invisible,

yet all-consuming, foe. One who is

dark, deceptive, relentless and cruel.


I’ve watched them grow with a determination,

grace and humility unknown to the masses.

They have found new depths of consciousness

and un...

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A Game Of Chance

I put my head on the pillow and drift off….


Shiva sweeps aside the remnants of yesterday:

Gains, strivings, losses and ambitions

Clearing the table for tonight’s game

Flanked by greater and lesser angels and demons.


I’m lost in dreams while a silver ball spins against the

roulette wheel of my soul.

Each number an affection, a state of being

randomly selected for t...

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mental healthmental illness

A Different Blue Monday

Blue is the train that Coltrane blew.

Blue is the Note that made dreams come true.

Blue is John Lee Hooker and B.B. King.

Blues are what made Billie Holiday sing.

Blue is the sapphire in a wedding ring.

Blue are the eyes that you lose yourself in.

Blue is the sky, blue is the sea.

Blue is the intensity of lapis lazuli.

Blue is the colour of the NHS,

Flashing blue lights ...

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Blue Monday


I know I’m frustrated.

I know I’m angry.

I don’t know why.

I know what to do

To try to quell it,

But for one reason

I don’t want to let it go.


I surround myself with

Loud noises and angry voices

Ride a wave of my own

Feather spitting.

And still I don’t know why,

I just am.


A vigorous scribble scratched

Inside my skull,

No end to pull at.


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Angerfrustrateddestructive emotions

As Kamasi Blew

I was out walking today

Trying to clear my head

After a morning of too much study, Twitter

And coffee.

On the way to town, listening to jazz

I tried to slow down my mind

Counting flat, fallen autumn leaves

Making words from number plates

Avoiding kids on their bikes.

I came out of Boots with

My blue sweets for the weekend

And stopped for a double espresso.


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lifepenny dropego


Looking from the other side of the mirror,

Seeing through dirty glasses,

There is something not real about this moment

Like looking at a reflection of a reflection of a reflection….

Something just undefinable,

A gap between my here,

And their here.

My now,

And their now.

So fine as to be invisible but so wide

That one is unaware of the other.

I’m existing in their ...

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detachedsubtle psychosis


Do you need someone?

On this World Mental Health Day

Does someone need you?

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haikumental healthcompassionworldmentalhealthdayCALM

Irlen Syndrome

I thought I’d try reading again

But when my eyes scan across that off-white page

The words animate….

                          Slippery                                   little


As I try focus on one,

The next j s l s in front of it

               o t e


What I’m abo...

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Easy Fix

It was the sort of feeling

I always drank on:


Banging my head against a wall

Screwing myself into a ball

Wanting to shout out, to get away,

To calm my mind, a need to relax.

The easy fix that always works.

Flushing myself through with poison

Washing what’s inside away

To find myself in exquisite numbness.



Short term gain and long term pain.

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Mrs Smith

A pale face, dark eyes, an uneasy smile,

Surrounded by a mass of tangly black curls,

She sat in that circle

Unengaged, aloof, disruptive,

There for everyone else’s sake

But her own.

Trapped in a world by demons who

Would let her see another way

But kept her from it because

It wouldn’t serve their obsessive needs.

Within screaming distance but held behind thick glass,


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Solid Ground

Still searching for that solid, centre ground.

Knowing that the only reliable thing

Is Unreliability

Just ain’t helping right now.


Eroded self trust is my foundation,

my bedrock, my stability.

And time and time and time again

The ever powerful waves of self doubt

Undermine and eat away

At what is supposed to be my touchstone.


No matter how quickly and steadf...

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Negativity is not always overtly depressive,

Positivity is not always overtly happy.


Negativity eats away, piece by piece.

It hides in the banal.

Its disguised by layers of colour,

Noise, applause.


Negativity is drip fed, unnoticed.

The bland

The ordinary

The acceptable

Even the comfortable.


Negativity keeps you in your place,

Convinces you


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depressionnegativityhope through understanding

The First Week

A solitary pigeon perches on a telegraph pole

And sings her call.

Other than that, the world is quiet.

The constant rush of rubber on tarmac

Has finally ceased.

Gone, the mechanical birds, bees and bugs

Filling the air with their droning busyness.

The warm wind has dropped,

Hushing the rustling.

And even the neighbourhood dogs respect the silence,

Sleeping soundly.


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peaceCovid lockdownSilence

This Developed Nation?


In this Developed Nation, a 19 year old woman sleeps in a bag in a door way.

In this Developed Nation, a working family of four relies on the local food bank.

In this Developed Nation, grandmothers live on a pittance and die lonely.

In this Developed Nation, my friends use drugs to fill a spiritual chasm.

In this Developed Nation, stateless refugees are kept in cages while process...

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