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Rose-Tinted Vision

And in the beginning, I remember how your hand,

Had reached out to help me,

As you promised me that you would love me,

That you would care for me.

And those promises were not the only things broken,

When you used that same hand to hold me down, to use me, to hurt me;

And bruise my vunerability that I had given to you.

And you left my skin in a state that made my mum sob;

An...

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abusiverelationshipabusesurvivorsexualabuseawarenessbpdawarenessmentalhealthawarenessptsdsurvivorptsdsavictimsasurvivor

I'm cursed.

I'm cursed.

Imprisoned inside my own head.

Endless loops of excessive or inadequate.

The overwhelming depth of darkness poisons me;

And I'm consumed by voices that scream for release;

the intoxicating craving for peace.

Until I overdose on overthinking,

Yet so tortured by this terrifying emptiness,

That I am just too numb to fear that fear.

I am simply a shell of a girl ...

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bpdcptsdptsddepressionmentalhealthawarenessbpdawareness

Hang in there or Hang Yourself

I'm defenceless, powerless.

Constrained, by uncontrolled emotions,

To this rollercoaster: up, down, up, down.

Desperate screams silenced in smothering shame.

I didn't consent to this ride,

So why won't you let me get off?

Sadness is suicide;

Anger is murder,

Happiness is euphoric,

And normal? Normal is northing.

And nothing being an insufferable emptiness,

That hol...

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suicideawarenessmentalhealthmentalhealthawarenessbpdsuicidedepressionptsdabuse

My own storm.

I'm sat at the cliff,

Black clouds hold threat over me;

Fog that smothers my vision;

Obscures my perceptions.

Deafened by the dark waves,

Crushing and punishing the soft clay.

My desperate screams mimicked and echoed;

By winds that wrap me up,

Trap me in this silent storm,

I'll squint through the shadows,

Search for the sun they all bathe in.

But my fingernails fil...

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bpdcptsdbpdawarenessdepressionmentalhealthawarenesssuicideawareness

I'd smile

And I hate that when I find a lump under my skin,

How I hope that some stupid cells dividing too much,

Cause a fight that leaves me in a grave.

And how they'd still remember me a fighter as I smiled throughout the losing battle.

But I'm smiling because they will not blame me when I lose this one.

I've spent years apologising for things that I cannot control,

Because it is not can...

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bpdcptsdbpdawarenessabusesurvivor

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