Five Dollar Words

To expunge them from my mind

That's the only thing I wish I could do for myself that I feel utterly incapable of doing

I'm at war with my thoughts and memories

Old wounds echoing in the present

Ripping my heart as fresh as it tore years ago

A different face, a different name

An altogether different entity and demeanor

But I can hear the words from your mouth as if he's spoken them instead

Today, yesterday

That familiar brand of venom only you were capable of

My mental buttons punched as hard as your fist against my lips and teeth

You knew how to get me

You knew me so well

Your empty apologies meant nothing because you knew

Even then you understood

Those five dollar words you used like a pretentious seventeen year old boasting of his SAT scores

They would stay with me the rest of my life

They would eat away at my being

They would create the creature you see before you today

Marred in self pity, questioning every action with the utmost amount of self doubt

Health deteriorated

Body as empty as the calories consumed

You intended to ruin me with your words more than any other weapon you wielded

And if tonight is any indication of the desired anguish you've wrought upon your old lover

Then I imagine congratulations are in order

abuseDepressiondomestic violenceemotional abuseexeshurtlow self-esteempaintears

◄ True Story

Dreaming Like It's 2004 ►

Comments

Emilia Callahan

Fri 4th Oct 2019 20:30

I like this one, and I'd love to know what exactly the five dollar words were that changed the narrator's life moving forward.

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